Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sunday Morning Parlay

Hope everyone had a big Turkey Day and enjoyed the christmas-come-early parly on Tuesday night with Ball State minus 11.5 and the Over 56.

Although I'm wearing my Sunday sweatpants, I got the business loafers on.....its time to get that bookie money $$$

New York Giants at Washington Redskins +4.5 O/U 41
The image on the left is all Clinton Portis will see out of the visor today. Weather Channel says rain showers and below 40 temps all day long as the 'Skins (5-5-1 ATS) host the Giants (9-2-0 ATS). So if the Giants have been winning straight up, covering the spread, and punching opponents in the face....why pick the Skins? Alot of reasons. The Redskins play to the level of the their competition. They covered against Dallas, Arizona, and Philly but didnt against he Seahawks, Browns, and Rams. Hungry for a playoff spot, first year man Jim Zorn will have the team ready. The Giants traditionally play the underdog role, but in situations where he has a two game lead on the division, Tom Coughlin has gone 4-8 SU. Bad weather, good running *Portis leads the league in rushing* and better defenses *BOTH teams are in the top 5 in the league for total defense* will equal up to an under 41. BUT as we say here at TGORH......Scared Money, Don't Make Money! Parlay the under today with the Redskins at 4.5. Washington is out for revenge after losing to the Giants earlier this year and Sean Taylor's ghost will be in attendance as he will be added to the Redskin Ring of Honor. Ghosts + Defense + Portis= Money

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Caption Contest!

"Hey Roy, you're wearing the wrong number! HAHA!"


Roy: "Brooks, you suck."


"Hey, if we don't make the playoffs, I can't screw it up!"

See if you can't spend your Thanksgiving travel time writing better captions.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tuesday Night Parlay

After a run-in with local authorities on piracy charges, Don Delaware had his internet restored and is ready to get back on the beat.

Some people like making friends, I like making you money.....let's get that bookie money

ESPN's Interactive Tuesday
Western Michigan (5-5-0 ATS) at #16 Ball State (8-2-0 ATS) -11.

The Iron Bowl, The Battle for the Golden Boot, The Egg Bowl, Feast Week for College hoops, Cowboys/Lions game on Thanksgiving Day....none of these games have more on the line than Western Michigan at Ball State tonight. State is playing for a division title, a spot in the conference championship game, an undefeated regular season, and improving their BCS rank. The Broncos are playing for their first 10 win season in the program's 102 year history and an outside shot at the MAC-West division title. Not to mention these teams have two amazing offenses. WMU QB Tim Hiller has already thrown for over 3,000 yards and 33 TD's. Ball State has probably the most balanced offense in the nation averaging 258 yards passing and 215 rushing.
So what's the game breaker? The Western Michigan defense. The Bronco D has surrendered an average of 402 total yards in their last 3 games. 'Nuff said. The safe pick tonight are the Cardinals straight up. BUT, as we've said all season "scared money, don't make money". With that in mind, parlay the Cardinals with the Over 56.

Monday, November 24, 2008


Holy guacamole! It's a bicentennial edition of The Ghost of Roy Hobbs! It's hard to believe we already have 200 posts. We've seen some good times and some bad, some great times and some sad, and we've never once rhymed. Here are just a few of our own personal favorites from everyone in the group. And by group, I mean the three main writers.

Stovall's Selections:"

Steve Lattimer's College Football Preview, Florida:

Lattimer's CFB Preview of the preseason top ten was not just accurate, and not just compelling, but it was some of the funniest stuff I read. Florida's preview had it all: it clearly surmised the situation - namely King Tebow owning faces - and presented in a way that literally left everyone in my office saying, Whoa, this guy's a little emotional huh?, as I teared up from having to contain my laughter. For the love of God, do yourself a favor this holiday season and go back and read them. An honorable mention is the CFB Clemson article, as it ranks as one of the clearest and most axiomatic prognostications this fair site has ever witnessed.

Icehouse's The Return of the NBA and 30 Reasons to Watch:

The test of a truly fine bit of wordsmithship, to me, is longevity. How long does an article stay with you? That measure in most cases can measure just how good that article is. In Icehouse's case, I had to go to a throwback. In October of 2007, Icehouse gave an NBA Preview that was more thorough than a near-sighted proctologist. And I'll be the first to admit it: I'm not the biggest fan of the Association. But you can't deny the wit and the sheer know how of an article like that. And that's more than a year removed from its original publication.

Stovall's Phelps vs. Bolt:

Of all of the articles I've written for the beloved Ghost, this has been my favorite thus far. It summed up the primary question in every one's head of who owned the Olympics and dissected it in a humorous and altogether informative way. While the outcome of my thoughts were pretty weak (I decided it had to be a tie for now...sorry Donovan), I thought the argument was sound. This also seems to be where I had fully developed a bit of the aesthetic eye for picture and layout design. It's safe to say that it's posts like this that got me a promotion (seriously). But I'm not blowing my own horn. I had plenty of help editing.

The First Monday Morning Shit Storm:

What began as a way to get more people involved in commented on the Ghost, started a revolution that has since generated hundreds of more comments than many thought it could. 168 comments from a variety of folks is more than enough to secure a regular spot in the weekly schedule of The Ghost of Roy Hobbs. And while many other topics, such as wrestling memories or athlete cameos, I think we have to give props to the original shit storm. Although, for the record, Mondays still suck.

Aggregated Assault - The Izzy Mandelbaum Award:

Aggregated Assault, for those of you who aren't aware, is a group post. And I must say, in this instance, it's not about content so much as potential. Here recently, we decided to give 2008 awards to those special athletes who deserve awkwardly special recognition. And that is all well and good (I believe Phillies' pitcher Jamie Moyer is the winner, getting two whole votes...he will be shipped a congratulatory six-pack of, what else, Natural Light), it is not the point of putting this seemingly innocuous article as one of my all-time favorites.

The point is the potential I see. Group posts bring out the best in all of the writers. And love us or hate us, anyone reading this website has to admit, this is some of the best-written and best-produced material on the web. And it's on the backs of a couple of the best writers (yeah, even Lattimer) I've read in a long time.

Aggregated Assault is as good as it gets on the Ghost, because you're getting all three of us at the same time. Like some sort of creepy Eiffel Tower business or something. But, you know, less "orgy" and/or "gross."

Lattimer's Selections:
If it's possible to give one's self a virtual blowjob this is probably what it would look like.

I like how we overlooked our 100th post, as well as our one year anniversary, but I guess 200 brings out the best in people.

Favorite posts?

Talk about a GRH MVP. The Icehouse not only started this whole shit, but he kept the whole thing afloat prior to the October post surge. I think my favorite Icehouse post is actually the USA vs Spain game notes. I guess it only makes sense to some of us, but the one-liners in that post made me feel like I was sitting right next to him.

Stovall (Scooter Biceps)-
It has to be the week 1 college football wrap up. 2 reasons. 1. This line "He is so small, when he catches a snap to place, it looks like a regular sized person catching a really big watermelon." 2. Although he didn't write this, Stovall inspired this response in the comment section. "Steve and Jerri adopted Scott, who though small in stature has the heart of a lion. Apparently his heart is bigger than your entire portly mocking mass." Who the hell says "heart of a lion" nowadays? Fucking Simba? If this was one of our regular commentors please don't reveal yourself, because I've convinced myself that it was Scott Spurier googling himself, stumbling upon our blog, and going all Napoleon syndrome on Stovall.

Everything I write.

I'm just joking, in fact 90% of the time I wake up at 5:30 am, get wired on coffee, and just start writing stuff. If you remember my original for the ladies post the whole coffee thing makes total sense I think it's my favorite post because I read it again a week later and realized that there are many people out there who probably think I'm a metro. Which is ironic.

Whatever, I'm over it.

Bonus posts

Every FAFB ever. I get jacked when I read Icehouses epic closing remarks.

We should probably also link some of our other authors. They came in and rocked us with some pretty solid stuff, then they left.

I also feel like we have some pretty solid readers. The Vets know who they are.

Icehouse's Selections:
I'm just so damn proud that my little experiment has gotten this far. There were times when I thought it was dead, a lost hope, but that was nonsense. We're here now, with the world at our feet. Sort of.

Without further ado, here are my favorites:
Stovall's BoSox Fans Show Their True Colors:
It's got it all in a true Zack Stovall post. Clever pictures, A+ insight, and a wonderful analysis of a sports phenomenon. It's why we pay him the big bucks, folks. The cleverness of the wordsmithery, combined with the rational mind needed to analyze the most confounding of issues, be they political, sports-related, or trying to understand the inner-workings of the demented mindgrapes of myself and Lattimer, Stovall is the glue that holds us together.

Steve Lattimer's What in the Name of App. State is Parity?:
Rudimentary? Maybe. But this post dates back to the beginning days of this humble blog. Read it again (there's nothing else to do with it). It shows just how great the minds are that run this shit. We know this sports shit back to front. How do you think we get everything right all the time? Huh? You think that comes easy? Naw. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, y'all. And trust me, Lattimer's neck is aching with this weight.

Icehouse's Texas-Missouri Love-in:
We may get sidetracked by homerism from time to time (name me one good sports blogger that doesn't? Bill Simmons made his laugh of a career off of this). But anyways, when you come at the king, you best not miss. Somebody stepped to me. This is the retort to the claim made that Mizzou had a shot against the University of Texas.

Allen Houston's Cullen Jones...A Black Guy Who Can Swim (Fast!):
Of our four infrequent posters, I miss Allen Houston's input the most. Read this article, and you'll understand why. In this one coup d'gras, he brought more insight and social commentary to the table than the rest of our posts combined. He brought important moments in sports together with the most pressing matters facing the United States of America with unparalleled artistry. We can post pictures of drunk athletes and links to videos of fat kids getting shot with paintballs all we want, but when I can associate my blog to an essay like this, it means the world.

Don Delaware's Don Delaware Takes A Road Trip to Sunday Night Football:
Because when it's said and done, this is why we do this. We're fans. We shell out for modest seats, cheap beers and cheaper food, and we love to watch the game. We get bogus shirts, we yell and rant, and we tell John Madden to go fuck himself when he doesn't realize that we waited outside his bus to see him. We are fans of sports. It's why we do this.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Monday Morning Shit Storm

This storm is fairly obvious.

I love Thanksgiving. Specifically, I like hearing about how everyone spends their holiday's. I think the best one I've ever heard is from one of my friends in high school. He said every holiday basically consisted of going to church, watching his entire family get plastered by noon, watching his entire family get into a fight, and finally leaving by 2:00 pm.

So for the storm: present the best Thanksgiving itinerary, or for our lazy readers simply post your favorite Thanksgiving food/ highlights of the holiday.

If nothing else, we can debate white vs. dark meat.

Tuesday/Wednesday- Sit in tree and attempt to kill innocent animals.


5:30 am-(I'm a human alarm clock) Arise, stare at TV and computer for two hours. (May play Civilization with younger cousin)

8:30 am- Inject turkey with flavor heroin.

8:45 am- Prepare for Thanksgiving feast by eating a spoonful of cottage cheese for breakfast.

9:00 am- Greet relatives.

9:07 am- Think of various excuses.

9:10 am- When asked for help in kitchen, claim that you have a "project" you are working on.

9:11 am- Work on project called "Thanksgiving TV: Social Implications on a Society."

10:25 am- Younger cousins steal remote control.

10:26 am- Bet younger cousins that they can't eat 5 crackers in a minute. Explain that if they win they receive the TV for the entire day.

10:27 am- Turn on NFL pregame show.

11:00 am- When asked for help in the kitchen explain: "Hold on I'll be there in a minute."

Noon- Cousin asks if you want a drink: Accept offer.

12:15 pm- Submerge flavor injected turkey into a hot vat of oil.

12:16 pm- Stare into vat.

12:30 pm- Watch Football, and enter kitchen only to pick at various dishes.

3:00 pm- When asked to help set the table reply: "I don't know how to set a table."

3:01 pm-When younger cousins set the table, explain to them that the knife blade should face inside.

3:15 pm- When mom asks you to make the cider punch tell her "I'll just screw it up." Aunt tells cousin to "give it a kick." When cousin asks how much liquor to place into punch explain "Well, she never specified the magnitude of the kick."

3:16 pm-Watch cousin pour entire bottle of liquor into a punch bowl.

3:17 pm- Smile

3:25 pm- Strategically place yourself next to the food table during Thanksgiving prayer.

3:27 pm- Put something from every dish on your plate. (I personally like to line my plate with a stuffing "base")

3:39 pm- Blow food load on 1.5 plates.

4:00 pm- Pass out.

7:00 pm- wake up

7:01 pm- Quickly scrounge together leftovers.

7:10 pm- Instigate Pictionary challenge.

7:11-11:00 pm- Dominate.

11:15 pm-1:00 am- Participate in political/economic/social debate with family members. (Discussion typically ending with the phrase "Well I think we ALL can agree that Springsteen kicks total ass")

1:05 am- Cousin asks if you want a bedtime drink: Accept.

Friday-Sunday- Sit in tree and attempt to kill innocent animals.

Sorry, I kind of got carried away there. Just put down your favorite food, mine is sweet potato casserole.

NFL Open Post

I was thinking of doing another live chat this afternoon, but frankly I have better things to do such as: workout, sit, and go to the bookstore.

As a result, we will have an open thread today. Stop by and leave a comment on anything we may find interesting.

Furthermore, in the spirit of "change" this will serve as an all encompassing football thread, so perhaps our friends across the pond (or contrarian Americans) can update us on the latest happenings on the pitch.


If you're like me and your NFL team sucks, your fantasy team goes to the same country club, and your college team barely beat smart kids from Duke, you may want to watch some movies.

I suggest looking at AMC, which if I'm not mistaken, stands for Awesome Movie Channel. There is a Rocky marathon starting at 3:00. 2:00 for those of you who rep central time.

Forrest Gump is probably on some channel as well.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

"What the fuck's a Chuck Liddell?"

Yeehaw. Slap hands, everyone, it's Friday. And although it's cold outside, it's still a sexy one.

Ok, so we know that Ron Artest is cray cray. We know this. But when he starts talking, it's impossible to not listen to him. So... yeah. He put out a video of himself hanging out on his porch, talking shit about the rapper Status Quo, defending fellow baller Greg Oden. I guess Artest was bored and need a rap beef.

Ski crashes are hilarious. Pros crashing makes it really, really hilarious. And a montage of a whole lot of really bad ones? Well, I don't think I need to tell you.

I like soccer. I also really hate it when people try disrupt televised sports, regardless if it's turning off the tv, standing in front of the tv, or saying stupid things while I am looking at the tv. So while this guy is flying in the face of all of that, I still think it's hilarious. Also, it's something bizarre from Europe.

This blog is pro-Timberlake. We feel that he is a fantastic entertainer, and is a homeboy from Memphis. He also looks great in a one-piece.

You know what's fun? Shooting kids with paintballs. And watching them freak out about it.

Ok. Hurry up, clock. I gots to get out of this place.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Aggregated Assault: The Izzy Mandelbaum Award

Aggregated Assault is a collective group post by the three primary writers of the Ghost of Roy Hobbs.

Ah, November. By now you're probably resting on your laurels of nearly a year's worth of solid work contributed to be betterment of society. Maybe checking a Christmas list for that special someone. Maybe you're sitting shirtless in a papasan chair eating tuna fish right out of the can. Either way, with the holiday season nigh and the year's end in sight, you're probably ready to relax.

Not us. We're just now gearing up for a year's end extravaganza that is going to award the best of the best of the best of 2008. The Ghost of Roy Hobbs Awards will cap off this, the eighth (or seventh?) year of the new millennium, by recognizing the marked achievements by those in the athletic society we affectionately call the Wide, Wide World of Sports.

The first award is the Izzy Mandelbaum Award for Accomplishments by Senior Citizens. Izzy Mandelbaum, the famed fitness enthusiast of Del Boca Vista, Florida, known for making men out of butterballs by inviting trips aboard the pain train, would be proud were he not busy somewhere else kicking it up a notch.

The issue of senior citizens in sports is very important for a variety of reasons. Senior citizens are hands down the best age group to watch a sporting event with. They have the best insight on games such as: "These players today don't have the HEART that we had" or "You're telling me we are paying this bum millions of dollars to miss 20 foot f'ing jump shots." or "Get a load of this bum" or "I hate the Iggles and you should too" and our favorite "Back in my day we had a way to deal with these endzone celebrations, it was called knocking your teeth out."

And the nominees are:

Zach Thomas, 35: Long considered to have his career ended, Zach Thomas came back with a fury. Well, a fury and a well-documented (thanks, HBO's Hard Knocks!) stretching program. Apparently stretching cures concussions and neck problems. Either way, you can't watch a Cowboys game without hearing his name several times a series, always flying around a play, or dragging down a runner by himself. He's currently four tackles away from the 1700 career milestone; which puts this no-necked sonuvabitch at the top of my list. Well, that and homerism.

Nancy Lieberman, 50: I mean, look at the age. Adding to the fact that she signed a week long contract this year to play for the team that she previously coached, the Detroit Shock, she also won a silver medal representing the United States in the 1976 Olympic games in Montreal. Not only is this chick old, and still played professional hoops this year, we must look at one more fact. In 1998, while head coach general manager of the Detroit Shock, she was forced to step down after having a (what I am assuming is a semi-hot) sexual relationship with one of the rookies on the team. BOOYAH!

Jamie Moyer, 45 (turned 46 on Tuesday!): We heard enough about this cat during the NLCS and World Series, but it still bears mentioning. As far as pro athletes in 2008, we have to mention Moyer. The dude was playing for real before anybody on this blog was born. He set records as the oldest to do several innocuous things, such as pitch in an NLCS game. But still, he ended up with a ring, after pitching a pretty darn good six innings – with a stomach virus no less – in the World Series.

Kurt Warner, 37: Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, what do I even say about you? Kurt, much like many other senior citizens, has a crazy ass wife. Her name is Brenda Warner and she looks like a goblin. Kurt, however, represents so much more than a mush-head QB. He represents the majority of senior citizens in the U.S: Religion, check. Wife with gray hair, check. Flat-top, double check. But you know what Kurt is just too damn nice. He literally kills opponents with kindness...and his gloves.

Jamie Moyer, 46: Jamie Moyer is also old, in fact if these awards were serious, he'd win hands down. The problem with Moyer is that you always hear him "helping" the younger pitchers, or "mentoring" rookies. What the hell? Old people don't roll that way, Jamie. No, I'm all about stereotypes for these awards and who fits the old person stereotype better than...

Kerry Collins, 36: Oh my God, we have a winner. Think about it. Kerry Collins is 1.) Racist. 2.) Alcoholic. 3.) Fights Jim Kelly. Hell, Kerry Collins is originally from PA where we cling to our guns and religion because we are bitter. Well, you know what BHO? The K.C. is bitter about something. He's bitter that people over look his skills simply because every time he's been successful he's had a lights out defense, and a extraordinary running game. Well you know what K.C., I'm going to acknowledge you right here on GRH. You're always a winner in my book.
- Steve Lattimer

Joe Paterno, 122: Everyone should be well aware of my disdain for weak conferences such as the Big Ten, but let's face it: JoePa deserves to be on this list. Paterno has coached for the better part of two centuries, won numerous bowl games and currently adds more games to his record of most winningest college coach of all time. And he's still good. Prior to an unforeseen upset at the hands of Iowa, Paterno had his team National Championship bound - albeit undeservedly so - and still has a top ten team. This is all from coaching in the box with a bad hip. Way to go, Pops. You're aces in my book.

Brett Favre, 39: Admit it. You love this guy. There's something in the hearts of men everywhere that aches for the days of adolescence and youth and vigor and Brett "The Tease" Favre is the epitome of all of those feelings. Like a kid out in the rain, Brett Favre has still got it. He has taken a lack-luster team like the Jets and made them legitimate contenders for the AFC East. Sure, the heavyweight Patriots are in a rehabilitating year, but give the man credit: they're much better than they were without him. Overrated he may be, and while not in the upper-upper echelon of QB's, he is still one of the best. Put it this way; were it not for Tom Brady, who would've been the league MVP last year? That's right. Father Time Brett Favre.

John McCain, 156: I have contended for a long time that politics is the ultimate sport, mainly because it's the only one where overtime can be settled by nukes. But in political discourse, no elder statesman stood out so elderishly as GOP Senator and Presidential-hopeful John McCain. Johnnie Mac ran very well in a race in which he was never supposed to be close. The new hotness, Barack Obama, came in and Ba-Rocked the Vote. But McCain's septuagenarian shoulders carried the banner for a country that, despite the mandate from towards a more-left movement, is still a center-right country. Oh yeah, and he's killed more commies than cancer, and he's beaten cancer a couple of times, too. Despite your loss at the hands of democracy, I salute you, Old Man River.
-Zack Stovall

Who do you think deserves the Izzy Mandelbaum Award for Accomplishments by Senior Citizens? Vote now in the comment section and let your voice be heard. God speed.

The Ghost of Roy Hobbs

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I'm Back for the Attack!


I'm back, bitches!

I'm gonna get drunk, I'm gonna get buckin' naked!


Go Tigers

This is a random news/movie club hybrid post.

The movie is called "Go Tigers" which follows the Massillon Tigers through a football season. It's basically a Northern, documentary version of Friday Night Lights with much less flavor.

It's the same stuff, set in Ohio.

Economic hardship.
Strong football tradition.
Insane fans.
Questionable tactics.
Broken dreams.
Girlfriends hoping to find a better life.
Insane rivalry.

The only difference is Massillon has a fan called "Tiger Lady" who walks, acts, dresses, and growls like a Tiger.

If you get a chance it's definitely entertaining. (One of the players essentially rapes a girl and gets to play. They also basically just come out and say that 8th graders are held back for football)

But it's nowhere near GRH required viewing status.

Here is the big similarity between Massillon and Permian.
Skewed priorities.

A 80,000 square foot practice facility? (Thanks to Devin on the edit)


Look I'm all about athletics, especially football. And as a former player I was always pro climate controlled practice facilities, especially during two-a-days. However, this is all types of crazy.

I guess you have to watch the movie, but basically it shows how the school district was broke and could not fund trivial things... like education.

But I guess we have to remember what Coach Winters said:

"Yeah, but when was the last time 80,000 people showed up to watch a kid do a damn chemistry experiment? Why don't you stick that bow-tie up your ass."

Caption Contest!

You have the right to remain silent!


Be vewy vewy quiet...


Shaq: "Your about to tell me how the inside of my ass tastes. After I eat you."

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

There Will Be Blood


Will Muschamp is now the coach "in waiting" for the University of the people's republic of Texas.

Missouri-Texas hate week aside, this is a great move by Texas.

Great coach, great facilities, and a great recruiting base.

Furthermore, Muschamp's strength is in the X's and O's department as well as player motivation. He can take this time to learn from one of the best CEO's/recruiters in the game, Mack Brown.

I also mentioned Muschamp's impact earlier.

My only fear is the fact that when Muschamp takes over I might actually have to like Texas.

I don't like this. It depresses me.

I'll just watch "Scent of a Woman" and get over it.

Always Remember:
Knock these motherfuckers out.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Professor Shaq Defines Physics

Shaquille O’Neal, the future Hall-of-Fame center now playing for the Phoenix Suns, was ejected last night following two “flagrant” fouls, which calls for an automatic ejection. The Suns went on to beat the Pistons, however following the game, an awfully begrudged Shaq Diesel began to describe the incident the only way he knew how: cold, hard science.

“The laws of physics say that a body in motion stays in motion. So if you have two objects meet in the air, the smaller object is going to fall much harder,” O’Neal said. “I’ve never been the type of player to take anybody out, so I obviously went to the ball. The little guy ran into a brick wall.” (Actual quote from Shaq)

Physicists, who had previously never tuned in to an NBA game in their lab-coated lives, quickly paid heed to Professor Shaq. Dr. Kurt Von Webrenhuesen, an Austrian astrobiologist shown on the left, said that although he was stunned by O’Neal’s initial statements, they were entirely accurate.

“He’s right, you know,” said Von Webrenhuesen. “Big man make little fellow fall with much fervor. Yah!”

A little known fact, but Louisiana State University, of which O’Neal was an attendee, has an excellent physics program that helped him acheive his mental dexterity, while still being veiled by his actual dexterity. And while he has publically stated he has plans for a career in law enforcement following his days in the NBA, he claims to aspire to be “one of those smart cops who solves crimes with science and stuff in like an hour.”

Monday Morning Shit Storm

(Click for intro music)


The Lattimer says this; The Lattimer loves wrestling. Wrestling was a great way to chill out after a long day of classes in eighth grade.

So for the shit storm The Lattimer was going to ask you jabroni's who's you're favorite wrestler. But then the Lattimer thought to himself: Lattimer that's way too hard for these weak candy assess.

So The Lattimer says this: There are two great periods of wrestling. Wrestling when The Lattimer was in K-2 and when The Lattimer was in grades 6-8. The Lattimer says: you punk assess should choose one from each period.

The Lattimer says: My favorite of all time Is The Rock

However, The Lattimer also has a special place in his heart for Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Hotrod was always a lone wolf, and The Lattimer respected that

Oh, Wait Wait Wait. Is The Lattimer mistaken?

You Didn't watch professional wrestling?

During middle school you watched Dawson's Creek and other shitty shows on the WB?

Well I tell you what, The Lattimer says this: you can take The W and the B shine them both up real nice, turn that sonbitch sideways and STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!!!!

So GRH readers are you ready to go one on one with the great one?

The Lattimer asks this question: Who do YOU think are the best pro wrestlers?


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Soul in the Hole

Not to be outdone by Lattimer's excellent post, I have decided to enlighten you, dear reader, on the unsung hero of basketball documentaries.

The movie is called "Soul in the Hole." It follows a basketball team of just-graduated high schoolers through the summer of 1993 in New York City. NYC is the home of playground hoops, and has been for decades (the games were already well-established by the time Kareem Abdul-Jabbar started killing cats as Lew Alcindor). Several tournaments exist across the five boroughs every summer, mostly at famous playgrounds such as Rucker Park, the Cage, etc. The film documents the team, Kenny's Kings, as they hoop while dealing with the urban blight of America's largest city.

The central personality is Ed "Booger" Smith, who, at the time, was a much-lauded point guard standout. While he had the skills, he never quite had the grades, and the life eventually caught up with him. The stories that Kenny's Kings share as they ball their way through the summer of 1993 (set against the impoverished inner city backdrop) are as compelling as any, but what makes this movie truly special is that it captures the best basketball played by Booger Smith, who unfortunately joins the ranks of the myriad of players who were sure-thing phenoms that for one reason or another never made it big.

This last point is what is fabulously interesting, because across the United States, in every major metropolitan city, there are legends and fairytales of failed hoopsters, dating even as far back as the '50s. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was once asked who the best player he ever played against was, to which he replied 'Earl Manigault' to a host of befuddled journalists. Jason Kidd, Gary Payton, Drew Gooden and Antonio Davis have each said 'Hook Mitchell' to the same question. While these players never garnered the fame and fortune that several of their less deserving counterparts (looking at you, Drew Gooden) earned, their names still ring out in the parks and playgrounds that they inhabited. To put an exclamation point on this, Spike Lee was good enough to include Booger Smith in the opening credits of He Got Game, dribbling a ball across Brooklyn Bridge.

That is not to say that the movie is all about failure, the film also features a cat named Charlie Jones, who went on from Kenny's Kings to the University of Providence, where he led the NCAA in scoring twice, a feat that has yet to be repeated since.

If you can find it, which is not easy, it's definitely worth a watch, if for nothing else than the soundtrack.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hoop Dreams

For those of you who loved this movie, the Chicago Tribune wrote a nice article updating us on the lives of William Gates and Arthur Agee. It's worth reading if you have the time.

You haven't seen the Movie?

Watch it.

Hat tip: Deadspin

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

YEEUH! The end of the week gets me so jacked up I feel like it's time to jump off of a balcony like Tyler Hansborough! Shit yeah!

Yes in-fucking-deed we are back! Woo!

Ok, the Seattle Supersonics are undoubtedly dead, due to their gay-hating (while probably gay himself) owner, Clay Bennet. Anyways, while they were there, they made some amazing commercials starring a one Predrag Drobnjak. Seriously, are y'all seeing this shit?

Ok. Ok. Deep breaths. Alright, on another Eurotrash NBAer note, Sasha Vujacic is known as "The Machine." Apparently, he was not programmed to properly do the chest bump.

Here is something truly bizarre and unsafe from Europe.

Not sure why, but I decided to give you the best clip from "Strange Wilderness." Can't really stop laughing at this for some reason.

LeBron James listens to Barry Manilow.

Also, everybody loves puppies.

Pretty awesome Funbag if I do say so myself. Highfives around!

Mahalo, bitches!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Caption Contest!

Reporter: Hey, what string are each of you on the Titans?
Both: What the..?


Vince: Hey, Chris, you know yous a bitch, right?


Vince: This is the number of losses in my career with Texas.
Chris: This is the number of times Coach Brown took me out of the game because I sucked.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Holy Sh*t! The NBA season is two weeks old!

It’s been pretty good, too.

So far in the short season, there’s been a few surprises, and a few not-so-surprises.

First and foremost, the not-so-surprises. The best teams in the league are apparently the Celtics and Lakers. This, of course, is probably because neither team lost anybody of note (the C’s losing James Posey being the only notable difference). But Bynum is back healthy for the Lakeshow, Pau is playing like he grew a pair, and Kobe is Kobe. For the Celtics, Kevin Garnett is struggling just a little bit, but every time he gets into a shooting slump, he more than makes up for it in every other facet of his game. Also, Big Baby Glenn Davis seems to have found a stroke, so that’s helping out.

Other non-surprises would be Detroit and Cleveland playing well, and there’s really nothing you can say about that.

The Blazers are somewhere in the middle, they’ve won some big games (Brandon Roy’s blood is apparently made of ice after seeing the Blazers OT win over the Rockets), but you’ve also got to say that Greg Oden getting hurt again is a non-surprise that’s going to hurt them once they start needing some beasty shit in the middle.

Surprises, on the other hand would be thus:

First, the Texas teams, long considered to be the toughest road trip in the game, are all playing like ass. The Rockets lead this bunch of underachievers at 4-3. I’d expect them to keep that clip for the foreseeable future. The Mavs are fucking lazy, that’s all there is to say about them. The Spurs have been without Manu and Fabricio “Oh Boy!” Oberto, and despite Duncan playing like the hall-of-famer that he is, their only win came off of a 55-point Tony Parker performance to beat the Timberwolves in 2OT. The Spurs should not be taken to OT by the goddamn Minnesotans. Now T-Pizzle is down with an ankle injury, so now they don’t know what the fuck to do.

The Knicks are playing well. Starbury hasn’t seen a second. Makes sense, I guess.

Anybody want to guess who has got the best record in the East right now? The Hawks. Probably won’t stay like that forever, but they’re playing pretty damn well on the back of Joe Johnson. The Western equivalent could be the Grizzlies, who have the eighth spot right now. I say this because both teams are freakishly athletic, and they play like it.

Two Eastern playoff teams have the worst records in the East. Philly and Washington are both playing like total ass right now.

And now, to discuss the trade. Allen Iverson for Mr. Big Shot Chauncey Billups and Antonio McDyess. Man. Now the Answer is in Detroit, where he is definitely the man. Billups gets to return to his hometown, and while he and Dice both played on the Nuggets together back in the day, Dice was subsequently thanked by getting his ass waived. Chris “The Birdman” Andersen 1, Antonio McDyess 0. It’s tough to say who got the better end of this deal. Detroit inherits the prolific scoring machine that is Allen Iverson, and Denver gets rid of Iverson’s huge ass contract, and gains Chauncey. Considering how they didn’t have a true point guard, and they get maybe the one guy you can trust with this position at all points of the game, it’s not too bad of a gig. I’d say the real winners were the TV watchers that got treated to Iverson’s career highlight real, that included AI shaking Jordan out of his shoes, and of course, the “Cold as Ice Stepover” of Tyronn Lue.

In your face, Tyronn.

The next big trade that may happen is Charlotte is looking to deal Gerald “G-Force” Wallace. Good call, MJ, getting rid of the best player on your team usually benefits, right?

Anyways, keep an eye out for games. I highly recommend any Blazers or Hawks games. Guaranteed you will see a few highlight dunks in both.

Monday Morning Shit Storm

This is a storm that has been brewing inside of me for 23 years.

We all love sports, we all watch sports, and the majority of the time we are watching these sports on a TV.

Which is awesome, except for the fact that somebody has to explain the game to you.

I have a love hate relationship with commentators. I love some, like Keith Jackson. I'd put Keith Jackson on the same level as Einstein, DaVinci, and Albert Pujols. Hell I'd listen to Keith Jackson read my Tacoma's owner's manual.

However, there are some "commentators" that I simply can't stand. They constantly ruin my sports viewing experience with their blatant douchebaggery.

Who's on the top of my list.

Brent Musberger.

God I don't know how many sporting events this guy has ruined for me. Hey Brent, you don't have to over analyze every single play.

If Brent were to do play by play on my morning this is how it would sound:

-Wow waking up at 6:30? You have to wonder Kirk if he got enough sleep last night?

-Lattimer used alot of toothpaste this morning, you have to wonder if he will eventually have to get more toothpaste.

-Eggs? I realize there is alot of protein? But Kirk you have to wonder if this will have an impact on him later in the day?

-Coffee? Only 1 cup? Well, I have no idea what Lattimer is thinking, but ONE CUP

-The polo? You have to wonder here Kirk, if the weather changes, I mean it's fall and you have to wonder here if the polo was the wrong choice?

-You know what Kirk? I was sitting down with Lattimer the other day, Fine young man, and do you know what he told me? He pee's standing up? ha ha I mean can you believe that kirk? Standing? Ladies and Gentleman this Lattimer is a special man.

-You know what Kirk, I've been all across this land, and Lattimer is without a doubt the best at opening a car door.

-Wow shifting into 5th gear on Jacksonville road? Kirk isnt that a little risky? I mean the sign clearly says 45? You have to wonder here kirk, if this will have implications later on? I mean I'm no expert, but anyone can see that shifting into 5th on Jacksonville, is not a wise move my friend.

-ooooo yellow light Trouble here.

-Wow Kirk, he just made that light, but you have to wonder if that close call will make him less aggressive at future lights?

-I'll tell you what that was the best right turn I have ever seen?

-I'll tell you what here kirk, This may have been the best morning I've seen, But you have to wonder that ole' tomorrow morning is rolling around the bend' and I dont know that after this dogfight that ollllllllllllllllle' lattimer can make it through another grinder.

God I hate Musberger.

For the storm list your most hated TV sports personality.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

"Hey Hey. BABAAAYYYYY! Newport News in tha hizouse! What? I got traded to Detroit? Mothaphuckas! I'ma half to play defense now."

Which is my way of saying that Friday is upon us. Let's see what's in store in this magical journey of fun.

We've had a lot of fun with Yao Ming. Truly, he is a great player, but for real, dog. If your height is 75% of the height of the rim, this should never happen to you. Or this, for that matter.

All readers of our sites know that we love sports commercials. We even fancy ourselves experts on the fact. However, some European weiners called WPP decided that this is the best sports commercial of the year. They may be right.

And now we have the Power Team. They're Juiced for Jesus. They're Crunk on Christ. They're injected with the Holy Spirit! They're... nuts. Behold: the glory of the Power Team!

Here is something bizarre from Europe.

With the absence of the Answer in Denver, it is now all Carmelo's team. Between having ups and downs with getting suspended, getting pulled over, winning a gold medal, Carmelo needs some stability in his life. Which is why he opened a barber shop in Denver. It may also be why he cut off his trademark 'rows. Of course, EA Sports has a different reason.

Yeehaw. I'm going to get weird here for a while, I'll catch you guys on the flip side.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

TGORH book/movie club

It seems like everyone has a book club. Typically these clubs are run by women and serve as an excuse to get loaded on wine and gossip about who is f-ing each other.

Guys have things like this too, however, we drink beer and we call them Elk Lodges.
We also play washers.

Back to the point.

Every "author" of this humble blog shares a certain affection towards the written word and the cinematic experience.

In fact, my favorite movie experience was shared with two faithful readers when we watched DOOM!!!!!! on a Sunday morning.

My main problem with book clubs is the simple fact that they "read" stupid books typically promoted by Oprah. (My goal in life is to be a guest on the Oprah show)

But here on TGORH we are going to provide you with enlightening, provocative, and mind blowing material.

Our first subject...Steroids!!!!!!!!!!!

this is the trailer from Bigger Stronger Faster directed by Chris Bell.

In all honesty this is a great movie. It not only talks about performance enhancing drugs and their role in sports, but it also examines American society and how the competitive mentality promotes the use of these drugs. It is also hilarious.

In short, it is an alternative look at the American Dream.

So here is how the book club works, either leave a comment down below or hit us up at

It'll be fun, and if nothing else it will provide us with yet another excuse to drink beer.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Caption Contest!

"You ever see 'Failure to Launch'?"
"No, you ever see 'Dodgeball'?"


"Sheryl never ran shirtless with me."


"One more lap for US Weekly?"

We should be able to unload on this picture. Do you worst.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

ELECTION RESULTS: LeBron is President!

The Executive Branch is about to get a new fresh African-American face in the Oval Office, but not the one that it was expecting.

In a startling chain of events, LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers has won the Presidential Race of 2008 in a landslide. Previously thought to be running as a gimmick candidate for the Fly Party, a secret underground campaign, coupled with some pretty decent season-opening numbers, have clinched the Race for the formerly monarchical but currently democratic King James.

"I mean, it's a big honor," said James. "It's not every day you can be the first and second most powerful person in the world. I'll holla at that. How many people can say they can keep their NBA Championship Trophy in their Lincoln bedroom? I'll be saying that come June."

Apparently the do-it-all small forward plans to literally do it all, shouldering the responsibilities of dragging a team kicking and screaming into the Finals and shouldering the responsibilities of dragging a nation kicking and screaming into prosperity all at the same time. But James says he has no reservations for pulling off both at the same time.

"I mean, I played high school football and basketball at the same time," James said, spinning a globe on his ring and index finger. "I think I got this."

James' platform includes free health care for everyone, flying cars for those over 18, the repealing of the one-year out of high school rule, and the creation of an eighth day of the week in between Sunday and Monday, known as Bronday, where no work only play will take place. He also wants to replace the entirety of CSPAN's staff with ESPN staff citing "irreconcilable differences."

But just how did James surmount such a tremendous upset over not only typical party candidates like Barack Obama and John McCain, but even less than conventional candidates like Bob Barr and Chuck Baldwin and...what's that guy's name?....oh yeah, Ralph "Guess Who's Back?" Nader?

"With style," James replied, as the threw a cross-court three-pointer in for a swish. Actually, James later admitted, the process was much more convoluted than the 23 year old had reckoned.

Taking notes from Obama rather than McCain, James first went about selecting a running mate that nobody could remember or care about. The LeBron James-Manute Bol ticket was formed, although none of the campaign materials were changed to include Bol's name.

"He's going to help my international relations and s**t," said James.

"Uh huh," replied Bol.

Next James went about garnering campaign finances. With Tiger Woods out of the picture, Nike was willing to throw millions into the campaign, including running an ad with the LeBrons, young and old, beating the ever-loving piss out of some Revolutionary-era Torries. One ad also included a video of LeBron dunking over the Detroit Pistons two years ago with LeBron breaking the fourth wall, looking into the camera and saying, "Voting for me? That's a slam dunk!" and then he game his trademark grin and soon-to-be-trademarked thumbs up.

Support also came from Hollywood. Jay-Z was more than willing to throw down his m-to-the-Oney towards James' campaign. Not fully understanding the democratic process, Jay-Z even let James sleep with his precious Beyonce (now known as Sascha Fierce...yikes) so that he would have some sort of blood ties toward what he called the "White House Throne," stating "I wanna sit where Lincoln sit."

Other financial backers included Allen Iverson, Charles Barkley, Michael Jordan, James Earl Jones, John Stockton and even Will "Fresh Prince" Smith, while DJ Jazzy Jeff, an ardent Republican, sided with McCain. The two apparently are no longer on speaking terms.

Having the necessary resources, LeBron quickly had the law banning people under 35 from being elected earmarked for amendment to exclude people who play in the NBA and "have sweet ink." Following the amendment, the rest fell into place as easily as it did silently.

James naturally swept his home state of Ohio, where he not only plays for the Cavaliers, but also played in his high school days. Known for wearing Yankee hats for no apparent reason was enough to carry New York and even New Jersey's half of an electoral vote. Sweeping both the coveted blue collar vote and the glitz and glamor vote, it was no wonder LeBron won as handedly as he did.

"That's just what I do," said LeBron. "I win."

LeBron said his inauguration suit will be made of a recycled solid gold H2 Hummer and the after-party will be "extra-crunk" because his first order of business will be to repeal the amendment restricting more than two term presidents.

King James, indeed.

Monday, November 3, 2008

The Case Against Penn State

It saddens me to say this, but I don't think JoePa should reach the BCS National Championship.

I believe Coach Paterno is a living, breathing and hobbling museum. The coach has been through more presidents than each of our esteemed writers combined, and has been around long enough to see antiquated offenses like the single-wing come back as "new fangled" offenses like the spread option. To walk a mile in his shoes is to see nearly every noteworthy thing that has happened in college football.

But Penn State should not reach the Championship game, even if they go undefeated, as they should with featherweights Iowa and Indiana on the penultimate horizon, followed by Javon Ringer's Michigan State Spartans.

Say again, an undefeated Penn State should not play in the National Championship.

To do so would be to leapfrog one (if not two) teams that only suffered losses because they played in much stronger conferences, namely the SEC and the Big XII.

The math is simple: Big 10 is weak, and the SEC and Big XII are strong. So a one-loss team from those stronger, better conferences should play.

Realize that the entirety of this article will be null, void and moot if Alabama and Texas Tech win out.

Determining one's strength of schedule is a delicate balance. When picking non-conference games, an athletic director wants to pick well-respected teams that they can soundly beat. Coastal Carolina, Oregon State, Syracuse, and Temple were the first four games of the season for the Nittany Lions. That's the Big South, Pac-10, Big East and the almighty MAC. Couple that with the overall weakness of the Big 10 this year, and you're looking at a really good chance to go undefeated. BCS voters and pollsters can recognize a stacked deck. Take this schedule two years ago, with Michigan, Ohio State, Wisconsin, even Ron Zook's Fighting Illini? It'd be tough to deny. This year, not so much.

I have experienced the audacity of front-loading a schedule. Arkansas routinely pads its non-conference games and doubly routinely schedules its most difficult games towards the second half of the season. Whether it be led by Matt "Booger Sugar" Jones or Darren "Turf Toe?" McFadden, Arkansas could win a couple of games early on to gain a little respect, maybe even get a decent ranking, and by the end of the season blow it into an embarrassing bowl game appearance against scrub teams — and still manage to lose said bowl game. Front-loading can boost rankings, sure. But you sure lose a lot of that luster when your conference lets you down, as the Big 10 has done this year. Take notes from the SEC faithful: That's why it's good to pull for your conference, folks.

And don't look to wow any of the voters at the end of the season either. Iowa, Indiana and Michigan State. Penn State shouldn't just win strong. They should win Power Team Strong. Iowa and Indiana are a collective three and seven in conference play. Michigan State will be a tough game, with Javon "I'm the only player on my team" Ringer pounding the rock, but if Penn State is who they say they are, they should win.

Let's say you think, "Stovall, you jackass. Penn State definitely deserves to get in. Up yours, buddy." You may even not just think it, but actually verbalize it in an email, text message, or severed equine cranium in my bed. Okay, but let's think about just who you're shutting out.

You're denying the staunch defense of the SEC. No one is bigger or faster or stronger than in the SEC. Alabama has ascended to the top of the rankings based almost solely on domination up front. Those big boys can move awfully fast. And Florida? Just ask formerly No. 1 Georgia how good those guys are. Take Tebow out of the game, and you've still got a gaggle of spread offense receivers/running backs to push the ball. But in the SEC, it's all about the D.

You're denying the nuclear offense of the Big XII. Little old Kansas State's quarterback Josh Freeman is better than nearly every quarterback in the Big 10, save for Terrell Pryor and Daryll Clark. Think about the explosive receivers and the ridiculously explosive quarterbacks. McCoy. Harrell. Bradford. Daniel. Do I have to keep going? These guys put up ludicrous numbers. They've gone to plaid! And finally, someone else is figuring out what the SEC has been lamenting for years. When you play in a conference in which even the bottom dwellers can come up and whip you, that matters when it compares to other weaker conferences. Kudos to the Big XII. Getting through with one loss means you should get into the National Championship.

Especially if your loss isn't a conference championship. I would offer this as a solace to the Big 10, but there's nary a conference championship to be found.

So cry all you want. It wasn't too long ago that a 14-0 Auburn was left out of the National Championship. These things happen. But to deny the stalwart defenses and the trenchant offenses of the SEC and the Big XII respectively would be a greater disservice.

Again I remind you, the entirety of this article will be null, void and moot if Alabama and Texas Tech win out. There would be your National Championship.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Monday Morning Shit Storm





MMSS is the best fight scene ever, BEGIN!!!!!!!!!


I'm Just kidding, the best fight scene is this.

I'll let you guys comment first before I drop the 50 best fight scenes on you.

Sports Commercials

Last month we had a 50 post surge, however to start off November I feel like we need to go back to our roots.

Small posts about sports commercials.

Here is Bron's latest.

Things I learned:
1. Lebron continues to impress me.
2. His new shoe is "After Six." Interesting.
3. He may, or may not, have a piranha named "Sir Charles."
4. I have no idea who Nicole Scherzinger is.
4a. I might be a loser because of this.
4b. A quick wikipedia search reveals that she was in the Pussycat dolls, so I'd argue I am in fact not a loser.
5. They need to make the clapper for fireplaces.