Tuesday, September 30, 2008

More Genius from Texas Tech

My Big XII insider gave me a tip on this site, and in the spirit of the videos, I'll let you decide.

Pass or Catch 2008


Sunday, September 28, 2008

Monday Morning Shit Storm

Sorry last week we had an elitist edition of the shit storm.

But not this week, today we're relying on a trait we all share. Pure unadulterated hate for rival fans.

So for the shit storm, choose the douchiest fan base in all of sportsdome.

We're talking teams, cities, states, countries, hell we'll even allow the "Thunder" from your local little league to be included.

My pick: Boston.

I don't have to explain myself, and I won't even acknowledge them with a catchy photo or video. Those guys thrive off of that shit.

Shit storm begin.

Our Worst Fears Have Been Confirmed

Something is creeping across the country.
Something we have all dreaded since 1992
For 16 years we have all been dreading this moment and hoping this devastating force would wait another 16 years to return...

Not only is Alabama relevant, but they're also very good.

SEC, I know we've had our differences, I've said some hateful things and I'm sorry. No, I really am sorry, it was just for play play. But here's the thing, we need to put our differences aside, join together, and crush this evil force that threatens our great nation. The fate of humanity rests in your hands.

Friday, September 26, 2008

TGORH College Football Blitz

What's good? For Week 4 we went 3-3-1 ATS (16-8-1 ATS for the year) . Let's making this husltin' look easy and get that bookie $$$$$

# 13 Alabama Crimson Tide at #3 Georgia Bulldogs (-6.5, O/U 44.5)
The Crimson Tide (3-1-0 ATS) are coming off a blow-out conference victory at Arkansas, 49-14. At first glance, one might think that this Crimson Tide offense is solid. But in the words of Lee Corso "Not so fast, my friend". Sr. QB John Parker Wilson has yet to be in a pressure situation as the Tide's strong running game has been the focus of the opponents defense. The Tide have out rushed their opponents by 727 yards, averaging 236.8 rush yards per game. Bama's run game won't be as effective against a stacked Georgia (2-0-1 ATS) defense. The Dawgs are giving up only 2 yards per rush and has allowed only two touchdowns in their last two games. This game will be decided by QB play and the edge has to go to Georgia QB Matthew Stafford. Stafford only threw below 50% once last season (loss at Tennessee) and has yet to throw an interception or below 57% this season. In a night game between the hedges, the Dawgs win 21-10.
Georgia -6.5, Under 44.5

Don Delaware's Pick of the Week

North Carolina Tar Heels at Miami Hurricanes (-7.5)
The Tar Heels (1-1-0 ATS) have been impressive all season under former Miami coach Butch Davis. But with starting QB T.J. Yates out with an ankle injury, Redshirt Freshmen QB Mike Paulus gets the nod. Paulus filled in for the injured Yates last week against Virginia Tech and looked awful. Paulus finished the game 3 of 8 for 23 yards and two interceptions. The Miami (2-0-0 ATS) Hurricanes have been strong on rush defense. The Hurricanes are only giving up 75 yards per game on the ground, including games at Florida and at Texas A&M. Carolina's offense will see eight, maybe nine man fronts as the 'Canes will force Paulus to beat them passing. I bet he won't. Miami 42-17.
Miami -7.5

Other Picks for Week 5
Marshall Thundering Herd at West Virginia Mountaineers (O/U 54.5)
To say that West Virginia (0-2-0 ATS) has been a disappointment would be an understatement. What a better way to revamp your season than to have the lowly Thundering Herd (2-1-0 ATS) come in to Morgantown to play a pissed off Sr. QB Pat White and All Big-East RB Noel Divine. But the Mountaineers hot heads will be cooled off by a down pour of rain showers. The National Weather Service calls for 70% chance of rain before, during, and after the 3:30 EST kick-off. With a slick field on the turf, look for more running and less scoring. Roll with the thunder, and play the under. UNDER 54

#16 So Florida Bulls at NC State WolfPack (+9.5)
North Carolina State (2-1-0 ATS) started the season off in the worst way possible: shutout on offense while giving up 34 points on defense on national T.V. Since then the Wolfpack dropped a game at Clemson 27-9, but rebounded strong in week four beating then #14 East Carolina at home in OT. With that in mind, the 'Pack find themselves in the same situation as last week: 9 point underdog, to a ranked opponent, in an afternoon game, at home. So. Fla. (0-3-0 ATS) is coming off an ugly win against Florida International (who has yet to beat a D-I opponent) and hasn't covered the spread all year. Can lightning strike twice? I don't think so. But I do think that NC State covers at home 35-27.


Virginia Tech Hokies (+7) at Nebraska Huskers
True Sophmore QB Tyrod Taylor is ready for a break-out game. Trailing late in the third quarter 17-3, Taylor rallied the Hokies (1-2-0 ATS) for the 20-17 win at UNC. Nebraska (2-1-0 ATS) is largely untested this season with cupcake wins against Western Michigan, San Jose State, and New Mexico State. The Hokies are 18-5 ATS in their last 23 road games. Beamer's boys upset the black shirt defense 24-23.
Va Tech +7

Tennessee Volunteers at #15 Auburn Tigers (-7)
WOW. Tennessee football is terrible. The Vols are 1-2 ATS and 1-2 overall. Auburn is coming off a painful home loss to LSU. Tiger Coach Tommy Tuberville is sure to have the ace up his sleeve. The Auburn defense holds and the Orange offense never gets anything going. Tigers win 21-6.

as always here at TGORH.......SCARED $$$$ DON'T MAKE $$$$, BET BIG AND BET YOUR GUT

Thursday, September 25, 2008

No Shit!

I drove all the way here from Fort Collins, had to fight my way past the hippies at the REI for a parking spot, just because I came up with the idea for this sign. I mean, if something this clever doesn't get me on TV, nothing will. This is pure gold. This gatdang place still smells like pot from when that Hussein Osama was here, with all of his hippie friends. I can't wait til someone sees me on TV at the Broncs game. Yahoo!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Plaxico Burress Adresses His Suspention

I spose to be the franchise player and we in here talkin bout practice. not a game! not a game! We talkin bout Practice, man! We talkin bout practice, man! We talking bout practice, man! We talkin bout practice! How the hell can I make my teamates better by practicin'!


I'm Sorry I haven't seen this video yet, but it's great.

Captain Leach on Dating

I'm sure you've seen this recently. Leach is crazy and funny.

But we really need break down the genius that is Mike Leach.

1. Casual dining.

2. Force women to eat in front of you.

3. Go to a movie.

4. Go to a "cool" coffee shop.

5. Make fun of hippies.

6. Stalk each other on facebook.

I really don't like labeling football coaches as a genius primarily because they coach a sport where 11 guys beat the shit out of 11 other guys, but...

How does this not sound like a perfect date to you?

I mentioned earlier how much I love Mike Leach, and this video only confirms my feelings.

If TGORH has any female readers I would like you to dissect his gameplan. Keep in mind it's written on a piece of notebook paper with the words Mesh, Mesh, Smash, Mesh, and Go mixed intermittently.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Raise your hand if you have a better record!



Dolphins > Patriots > Jets


Disco quarterbacks.

If you can think of a better caption/comment/LOL or whatever, put it in the comment section.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Monday Morning Shit Storm

Inspired by this week's NFL live chat, and it's lively banter, I've decided on the shit storm for this week.

The Wire.

No specifics.
Anything and everything Wire related.

But I'll get the discussion started.

Defining moment.

Shirt storm, begin.

NFL live Chat

Crazy Weekend.
I attended a wedding yesterday, and if you know anything about my family...well I'm here and I'm safe.

Don't know how VT won that game, don't care either. Take that UVA south.

I told you Auburn would lose. WV's losses have sent the state into hysteria. Just read rivals, or Scouts message boards for some afternoon fun.

I know I promised a mind blowing Sunday hangover kitchen. My source is still working out the kinks so I'm going to hold off on it because I believe in delivering the highest quality work to TGORH faithful. I mean do you read my posts? Quality.

For this morning all you need is to drop a raw egg into a glass of beer. (chug) Take a shot of pickle juice, and follow it all up with a kettlebell workout.

Questions to consider:
Defining moment in the Wire.
When, specifically, will Lane Kiffen become Syracuse's head coach?
Does Boys will be Boys make you love/hate the Cowboys more or less?

The Flexbone Experience

Mississippi State...

You got Flexboned to the tune of 38-7

Friday, September 19, 2008

TGORH College Football Blitz

What's good? For Week 3 we went 4-2 ATS (13-5 ATS for the year) correctly picking the ESPN Game of the Week: USC -11.5. This week we got some gimme's and some long shots. Let's making this husltin' look easy and get that bookie $$$

#6 L.S.U. Tigers at #9 Auburn Tigers (+3, O/U 38)

Talk about a game of the week! Under 38 is an easy play here. In their last eight meetings, the under has gone 7-1 and Auburn is 8-2 on the under in their last 10 conference games. This game should be NO different. Last week, Auburn (0-3-0 ATS) scored a whopping 3 points. But lucky for the offense, that's all the points they would need as the Tigers got the conference road win over Miss. State 3-2. LSU (0-1-0 ATS) has played NO ONE up to this point. This should be a challenging conference road test for LSU; especially for QB's Andrew Hatch (walk-on from Harvard) and Jarrett Lee (Redshirt freshmen). But, Auburn is in a similar situation at QB. True Sophmore Kodi Burns and Junior Chris Todd both rotate at the position as it appears that neither one wants the job. Bottom Line: Both Offenses SUCK. Auburn wins 9-7.

Don Delaware's Parlay of the Week
#13 Alabama Crimson Tide at Arkansas Razorbacks (+9.5, O/U 46.5)

The Crimson Tide (2-1-0 ATS) looked solid against Clemson on national television in week 1. They dominated both sides of the ball and secured what appeared to be an easy win 34-10. But since then the Tide hasn't been rolling. Bama's defense gave up 318 yards of total offense to Tulane in the 20-6 win, but the score was much closer minus Javier Arenas 87-yard punt return. Alabama beat up on cupcake Western Kentucky 41-10 last week. Arkansas (0-1-0 ATS) has struggle every step of the way. Without two 4th quarter come back victories against Western Illinois and Louisian-Monroe, the hogs could be sitting at 0-2. But Sr. QB Casey Dick has shined with 641 passing yards and 4 TD's. Bama's weak link is their secondary and the Razorbacks strength is their passing. The underdog is 8-3 ATS in their last 11 meetings while the over is 7-3. With Arkansas weak D, but strong passing game this should be a shoot-out. The Hogs will cover the over and spread (that's all we care about) but lose to 31-23.
Arkansas +9.5 Over 46.5

Other Picks for Week 4
Boise St. Broncos at #12 Oregon (-10, O/U 54)

With QB Justin Roper out, the ducks (2-1-0 ATS) look to Sophmore QB Jeremiah Masoli to call the shots. Both teams run the ball exceptionally well, but Oregon's running duo of LeGarrette Blount (8.4 yds per carry) and Jeremiah Johnson (7.8 yds per carry) are definitely the stronger of the two. Boise State's (0-1-0 ATS) 28th Ranked Defense has been untested at home against Idaho State and Bowling Green. Even after forcing 3 turnovers against Bowling Green last weekend, the Bronco offense could only create 20 points. Oregon wins 44-13.
Oregon -10.

Va Tech (+3.5) at North Carolina
Va Tech (0-2-0 ATS) was embarrassed week one losing to C-USA foe East Carolina and following the loss up with an equally poor performance in the 24-7 win against Furman. Combine that with Carolina's (1-0-0 ATS) mud stomp of a win over Rutgers on national T.V. and you got yourself a 3.5 point spread. Rutgers isn't that good, and without QB Sean Glennon the Hokies arent that bad. With Sophmore Tyrod Taylor running the offense and the boys in brown back to playing Beamer Ball, Va Tech wins 20-10.
Va Tech +3.5

Iowa at Pittsburgh (-1, O/U 41)
Under is 9-1 in Iowa last 10 non-conference games and 17-5 in their last 22 road games. The Under is 7-1 in Pitt's last 8 games overall. Iowa (1-1-0 ATS) has played 3 different QB's for a combined 5/4 TD to INT ratio against stacked defenses like Maine, Florida International, and Iowa State. Pitt (0-2-0 ATS) has lost at home to Bowling Green, but beat Buffalo 27-16. Both teams struggle offensively, but Iowa gets their first road win 14-3.

Mississippi State at Georgia Tech (-8)
Although Coach Croom is notorious for having his teams well prepared for road games, his teams are also notorious for slow starts to the season. The Bulldog offense (1-1-0 ATS) has scored 12 points against I-A opponents so far. With Ga Tech's (3-0-0 ATS) Defense only giving up 255 yards a game against both Boston College and Va Tech, it doesnt look any more hopeful for Miss State to score any points this week. Ga Tech runs the old skool Flexbone-option run which should give the Miss State defense fits. Tech wins at home 20-3.



Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

"I likes to get drunk and go fast on motorcycles, Harf Harf Harf."

Have those girls no shame?

Woo! Sexy times on Friday! Woo!

I would like to start off by saying that I've never really like Mark Cuban. That said, he knows that a lot of his business is entertainment, and he has gotten very good at message development, crisis management, and is pretty much an all-star at mass communications. Also, he defends the hell out of his players and makes lots of people look really really stupid in the process. Kudos.

I was trying to figure out an intro to this, but I think a simple equation is best. Jake Delhomme+Steve Smith+Dukes of Hazzard+Fried Chicken+Explosions=Amazing.

I'm not sure how many people in this country are actually aware, but Marshawn Lynch is fucking hilarious. Seriously. Remember, it don't get no better than solid.

Finally, Kyle "Ashton Kutcher" Korver is probably best known for.... um... well, looking like Ashton Kutcher while playing in the NBA. He is now setting out to change that. Korver will attempt to be immortalized in the Guiness Book of World Records for organizing/playing in the longest game of kickball ever. Couldn't make that shit up, y'all.

Alright. It's been fun. Let's all get naked now.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sports Are Good

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry. September is nearly through, October is nigh, and I’ve yet to publish anything since the Liveblog over two weeks ago and my last article dealt with the first week of college football. For this apparent lack of hustle, zeal, and commitment, I do apologize. Jobs that pay take precedent, but it should not be at the expense of this fine organization.

That being said, I am out of the loop and topic-less.

So to prepare myself for commenting upon Slim Pickens’ Wide, Wide World of Sports, I decided a broad overview of the happenings and goings-on during my absence seems appropriate. I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath to here my thoughts on some of these interesting matters.

College Football
So USC is the real deal this year? That’s amazing considering the rebuilding that Pete “Sunshine” Carroll had to pull off this spring. They’re big, they’re fast, and they play in a powder puff division. Mark “Viva la Vida” Sanchez is doing well, and –for now- USC looks like a lock for a national championship. Now to pick whether a no-loss Big 12 Champ or a one-loss SEC champ will challenge the Trojans, of course barring any unforeseen slip up by USC from Stanford, Oregon State, or UCLA, but when’s the last time that happened?

Not to rub it in Buckeye Nation, but you guys are terrible. Not even the awkwardly muscled neck of James “WWE Raw” Laurinaitis can spare the Ohio State from certain doom this season. I never thought a guy named Beanie would have so much impact in a game that doesn’t require drinking a lot, but apparently so. Maybe Pryor will not be a bust. Maybe Pryor will be a bust. Maybe Tressel’s sweater vests stifle his creative nature. Who cares?

Joe Homering here, but the SEC is doing all right by me. It’s pretty much been business as usual; save for the lack of fireworks from the Conference elite and that bizzaro-world score at the Auburn-Miss. State game, 3-2. I thought the Jerry Jonestown Massacre was getting ready to feed me a soccer story when I heard the score. But tons of props go to Big 12 QB’s, except for Colt McCoy, mainly because his name is Colt.

To counter that Joe Homer move, let me call up Arkansas’ latest humorous goings-on. They may have successfully delayed the inevitable thrashing at the hands of the Texas Longhorns by summoning Hurricane Ike to wail on the coast of the Lone Star State. Now they will play Alabama in the highly criticized Weasel Bowl, starring Dolphin-defector Nicky “The Power of Christ Compels You” Saban and Bobby “I Got Vicked!” Petrino. Look for Arkansas’ deuce to be effectively slammed, especially further along the road as former Hog skipper Houston Dale Nutt leads Ole Miss to an eight win season. That’s about all he’s good for, but that’s about all Arkansas could ever want about now.

Kudos to the Liveblogging. While the past couple of weekends have been rather jammed for me, going back and reviewing the professional discourse from our staff and our readers makes for great insight to the games. Plus, I’m glad Joey gets to participate. Congrats to the Daly’s, by the way.

Dallas should go to the Super Bowl, and anything less is a failure. No, this isn’t merely a Jerry Jones less-than-philosophical rant, this is the God’s-honest-truth. Even their bench is stacked. Both of their first-rounders have done well. Mike Jenkins had a ridiculous across-the-field swat Monday night that saved a burnt Kenny Hamlin from certain disgrace not to mention an Eagle touchdown, and I don’t need to say anything about how awesome Felix Jones is and will continue to be. And Philadelphia was no slouch; they nearly beat the Cowpokes and looked really good, despite Donovan “Clumbsy” McNabb’s botched handoffs and missing their top two receivers.

The NFL should be called Quarterback Blood Alley. Alex Smith, Tom Brady, Brody Croyle, Matt Hasselbeck, Jeff Garcia, Vince Young, do I have to go on? The crop that’s left in the League doesn’t offer much refuge either. Peyton is king now, Eli is the Champ, and Farve is the old man complaining about his prostate being the size of a grapefruit. And to say that I am disappointed in JaMarcus Russell’s less-than-mediocre performances is being generous. From being the first-overall draft pick in 2007, making circus throws of 60+ yards from his knees, to looking like an Alzheimer’s victim in cleats, Lane Kiffin now has to suck on the DMac teat for his job’s sake.

Speaking of injured QB’s, what about Vince Young? Is it possible at all that this guy is as emo as popular media is purporting? I find it unlikely that the Longhorn-Champion-Trojan-Slayer is “hurting inside (thanks, Mom!)” so badly that Kerry “Psycho” Collins will be the defacto-starting QB for the year for the Titans. I wish VY step up with some flavor; you know he’s got plenty of it.

Major League Baseball
Coming into the home stretch, and baseball is keeping it interesting in the NL Central. The NL east may coerce some Joe Homers to enjoy the race, but the Mets are perennially in second place to the Yankees, and I haven’t watched the Phillies since John Kruk could run the bases without the aid of an inhaler or an I.V.

The Cubs may be adding insult to injury at the centennial celebration of their World Series victory. They are without a doubt the best team in baseball and, with this final lap of the season, are proving they have been all year. But the question is, as always, not if but when will they choke? Some speculate the teams record-pace will fizzle in the playoffs, while others are predicting that another force-of-God type event will have to derail the Cubbies. My money’s on the Act of God theory; if God would have wanted the Cubs to win, He would’ve done it last century.

The NL Wild Card is confined within the Central division as well. The ‘Stros historically play wacky September baseball, and have the best record in the majors since the All-Star break. Milwaukee is back to their old form, taking a gargantuan keg-dive from atop the Wild Card race and letting their neck break their fall (not bragging or anything but LIKE I SAID THEY WOULD WEEKS AGO). If the Phillies do their part and suck terribly, the Cards have an outside straight draw at the playoffs, depending on Houston’s performance. The last time St. Louis made the playoffs under those kinds of circumstances, they won it all in 2006.

Derek Jeter is now the record holder for most hits in Yankee Stadium. In other news, I am the new record holder for most pantloads of crap given for not actually caring about such a wacky stat (67 dockers, 43 blue jeans, and 11 corduroy pants).

In a stat that actually has some relevance to baseball, Cliff Lee has pitched historically well this season. Lee is from my hometown of Benton, AR and still lives here, primarily hunting and dipping Skoal in the off-season. Since he’s from my hometown, I know him; he’s my cousin’s girlfriend’s sister’s friend’s old boyfriend’s nephew’s old teammate, which means me and him are pretty much best friends. He says ‘hey’ to the GRH-nation.

• I saw Les Miserables last weekend and loved it. There are only three brief lines of spoken dialogue throughout, and I highly recommend seeing it. For real. No, I’m not kidding, there’s no punch line. It’s awesome.

• If the stage isn’t for you, go see Burn After Reading. It’s a Coen Bros. flick, so it at least deserves a shot, and I thought it was hilarious. I would describe it as The Big Lebowski with a necktie, and no pot. If someone can transcribe the last three minutes of the movie and quote it for me, I’d love them forever.

Sarah “La Renard” Palin is all over every station all of the time. Celebrities like Diddy and Lindsay Lohan are perpetuating the stereotype that celebrities trying to speak intelligently about anything politically or culturally relevant are wildly hilarious. It’s really kind of funny how everyone is bashing her, the GOP Vice-presidential candidate, for many of the same things Obama, a Presidential candidate, can be accused of, and I am being unbiased towards both sides. Quick- who am I describing: a young, charismatic, well-spoken, somewhat un-repugnant looking, historically significant, extremist-within-their-own-party, and altogether inexperienced candidate for a place in the Executive branch. The answer? Both. I could go on and on about politics (after all, it is the only sport that could involve nukes- think about it), but that’s for another article and another website.

• Michael Phelps can’t act worth the Keim-Hart spit jar of 2003. But then again, that’s setting the bar pretty high.

• Icehouse and I have been thinking of GRH-Video ideas for the future. It’d be pretty easy to post them on YouTube and feature them on GRH. Some of the ideas we’ve had are No Country for Black Quarterbacks starring Vince “Hell yes, I am ready for Hollywood” Young, and another idea was me doing something involving gymnastics. Please comment for any and all of your suggestions. It’s the wave of the future kids.

• Finally, a hearty welcome to Don Delaware. I cheered loudly in a movie theater when I heard you were now our official gambling aficionado. The flavor-o-meter is now off the charts.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

TGORH off topic

I need your help.

I've been debating this for several weeks.
What do you think of the new Metallica single?

It's better than that St. Anger bullshit, and I want to say it's a return to their old stuff, but I just don't know.
My bias is clouding my judgment.

I need some outside opinions.

Commercial Cameos

Holy shit.

I can't believe I forgot this commercial.

However, since we're on a commercial kick, and the MMSS was all about cameos this seems like a fitting time to remind everyone.
Cameo overload.
I give you the Briscoe High Hawks.

home opener.

And don't forget behind the scenes.

Questions to ponder?

Why is Mike driving?
Why is a 40 year old the head cheerleader?
Will Briscoe have to change it's offensive scheme when Mike graduates?
What the hell happened in pop-warner?

Monday, September 15, 2008

Don Delaware's Monday Night Madness

College Football Blitz Recap:

4-2 on Saturday for record of 13-5 ATS for the first 3 weeks of the season.

Monday Night Football
(Eagles +7.5 at Dallas)
Rather than picking my typical Monday Night Parlay, I found an interesting side bet on BetED.com this afternoon: Eagles -3.5 at +400. This has GREAT VALUE as no one knows for sure what either team is capable of. The Eagles are healthy and looked solid against a J.V. squad called the Rams, while the Cowboys dominated a team that wasn't much better, 0-2 Browns. Marion Barber will play with bruised ribs, and T.O. is well, T.O. Tony Romo will continue to struggle against the Eagles secondary (3 INT's 0 TD's in a 10-6 loss in Dallas last season) especially with the addition of Asante Samuel. Big D has been spoon fed dreams of a super bowl season by the media, while the Eagles are ready to go to work. Bottom Line: Eagles are hungry and want it more. The play tonight is Eagles -3.5 at +400

Best of the Rest
(S.F. Giants +165 at Arizona D'backs)

The Giants are surging while the D'Backs are fading fast. The Giants have won 8 of their last 9, while Arizona has no hope in catching the L.A. Dodgers to regain 1st place in the West. San Fran has Big Mo on its side and at +165 is another solid value pick.

(Detroit Tigers at Texas Rangers -145)
Honestly, Im betting AGANIST the Tigers simply because they are huge underachievers and Dontrelle Willis will find a new way to choke tonight. Take the Rangers -145

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Monday Morning Shit Storm

The Big Pete Icehouse had a great Idea for this week's MMSS

The best cameo by any athlete in a movie.

It doesn't have to be sports related, any movie, any role.
-Note(We are now including TV shows)

I thought about this all Sunday, and I went back and forth on my picks. I couldn't decide so I chose two

First is Shaq playing the infamous Neon Bodeaux in Blue Chips

It's one of the better sports movies, and Shaq is great in it.

Next is LT in Any Given Sunday.
LT is still one of my favorite football players and yeah the movie is a giant cliche, but he shines.

Let the shit storm begin.

Live Chat Week 2

I'm going to start a new tradition:
Sunday Hangover Kitchen.
Today B's and G's.
buy some biscuits from the store(Go with pillsbury or homemade in the bakery) , next to the biscuits there should be some microwavable sausage gravy. While the biscuits are cooking, scramble some eggs. combine all three in a bowl.
Hangover busting power-5

I recently acquired a flat of Gatorade "Tiger." Look Tiger Woods you may be the best golfer in the world, have a loving wife and daughter, and have untold amounts of wealth. But your are without a doubt THE BEST GATORADE FLAVOR EVER CREATED!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god have you tried this stuff, no too strong, not too weak, same electrolytes. Tiger Woods you are my hero.

Good stuff yesterday, Hope all of our Texas readers stayed dry. Nothing too crazy, USC beat the spread/won. What the hell Auburn I thought Tony Frankln was supposed to bring his "System." Jay Paterno currently controls a more powerful offense. I'll let that sink in.

Random thoughts.
If Rush Limbaugh bought the Rams would Brian Leonard start for our new coach Joe Gibbs?
Why does Bill Belichick hate me and Laurence Maroney?
Why do people in Arizona care about football?
Do you ever think most NFL players are closet homosexuals?

The answers....I do not know. Which is why we must chat.

Once again I'll be on around 11am stop by and say hello, or "F Brady"...we have to "approve" comments so be patient.

Friday, September 12, 2008

NFL chat reminder

Whats up TGORH nation, Joey, a faithful reader and All-American hero, has requested another live chat this Sunday at 11 am (est) (give me a two hour window depending on my hangover resulting from the VT loss)

Also I'd like to officially welcome our newest contributor/gambling expert, Don Delaware.

In case you missed last week's chat here are some topics covered:

The Icehouse's man crush on the Cowboys.

Zach's lame excuses.

Zachsbrothersfriend's knowledge of gambling sites.

Joey's tales of the New Orleans Saints.

My current hatred of the Rams and my fantasy team.

So come and join the fun!
(because let's be serious, you have nothing better to do)

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Fuck. Fuck! Can't believe how long this week has been. Five whole fucking days? Bullshit. Anyways, if you were wondering, yes, that is Stu Scott, Mr. Belding, and Barkley. Drunk and partying.

Ok, picture this. It's a tight game, playoffs. Title contenders. Coming down to the wire. What do you do if you're Rasheed Wallace? That's right, sing along with GNR!

Anyways, for the diehard Simpson's fan in all of us, here's a little example of technology getting to intelligent. Kill the machines!

We haven't had a music video in the fun bag for a while. This got me to thinking, 'what music video should I put up that would entertain everybody?' That's when it hit me: Everybody loves Die Hard. Especially like this.

A note to all high school and college cheerleaders: You are officially not the best at what you do. You have, in fact, been one-upped. Cheer up, there's always stripping. Wait, no there's not!

Now this is going to get a little nerdy. But there was this guy, who died. Apparently, this guy that died was so into Warcraft that they had a funeral for his Warcraft character. Enter the funny part. During the funeral, when people are all lined up to pay their respects, a group of Warcraft assholes run in and kill everybody. The only thing better is if it happened in real life.

TGORH Football Activity Guide

A football activity is simply any social event, in which the main focus of the event is a football game. This could be in a bar, house, frat house, or it could be your stereotypical tailgate.
(I was once invited to a "tailgate" for the Rams 2002 Superbowl. Obviously in the middle of winter I put on my long johns and brought my Carhart coveralls. The "tailgate" was actually indoors. I sweat my ass off, the Rams lost, and I no longer watch any game of significance with a group exceeding five.)

I now call it a football activity.

This guide is not necessarily a guide how to host a successful football activity, you wont find any cheesy recipes, or crazy cocktails. Rather, this is the cast of characters present during any football activity. Why am I such of an expert on this subject? Simple, I have a blogspot account.

WTF guy- WTF guy is any football fan who has a significant interest in the game. This could include someone who is a rabid football fan who simply wants to study how USC runs their under front. It could also be someone who has a large amount of money placed on a specific game. These guys are called WTF guys because they typically huddle around the TV accosting anyone who would dare disturb their football viewing experience. Their battle cry when someone walks in front of the TV: What the fuck are you doing...leave. Now. WTF guys also have a sense of football elitism and tend to talk down to others. WTF guys seem like assholes, which they are, but they do have some redeeming qualities. WTF guys can give you an accurate account of the game, they can give you the spread for every game that day, and they can typically provide a PhD. analysis of a certain team.

Things to say to WTF guy-What coverage were they in?
Hey what's the spread, who should I take in tomorrows game?

Things not to say to WTF guy- Who's playing?
That play was awesome.

Why so much on WTF guy?
My name is Steven Lattimer, and I'm a WTF guy.

Harry/Harriet Hometowner *subspecies of WTF guy- Harry Hometowner is pretty much what you'd expect. They are any fan who has a blind devotion to his/her team. They are a subspecies of WTF guy because if Harry's team is playing he has the same concerns and fears of WTF guy. As a result, the two species can typically co-exist peacefully. Problems arise when two rival Harrys are present, specifically if their teams are playing each other. If this is the case they may ruin the football activity with their obscenities, insults, and overall jackassery.

Captain obvious. Captain obvious is any football who's football IQ is equivalent of my 5 year old cousin. The Captain means well, but his outcries of "run the ball," "we have to block," and "Awesome play" typically upset the WTF crowd.
-An actual conversation I had with a Captain:
Ok so the quarterback gets under center, snaps it, runs left, FAKES the hand-off, ROLLS RIGHT, and finds a wide open receiver in the endzone!!!!!!!!!!

So your telling me he ran a bootleg.

Mike Martz- *Mike Martz is an extreme case of Captain obvious- Mike, much like the Captain, knows nothing about football. The problem results because Mike Martz, well thinks he's Mike Martz. Mike will announce to the world his knowledge of the game using broad generalizations and ESPN driven talking points. Most of Mike's knowledge comes from the latest Madden/NCAA video games.
Actual things heard from Mike:
"Tampa 2 is the biggest bullshit defense ever"
"I would run a spread pistol wing-t hybrid if I was coach"
"I would lock up and play press man all day long"
"You can't stop the run in a 4-3"
Mike naturally annoys everyone at the activity.

Joe/Jane- Joe and Jane are fan favorites. They know enough about football and betting to chat it up with the WTF crowd, but their also courteous enough to politely smile and nod to Mike's ramblings. Joe and Jane will bounce around from person to person making small talk and assuming their niche in the football activity jungle. If their was an MVP of a football viewing activity it would be Joe and Jane.

Amy appetizer- If Joe and Jane are the MVP's then Amy is the unsung hero. Amy typically isn't a big football fan and initially nobody knows why she's present. "What in the hell is Amy doing he....wait are those pigs in a blanket."
Why yes they are and they taste delicious.
Amy's dips, finger foods, tasty cupcakes, and overall culinary genius benefits the entire activity.
(-Note there is a Billy BBQ offshoot, Billy has the same characteristics as Amy except he provides various meats cooked over an open flame)

Tammy Tomboy-Tammy is typically a girl who is a huge sports buff and she wants everyone to know it. When Tammy comes to a football activity she will typically list the entire roster of her favorite team and provide you with a complete pre-game analysis. I'm not really sure if Tammy is sincere in her love of sports, or whether she just wants to be one of the guys. Regardless, Tammy is typically harmless and provides captain obvious, and Mike Martz someone to talk to. Tammy, don't try so hard.
(-Note I've met one Tammy who could hold her own with the WTF crowd and she really deserves her own category)

I think these people are the most prevalent at football activities. Obviously there are others such indifferent Ike, negative Nick/Nancy, or Drunk Dave/Danielle, but these are rare. If I missed any, or if you notice a new species throughout the year feel free to update us in the comment section.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Don Delaware's College Football BLITZ

Love Sports? Love Money? What if I said you could make $$$ while watching sports? Don't believe me? Well follow these college football picks and you'll be on your way to quitting that day job......

(#5 Ohio State at #1 So Cal -11.5)
- Southern California (1-0-0 Against the Spread) is at home this week giving up 11.5 points to the Buckeyes of Ohio State (0-1-0 ATS). OSU Coach Jim Tressel announced thursday that Heisman hopeful Beanie Wells was doubtful for Saturday's game. Wells did not play last week and the Buckeyes struggled to pull off the come-from-behind victory against Ohio 26-14. Trojans, however, crushed Virginia on the road 52-7 under Junior QB Mark Sanchez. Although this will be Sachez's first real test against a solid pass defense, speed kills and the Trojans will have zero trouble with the Buckeyes, 38-17.

Don Delaware's Big Play of the Week
(#14 ECU -13.5 at Tulane)
-ECU (2-0-0 ATS) is easily the biggest surprise in college football as they are the only team in the country to defeat two ranked opponents. ECU beat Va Tech 27-22 and hammered West Virginia 24-3. Sr. QB Pat Pinkey has thrown zero interceptions and has completed an astounding 80% of his passes. With everyone's focus on the Pirates, coach Skip Holtz will not let off the gas now against an impressive conference foe in Tulane (1-0-0 ATS). Tulane held #13 Alabama to just 172 yards on offense in a 20-6 loss to the Tide. But Alabama was playing with a hangover from crushing Clemson a week earlier in front of a sold-out Georgia Dome. Pinkey continues to shine, and the Pirates continue to impress 29-7.

Other Plays for Week 3
(N.C. State at Clemson -19)
Playing Clemson (0-1-0 ATS) this week minus 19 points to the Wolfpack (0-1-0 ATS) doesn't indicate that I believe in the Tigers, but more of a statement against N.C. State. State was blanked on national T.V. two weeks ago and followed up with a struggle 34-24 win against I-AA William & Mary. The Wolfpack D surrendered over 300 yards of total offensive to W&M while the offense didn't play much better with only 67 yards on the ground. Bottom line: North Carolina State is garbage and Bowden's boys have something to prove. Clemson rolls 59-14.

(Ga Tech +6.5 at Va Tech)
Georgia Tech (2-0-0 ATS) is playing underdog again this week. Georgia Tech's new coach Paul Johnson (from Navy) has successfully installed the flexbone offense and the Yellow Jackets have looked solid through the first two weeks. The same cannot be said about the Hokies (0-1-0 ATS). Va Tech dropped from the top 25 after a stunning loss week one to ECU. Things have only gotten more unstable as Sophmore Tyrod Taylor was asked to drop his redshirt this year in relief for struggling 5th Year Senior Sean Glennon. Glennon was 3 for 8 for 42 yards, 1 TD, and 1 INT against Furman. As Va Tech continues to sort out their offensive issues, Ga Tech gets the win in Blacksburg 17-13.

The Best of the Rest
(SMU +37 at Texas Tech)
SMU's defense will be ready for Tx Tech's pass-first run-never offense as new coach June Jones runs a very similar package. Look for SMU to cover the 37 points in a 56-34 loss.

(Memphis +4 at Marshall)
The Tigers dropped a heart breaker at Rice last week giving up 29 points in the 4th quarter and losing on Memphis QB Arkelon Hall's interception for a touchdown in the last minutes of the game 42-35. The Tigers look to correct last week's mistakes and grab their first win for the 2008 season, 30-23.

And remember.....Scared Money Don't Make Money! Bet Big and Play your Gut

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

More on Brady...Sorry

So I was off work today and I ended up watching a good portion of ESPN and NFL network broadcasts. Not to mention reading some articles treating the Brady injury as the end of the world.

Admittedly, most of these commentators have never actually played the game, but the fact remains that most of American sports viewers actually take what they say seriously. Regardless, I feel as though I need to address several points about football and sports in general.

Dirty Shot- Why are we even talking about this? I agree 100% with Icehouse on this matter. Bernard Pollard was not trying to "Take out Brady." On the contrary Pollard was being a football player, he played until the whistle, something he probably learned at the age of 12. Look the game of football is violent and sometimes injuries occur. I've been rolled up 5 times in my life, sometimes its intentional, sometimes its pure accident. At its core, the game of football is essentially 1 guy and ten of his friends beating the shit out of another guy and his 10 friends. never forget this.

QB cum rags- I have a natural hate for QB's, never liked them, never will. I wonder when the NFL will make a rule where the QB is immune to any form of contact. It's to the point (in all levels) that if a defensive player even blinks at a QB they get a flag. QB's knew what they signed up for, treat them like players.

Players VS. Teams. This has been something that has chapped my ass for a while. When in the hell is a player more important than a team, or according to Peter King, a league. Respectfully, what the fuck. I used to think the best thing about football was the fact that it wasn't MJ and the bulls, it was simply the Patriots, Giants, Steelers, or Raiders. I always liked the fact that the NFL (football in general) was not the NBA with its emphasis on players and solo plays. Football used to be about teams and the collective effort to reach a common goal, I don't think it will be the same way 5 years from now.

Media- Humbly, eat shit.

Bernard Pollard is Not a Cold-Hearted Bastard

There has been all sorts of crazy talk lately about injuries in the NFL, specifically ...you know. In the wake of the most inevitable of comeuppances towards a franchise's following's hubris, people have been heaping massive amounts of praise on the "hero," Bernard Pollard. Players that would relish in causing a season-ending injury are dirty, sadistic assholes. Cold-hearted bastards, if you will. I'm here to say, Bernard Pollard is no cold-hearted bastard.

The thing is, I don't even know the guy. He very well may be revelling in his newfound glory. He could be watching replay after replay of the original link, pleasuring himself. But that's not me. I'm not the cynical type that sees a player go down, and begin thinking how great it was that someone got hurt. Granted, I'm not disappointed, per se, that the best player on the New England Patriots got hurt, I just don't automatically assume that the guy who caused the injury was intending to do such a thing, and is proud of himself afterwards. I, being the eternal optimist that I am, see the cat dancing above, and thinking he, a decent person, has a twinge of regret for disabling a fellow footballer. Maybe he doesn't even think about that play, and is just upset that his team lost. Wouldn't that be noble?

Which brings me back to my original point. Every time you hear someone praise Bernard Pollard for injuring Tom Brady, that person is saying, "I'm proud of him for all the wrong reasons." Or more accurately, "I'm an insufferable prick who likes seeing other people be cold-hearted bastards." So for the first time in the entire blogosphere, I'm here to say that Bernard Pollard is not a cold-hearted bastard.

But I'm still glad it happened.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Monday Morning Shit Storm

I love football.

Great Weekend good games all around.

On the Rams Loss- This years performance will only lower the price for Rush Limbaugh

My Fantasy Loss- When in the hell did Sammy fing Morris take all the carries from Maroney. 10 carries...are you serious?

Ok on to the shit storm.

Team mascots are somewhat...how do you say?...Stupid.

So here is an idea for the storm.

Submit (in the comments it's that little button below this post) your idea for any college, pro, international, or town team name.

The name should be truly representative of the team and it's fans.

In honor of my semi-home state, Missouri, I will provide them with a fitting "mascot"

Introducing your................Missouri Methamphetamine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
da..da..da da da da da..da..da.da da da da da da

So go ahead and submit your own team mascot

NFL live chat (11 am est.)

What's up TGORH readers, It's that time of year. Can't you just smell the testosterone and rage?

Smells great. Finally, an excuse to drink at 11am on a Sunday

A pleasantly surprising day of College ball yesterday. Elevator Elevator Miami got the shaft last night. I mean they weren't going to win anyway, but damn.

To the point: Since it seems we may have increased our readership from 5 (including the 5 contributor's) to an astonishing 10 maybe 15 were gonna do another live chat.


So stop by and share your joy, sorrow, smartassery, fantasy rages, and overall goodwill. (I'll be on for the Rams@Eagles game to see Linehan call some "creative" screen plays on first and 10)

I for one will be chronicling the inevitable championship run of my fantasy team, The Erin Andrews Experience.

If you stop by and nothing is going on...be patient, type some shit in, and we'll be around.

*The way this works is we have to "allow" your response to be published. (their rules not mine) So we may have to censor in case we get more anonymous remarks making fun of Zach...probably not though.

Productivity level decrease...Commencing in 3...2...1...

Saturday, September 6, 2008



Not only does this make the Tech loss slightly less gut-wrenching, but it happened to West Virginia, where everything is relative.

Oh, and BC....

You just got Flexboned.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Here's the jackass that all of your hopes are pinned on, Bears fans. Enjoy!

Ok, good stuff, short work week. This is what I am talking about.

Alright, I hope that some of you saw this. I know it's kind of long and everything, but it's always funny to see the best player in the world get beat by some dude at the Venice Beach courts. Of course, if you've seen White Men Can't Jump, you'd know that place is full of hustlers.

There's a new ride at Six Flags Over Texas. Terrence Newman went on it the other day, and the Dallas Morning News was there to film it. In all fairness, he is a pro-bowler, and from Salina, Kansas.

If you aren't already excited for the Artest era to begin in Houston, you're crazy. Not as crazy as Artest, but crazy enough to not know a good thing when you see it.

Some athletes are dumb, but Darrell Arthur and Mario "Superintendent" Chalmers set the bar at a new high. Get it?

There are so many different questions I have for Sarah Palin. What's Alaska like? Why does she feel she's qualified to break Senate ties? How does she make her hair do what it does in this video? Is dog sledding really sports? Are all of her daughters hos or just the one?

CFB pre...check that, review

I'm sorry.

I've been in both a literal and figurative hangover since last Saturday.

It seems as though the Virginia Tech offensive machine SOMEHOW stuttered with robo-qb at the helm.

For those who don't know how the Tech machine works, let me give you some insight.

Run the ball
Run Works
(Abandon run)
Pass the ball
Lock on to single receiver... Enemy defender in sight... Error, Error, Errrrrrrrr...

(Lose Game)

Insert mobile quarterback
Mobility masks offensive play calling deficiency.
Defense and special teams save ass in minimum 5 games
Win 8-10 games.
(Repeat Process)

Sean Glennon.... it's been real, it's been fun, but it aint been real fun.- Smokey

Due to my hangover it seems kinda pointless at this point to do a #1 Georgia preview

But I will give you an obligatory youtube video.

Georgia is one of those teams I kinda liked...until I met Georgia fans.

I will say this, if Georgia happens to make it through that meat grinder of a schedule undefeated, I for one will acknowledge their accomplishment. (This will last five seconds)

But that won't happen, so we don't have to worry about it.

I'll leave you with this...My BOLD NC prediction. I'm great at picking individual games, but I have never predicted a NC game in the beginning of the year. So this means absolutely nothing.

Florida vs. Oklahoma ...maybe USC,

I don't know.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


In Jacksonville, Aloha means, "There's no fucking drugs or guns in my car!"

Ok, late-night clubbing and NFL players is usually a recipe for disaster (see: Williams, Darrent; Jones, Adam "Pacman") but this one almost seems silly.

Jacksonville Police officers responded at 4 a.m. to a joint called Club Cristal (like the champagne) because of an altercation there. The officers were told by someone that there could be guns, and pointed out Taylor's wife's car. Fred Taylor, along with his wife and friends were then ordered out of the car at gunpoint. Taylor was also patted down and handcuffed while the police searched the car. The initial search revealing nothing, the cops brought in a drug dog to check out the ride. At each instance, Taylor became more and more vocal about his annoyance at being handcuffed and his wife's car searched. The drug-sniffing dog put him over the top, and he was subsequently arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

So Taylor committed absolutely no crimes, and when he was angry about being treated like a criminal, they charged him with one? Absurd. I hope he yelled something to the extent of, "I am Jacksonville's all-time leading rusher you ungrateful pieces of shit! What fucking good are you doing? You like fumbles, fat boy? That's what you're earning this city keeping my hands like this!" Or something like that. But seriously, after an initial search revealing nothing, they bring in a dog? Innocent until proven guilty means very little if the people who you pay to protect you (and you pay more than anyone else in the mosquito-infested overweight poor excuse for Florida shithole) to pull out all the stops to find something to prove you guilty with. Finally, when they can't prove you guilty, they make it a crime to yell.

Also, isn't there a crime, or at least a statute that prevents false accusations?

Finally, if you have a really nice Benz, would you want some dog you don't know running around in it, sniffing and scratching everything? That would make me ornery, as well.

Threat levels-
Fred Taylor: DWB
Jax Cops: Boss Hogg

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Final Day EPL Signings

How the shit does Chelsea lose a bidding war to fucking Manchester CITY? I swear to god I thought the entire article was a typo. I guess if rich arabs buy your team, anything is possible. You see a group that I believe is called the "Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababua United Group" now owns man city and if what I have read is correct, even our old favorite Roman Abramovich might be out of his league with these guys. This could well be the beginning of a different era of English football.

I mean, your average person on the street didn't even know there is more than one team in that northern, industrial pile of soot they call a city. And we very possibly could be talking about the 'Big Five' soon.

In other news from that festering crap hole of a place, Manchester United signed Dimitar Berbatov about 40 minutes before the deadline. This is not entirely unexpected, but still dangerous, nonetheless. With Rooney missing a few weeks, Berbatov will be huge during these crucial opening weeks.

Overall, with over One Billion dollars spent in EPL transfers this season, i would say we are in for an exciting season.