Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Capn Leach



First off I don't really want to debate what went down today. Everyone has their opinions, but I will say a couple things. First, Leach wasn't fired for this singular incident. Leach and the administration has had a rocky relationship from the start. This was just a good excuse to get him out of his contract. Second, nobody REALLY knows what went down at TT except the individuals associated with the TT football program so should Leach have done what he did? Probably not. Is Adam James a "my daddy diva?" Most likely. Finally, I find it a little disturbing that the alleged father was an analyst for the most powerful sports media conglomerate in the world and we have him giving exclusive interviews on the matter. Adding on to that we have other analysts (used loosely) saying "Well Craig is my friend and such a good guy, but you have to wonder what Leach is thinking and when serious consequences will come down." But I guess that's what happens when you hire dumb jocks instead of professional journalists. AND if James is such a stand up guy why didn't he go and talk to Leach himself like a real man would do?

Fuck it I'm over it.

I remember many moons ago I started paying attention to an Oklahoma team led by a goober of a QB, Josh Huepel. Yet this goober and this team was putting up some insane offensive numbers. Being the football nerd that I am, I had to find out what this offense was and who was running this anti-thesis of pro-style football. At that point I discovered the offense was the Air-Raid, and the mad bomber at the helm was Mike Leach. At this point I became a fan. Following that season I followed the career of coach Leach which led him to the black hole of college football. A place where coaches go to die. Lubbock Texas.

During his early years his passing stats remained off the charts and he rattled off 9 win seasons in 02, 05, and 07. This was all being done recruiting against OU, UT, OSU, Nebraska, A&M....and once again IN LUBBOCK TEXAS. At this point I started reading about him, which is kinda hard. He doesn't have any fluff piece books like the major suits in CFB. My favorite is No Excuses the book written about Charlie Weiss after his FIRST YEAR at ND. Anyway once you start reading about Leach you realize he's different in every way, shape, and form. He only played High School ball, he loves Pirates, he wakes up at the crack of noon, he graduated from law school, he evidently scored a 1600 on his SAT's. In short he was different.

Then came his heyday where he was talking about pirates beating soldiers, and made fun of pokes. He told us what to do on a first date and the best way to check the weather. He called out officials. He was genuinely excited after a win, and equally disappointed after a loss. He was real, and he was one of the many things that is great about college football. Mike Leach is a departure from the stoic sideline figures and the political program managers.

No offense to great coaches like Mack Brown, but really is there anything interesting about him? He rides horses? His stepson is a dumbass? What about Saban? He eats souls? Truth is there really isn't any kind of depth to them other than the stereotypical football coach. Leach on the other hand was himself. He really didn't care what he said, or what other people thought about him. Unfortunately, this most likely brought about the end at TT.

But all is not lost for our favorite captain. He'll land on his feet. He'll win his lawsuit against TT, get his contract money back. (most likely more) Some other smart university will pick him up and he'll drop bombs on everyone as usual. And when he does land another gig I hope he bans the shit out of ESPN from attending any of his press conferences/interviews.

The only thing that pisses me off is the hypocrisy in the media. They flip out over the concussion issue, but they open broadcasts with brain shattering hits and two helmets exploding. They talk about how players have to be mentally tough and toe the program line, yet shit their pants when one of their own is challenged. University Presidents want exposure for the school, but hate a guy for speaking his mind. The media complains about the cookie cutter demeanor of coaches, but vilify a guy for standing by his principles. Mike Leach is refreshing. ESPN is a cancer.

But like I said, Leach should be fine. So let's end on a happy note. Leach at his finest.

More Leachiness



Avid readers will know that GRH is heavy on the Leach love. Above is the newest jam from Kain & Ryze, they of the "Crank That Crabtree" track. All of this is just to fill space until Lattimer offers a proper eulogy.

Ousted Mike Leach Vows A Terrible Revenge

Bowl Wrap Up: Miami QB Jacory Harris the Most Adorable Thing On The Field Last Night

ORLANDO - The Champs Sports Bowl lived up to its tremendous amount of pregame hype, with Miami QB Jacory Harris being the most adorable thing to step on the field last night in a losing effort to the Wisconsin Badgers, 20-to-the-cutest-14-points-you-ever-did-see.

Wisconsin QB Scott Tolzien passed for a pedestrian 260 yards, with 19 so-so completions over 26 unflattering attempts. The pasty Tolzien also threw an interception, which totally figures, and didn't even have the courtesy to throw a touchdown pass.

Meanwhile, Harris was able to pass for an incredibly attractive 188 yards, with 16 glowing completions that looked like they fell out of a J. Crew catalogue. Badger RB John Clay was really trying way too hard, winning Big Ten Player of the Year, rushed for 121 yards and scored two touchdowns in an effort that looked more desperate than anything.

"He really did a lot for us, we just couldn't get the win," said Miami coach Randy Shannon. "But that fro-hawk of his is something precious. It was both heartbreaking and breathtaking to see him come off the field after a three-and-out. Like watching a beautiful quetzal bird sing a sad, sad song."

Analysts at the game are already calling Harris' comeback-ending four-and-out to be 'the hottest failed comeback in the history of omigah I can't even remember.'

Monday, December 28, 2009

Monday Morning Sh--t Storm

Two big stories over the weekend. First we have Urban Meyer, and whatever the hell the past 48 hours was all about.

Second we have the Colts essentially quitting and nearly costing me an undefeated fantasy season.

Anything else you want to bring in is fine with me.

Shit storm begin.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Adventures of Dogus Balbay in America

Dogus Balbay is a point guard for the University of Texas. After playing well in the Turkish basketball league, he has come to the United States to better himself, and hopefully make more money. These are chronicles of the trials and tribulations of culture shock.

This week: DOGUS PLAYS BASKETBALL IN FOOTBALL PALACE

Dogus is pleased. The Longhorns of Texas are the second-best team in all of the land. But now he must play the Shitheels from Northern Carolina. Dogus has never had much luck with the Northern Carolina. But this time will be different! This time Dogus brings with him Jordan Hamilton from the same neighborhood as Ice Cube. He also brings with him Avery Bradley, from the land that represents the exact opposite of Dogus's land, Las Vegas. What makes the most difference is that they play in a palace built for football Gods.

It is truly glorious. Dogus is in awe of Texan tower of Babel built for God of oil. Dogus thinks the Oil God must be very pleased indeed.

Dogus spies a television. It... it must be a television. IT COULDN'T BE ANYTHING ELSE.

Dogus imagines his favorite show, American pornography on the television screen. Dogus is now terrified at the prospect of 120-foot tall women crushing him to death. Death by snoo snoo.

Now it is the game time. Dogus does not understand the whiteness of the Shitheel team. They even have two of the same white player! Dogus chuckles. This could never work. Dogus is glad that Coach Barnes would never be sucked into the Tobacco Road White Athlete Arms Race.

The game begins. Dogus is described by the famous bald one as "gritty." Dogus plays hard. Dogus has been working on his left hand. The left hand is no longer treacherous. The crowd loves him. Dogus loves this football palace. Dogus loves America more than ever.

The Longhorns reign supreme! The famous bald one said that the Shitheels would win, and he was wrong! Dogus is still puzzled by the bald one's infant infatuation. Everything is 'baby this' and 'baby that.' Dogus cares not, for glory will be his upon his return to Austin. Dexter Pittman and he will imbibe! Oh, will they imbibe!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Holmgren Suspends NFL Return Until After Hibernation

WHEATON, IL - Citing an overall lack of enthusiasm and an overall surplus of delicious berries, former Packer and Seahawks Coach Mike Holmgren is suspending all discussions of senior-management positions with NFL teams until after his annual four-month winter hibernation.

"At this point, I just think there's not enough momentum with any organization to have these discussions while teams are still trying to win games," said Holmgren. "And right now, I'm about to pop. I need to get somewhere and stay there for a long, long time. No need in rushing anything."

Holmgren said the timing of the talks being positioned just as he was about to get his 16 weeks of shut-eye wasn't the only thing keeping him from jumping into a helm.

"Frankly, in Seattle, there's just a lot of history there that's making me consider all of my options," Holmgren said. "That consideration is making me burn through a lot more calories than I'm willing to sacrifice right now. That's a lot of time wasted for me."

Holmgren didn't say that was making him lean toward Cleavland, since there already seems to be "a big sucker there taking up the sweet spots," possibly referring to coach and salmon-enthusiast Eric Mangini.

The Super Bowl-winning Coach Holmgren then stuffed his cheeks with an assortment of wild berries and shuffled off into a nearby wilderness, shortly after wiping his rear end with an adjacent pine tree.

Monday Morning Sh--t Storm

A lot of times during the Shit Storm we're like "ohhh yeah, good point." "How could I miss that" "Deafmute, you are wrong." It's nice, but sometimes we have to shake it up a bit.

And I think I found the perfect topic.

BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE:

Now I know what most people are going to say. "There is only one Christmas Movie, it's Christmas Vacation". But you know what, Christmas Vacation is dare I say overrated. Which is why my selection is none other than Home Alone.


Best story
Best acting
Best soundtrack
Christmas spirit

Go ahead I dare you to tell me one bad thing about Home Alone.
Shit Storm Begin. Happy Holidays.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Why the Misnamed Eleven will not Break the BCS


So the Big[ELEVEN]Ten is adding to the party. Welcome to the best idea of the 20th century; hope you brought your SPF 700, nerd hoard. Let's get my disdain for these people out in the open. I'll put this at the beginning to offer a disclaimer as to my bias. I hate those fucking people. They're boring, slow, and deliberate in all the details. The only badass in the Misnamed Eleven was Bobby Knight, and he just pissed me off today. (By the way... let people hate on Calipari. But he'd better not fuck up again, or he'll wind up as some hillbilly's new Italian leather jacket)
They drive slowly. They kick their turn signals on a mile and a half prior to the turn. I always wondered who the HELL was watching Everybody Loves Raymond / Mad About You / Wings / Boring White Sitcom / Two and a Half Men. IT'S THE MIDWEST. "Oh, Kelly Kapowski is nice and all, but that's a little much for me. Now that Jessi, she's really going places." SHOVE IT UP YOUR TURTLENECK. "Shoot, the Buckeyes would win a buncha bowl games too if WE cheated. Did you see how many times they blitzed our quarterback? Who is calling that stuff?" YOUR REVOLUTION IS OVER LEBOWSKI! CONDOLENCES! THE BUMS LOST!
Basketball. Football. It all has the creativity and sex appeal of a Mormon bachelor party. If I sold sweaters and sock garters, I'd move to Iowa. But I don't. Thanks for the corn flakes, but I hate everything about where you guys live.
___________________________________________
That was cathartic. Now, if you could please take your day planner from your front shirt pocket, I've got some ideas you may want to write down to bring up in your next AD conference call. You're standing at the crossroads of the beginning of the end of the Old World Bowl System. The country widely agrees that it's an abomination. You've got public momentum all the way to Capitol Hill. Don't fuck this up. What is it that makes a man? A pair of testicles.
I jest, but perhaps I'm right. Let's look at some possible ways for you to strap your boots on and make some waves.
  1. PITT/SYRACUSE/WVU/CINCY/LOUISVILLE/UCONN/RUTGERS
    BEST CASE: Big East folds after losing one of 8 football schools
    WORST CASE: Big East picks up Temple or... ?
    WHY IT WORKS: The BE's biggest problem is that it's two best teams play in the ACC. Take ANY of these remaining schools out of the loop, and... There's practically nothing left. The remainder would be the last BCS besides the Pac10 (with it's own probability of expansion to 12 teams looming) with fewer than 12 schools. FIVE fewer. None of which EVER made a BCS game before Va Tech and Miami left. Let's say you add Temple or some other rotten school. You're no better off. Is basketball worth this much? A dollar earned in basketball is fifty cents to football money. I predict the Big East, 20% of the BCS picture, folds in this scenario.
  2. MIZZOU/IOWA STATE/OTHER BIG 12 NORTH TEAM
    BEST CASE: Big 12 folds, b/c who the hell else would they get for the North?
    WORST CASE: They bite the bullet and add TCU/Boise.
    WHY IT'D WORK: It's unlikely. Just outright not going to happen. Because seriously... do you add Colorado State? Hell no you don't, not if you want a TV contract. Can you imagine the Big 12 commisioner trying to stiff arm some ESPN off brand into airing Colorado State vs. Baylor? Neither can he. Texas will do everything in its power to NOT have to play TCU or Houston or any other Texas school that could have beaten Colt Shipley this season. This may not break the camel's back like poaching a Big East school would, but it sure as hell pushes this shit toward the cliff, no matter who they got to replace Mizzou.
  3. VANDY
    BEST CASE: BCS immediately folds
    WORST CASE: South re-secedes from Union; Kentucky ravaged from within.
    WHY IT'D WORK: Everybody in the SEC thinks they have a good shot (probably for good reason) at a tournament format. If placing in the top 8 is all you needed, the needle doesn't move for Bama, Florida, and until recently, Georgia and LSU. And that's to say nothing of Arkansas, Auburn, Tennessee, ladidadidaida. They're cocky and they'd happily tell everybody else to suck a dick. That's good money they pay those players, and they don't care how many games they have to win to prove it.
  4. SUPERCONFERENCE W/ BIG EAST
    This is what I'd try, because this would get out in front of the prevalent trend. You've got eleven teams. Pull in five more. Two divisions, 8 teams a piece. Grab all the schools that are strong(ish) in both revenue sports - West Virginia, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Louisville; coin flip between UConn and Syracuse. That sound you heard was the death throes of the ACC, home of the Wake Forest BCS bid. Instantly, you've made a basketball juggernaut and enough chaos at the upper crust to distract America from the 11am kickoff of Purdue-Northwestern.

The bottom line is this, as I posted in the comments section on Lattimer's first thing on the topic. The first Big East team to get an invite TAKES THAT SHIT AND RUNS. There is *NO* TV deal for a 7-team Big East. There probably cannot be a seven team Big East.

So you're now down to four major conferences in the two revenue sports representing ZERO TV markets in New York, Philadelphia, Boston, DC, etc. On top of that, you can add West Virginia, Cincy, and Pittsburgh back to the list of BCS-busters. Would this kill the BCS? I think it would. When the entire Eastern seabord north of the Mason Dixon line is cut off from access to the BCS, I say that the goose is cooked.

But you fuckers are boring, and you'll probably go out and grab Central Michigan or Akron or some shit like that. Best not to rock the boat. Boring shitbags.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!


You KNOW Birdman is fixin' to party. Heeeeellls yeah.

This week was crazy kinds of long. Completely upsetting, really. I'm ready to BuFu this week. IN THE FACE.

Bitchin.

OK, let's get to some vids.

First and foremost, this is some great camera work for some naughtysauce biking in Whistler. I will now point out that the Olympics will be in Whistler, and I'm mad jealous of anybody up there right now.


Bill Walton is gangster. And loves gin, apparently.


Colby West is weird and hilarious.

Colby West on Denver News Channel from Mike Thomas on Vimeo.



I've never really watched lost. But man, are their fans some weird fucks.

via Warming Glow

Remember: Tiger Woods fucks bitches.


Time to rock. The final countdown of the week, if you will.


I'm inviting MacGuyver to parties at my house from here on out.


And, because all fan rap videos are horrible, here's this. I do like that they rhyme "Masoli" with "E. Coli" though. I got a kick out of that.


OK. Big bag. I'm liking it. Let's get it y'all. Time to party.

Quick thoughts on the Big Ten (11).... (12?)


As you might have heard, The Big Ten (11) is looking to expand to a 12 team conference. Ultimately, this would be great for the Big Ten (11) and CFB in general.

First, while a conference championship game has it's benefits. See: State, Ohio The, 2007. The conference is woefully irrelevant the last two big weeks of CFB. This can hurt things like jumping up in the rankings, late Heisman pushes, and most importantly skrilla. The always business minded Big Ten(11) is missing out on some cold hard cash that yes, even the ACC is bringing in with conference championships. Finally, while there are many reasons why I hate conference championship games, it is quite awesome to see significant football for another week. So in short, yes this is good.

Now who the hell are they going to pick up to enter the conference. One individual seems to think that ND, CMU, OU, and....wait for it....Memphis are good fits. Now, anybody who has actually watched CFB, or sports in general, would know that these are terrible choices sans ND. First off The Big Ten does in fact have certain academic requirements, or in other terms they want schools with some prestige. So cross off CMU and yes I'm sorry, Memphis. (OU is pushing it). Point is the Big Ten wants some type of elitist fodder so at dinner parties they can brag about the academic prowess of their institutions. (Have no idea if this is true but as a kid I thought all Big Ten (11) schools had to have a law and medical school?) Secondly, The Big Ten (11) is and always will be a football first conference. So minus ND and the Central Michigan graduating Lefevour's these are just simply insane. My main point is that these choices are for the most part ignorant and contrarian for fucks sake.

Now let's get to some actual possibilities. First lets talk ND. (Yes I know I just said it was stupid). People will initially point out the NBC contract. And yeah, it holds some weight, but not as much as it once did. Literally every team/conference is on TV now and they are all getting paid for it. The second thing is that ND has some pretty kick ass bowl agreements ensuring that they will taste the BCS even if they have a 2-3 loss season. Finally, ND has been courted by the Big Ten (11) before and I doubt they change their tune. Make no mistake, The Big Ten (11) would absolutely love to have ND in the conference and I'm sure they are their number one choice. I just don't think it will happen. Basically I don't think ND will not join over money, but more because they are arrogant assholes.

Syracuse is another name that has been thrown out there. This makes sense in many ways, but I always heard that Boeheim wants to stay in the Big East, and he has the power to block any type of conference transfer. Booker Pogue may be able to shed more light on this, or the basketball impact in general.

Rutgers is another choice. Not too strong on any points, however one thing that is appealing is that it will tap into that coveted NYC market. (That doesn't really watch CFB anyway)

Cincy? Shit why not, lets throw them in there as well. Now, I'm not to aware of the academic standing, but I think this is just average fans looking at which teams are currently performing well in football and decide that they are top choices simply for geographic reasons. True, Cincy has done very well over Kelly's tenure, but before that they were the equivalent of a MAC team. Another factor going against Cincy is that the Cincinnati name doesn't really have the same pop as a large state school, or a prestigious private school. Just sayin.

Mizzou has been thrown around as well. It's interesting. The Zou would make a logical fit in terms of geography, size, academics, athletics, etc. Furthermore, Mizzou is starting to get pissed off that they are getting overlooked in the bigger Big 12 bowl bids. The one major question is if Mizzou will want to leave or if the Big 12 will let one of their teams go....OR LET MIZZOU GO AND TRY TO PICK UP TCU.
/gasp.

Pitt seems to be the totally logical answer. In fact its almost too obvious. But honestly Pitt has everything the Big Ten (11) is looking for. Another added bonus to this would reignite the PSU Pitt rivalry, which I don't think Joe Pa wants, but other fans do. Ultimately this would be the best choice for the Big Ten (11)

Finally, Punte of KSK and Withleather fame makes an interesting case for adding Vandy to the Big Ten (11). Another odd ball choice could be a school like UConn.

All in all, it should be interesting to see if The Big Ten (11) actually goes through with this and who they decide on. The Pac-10 (10) Big East response will also be interesting because they would be left as the only BCS conferences without a championship game. Either way, I have my theories, and College football is a changin.

Caption Contest!


Ron: Ok Carlos, on three. 1... 2... 3... BREAKDANCE!

or...

Ron: Now is when I ninja kick the shit out of you. I'm hood!
Carlos: Not if I kick you first!

or...

Carlos and Ron have successfully hypnotized Joe Alexander.

Holy shit, what is happening here? Image via Team Flight Allstars

Thursday, December 17, 2009

GRH Exclusive - Former NFL Player: 'Concussion Discussion Is Stupid'

This was found in the GRH Mailroom on our fax machine. We can only assume its veridity enough to publish it, having checked with other media sources who received the same message, and leave it to you, the discerning reader, to determine its genuine authenticity. Read on and thank you.

-The Ghost of Roy Hobbs


These players these days. Sheesh. What losers. What wimps! I'm hearin' an awful lot about these rich, socialites wearin' these jerseys sayin' they're worried about their bells gettin' rung. They're worried about breakin' their nails and getting their French lace so far up their puckered rear ends that their brain might not be able to work the way it ought. Like they got anything like a brain up between their ears, these players these days. Sheesh. What losers. What wimps! I'm hearin' an awful lot about these rich, socialites wearin' these jerseys sayin' they're worried about their bells gettin' rung. They're worried about breakin' their nails and getting their French lace panties so far up their puckered rear ends that their brain might not be able to work the way it ought.

I got one word for them...

I dunno, maybe it's the generation of fanny bandits Oprah's been raisin' up, sharin' their books of that time of the month and their feelin's and their books of the month. It's not enough that stupid sumsabitches gotta call a tow truck to fix a flat tire, but these nancies are just nickelin' and dimein', rippin' and rompin', not doin' no good for nobody in the world but themselves.

I've eaten enough pudding to know when a bell gettin' rung is a big deal. In high school, I was paintin' the walls on the Smith-Caldwell Pharmacy in the hail storm of some year that specifically escapes me. I ran for fifty-hundred eleven yards next week against our arch rival Opposum Grape, too. Ran like a sumbitch gettin' his somewhere where the gettin's gone been got. I drooled then and I drool now, case closed, and I looked pretty good doin' it.

I went on a date with Lucille Ball in the mid-80's. Got me a thing for red heads and people who can run pretty fast. Shirley and I been married about 40, 30 years. I make her sandwiches and gravy, she makes me gravy.

An' another thing, where do these uppity sumsbeeee... Where do these uppity ignoramuses get off complainin' when they wearin' a mircowave oven with a facemask on they heads? First off, that ain't no way to run the ball, with your heads up, not out in front of ya like that, ya gotta use your head like a batterin' ram, pow! Right up the middle! And first off, your head is the densest part of your body. If you can't use that as something to really ring someone's bell, you might as well hang it up and go sellin' Avon door to door like some kinda girl who goes door to door sellin' Avon and stuff like, like Avon or something.

That blood ain't supposed to hang out in your ear in that helmet by your ear. You gotta get it out and make sure it's out, otherwise we're gonna miss M*A*S*H. That Alan Alda is a real smooth one. I hate that Alan Alda though, he's the worst guy on that show. An' you know he's good, and he ain't wearin' no helmets.

I was an electrician in Italy. And we had a sayin' for the fairies like these sissies...

Now comes these pansies sayin' they're worried about getting their bell rung. These players these days. Sheesh! Let me tell you what I think about about them players and their mushy-headed ways. They're scared of bein' what they is. Football is a football is a football is a great game. Football is a great, great game and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we dont' want football, which is a great, great game of golf everynow and then. We don't want football to be a panzy sport where the women are on the field dancin' around like they're a bunch of women.

It's time for us to call a spade a playing card. These concussions are not these concussions are these concussions are not the end of the world. If we want to make something happen, then yeah, it should happen, but I don't think a helmet is going to do anything about wearing helmets.

I just got one word for you if you disagree.

No helmets cuz they're no fun.

Best,
Abe Hardin
Philadellia Eagles (1954-1980)
Auburn Tigers (1948-1954)
Bauxite High Skoo Bobcats (1941-1948)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Ron Artest has written a letter to Tiger Woods.


Ron Artest has been vilified for almost a decade now. Most casual fans will only remember the Malice at the Palace. To those people, you all should just listen to what the man has to say. He keeps it real. Sometimes too real.

He has an opinion on Tiger Woods, and has decided to write an open letter to him. It is published in it's entirety below.

Dear Tiger,
In reading the statements you have made, I can tell you are a stand up guy. Please remember only Jesus is perfect. You made a mistake and you admitted your infidelity.
I have made the same mistakes. Before I got married to my wife, I had a baby with another young lady, after I already had two by my girlfriend who is now my wife. We also had another baby which makes three for us and four for me. Two boys and two girls.
My wife is a much better wife than I am a husband. We still argue and disagree after being together 16 years. and I still cope with the fact that there are so many women out there and I choose to stay loyal to my wife.
I want to be home every night, but with traveling I can't, and sometimes I might want to go to a bar or club and be one of the fellas. Most of the time I stay in, because I have my kids and wife.
I cannot sit here and say the thought to have many women has never crossed my mind. If I were Jesus I could.
I have known my wife for 16 years- since I was 14 years old.
She was my first.
On the way to 2010 we had many ups and downs on the way, mostly my fault. But I really choose to work hard and play ball to support her and my kids. The same reason you are building your legacy.
I have been disturbed by this because there are many people who are happy that this bad news has come out.
There are a lot of sports announcers and regular reporters who are not perfect in their own homes, yet they want to bring you down.
You have done so much for people, the sport of golf, and your family and you gave your wife a life that people can't even dream of.
I thought you were 36 or 37 until I read the news today. A 33-year-old man who has been a model citizen with so much at stake. This is your first publicly known issue since you started your career, compared to my 50 or more publicly known issues and mistakes.
You have been the perfect role model for me and my sons for longer than anyone I have known.
With the exception of a few legends.
As your fan, I can't wait to see you golf again.
And us athletes know how much you personally love your family.

One love,
Ron Artest
This is just a fan mail letter to Tiger Woods fans and indirectly to Tiger himself.
Please, everyone support Tiger in these tough times for his family.

Also if you are a sports announcer or regular everyday reporter or blogger please step up like Tiger and tell your wife or husband if you have any skeletons in your closet. Especially if you were one of the few attacking TIGER!!
One Love People


Ron Artest articulated my feelings on the matter better than I've been able to. Hopefully this is not the last time this happens.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

You win, shitstains


Fine. OK? Fine.

GUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I don't hate the Mavericks anymore. Now before you start gloating and being all pompous assholes about it, let me just say that I don't hate you. That doesn't mean that I like you. It means that I don't hate you. Essentially, I realized that hating on your game doesn't make me or my teams better.

I would like to take this opportunity to mention what I do hate. Everything about Dirk besides his absurd game. There. I said it. Dirk's game is baffling, but... shit. He's good. He's really stepped it up this season, too. Not so much in terms of stats, he's just been all over the court. It's fun to watch. He's actually trying to earn wins and awards. I would like to mention here that while he is good, he is NOT the best player in the league, and wasn't in the '06-'07 team. He was simply the best player on the best team. He's also white, which will increase your chances of winning any NBA award (see: Rick Barry's Dunk Contest victory). But yeah. I hate Dirk's appearance, his personality, his voice, his taste in women, and his style.

I also hate Mark Cuban. Don't get me fucking started on Cuban. I like that he likes his players, and will do anything for him. But that really comes with the territory with douchebag owners of any kind. And I swear to Christ, I will end him I will FUCKING end him if he brings up Net Neutrality within earshot of me.

Shawn Marion, I used to like you. But you suck now. You can redeem yourself by killing yourself dunking. DANCE FOR MY PLEASURE.

Kris Humphries, you look like one of the Twilight kids... fag.

Erick Dampier. I will burn you down for the insurance money. You aren't worth shit.

Ok...

That felt right. Now on to what makes the Mavs awesome.

First and foremost, Jason Kidd is wrecking shop. He's had a wildly successful career, but has just become an enormous problem for any opposing team now. He actually has fixed pretty much the only hole in his game, which was the outside shot. For real. Ason has finally gained his 'J' and is raining these days. It's silly. Furthermore, he's good for one mind-boggling highlight pass a game. Also, having him and JJ Barea on the court at the same time just makes me think of Dr. Evil and Minime running around, fucking peoples' worlds up.

Jason Terry. No hate here, bruh. Not now, not in the past, not ever.

And finally...

Rodrigue Beaubois. For those of you who think using French pronunciation is for pompous pointy-headed liberal elites and other forms of homosexuals, you can call him Roddy Buckets. When I first saw this cat before the draft, I figured there was some sort of optical illusion with the grainy third-world footage I was seeing. He was just too fast. Now he's in the L, balling for the Mavs. He's rusty, for sure, but he's fast as a muhfucka and can hop. He's like TJ Ford was back in the day.

OK. That felt good to get off my chest. Don't get me wrong, I'll still be rooting for the away team whenever the Spurs, Blazers, Grizzlies, Hawks, Magic, BETcats, Celtics, Warriors, Clippers, Thunder, Raptors, Cavaliers, Bucks, Heat, Knicks, 76ers, or Wizards come to town. It's just that, if I have to watch one team more than any other, due to geographical reasons, I'm comfortable with it being the Mavs.

Now if we can only ban faux-hawks and Affliction shirts from the AAC, that would be something. Seriously, Uptown is like Jersey Shore sometimes.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Monday Morning Sh--t Storm

Ohhhhh it's Christmas every is happy, Joy is everywhere.


F THAT

This shit storm is the worst feeling a fan can feel in sports.

My selection is when you're team gets upset by a vastly inferior opponent. To me there is nothing like that, just staring blankly at the TV after it's all done. "How did this happen?" "I just can't imag....I can't see my hands, everything is dark I"M BLIND I CANT SEE!!!!"

So yeah that sucks a lot, but now it's your turn to share in the misery.

Begin.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Friday afternoon Fun Bag!!!


GD Christmas, quit stalling and come around already.

Ok gang, nobody likes work, I need a drink, and knots need to be tied. It's Funbag time.

Have you heard of this Tiger Woods thing? Me too. Anyway between Whitlock sitting in his ivory tower, Rick Reilly handing out advice, and Herm Edwards auditioning for the job of Tiger's life coach I'm getting a little tired of Tigergate. Anyway it's always nice to make viral videos making fun of others misfortunes. This site also has an interesting perspective.

EMBED-Leaked Tiger Woods Mistress Sex Tape - Watch more free videos
How many times do I have to say this. STOP MAKING FAN RAP VIDEOS. They never turn out well.

Jared Allen....That is all.


My name is Suh. How do you do? NOW YOU GONNA DIE!!!


I don't think we've even hinted at NCAABB this year, so I'll post this video as a tribute to our own Booker Pogue. Cue Icehouse: "OMG FUNK!!!"


It's almost championship time in Texas which means we need to relive John Tyler-Plano East

Ok everyone, have a good weekend.

Notre Dame, Wrought with Creativity, Flavor and Originality, Thinks Outside the Box To Get Their New, Snazzy Head Coach

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Caption Contest!



"PEW PEW PEW"

or...

The Mavericks team-building exercise revealed what everybody already knew: That Dirk is not gangster.

or...

Dirk trains to avenge Mark Cuban being thrown through a picnic table. Nobody has told him that WWE is staged.

These sucked. Dirk is a wiener. Please make me proud with better captions.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Broncos QB Simms Recognized Outside of Team Activity


DENVER, Co. - While at a Denny's on Monday afternoon, Broncos reserve quarterback Chris Simms was recognized by another patron of the restuarant without Simms having to explain his role on the team, or his college and professional history.

"He was like 'You're Chris Simms, right?' and I was like 'Sure am,'" Simms told reporters. "He wasn't my waiter; he couldn't have seen my ID or debit card or anything. He just knew who I was.

"Pretty awesome if you ask me, which he did, by the way."

The recognizer, Bill Daniels, 41, stated that he recognized the quarterback, but couldn't figure out why.

"I think it was because of his dad?," said Daniels. "I lived in Austin for awhile, but that was when Major Applewhite was there. Speaking of, you know he's a coach now, right? I bet he's great."

Police records obtained by GRH later verified that Daniels had gotten into a fender bender with the erstwhile journeyman Simms in August.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Monday Morning Sh--t Storm!


It's a Hail Mary MMSS this morning, but luckily, College Football has given us a bowl schedule to digest and debate.



  • What's the best bowl game?

  • Who got blown (the bad kind)?

  • Who got blown (the good kind!)?

  • Do you love/hate Tebow?

  • Cinncy/TCU/Boise: Winners or Whiners?

  • I took a dump the size of my thigh this morning: Call the doctor in fear or brag to my co-workers?

  • Mack Brown or Nick Saban?

  • Who's going to win the Papajohns.com bowl AND WHY?

It's bowl season, which means there's plenty a-goin' on. DEBATE.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!


Big Baby's bringing the girls. Now it's up to us to make the party happen.

Yes. YES. I've been out of commission for far too long, y'all. But I'm not sorry. No remorse over here.

First and foremost, we have James Lipton, telling us not to send text pictures of our junk. You got it, boss.


In keeping with the PSA-style theme, Alando Tucker and Steve Nash want you to keep your hands clean this season.


This is just outlandish nonsense. Shit just keeps getting crazier.


I hope Lamar Odom sends Hilton Armstrong a Christmas card of himself and his whole family. With Reggie Bush. And sign it, STAY OUT OF THE RESTRICTED AREA, BITCH. OMG FUNK!


This is a bit old, but worth revisiting. This is the only thing Jimmy Fallon has ever done to ever make me happy. Thank you.


The Cavs are way more intent on being on TV than they are winning games. Surprisingly enough, that's totally cool with me.


Magnificent. Stay warm and dry out there. Party.

Irish Faithful Coast-to-Coast Split On Future Coach Decision

The undisputed champion of storied programs in the history of college football is the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. However, the luster of the franchise has diminished greatly in the past fifteen or so years - years mired in mediocrity and unfulfilled expectations.

In light of the recent firing of head coach Charlie Weis, fans of Notre Dame football, being one of a handful of vaunted programs with a national fanbase, all over the U.S. are struggling to come up with a consensus on who should be the next head coach of the winningest program in the history of college football.

The Ghost of Roy Hobbs has collected samples of testimonies from this diverse fan base:
----------
Dom Manetti, Bratwurst Vendor, Chicago, IL: I think dey should get should get somebuhday with values we gots here in the Midwest. Yous bozos may or may not be aware of a certain coach whose dedication to da storied Midwestern values a beerah, brahts, and morbid obesity took an oistwhile (sic: erstwhile) Kansas Jayhawak team to da Orahnge Bowl and onward to vicory. Weis was good, but dat batched heart surgery took a lot out of him, made him lose about farty pounds a so. But Mangino da Hero? He's da typeaguy who can push through bout fitty pounds a prime braht on a game day. And with are recruits? Day gonna call day Orahnge Bowl da Braht Bowl come 2012.

Delmer Q. Lawnmower, Ditch Attendent, Latham, MS: WOOO! WE GOT US A NASHUNAL CHAMPIONSHIP IN HOTLANTA! S-E-C! S-E-C! YOU KNOW IT, BOY YOU KNOW! Nevermind my Rebels and my Irish didn't make it to the SEC Championship, we got that fish-eatin' sumbitch URBAN MEYER cummin to Notre Dame next year! He done already said was his dream job! His favorite Jesus boy Timmy Tebow, God love him, is gon be smashin' faces in the NFL next year, an if he's the upstandin, Chrissean he don spossa be, he gon convince URBAN MEYER to be our coach next year! Gaw-lee, with our recruits we gon win a bunch a dem SEC championships in a row! S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C! SUCK MY BUTT OHIO STATE!

Anders Higgenbotham, CFO, Boston, MA: I believe the only coaching official worthy of coaching the much-ballyhooed and adept Fighting Irishmen of Notre Dame Our Mother is someone who has already proven his ability and worth to uphold the lofty standards therein. It should be Louis Holtz, for sure. He has already won national titles with the Irish and, from his deft and cogent and audible analysis on my ESPNHD, seems to still be sharp as a tack. He will bring with him a mass of faithful recruits, coupled with the already staunchly loaded classes the fine University already summons at will, our beloved alma mater will be simply tyrannical in their onslaught of the rest of the collegiate football dullards. Notre Dame deserves no less than the best.

Manetti: I have jus been informed by one Mangino da hero dat he, if he accepts da position, saints willing, would love to sponser Manetti's Brahts pending his taste approval! I have sent him a pallet of our best hahlliday brahts for his consumption, and am confident of his approval. You are welcome, Irish faithful.

Jack Swarbrick, Jr., student, South Bend, IN: My daddy is coaching Nottre Dame. He would be a good coach for Notter Dame. He thinks Notter Dame is good so i think Notter dame is good. The old coach has to be Stan Satan Santa this year my daddy said, but my daddy is not Santa so my daddy can be coach. My mommy laffed at me when i told old coach i want wii games for my wii for krissmass but new Santa just frownd but mall santa said he would. my daddy says kids who are going to play at Notter Dame r guud so my daddy can cowch them. i like number 8 the best because my number is 8 in tee ball and i be 8 on my nex birfday. Tel Stan Satan Santa I want wii games.

Delmer: You no whut? I'm not so sure we oughta be puttin all our eggs into this URBAN MEYER basket. Why on earth would he leave un S-E-C-S-E-C-S-E-C team like them Florida Gators? I think we oughta get us somebody who ain't doin' nothing. That Tommy Tuberville might be pretty awesome! Went undefeated! Won him some SEC Championships! I bet he can get em there again.

Anthony "Tony" Lattendresse, Movie Critic, Dayton, OH: I've known about Notre Dame for most of my life, but have loved them since 1993. It's the ultimate place where dreams can come true. I mean, even if you're undersized, somewhat dim-witted, and don't have the backing/respect of your friends and family, you can still get lifted onto the shoulders of your teammates, but not since 1975. All you need is one friend, a black guy to let you sleep in the Notre Dame locker room, and a friend to die in a violent and firey explosion to motivate you. Notre Dame is awesome for all of those things. They should get Rudy to do it. Rudy would be good. Not Rudy Guliani, but the other Rudy.

Higgenbotham: I was just told that, medically speaking anyway, Lou Holtz is braindead, almost completely paralyzed from the waist down, and suffers from a lisp and tourette's syndrome. Assuredly, the vaunted coach Ara Parsegian could be convinced of the necessity of a triumphant homecoming? Surely he must see the err of his ways, leaving his beloved University in the hands of a capable, yet un-Parsegian Dan Devine. Greatness awaits in the hallows of antiquity, eh chums?

Ron Jaworski and Mike Turico, Football Analysts, Bristol, CT: Jon Gruden. Get Jon Gruden to South Bend right now. Seriously, he needs to be there because...he's a good coach. And he DOES not have rabid body odor. If you can get past the hair cut, the lack of originality, and the way he sits on stools with his knees as far apart as is geometrically possible, with his junk just hanging out there, he'll be one of the best coaches Holy Cross, I mean, Notre Dame ever had. Seriously, get this guy out of here. Get him to wherever you're proposing he go. I'm sure he'll do great, whatever. Just go.

Lattendresse: You know, the movie Rudy was the debut of actor Vince Vaughn? He'd be pretty good. He's already a big fan, and I'm sure would do well. He's a smooth talker who's quick on his feet. Maybe he and Jon Favreau, who played Rudy's friend, D-Bob, could collaborate, with Favreau directing the game plan and Vaughn executing it to perfection. Those three guys, real Rudy, Vaughn, and Favreau, would be awesome. But not Sean Astin. He's all yuppy since Lord of the Rings.

Manetti: Mangino just had a heart attack when I was on da horn widhim and guess what. He ain't dead. He's still kickin' and told me about an awesome play he thought up while his eyes were closed in pain. It's a double-end around with a third-guy in a wildcat who just cuts up the middle like a wreckin' ball. BRILLIANT? BRILLIANT. Who wants some more brahts?

Delmer: If we're goin' for big ole boys who ain't doin nothin, why not Phil Fulmer? Wouldn't even have to get him new clothes, just wash the gravy stains off Weis' sweatshirts and boom! SEC Champion Notre Dame Fightin' Irish! That's got a rang to it.

Higgenbotham: Despite my numerous fiduciary advances to coach Parsegian, he is unwilling to acquiece to my request. Therefore I am proposing to ask the vaunted Notre Dame biology department to unearth the chared and mangled remains of Knute Rockne and recessitate him, post haste! There isn't much time, he was after all in a plane crash in the early 20th century, but he's Notre Dame's last hope. I would love to see the look on that playboy Peter Carroll's face at the sight of that!

Swarbrick, Jr.: i like jesus and he shud be coach if my daddy can't. Jesus, can you get me some wii games.

Delmer: S-E-C-S-E-C-S-E-C!

Manetti: BRAHTS!

Higgenbotham: TRADITION!

Jaworski and Turico: We're each seriously going to shoot ourselves in the face if you guys don't hire Jon Gruden.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

GRH Exclusive: Tiger Woods Banged Me/Sexted Me

This was found in the GRH Mailroom on our fax machine. We can only assume its veridity enough to publish it, having checked with other media sources who received the same message, and leave it to you, the discerning reader, to determine its genuine authenticity. Read on and thank you.

-The Ghost of Roy Hobbs


Ladies and Gentlemen of the far-reaching, vast and all-consuming media:

I'm sorry, but I have to come clean: Tiger Woods and I have been having an intimate affair for roughly three years. All of these were years in which he was married and I was aware of it. I'm so ashamed - and trust me, I consider it disgraceful to have sex with a married billionaire - but I cannot hide behind my convenient anonymity any longer.

We had us a lot of sex. He also talked dirty to me from his cell phone to mine.

I know. It's hard to believe. I wouldn't have believed it myself had I not been involved. Him being the most prestigious, well-recognized, and wealthiest professional athlete of all-time and...me. Me being a portly, balding, Caucasian male who makes less than $15K per year and will hold off going to the restroom to avoid climbing those taxing stairs. It all happened so fast. He waltzed into my place of business, a McDonald's in Portageville, Missouri, like he owned the place. Sparks flew, numbers were exchanged and a lot of sex was had in the middle. Now you know the rest of the story.

One time he told me to go to the bathroom and send him a picture of myself doing something sexy, which I did without hesitation and am willing to speak about it with even less hesitation. Woe is me and my shame.

The real irony comes into play around this weekend. I had been mustering up the courage and emotional fortitude to come out to the deserve-to-know public for about a month. Really, about a month. Give or take. I just couldn't believe it when I heard that Tiger (or as I called him "Tigre") got into a violent car accident by backing into a fire hydrant on his property. It looks like he beat me to the punch. He was obviously clearing the air and confessing his love for me, again, the Costanza with the fast-food vocation and lateral lisp, which I'm certain was much to the dismay of his 5'10", perfectly bossomed, beautiful, smiling Swedish model/wife, Elin. All of those things are proven to be crystal clear by the simple, somewhat benign act of dinging up not just any car, but an Escalade.

We're like a modern day Romeo and Juliet, lovers forbidden and shamed from the public arena where we belong. Just like Twilight. Only nothing rated PG-13. Definitely Rated-R bangage.

And just because accredited news sources such as E! News, TMZ.com, CornholeBangers.net and Golf Weekly keep asking me, this isn't about money or fame. This is about truth. And the truth is that Tigre and I were together before he became history's first billion dollar athlete. This started three years ago, before all that billion dollar business and he was just Tiger, the humble, affable, multi-($998)millionaire who stole my heart and me, a person who's only brush with fame was when I made the front page of the Portageville Post for eating 11 live frogs and only bush with opulence was when I won a free apple pie from the Monopoly game at my office.

Opposites must attract, because he carved me like a jack-o-lantern. He also sent me a text with a photo of his can-of-biscuits-sized dingdong.

It'd be silly to say that I'm just one of several who happen to be coming forward. The difference is the truth. I can only speak for myself, and not for those other clearly impoverished and schizophrenic trailer dwellers who claim to have been sexed and sexted by my Tiger. I'm not sure about compensation, it'd be so awful to talk about money at a time when he is so clearly on the verge of breaking down - you know, due to all the clandestine intercourse we've been engaging in behind the globe's back - it just seems wrong. But when that time comes, I'm sure Tiger and I can work out something simple, something that can give me some piece of mind. And by "piece of mind" I mean, a blank check that will grant me the prestige, honor and respect befitting someone with millions and millions of dollars of disposable income.

I'm sorry it all had to come out like this. It seems sordid, but really, it's about love. And not about this being my only shot at making something somewhat meaningful out of what has become the underloved, oversexed, vomit-filled, meth-singed, cross-eyed, rusty abortion that is my day-to-day existence. Not at all.

Tigre, if you read this call me.

Do' Tompkins

Monday, November 30, 2009

Monday Morning Sh--t Storm

Chappelle's Show
The Playa Hater's Ball
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story

*clears throat*

There are certain impressionable moments in one's life, for me one of these moments occurred when I was 12 years old in Charlottesville, VA. Wearing my Virginia Tech hat I ran into a drug store to get a bottle of water where I was met by several UVA students. After getting into an argument concerning the sexual orientation of my hat I vowed that I would live a life that was decidedly anti UVA.

This hatred reaches it's apex every fall when the Hokie and Wahoo faithful come together to watch a spirited game of football and to tell the opposing side how much they can't fucking stand each other.

If you've never met a Wahoo let me put this into perspective for you. During their freshman year UVA students are required to take Elimination of personal fecal matter stench 101 and they all pass with flying colors. Did you know Thomas Jefferson founded The University of Virginia? No? Well if you talk to a Wahoo you'll get a full breakdown of his architectural masterpieces seen on the campus.....excuse me THE GROUNDS. Did you know Katie Couric went there? Edgar Allen Poe went to UVA AND they still have his room there. Perhaps you've heard of Robert F. Kennedy, you have? well he graduated from the prestigious UVA law school (They must not have had a class covering the legality of possessing 183 milligrams of Heroin) Tina Fey? Why yes she went to UVA. I don't know if you've heard of Boyd Tinsley....the violinist for the Dave Matthews Band....also a UVA alum, a Sigma Nu. Which brings me to another point. Not only does UVA have a strong greek system but they also have several secret societies.

This just isn't a rivalry, it's a battle of ideals. Hokies wear camo because they hunt, Wahoos wear it because it's fratty. Hokies chug domestics, Wahoos sip a 78 merlot. Hokies drive trucks, Wahoos drive something mommy and daddy bought them.

To prove my point I'll give you a GRH on location.

Tim Gunn would absolutely adore a Virginia Football game.
The first thing you notice at UVA is the dress. For males the standard attire is a coat and tie. Females typically wear sundresses, however for the brisky 50 degree temp at kickoff most decided with a nice orange sweater. One that says "I'd make a great wife, but I can drink Cabernet and vodka with equal efficiency." The leader of this group is some random 60 year old who has a scarf with a "Wahooligans" stitching. Leave it to UVA to take something distinctly European and apply it to American Football. Hokies on the other hand wear sweatshirts and I'll admit there are a good amount of painters and wig wearers although I'll contend that this is done to piss off Wahoos. Charlottesville is a great city, and it's great to walk around, but you will notice that UVA fans do indeed have wine and cheese at their tailgates brunches. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Boones Farm and cheese whiz, just not at a football game.

Fans ruin the gameday experience
When you walk into Scott Stadium you'll notice that it's a great place to watch football. Great sitelines, good seat room, and yes even the Jefferson inspired architecture. The problem is having to deal with UVA fans. As my party took our seats the first thing I heard was complaining from a elderly lady that she had to sit near VT fans. That elitism never graduates. we also sat next to some students who also gave us trouble. Little did they know we are some of the biggest wise asses to walk the earth. On another note Charlottesville townies are the worst type of townies. They have the asshole townie gene combined with the UVA elitism. Luckily for us we had one sitting next to us, let's call him Townie Tim, and he clearly hated Tech as much as we hated UVA.

UVA likes to talk about anything besides football.
UVA sucks at football, no mistaking it. However, they really do have a solid athletic program, problem is they are good at sports that nobody cares about. Case in point UVA honored the Men's Tennis doubles National Champions. And you know what, good for them. Tim however decided to be a typical Wahoo and yell "You hear that Tech NATIONAL CHAMPIONS do you know anything about that." I replied that Tim likes Fuzzy balls, but the point is UVA with talk about random ass shit in order to compensate for their football team sucking fuzzy balls.

Cavman is a stupid mascot with a plastic sword.



Sweet feather. Douchebag.

As the game got underway UVA scored the first touchdown from their QB Sewell on a QB power that was the only effective play all game. After TD's UVA plays a song called "The Good Old Song" it's set to the tune of Auld Lang Syne. It's fun to yell "HAPPY NEW YEAR." This does two things. First it pisses off Tim. Second the old lady behind you will tell you that it's not the same song, to which you can say "I know, I'm just being a wise ass."

The first half was somewhat competitive. Tech screwed up a couple times UVA was hitting us with the QB power in critical situations. Tim however was very vocal that there was some type of VT penalty on every play. As we sat through halftime thinking that this was another typical VT game the excitement was in the air. Could the Hoo's pull a major upset? Will they win one for the Groh, will the women behind us stop telling us to sit down? And will Tim receive the victory he's been seeking for 6 long years?!?!?!

No.

Courtesy of Kam Chancellor and Ryan Williams' Voodoo the Hoo's lost 42-13. But this did provide us with a great chance to bond with the UVA faithful. Highlights include The women behind us saying that they were tired of me yelling "Grimm Reaper" after Cody Grimm did anything. Explaining basic football rules to two UVA students. Telling Tim that Soccer season is right around the corner. Chanting Keep Al Groh. Tim flipping our party off and responding with "is that how many wins you have this year." Seeing a majority Hokie Crowd give the let's go Hokies chant. Watching Tim enter Depression. Seeing Tim's friend fall over. And ultimately seeing VT walk all over UVA in the second half.

In conclusion I'd like to thank the VT students sitting in front of us, Ryan Williams, Danny Coale, Cody Grimm, T-Mobile, Kam Chancellor, and most importantly Tim for giving me a great experience on the Grounds.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Monday Morning Sh--t Storm

Good gosh, I woke up and realized there was a strange amount of pumpkin filling cans...Cool whip....stuffing?

OMG THANKSGIVING!!!


yeah we've all been working way to hard and it's about damn time we got a break.

I talked about my typical day last year. No need to rehash it again here.

So for the shit storm favorite non-traditional Thanksgiving food. Let's hear all of your wacky family recipe's. Me? Fried oysters.

In other clusterfunk news some marketing genius decided that the BCS needed to be amongst the people on twitter. problem is nobody likes the BCS. I could just see it now some hot young stud/lass with a kick ass marketing degree thinks they are a genius for synergizing their appeal by using new media strategies thereby creating a Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.This shows me two things. 1. Some people have no idea what actually goes on in the real world. 2. The BCS twitter operator actually thinks the BCS is great.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!


AND FORNICATE YOU WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've just been a little stressed. Hence the absurd lack of posting. Anyways. Let's party.

Here's a six-year-old snowboarding. In the next week or so, pretty much every hill in America will be open.


SHEED IS TRUTH! TRUTH IS SHEED! THE BALL DON'T LIE!


Texas traffic stops are really this fun. I still can't walk right from the last one.


I don't really know what's going on, but hopefully it'll be something like this.


This is a week old, but OMG! Funk! If I could find Avery Bradley's yam from last night, I would post that one. Maybe tomorrow.


Ok. Fuck this. I'm out.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Caption Contest!



Romo: GOOOOOOOOO

or...

Romo: "Have you seen my football?"

or...

Romo: "No, stop. Don't. Don't push me into the pool, it's cold and I've got clothes on! DON'T! NOOOOO!"

Look, I know we haven't been on this much, but we've got real shit that needs attending to. Anyways, let's have fun.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Monday Evening S--t Storm!!!

I'm sorry Hobbers. I was getting schwacked with work yesterday and today just now realizing that I hadn't put up the shit storm AND I didn't even tap the right arm to bring in Icehouse or Stovall. This makes me a dickhead which is actually perfect for this storm.

We're going to debate the biggest Dickhead/Douchebag in sports. Yes those are different categories. (not really relevant)

My first selection for dickhead is Roger Clemens

The steroid thing never really bothered me, it was just satisfying because another notch in ole Lattimer's "called it" belt. But I think it goes without saying that Clemens is an asshole. What trying to weasel his way back into the Hall/greatest pitcher of all time conversations. There was also the time he attempted to kill and impale rival douchebag Mike Piazza. He also bleached his hair and the whole McCready thing.

Next for the douchebag A-Rod. Two baseball players, see a trend? Now originally I felt sorry for A-Rod, he was a great player with no friends just trying to make it in this world. THEN we get this.


Really A-Rod? A Centaur? Now if any normal individual did this it would probably be hilarious, but a top 5 baseball player? Not so much. Anyway, with A-Rod you also have the mirror pic, teammates not liking him, Madonna, and cheating on his wife with a manly lass. So I don't know maybe he's just weird.

Anyway have at it Hobbers. We'll role with this into Tuesday.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday afternoon Fun Bag!!!

Sorry we missed last week, but you know some of us have shit to do....

LIKE PARTY!!!

Ok first off I realize this is a week old, but Elizabeth Lambert is now a favorite of GRH.


This is awesome. I'd like you to notice how many cool things happen in the span of this video. Cue Icehouse: "OMG FUNK!!!"


I'm putting this in because I think the funbag has been a little too fun as of late. I heard someone say that this is how sports movies should be done in the future. I'd like to kick this person in the nuts. I just love it when Hollywood destroys books. IF you go and see this, just know that it's missing several aspects of the book, one of which is the failure of American institutions (ala The Wire). For those of you who still want to see it and call me cynical by all means go and watch the bastardization of a legitimate American dream narrative.


"Michael you gotta protect his blind side"
We might have another run down on this later.

Soooo this is pretty cool


In 1970 Doc Ellis did LSD, he also pitched a no no.


We've had several discussions concerning sports we'd like to see more of on TV. It seems we may have overlooked one.

EMBED-The 1987 Dance Aerobics Championship - Watch more free videos

GRH is a fan of solid mashups and because we were funbagless last week I'll leave you with two.




Alright hobbers have fun, be safe, and the beer before liquor rule is only for pussies.