CFB top 10 preview

...Next up #9 LSU
(Yes I know the video is from 2006. Yes it is that badass)

Gut Reaction-obligatory top ten for the defending champs.

Offense-The Tigers only replace one offensive lineman. However other than Brandon Lafell (WR) The tigers will have some new faces on offense. RB Keiland Williams and human cannon Trindon Holliday should provide some offensive firepower. Neither slated starter at QB has taken meaningful snaps at the 1-a level.

Defense-The nightmare enducing defense of a year ago will have to replace seven starters, as well as, DC Bo Pelini. With that being said, man eater Tyson Jackson DE, Kirston Pittman DE, and Darry Beckwith MLB should help the reloading process.

Special Teams-I bet Colt David and Brady Dalfrey are really good at making tape balls.

Schedule-OMG OMG APP STATE AUG. 30!!!!!!!! other than that the tigers travel to Auburn Sep. 20, then to Florida Oct. 11 and the Bulldogs come to town Oct. 25

Ramblings-This rambling is somewhat biased. You see. LSU is the only SEC team I like. In my older years I choose which teams I like or dislike not by arbitrary issues such as style of play, geographic location, or head coaches. No, I choose teams I like by their fan base, and LSU fans are by far the most tolerable in the SEC. But enough of that I think everyone knows LSU is in the reloading process, and righfully so. They won their NC and now its time to play the role of spoiler in the SEC.

First lets talk about this reloading. Since Ryan Perriloux didn't know when to hold em or when to fold em, he is now playing ball for Jacksonville State. Way to go Ryan. This situation leaves LSU with two QB choices. Freshman Jarret Lee and JR. (Harvard Transfer) Andrew Hatch. If you want to win a SEC championship the two things you simply cannot have at QB is a Freshman and a nerd. Even with an experienced O-line returning nobody, with a straight face, can say LSU will win the SEC. now challenging for the SEC West is another story.

You have to admit Les Miles has a pretty good track record, and even with all the holes to fill, the current trend in LSU football leaves me to believe that the new faces are probably pretty f-ing good. Whats more, is alot of these guys saw some significant playing time during the NC run last year. (Demetrius Byrd WR, and Ricky Jean-Francois DT) Combine this with the fact that Auburn and Alabama really don't impress me, and i feel that LSU, once again, has a decent shot to make the SEC championship game, and then all bets are off.

Now the best part. With this reloading process, it looks like LSU will be underdogs in three big games, (Auburn, Florida, and Georgia) all of which will have NC implications. And you just know with the way the SEC works, LSU is going to win at least one of these games. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the Georgia game in Baton Rouge, but its really irrelevant. Whenever it happens, LSU is going to fuck up somebody's national championship world, and it's going to be great to watch. In fact, Sep. 20th to Nov. 1st is prime fuck up season in the SEC. Now, do the Perrilloux-less tigers have a chance to get Croomed on Sep. 27th, or lose to any other SEC team. Hell yeah they do, its the SEC, shit happens. But if LSU wins the SEC west it's a great season for them, if they shit on some team's birthday cake it's a good season. If they don't do any of that then I'm an idiot.

Sports Commercials

...Thoughts to Consider.

Who exactly is Under Armour University playing?

Another Best Sports Commercial

This one might take the cake.

Seemingly, Guy Ritchie is the world's most famous ad director, because that's all he really does these days.

Nike tapped Ritchie to do this ad (they are essentially a series, but the several different parts make up the whole), a first-person account of the highlights when one makes an astronomical rise in the land of European Soccer. In addition to several famous footballers (Ronaldinho, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Rafa Marquez, etc.) and one famous coach (Arsenal's Arsene Wenger), by watching this commercial, you get to experience the highs and lows of America's least favorite sport.

A couple of things I like are Cesc Fabregas kissing the viewer, the double thumbs-up at the pool party, the fact that the main character is Dutch, and of course the cyclical nature of the ad in it's entirety.

This commercial is so fucking cool it warrants more than one viewing.

NFL CRIME WATCH: Johnny Jolly, Jr.

In order to keep our readers as safe as possible from the menaces that roam our city streets, warring with rival gangs every weekend, The Ghost of Roy Hobbs will now be keeping you abreast of developments involving NFL players and crime.

Pictured above: Johnny, at his jolliest. Of course, hurting any Clausen brother would make me feel that happy, too.

Johnny Jolly, Jr. was arrested last night in possession of 200 grams of a controlled substance, a second degree felony in the state of Texas. What substance? We don't know. How controlled? We don't know. Johnny Jolly, Jr.? Drafted out of Texas A&M in the sixth round by the Green Bay Packers, Jolly, Jr. played in 10 games last year, recording 21 tackles before tearing his rotator cuff.

Having gotten the particulars out of the way, did I mention that this guy's name is Johnny Jolly, Jr.? Does anybody else find this funny?

The Green Bay Packers have expressed concern that this may lead to Jolly Junior's being suspended for violating the NFL conduct policy. Of course, I'm sure old J3 is probably more concerned with not going to jail than anything Roger Goodell is going to say to him.

Threat level: Nate Newton. If controlled substance is crack: Lil' Wayne.

CFB top 10 preview

In the coming weeks I will attempt to offer my analysis of the CFB top 10. These rankings come from a random top 10 list I saw on the internet, so please save me the Regional/Conference bullshit. Thank you

...First up #10 Clemson

Gut reaction- The ACC is so bad this actually makes some sense

Offense-Clemson's spread offense returns the two headed monster at running back of James Davis and C.J spiller with SR Cullen Harper at the wheel. SR's Aaron Kelly and Tyler Grisham return at wideout while the offensive line will need to break in three new starters(two of which are underclassmen)

Defense-The tigers return their entire defensive backfield and three d-linemen where uber-recruit Da'Quan Bowers (DE) will most likely contribute. At linebacker Cortney Vincent (MLB) is the only returning starter.

Special Teams-Mark Buchholz K and Jimmy Manners P are probably standing around drinking Gatorade right now.

Schedule-The big test for Clemson comes in their opener (Aug 30) where they will square of against Alabama in Atlanta which will serve as a litmus test for both teams. The other big tests will be against Wake Forest (Oct. 9) the media hyped Bowden Bowl (Nov. 8th) and of course on Nov. 29 when the SC Spurriers come to town. All are in Death Valley.

Ramblings- Here's the thing. A scary thing to someone who isn't too fond of Clemson. On paper, Clemson is a legitimate National title contender. One could make a very strong argument that Clemson will be undefeated heading into the ACC championship game and if the stars align properly, could sneak into the BCS championship game. Everyone knows the ACC is reloading/weak and Clemson doesn't even play Virgina Tech or Miami from the Coastal division. (Beamer is Tommy Bowden's Kryptonite and given the talent they have I'll still argue Miami can beat any team in the nation on any given day)

The offense will be adequate and most likely improve on last year's performance with the growth of Harper. Both James Davis and Spiller have rockets up their asses and are home run threats on every play. However, even with the offensive strengths I feel the defense will be even better. With the addition of Bowers their D-line, is a SEC line in a weak weak conference. The return of the entire defensive backfield doesn't hurt either.

In review, the key for the Tigers will be...DON'T CHOKE. It seems every year Clemson is always a top 25 team with BCS hopes, however every year they suck it up at the worst possible time. Lets use last year as a quick example. Nov. 17th BC roles into town, all the tigers have to do is beat the whitest QB to ever exist in the big bad Death Valley and they go to the ACC championship game to redeem their 41-23 beatdown they received from Tech . What happened Suckfest thats what happened. Even after Tommy found a way to beat Bowden the elder, he somehow found a way to F it up. If you look at Clemson's schedule, on paper, they are undefeated but I'd be willing to bet there will be one or two fuck ups along the way. It could come in the form of an opening loss to Alabama (Which would ultimately have every fighting elephant lover rambling about National Championships and Bear Bryant....Tommy please don't let this happen Love, The Nation) or the Tigers could easily get flexboned by Johnson and the rambling wreck, even Spurrier's Cocks could give them fits. Either way, as an objective observer its going to happen...sometime...somewhere. In short, look out for Clemson, because again...on paper...Clemson looks solid.

Matt Jones Busted for Booger Sugar

Well no wonder this kid was so fast. Matt Jones, formerly of the Arkansas Razorbacks and soon-to-be-formerly of the Jacksonville Jaguars, was busted around 12:45am on Thursday, July 10 behind a bar in Fayetteville chopping up what was admittedly cocaine with his credit card. Jones was apparently baffled that the blow wouldn’t take credit or debit.

Jones is best known for being the all-time leading rusher among quarterbacks in the SEC and for his screw-this-I’d-rather-play-Halo attitude during his days at Arkansas. Blessed with a mediocre arm but incredible Caucasian dexterity and speed, Jones was taken 21st in the 2005 draft as one of the first true ATH’s, and made into a receiver. But this prodigal son of Northwest Arkansas is, by most accounts, screwed at this point.

During his tenure at Jacksonville, Jones reportedly keeps locking horns with Coach and all-around-BAMF Jack Del Rio. Jones’ attitude, marked by some as “cool-under-pressure” but by others as “lazy,” frustrated coaches and fans alike. Usually, in high school in college, Jones would just bust a 90-yard run for touchdown to shut everyone up, or he could just beat Houston Nutt into the ground. Unfortunately for young Matthew, Jack Del Rio both doesn’t care for his Sean-Penn-in-Fast-Times-at-Ridgemont-High demeanor and could devour Jones in one to two sittings. The Jags have drafted other receivers and brought in two former first-rounders Jerry Porter and Troy Williamson as well, clearly leaving the beginnings of a trail of breadcrumbs (or crack rocks) for Jones to follow to the door. Luckily for them, now they don’t have to pay the kid to release him.

According to my sources on the Hill, Jones and two other former players who aren’t and never were important enough to reference were caught white-handed behind a bar on Dickson Street in Fayetteville. Dickson is a popular hang out and bar-sight where cops who need a break can go to easily bust underage kids and public intoxicants. This makes the bust on Jones even sweeter; not only was he a tremendous waste of God-given talent, but he is also as dumb as a burlap bag filled with mayonnaise. Everyone knew cops are littered in that area, but Jones and his merry idiots were chopping powder in what boils down to a high-school hangout. Think about how quickly the cops would have shown up to The Max if Screech and Tyrone Biggums rolled in six grams of the snow. That’s how stupid Matt Jones is.

Being a professional-caliber athlete usually takes a lifetime of dedication and the work ethic of a Budweiser Clydesdale, but Jones made due with God-given abilities, and by “made due,” I mean “made millions.” It sucks because I loved watching the guy give teams fits (he really is a freakish physical specimen…definitely the whitest guy to ever run a 4.32) because his speed was so deceptive due to his long stride. But that was pre-booger sugar. It really is too bad he had to go down like this; another product of South Florida devouring some country bumpkin’s soul. I guess Jerry Jones will give him a spot on the Cowboys, though. Maybe there’s a Dallas-silver-lining in all of this.

McWuncler's All-Americans: Brandon Jennings

To kick off this new monthly installment, we choose Brandon Jennings in honor of his challenging of convention, sticking it to the man, and overt commission to the cause of paper-stacking.
How does one 18-year-old do such a thing? Well, he goes from high school to the pros, of course. The latest Oak Hill Academy (VA) and University of Arizona signee says he is entertaining the prospect of going overseas to play next year instead of Arizona.
This is extremely interesting, as Jennings would be the first American to do this. Currently, the NBA has a very silly rule about players needing to be one year removed from their high school’s graduating class to be eligible for the NBA draft. This move, David Stern thought, would make American players go to college, and cease the influx of high schoolers making the jump to the league.
I have several issues with this rule. To begin with, why is it necessary? There are for sure a few players who will fall through the cracks and never amount to anything except for a flash-in-the-pan pipe dream, but since when do we actually care? Furthermore, it’s not like the NCAA needs help, college basketball is just as popular as it always was, and always will be. They continue to make money hand over fist, and the NCAA Tournament continues to be one of the most watched events in America every year (despite the god-awful broadcasting of CBS). As far as the NBA is concerned, high school kids making the jump weren’t exactly hurting their product either. The three most marketable NBA athletes are Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, and Kevin Garnett. If you forgot, not a one of these guys took a single class of college. That is to say nothing of Dwight Howard, Monta Ellis, Tyson Chandler, Tracy McGrady, etc.
As far as the college game is concerned, the college option has always existed to serve as a training ground for kids to hone their games, and if the NBA becomes not a realistic option, then a chance to earn a degree and better one’s social status by that avenue. The one-and-done rule creates an environment where schools compete with lucrative options, all the while ignoring the essence of what college hoops used to be about. O.J. Mayo snubbed traditional schools like UNC and Duke, because he wanted to go play ball in Hollywood. The more fun the school, the more apt they are to attain a high class recruit that will only be playing in college for one year. Think about it: Kevin Durant, Texas; Greg Oden, Ohio State; Derrick Rose, Memphis; Kevin Love, UCLA; Michael Beasley, Kansas State; the aforementioned Mayo, USC. All party schools, and with the exception of UCLA, all schools that don’t have the established basketball traditions of the UNCs, Dukes, and Kansases of the world.
So Brandon Jennings, visionary, enlightened, international man of mystery, has figured out a way to prove that the rule is not only unnecessary and possibly hurtful, but also pointless, since there is a clear path around it. Granted, Jennings has established a few qualifiers in a coach who can work with him, a fellow American on the team, etc., but the mere thought of balling overseas instead of wasting a year is pretty outstanding. Just because he’s thinking about it this year means that if he doesn’t go out of the country, soon someone will.