Friday, January 30, 2009

Friday Fun Bag

Seems like it will be my turn taking charge of this time honored GRH tradition.

Yes, I will be popping my fun bag cherry today, hopefully it won't be awkward, and last under 5 minutes.

I love drunk discounts.

Send me some smoke signals.

Remember pow-pow Powerwheels? Me too, they were awesome.

At first you're like "what is this all about"... then you see the turn...then you see the stop sign...and you know the ending...and it is good.

Travis Pastrana is crazy

That is all.

Water Jet pack?

I don't know why either.

Ghost riding intermission.

If you don't hate a team in the Superbowl, watch this video.

Go Cardinals

Finally, animals are soooooo much cooler than people.

P.S There will be a special Superbowl Sunday Shit Storm, so check in for that.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

If you thought Earl Clark didn't like flattops...

Andre Iguodala apparently hates Yao's flattop more.

For the past three summers, Andre Iguodala has been the leader of the USA Select Team. This job entails several things. One, being athletic. A huge part of being on USA Select is that you have to run. All the time. It is up to you to give something the Kobes and LeBrons need to keep up with. You are the goddamn rabbit on the dog track.

Being a leader and also a 2 on the Select team also means one big thing. You get to guard Kobe. Day in, day out. You on Kobe. It's the worst job in sports. Worse than Gus Triandos trying to catch Hoyt Wilhelm's knuckleball. Can you imagine how bad chasing Kobe Bryant around all day would be? And you don't get any calls? And when you finally get to be on offense you can only do fast breaks?

Fuck that shit.

What was Andre Iguodala's reward? Nothing. Not a fucking thing. Everybody else gets to go to Beijing and put on a spectacular show and get feted and adored by the entire world. And Iggy Pop gets a pat on the back, and sent back to Philadelphia.

So now. Half a world and half a year later, he sees this fucking Chinese flattop looking at him. Iguodala's response? Please see above. Air-to-hoop Iggy Pop.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Get Coached

I hate it when I have to listen to "experts" analyze significant games. You would think they would talk about something like Florida's (glorified) single wing against Oklahoma's under front. Perhaps they could examine the similarities and differences between the Steelers and Ravens D, but no, we have to sit here and listen to Anquan Boldin answer questions about the altercation between himself and OC Tom Haley. (Oh but Kurt gets a pass because he's a "competitor," F that) Anyway, I sit there and watching TV and yelling "WHO F-ING CARES!!!!" However, one day I thought to myself, "Well Lattimer what the hell are you doing to cure this ignorance?" The answer is nothing.

Until now.

Let's get into a little coach porn.

First thing, I have to plug one of the better blogs on the web. Chris Brown's Smart Football is easily the most insightful football blog out there. (The guy applies game theory to play calling for god's sake) Anyway he combines theory, as well as practical applications to the game, he talked about some of the things I'll address last week, but...just read it.
(He also has the best analysis on the VAUNTED A-11 OFFENSE)

Ok on to my little dissection, let's talk a little Steeler D vs. Arizona O. (Mainly the Steeler D...and in some respects Arizona' s D) I've seen them both run the type of stuff I'll talk about.

This should be a three part series...maybe 2...maybe 4, I really have no idea.

Before we get into the hardcore stuff, lets take a little crash course in Defense 101, courtesy of the late Fritz Shurmur.

We're going to talk run defense, because hey you got to stop the run.

Steelers run a 3-4, meaning 3 defensive lineman and 4 linebackers, 2 corners, and 2 deep safeties. 3+4=7 in run support right? Wrong, this is a common misconception with the 3-4 and 4-3 schemes, by design (in their base) they both commit 9 to stop the run. To paraphrase Shurmur, an easy way to think of run D is examining a team's coverage. Let's use cover 2 as an example. 2 deep safeties, corners have the flats, linebackers take the hook and middle curl areas, 4 men are rushing.

So why is coverage so important in run D? Think about it this way those two safeties have to cover the deep halves of the field, pretty tough. So it's somewhat unsound to ask (even Ed Reed) "Hey I want you to take a deep half of the field, make sure nobody gets behind you, and oh by the way, I want you to take out the running back behind the line of scrimmage." I mean you COULD do that, but play action would kill you. However, you see that little red corner back? He has the flat, he doesn't have any deep responsibility, and he beats the shit out of the WR. (delaying the release to help his safety) In short, he can be a run first player. So back to our little equation 3 lineman + 4 linebackers + 2 cornerbacks=9, or a 9 man front.
(That little force thing means that the corner is the "end" man on the run defense, his job is to turn the ball carrier back inside to his pursuing teammates. This is a very basic definition and it would take me 5 pages to talk about force players.) Another thing to note is a the secondary force player. In this case it's the safeties, their job is to get the ball carrier if he happens to break through the front 9.

Seems awesome, 9 guys playing the run, but there is one small problem. Since you're corners have to reroute the WR's to help those poor safeties, your force players are dictated by alignment. Meaning, in the NFL, where the hashes are close together, a team can essentially dictate the placement of your force player. It sucks. I know. Shit happens.

But what about when I see safeties blowing shit up? Good question, because there is another way to get 9 hombres playing the run. A safety force scheme. Now this borders on the edge of soundness, but in the biz we call it quarters coverage. An easy way to think about it is that it's a hybrid between man and zone. The main cogs are the safeties. The safeties read the #2 receiver, or the end man on the line of scrimmage to determine whether it is a run or pass. Upon this recognition they will either fly up and play the run, if it's pass lock on #2, if #2 goes shallow rob (help) on #1's route.
(Just to clear things up if the run was to the weakside, the Free Safety becomes the force player and the SS would handle the cutback, that's how we can consider it a 9 man front)
As you can see, it's pretty complicated, but nothing some reps can handle. The problems, it's strong against 21 personnel (2 backs one tight end) but it get's a little sketchy against spread sets. It's also pretty obvious that running play action against those safeties could F them up quite a bit.

What about that 8 man box? Well that is cover 3. Many, not all, but many teams will go to an 8 man "box." What does this do? Against certain personnel groupings a defensive team can sure up their strongside if they expect a run in that direction. At this point (in a 3-4) a safety will have force on the frontside, leaving the backer with force on the backside. The two corners and weakside safety take the deep thirds. 8 is one less than 9, but on the flip side you strengthen your strongside defense and you bring a guy closer to the line.

In this diagram the defense is actually asking the linebacker (S) to force and the safety is going to fill where needed.

Man defense. Man is pretty simple: you get him, I got him. In terms of run support, you technically can't ask a guy to cover a potential receiver on any route AND ask him to play the run. so pretty much whoever is rushing/blitzing is in run support. This could be 4 all the way to gun in the mouth 9. You can also play zone behind a man scheme, such as playing 2 deep safeties with one under, or the popular cover 1 where a team will typically blitz, play man, and keep a cat deep. Like I said if you play man, you are technically removing your defender from immediate run support, however, I feel like this rule is thrown out the window in the NFL. It's also another way to show an 8 man front.

Man seems really cool, but it can be exploited... a lot. Play action, stemming blocks by receivers (making it look like your running a route), crossing routes, double moves, backfield misdirection, the list goes on and on. Oh, and there is the other problem that if someone like, well me, is defending Larry Fitz, it could be a long day.

So what is all this rambling about? Well if you want to understand the core of any defense, look at the safeties. They pretty much tell you what's going on. So going back to our dear friend Fritz, set your deep coverage, remove those players from immediate run support. Then set your force players, they are typically the curl to flat players (although not always). Then fill in the blanks, and give everyone else a gap/job.

Ok so that was a crash course, we're talking defense at 10,000 feet. And if you are a coach reading this...I'm sorry for blaspheming the gospel of defense.

If this doesn't make sense to you, I'm sorry, If you want to me to talk more, clarify, or get in a giant X's & O's pissing match, just comment.

For our next edition we'll cover the Steelers (and sometimes the Cardinals) front, as well as examining the famed ZONE BLITZ!!!!!

Caption Contest!

"You see baby, Ron Artest only smokes the finest blunts- I mean cigars."


Girl in the foreground: "HEY! Don't take P. Diddy's picture without his permission!"



Look, it's Ron Artest, some ho, some dude, and some crazy looking ho in the foreground. If you can't come up with a better caption than these, you can go to hell.

UPDATE: We had some solid comments on this one. It was honestly hard to choose. While I'm biased to myself, commenter "Brian" had one post referencing Ron's penchant for domestic violence, and then an enormous paraphrasing of the last verse of Eminem ft. Dr. Dre "Guilty Conscience." At the risk of creating a downpour of paraphrased rap verses, Brian's Guilty Conscience wins. But he loses points for not changing the line to include that Ron Artest is from Queensbridge, NY, not Compton.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The NBA: Where Eddy Curry Happens


Get it?

Yes, we do have writers here. Yes, some of them watch sports on occasion. Yes, we've fallen off our game. But you know what? I've had shit to do. What are you doing right now? Looking at random blogs? Real fucking busy you are. Get off my ass.

Ok, if you're looking for more Eddy Curry hate, you won't find it here. We now have a moratorium on Eddy Curry. The dude has been the butt of so much hate this year, that it's just about time to take a chill pill and let him sort through his own problems for his own good. Shake the haters off, Eddy.

So none of you sorry sacks of shit have probably noticed, but we are looking at a serious NBA season. Serious. Big time. The players are playing, the teams are hitting.

Go ahead, think about the best five teams in your head right now. Don't worry, I'll wait.


Did you think of the top five teams? If you thought of Phoenix, you should jump out of a window. If you thought of Miami, you are really behind the times (but at least Dwyane Wade is balling out of control).

Essentially, the West's hegemony is done. It was probably done last year, but fuck it. The top three East teams (Cleveland, Boston, Orlando) are wrecking shop. Top to bottom, the West's playoff teams have a slight edge, but the learning curve ends there. Minny, the Oaktown Globetrotters, Memphis, the Clipshow, Sactown, and the OKC are pitiful. Ugly. JV. I can't say enough about how bad they are. Put it this way, the only team in the East that's worse than any of the aforementioned Westerners are the Washington Wizards. The same team that shares (with OKC) the dubious distinction of being the worst team in the League.

So it breaks down like this. Every superstar in the L is playing like they deserve the MVP. Every theory about NBA players getting worn out and not playing as well with an Olympic hangover has officially been debunked. Every night LeBron puts up a triple-double, Chris Paul does it the next night. Kobe's personal numbers are down, but his team is the best in the world. And they've started grabbing their nuts in-game.

The Celtics keep balling, and the Spurs are there normal quiet selves. At this point, I can't really see anyone coming out of the East other than the Celtics. LeBron is the shit, but he's still a one-man show. Anderson "Sideshow" Varejao has been playing like he should've last year (which is good), but nobody besides Bron on that team is going to beat you. He almost took it to the Cs last year, but didn't. Orlando's wrecking shop, and Dwight Howard is doing much for his MVP campaign, but he's still too raw, and the team actually runs pretty much on Jameer Nelson. Basically, the Magic are going to shit themselves sometimes in early May, the Celtics and the Cleveland LeBrons are going to throw down in late May, and the Lord will be pleased. As for the West, the Lakers are untouchable. The next best team is the Spurs, and while it is folly to sleep on the men from San Antone in odd-numbered years, it could be that the swan song for Mexican Azzurri has already happened. Case in point, the Spurs beat the Lakeshow with a wacky Roger Mason three-point play a couple of weeks ago. This W took the Spurs getting all the calls, and the Lakers being without Jordan Farmar, Luke Walton, and some other fools. Last night the Lakers whomped the Spurs.

So as for the playoffs, it breaks down like this.

In the West, Houston seems safe at the 5th seed, but I don't see them keeping a comfortable lead over Portland, Phoenix, Dallas, or Utah (who's on the outside looking in, and very shorthanded at the time). It will really be a dogfight for the bottom half of the West's playoff seeds between those five teams, with someone getting left out.

The East gets a little crazier. Right now it's Detroit (5), Miami (6), Philadelphia (7), and Milwaukee (8). Detroit still hasn't gotten it together, and is even considering shopping Allen Iverson (WHAT?!). Miami is riding Flash, but they've got their own lineup problems, and is thinking of trying to deal Shawn Marion (no surprise). Philadelphia has put together a nice little run to get to .500, but they've been doing so by running the fuck out of teams behind Louis Williams and Andre Iguodala, taking advantage of the fact that Elton Brand is out of the lineup. The problem being that when he comes back, he can't keep up with the others, and they could end up looking like a poor man's Phoenix, except without Shaq, they have Elton Brand, without Amare Stoudemire, they have Samuel Dalembert, and... you get the picture. Milwaukee is clinging with their fingernails to that bottom spot, but they just lost Michael Redd for the season. Unless there's some chemistry between Richard Jefferson and Andrew Bogut that I'm not seeing (there isn't), the Bucks will plummet, opening up the bottom two to four spots for everybody except the Wizards.

Naturally, there are months left in the season, and anything can happen between now and then.

But that's why you watch, dumbass.

Stupid Super Bowl

Here we are ladies and gentlemen; the penultimate days of the footballing season.

We've come so far, through some good times and some bad times. Some meaningless contests, and some pretty good games. Some gut-busting characters who make the sport the beauty it is, and some loathsome individuals who make sane men wish murder were legal and encouraged. But here we are, at the end. The NFC and AFC champions have been rightly crowned, yet the crown for which all strive is not yet attained; the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl is the true test of who is the true champion of the National Football League. And the two contenders, Champions of the Gridiron, Fabled Heroes of Football Lore aaare.....


The Arizona Cardinals? Say what? You're pulling my leg. I demand you stop it. That's not even funny. That's like asking a blind kid to practice math on some flash cards. I'm mad at you for saying such an insensitive thing about an organization that has been struggling in the mire of obscurity of the better part of a century, and in two time zones!

The Steelers? What, did Rashard Mendenhall run all over the place? Did Ben Roethlisberger get traded for Jared the Subway Guy? Both provide roughly the same amount of athleticism, although it could be contended that Jared's workethic is superior, but alas, wears glasses, nullifying any and all althletic abilities. Who said these guys were any good?

What about the Cowboys? This was supposed to be the Return to Glory for America's team. All of the pieces were there; loudmouth reciever, powerful running back, high-profile gunslinger playing quarterback, and a high-profile gunslinger playing cornerback. The early season dictated it was aligned in the Dallas stars: Super Bowl or bust.

What about the up-start Titans? Didn't I hear something about an 11 and 0 start? Kerry Collins' comeback tour? That defense has been stiffling for years. And I don't know but there's something about Jeff Fisher's stache that gives me goosebumps.

What about the Patriots? Okay. Nevermind. That was awesome.

What about the Chargers, the Broncos, the Saints, the Giants? What about anybody other than the Arizona Cardinals of Glendale?

Oh but, Matt Leinart finally stepped up this year, eh? Really lived up to that Trojan potential? I mean he won the Heisman, a couple of national championships, not to mention he was drafted for the sole purpose of dragging this franchise out of the dregs of the NFL—

You have got to be kidding me. Kurt Warner? The 13th Apostle? The Return of Mr. Gollum? The Ringleader of the Formerly Greatest Show on Turf? Surely not.

And a team that despite being one of the most venerable in the history of the league remains one of the least cared about collection of players in the country, the Shittsburgh Steelers? (Did you see what I did there? I changed their name to rhyme with the profain label for feces?)

Label this game under the one for the Mundane Trivia Books. If the Cardinals should some how be lead to a victory by a really good Larry Fitzgerald who will absolutely not get any of the credit because of the Beatitude Basher Kurt Warner. Should the Steelers win, an inconcievably even fewer people will care. Oh, Troy Palomalu's hair is crazy! Like a crazy person's hair something! And that Ben Roethlisberger sure is...tall?

Basically this is a post about nothing. Just like there is a game about nothing. Neither one of these teams were the best this season. Likely, there was no best team this season. This NFL season was marred by relative and sweeping mediocrity. Just some of the teams to beat around midseason; the Jets (didn't make the playoffs), the Broncos (again, didn't make the playoffs), the Titans (lost their first playoff game), and the Giants (lost their first playoff game). Oh yeah, blazing mediocrity and the first 0-16 team in league history.

Whatever, I'm over it. I'll just listen to Icehouse now go on about the magic that is basketballing.

You know the season is down the pooper when I'm looking forward to its swift end.

Who's going to win Sunday? Pittsburgh by ten. Or Arizona by 14. And no one cared either way.

Monday Morning Shit Storm

This has nothing to do with the Storm, I just thought it was funny.

Soooooo, After Sunday we won't see any football for a while.

Sure we have some NCAA/Pro basketball, The Premiership, and baseball is on the horizon, but they still don't provide me an entire weekend of laziness.

I'll watch that stuff but I won't devote my entire day to it. Furthermore, I really can't justify going to a sports bar Sunday evening and some beer/wings to watch Kobe and Bron. It's the Economy stupid.

For the shit storm provide the best weekend activity. This could be sports related or not. I'll also allow both lazy and "active" activities.

My first selection is on the short term:

(NSFW language)

Watching entire seasons of TV shows.

Waiting what happens next week is for suckers. I don't know why I didn't discover this earlier, just Netflix that shit and waste upwards of 12 hours in a two day span!!!

Sure I could go fishing, skiing, mountain biking, and solve the world's energy crisis, but it is balls ass cold here.

Going out and doing stuff? SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

X Games live chat worked out so well, I had to abide by a request to have Tanner Hall drunk for the Fun Bag. So here we go again. And thanks to everybody that showed up, it was fun.

So to continue on the wacky Fun Bag experiment, here we have more comedic gold.

To keep in with the politics theme that we started off the week with in the Shit Storm, here we have the head honcho of athlete politicians.


One time I went to a professional wrestling match in Mexico City. The "Lucha Libre" itself. Anyways, Mexican wrestling is way sweeter than any other wresting.

Shaquille O'Neal is one of the most enigmatic players of all time. Whether he's winning games, getting fat, rapping or asking people how his ass tastes, he's always entertaining.

In case you missed it, Steve Nash was on Conan the other night. Not as funny as the video he did with Baron Davis, but pretty good nonetheless. I'm still waiting for Ron Artest's appearance on late night TV.

And finally, Rasheed Wallace.

Fantastic. I'm ready to rock. Coming your way, assholes!

Blogger X

X Games



Blogger X



Ok on the real, we're going to have a live chat for the opening night of Winter X games 2009.

Why you ask?

1. No football.
2. It's awesome.
3. I like looking at my snowboard and bragging.
4. Icehouse wants a reason to wear his Seth Morrison goggles.
5. Brian,GRH extreme expert flavor aficionado, and all American Hero will be joining us.

Still think the X games are gay?

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

Exhibit C.

Ok so for tonight we have Snowmobile (think it's gay? think again), Skier superpipe (always impressive) and finally snowboard big air. (insane)

The chat will start at 8 eastern (On ESPN)

Do it to it.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Jarrett Johnson Has Come To Make You Quit The Game.

There are many ways to be embarrassed on a basketball court. If you get crossed over so bad you fall down, that's bad. Nutmegs are rare, but almost worse. Getting dunked on happens so often that it doesn't seem like it's that bad.

And then something like this happens.

I've been dunked on once. Just once. I came back down on the offensive end and dropped some kid by setting a pick and putting my shoulder into his face. Not perfect retribution, but at least enough to let those Duncanville pricks know that I wasn't a punk (if I recall correctly, it was fellow GRHer Allen Houston blowing a defensive assignment that led to me getting flushed on).

But I digress. What do you do to come back from something like this? Remember those hyperdunk commercials that got banned in some spots for being seen as anti-gay? This is worse than every dunk they talked about in those commercials. I mean this is really, really bad.

That kid who got yakked on needs to go ahead and forget that he ever played basketball.

Watch it again. I screamed when I first saw it happen.

Mad bonus points for Johnson giving fives to the crowd afterwards.

Caption Contest!

"Huh? No, sorry kid, that's not Fitty."


"If you don't believe in Jebus, you'll probably stay in that hospital bed forever. You see..."


"Actually, Amani Toomer here is teaching me how to shave laster on tonight."

Kurt Warner deserves your best shot. You can make fun of his age, the fact that he probably caught airborne herpes from Leinart, his love of Jesus, or his man-goblin of a wife. Do it.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Monday Morning Shit Storm


Lots going on this week, first off I just wanted to wish everyone a happy MLK day. We also have the inauguration tomorrow, which is always fun.

These things are important, however in today's age of divisive politics, a struggling economy, global poverty, and violence in the Middle East I think we here at GRH need to divert our attention...

And determine which politician is the best baller.

Today's shit storm will be the best athlete/politician combo.

Now, we have a couple ways to do this.

First we can choose legitimate athletes turned politicians. Such as Bill Bradley.

Pride of Crystal City MO, Princeton Grad, Rhodes Scholar, NBA Hall of Famer, Senator, Presidential candidate, all around American hero.

But reality gets boring.

So you can also bring something out of you ass.

King Henry VIII, hailing from the house of Tudor. I feel he could be a legitimate two-gapper at nose guard.

So there we go, lets have some fun with this.

...Oh and as always here at GRH if you start a political flame war you'll end up just like Bodie.

(Assist from Icehouse)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Ditka or God?

Yesinfuckindeed. The Fun Bag is back. From now on the Fun Bag will come around now, so that all may enjoy during the most glorious of work days. Also so I have one less thing hanging over my head at 6:00 pm on Fridays. Seriously, I'm sick of rescheduling shit around you ungrateful jack asses.


So I'm also going to try something different and put videos in the page, to cut down on the whole clicking-away-from-our-site-to-an-inferior-one thing.

First off, we have what looks to be the best movie going to Sundance this year (Suck shit, Bret Easton Ellis!). It's definitely your usual brand of Utah theater, that's for sure. Here we have Black Dynamite. He's supercool and he knows kung fu. Also, NSFW!

If that doesn't wet your whistle, then here's something psychotic.

So, I was pretty pissed off when the Titans lost, because it basically means that I will have no fun watching football until September. All I could really keep thinking is, "Fuck you, Baltimore!"

Ever wonder what your life would be like if you worked at Chuck E. Cheese's? Well, you shouldn't. But! You will have enough free time on your hands to figure out how to do this.

Finally, I'm not sure if many of our readers are hip to Chris Cooley, even if we did feature him, so to speak. Anyways, he's hilarious. And he punches through walls. Observe.

Well, I think it's pretty successful. This doesn't mean that there will always be videos, I'll still link stuff that merits it. But let me know what you think in the comments section.

Woo! Friday!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Caption Contest!

Definitely a topical caption contest today.

Eddy: "Look at me, David. Come and touch it, David."


Eddy: "Hey David, John Amaechi is having us over to watch Lost. Are you in?"


Eddy: "Hey David, want to go up to my apartment and listen to some Jack Johnson and drink some Natty Ice?"

Alright. Let's see if we can make this guy's week worse. Kick him while he's down.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Earl Clark Cares Not For Luke Harangody's Flattop

Not since Brian Cardinal have we seen somebody look this 'tarded while playing college hoops in Indiana. Well, I've seen plenty of people look 'tarded in Indiana playing college hoops since Cardinal. Let me start over.

Luke Harangody is a goon-ass goon that needs to get dunked on day in and day out until he stops showing up and uglying up my television while I'm trying to watch basketball. Seriously, he has a white-boy flattop. Don't bother fixing your style, Luke. Just quit.

Earl Clark agrees with me. I honestly don't care who's on the receiving end of this, it was just an awesome dunk all over somebody's face. It was also beautiful in its simplicity: catch it on the wing, pump fake, go left, flush. Seriously, the look on Harangody's face says it all. Anyways, the clip starts out with it, then we have to see some bullshit, but then it ends with two replays from different angles.


Monday, January 12, 2009

Monday Morning Shit Storm

Did you see the pac-man thing?

I did, and I couldn't help but wonder, were athletes like this all the time? Does the increased money/exposure/entitlement from a young age create these incidents? Or do we hear about it more because of the modern media machine.

I conversed with our very own Icehouse about this same matter and initially I thought the modern day athlete was a bigger, faster, stronger form of dumbass.

But I was wrong. Lets go on a little trip through time.

If you haven't read this book basically...Mickey Mantle popped greenies and chased skirts. Naturally, Bouton got blackballed.

... I can't wait to read this, but basically. Michael Irvin tries to kill somebody with scissors, Nate Newton whipped out his junk...a lot. He also masturbated in a team meeting. Jerry Jones=Mile High Club. Switzer got his drink on.

I wanna be like Mike.

Pro's have been human for a long time.

Look we all do stupid things. Some of us more than others. Right now I want to say we just hear about it more often because of our TMZ society. On the flip side, most of us would not order a hit on someone because they looked at us the wrong way.

So what is it? Modern athletes get into more trouble? We see it more because of the media? Some other argument?

In my mind. "All in the game yo, all in the game."

American Football Player's First Foray Into FĂștbol Wildly Unsuccessful.

To apologize for not having a Fun Bag this week, I give you a bonus caption contest.

Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Talk to The Ghost: Open Thread

Some of the other Blogs I've seen do this thing called an "open thread," similar to the MMSS or CC or other acronyms we here at the Ghost of Roy Hobbs endorse. I was going to write something about it, but I'd rather here it from you:

What did you think of the game last night? Any pissed of Mormons out there?

Comment and discuss amongst yourselves.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Informant: Bob Ley Has Sex With Children

In response to an Outside the Lines report that implicates Adam "Pacman" Jones of ordering some people to shoot at others, I decided to do my own research. I found an informant that uncovered some horrifying truths about Ley and the OTL staff.

I met with an informant earlier today, and he has informed me that Bob Ley has sex with children.

As it turns out, Ley, and several members of the Outside the Lines staff used the company credit card to charter a plane to Thailand, where each member of the party engaged in sexual relations with one or more children under the age of 10 years old.

More disturbing, as ESPN is owned by Disney, it is Disney's dollars that contributed to the sodomizing of dozens of underage Thai boys.

My informant also asserts that Ley was the ringleader of the group. He even engaged bullying tactics to those who might have detracted from the group. According to my informant, Ley called people, "pussies," "fags," and "limpdick pillowbiters" if they showed the slightest aversion to the abuse of corporate funds, the abuse of drugs, or the abuse of unwilling asian juvenile male participants.

On the cusp of the release of the story that has, in effect, ruined Adam "Pacman" Jones's career, my informant asserts that there is no possible way that Ley, or any of his staff could have possibly done any credible investigative journalism when they were balls/elbow/ankle deep in Asian boys for the entirety of the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Furthermore, considering the cocktail of drugs [which includes, but is not limited to: heroin, cocaine, crack-cocaine, methanphetamines, ecstacy, sextacy, marijuana, Schaefer, Pearl, and Falstaff beers, V, and several assorted opiates] that each member was forced to ingest at Ley's behest, the members of the party were to strung out, hungover, or withdrawn to possibly even make a phone call since their return from Thailand.

All told, according to my informant, there is no possible way that the Outside the Lines staff could have done any meritous investigation whatsoever, due to Ley's penchant for sex with 8 year old Thai boys. My informant says that Jerry Jones, or any owner would be wise to sign Adam "Pacman" Jones as quickly as possible, as the upcoming Outside the Lines story will have about as much use to Bob Ley as condoms on the aforementioned trip, which is to say none. According to my source, Ley flew into a tirade when protective measures during sex were suggested, resulting in the erotic asphyxiation of one of the children.

A Drunk Dial and the BCS

Many of the writers on this blog were friends with this one guy in college. His name is T.W Samuels. While we all had some great memories many of us have moved on with our Lives. T.W, however, likes the college lifestyle, and travels around the country crashing at various homes. Last night at 3:00 am I received a phone call from an unknown number. The following is the conversation that occurred.

/Phone Rings

Lattimer: Hello?

Caller: whatsadickfor?

Lattimer: Who is this?

Caller: whatsadickfor?

Lattimer: Wait what? Seriously, who is this?


Lattimer: Oh...hey T.W.

T.W: hahaha yeah it's me, I can't believe I got you. I thought you'd figure out by the caller ID.

Lattimer: Yeah...uh I got a new phone so the sim card must not have transfered.

T.W: yeah whatever. Hey guess where I am right now.

Lattimer: I don't know.


Lattimer: No idea.

T.W: Dude just FUCKING GUESS!!!

Lattimer: Uhhh Kentucky?

T.W: WRONG WRONG WRONG. Duuuuuuude I'm in Miami for the game!!!

Lattimer: Yeah, I would've never guessed that, how did you get there?

T.W: With my muhfuckin Learjet.

Lattimer: You have a jet?

T.W: Well my dad's. Ever since I graduated with a double 1.8 my dad has been letting me fly around the world. Did you know he owned a bunch of distilleries?

Lattimer: Yeah, you mentioned that once or twice. Wait, what's a double 1.8?

T.W: 1.8 GPA, and a 1.8 BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL!!! Walked the stage three sheets to the wind!!!


T.W: Hells yeah it is, hey you've been watching the bowls?

Lattimer: Uh yeah, actually I was watc..

T.W: I watched every game on my 150 inch PLASMA. How about Utah man, puttin the beatdown on those Bama bitches.

Lattimer: yeah they play...

T.W: USC, awesome in the big game, AS ALWAYS, I bet Icehouse is pumped about TIXAS.

Lattimer: I'm sur...

T.W: BARELY BEATING A SHITTY BIG 10 TEAM!!! HAHA LOSERS. I'm Sure Stovall is excited about Arkansas...NOT MAKING A BOWL!!!



Lattimer: They actually won.

T.W: Seriously?

Lattimer: Yeah, I was surprised too.

T.W: Huh.


T.W: Guess who I'm hanging out with right now?

Lattimer: I really have no...


Lattimer: No you're not.

T.W: Totally am. We're talking about how much Bradford sucks.

Lattimer: Well he won the Heisman.


Lattimer: That doesn't make any sense.

T.W: Doesn't matter, Florida is going to win anyway, I put down 5 large on them.

Lattimer: Where did you get that kind of Money?

T.W: Dad gave me a bonus, the economy may be down, but people still gots ta BOOZE!!!

(Punches Wall)

Lattimer: What was that, are you ok?

T.W: Yeah, Tim and I just got into a fight.


T.W: Hey let go of me you roadhouse dickheads.

Lattimer: You ok?

T.W: I'm trained in MMA, I fight in illegal underground death tournaments in Thailand, I AM T.W SAMUELS, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL....


Lattimer: have fun at the game.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Caption Contest!

"Football was more fun in Nashville."




"Oof. My blood sugar is low again."

Come on, let's kick this sack of crap while he's down.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Monday Morning Shit Storm

I think I'm going to run with Icehouse's little Winter sport shtick.

Everyone loves skiing. The snow, the fresh air, the scenery. It's so lovely. A lot of people get crazy over the fresh powder, wide open bowls, or the glade runs. But not me. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love all of that stuff, however, in my mind the best part of skiing is hating. That's right hating. I know many of you may view the chair lift as a time of boredom, or even awkwardness,(Need a single?)but you have to realize it is prime hating opportunity.

Think about it.

"Oh my god this guy has to turn...turn...shit man turn...oh my god...the ditch...BAIL BAIL BAIL...ouch."

Don't act like you've never done that before.

Anyway crashes are cool, but I feel like a major dick whenever I make fun of people crashing.

So what do I do instead?

Make fun of all the ridiculous outfits found on a ski hill!!!

Crashing is one thing, I've caught an edge many times in my life, sometimes it's out of your control. However, what you wear skiing is a conscious decision, which means we get to make fun of you.

It's not enough just to say hey look at that guy, no no no, we have to go to the extreme by categorizing the various personalities.

An example to get us started:

Outfit-Skier. White mock turtleneck worn under the tightest bibs possible. +1 for a sweater and turtleneck.
Ability-Intermediate-Double Black.
Drink of choice-Hot Cider.

You don't ski? Don't worry, the lodge is a great place to make fun of people.
You're worried about the 8 dollar beers? Ok, you are wearing a puffy coat...with 500 pockets...connect the dots.

Ok so let's get these names going. Shit Storm Begin.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Saturday Morning Fun Bag!

Yeehaw. We know that Bode Miller likes booze. That is all.

And finally, to end our winter sports kick, here is the funniest ski accident that I could find.

There are new NBA commercials. They are still under the "Where Amazing Happens" slogan, but deviate from the old ones (which I really liked). Either way, here is the funniest one, featuring (you guessed it) LeBron James.

Speaking of LeBron commercials, have you seen the one where he dances while hyping State Farm Insurance? Weird. Moving on, I would like to point out that LeBron did NOT invent the whole throw-the-chalk-before-tip-off thing. Kevin Garnett did. Regardless, there is a commercial featuring LeBron doing this gig. The only reason I like this commercial is Lil' Wayne. And Weezy isn't too pleased that somebody got junk on his kicks.

More commercials, that's what you get today. This one comes from a Spike Lee-starring Jordan brand commercial. It gives the saga of Jordan, with Spike reading from a wacky doodle. Anyways, the reason I like this one so much is an appearance from Namond Brice. Booyah!

So I went to a New Year's party, like most people in my age bracket. The best part was that most of the people at this party resembled our good friend Corey Delaney. Which got me thinking, does anybody else want these glasses off?

Ok, tonight, I'm going to a Nuggets game in Denver. Vanilla Ice is performing at halftime. I'm gonna get mine in '09.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Football Football FOOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year's Hobbers.

If you think about it, New Year's is a really overrated holiday. It's essentially going to a generic party, having a nice conversation, and someone running up to you with a hat and demanding that you go watch the TV. Oh and don't forget the noise makers...damn them. Anyway you see this ball drop everyone cheers and sings, it's a new year, but you don't feel any different. Awesome.

"Hey hey what's you're New Year's resolution!?!?"

uhhh to eat more of this delicious dip?

The worst part about New Year's is without a doubt the gym.

Hey jackass that does curls in the power rack: where were you December 5th when it was balls ass cold and the ground was covered in ice?

That's what I thought.

But I hate to be Debbie Downer here because there is one redeeming factor about New Year's...


God what a hangover buster.

Lets get to the games.

11am Outback Bowl: Iowa V. South Carolina

As of right now Iowa leads 21-0 with 8:09 in the second.

1PM Capital One Bowl: Georgia V Michigan State

Big Ten/ SEC pissing match.

1PM Gator Bowl: Nebraska V Clemson

Two crazy ass fan bases colliding in Jacksonville...The perfect storm.

4:30 PM Rose Bowl Penn State V USC

Ahhh yes "The granddady of them all" too bad USC will probably win and Brent Musberger will probably have the play by play.

9:30 PM Orange Bowl Virginia Tech V Cincinnati

Here is the shitty thing about being a fan. If you told me in the beginning of the year that Tech would make it to a BCS bowl I would have been ecstatic. Hell I would've taken 9 wins. But now that they are here, and playing Cincinnati, I can't help but think they are going to crush my soul...FOR THE THIRD YEAR IN A ROW. Seriously Tech, 09 has been good so far, don't fuck this up for me.

On another note this will be my puppy's first Tech game, and I'm afraid she will be traumatized.

So here's the thing, drop by and lay some knowledge down.

Oh and Zack, the fragrance you smelled in Festus is called "Flavor" you may not have smelled it before.