Why the Misnamed Eleven will not Break the BCS

So the Big[ELEVEN]Ten is adding to the party. Welcome to the best idea of the 20th century; hope you brought your SPF 700, nerd hoard. Let's get my disdain for these people out in the open. I'll put this at the beginning to offer a disclaimer as to my bias. I hate those fucking people. They're boring, slow, and deliberate in all the details. The only badass in the Misnamed Eleven was Bobby Knight, and he just pissed me off today. (By the way... let people hate on Calipari. But he'd better not fuck up again, or he'll wind up as some hillbilly's new Italian leather jacket)

They drive slowly. They kick their turn signals on a mile and a half prior to the turn. I always wondered who the HELL was watching Everybody Loves Raymond / Mad About You / Wings / Boring White Sitcom / Two and a Half Men. IT'S THE MIDWEST. "Oh, Kelly Kapowski is nice and all, but that's a little much for me. Now that Jessi, she's really going places." SHOVE IT UP YOUR TURTLENECK. "Shoot, the Buckeyes would win a buncha bowl games too if WE cheated. Did you see how many times they blitzed our quarterback? Who is calling that stuff?" YOUR REVOLUTION IS OVER LEBOWSKI! CONDOLENCES! THE BUMS LOST!

Basketball. Football. It all has the creativity and sex appeal of a Mormon bachelor party. If I sold sweaters and sock garters, I'd move to Iowa. But I don't. Thanks for the corn flakes, but I hate everything about where you guys live.

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That was cathartic. Now, if you could please take your day planner from your front shirt pocket, I've got some ideas you may want to write down to bring up in your next AD conference call. You're standing at the crossroads of the beginning of the end of the Old World Bowl System. The country widely agrees that it's an abomination. You've got public momentum all the way to Capitol Hill. Don't fuck this up. What is it that makes a man? A pair of testicles.

I jest, but perhaps I'm right. Let's look at some possible ways for you to strap your boots on and make some waves.

1. PITT/SYRACUSE/WVU/CINCY/LOUISVILLE/UCONN/RUTGERS
   BEST CASE: Big East folds after losing one of 8 football schools
   WORST CASE: Big East picks up Temple or... ?
   WHY IT WORKS: The BE's biggest problem is that it's two best teams play in the ACC. Take ANY of these remaining schools out of the loop, and... There's practically nothing left. The remainder would be the last BCS besides the Pac10 (with it's own probability of expansion to 12 teams looming) with fewer than 12 schools. FIVE fewer. None of which EVER made a BCS game before Va Tech and Miami left. Let's say you add Temple or some other rotten school. You're no better off. Is basketball worth this much? A dollar earned in basketball is fifty cents to football money. I predict the Big East, 20% of the BCS picture, folds in this scenario.
2. MIZZOU/IOWA STATE/OTHER BIG 12 NORTH TEAM
   BEST CASE: Big 12 folds, b/c who the hell else would they get for the North?
   WORST CASE: They bite the bullet and add TCU/Boise.
   WHY IT'D WORK: It's unlikely. Just outright not going to happen. Because seriously... do you add Colorado State? Hell no you don't, not if you want a TV contract. Can you imagine the Big 12 commisioner trying to stiff arm some ESPN off brand into airing Colorado State vs. Baylor? Neither can he. Texas will do everything in its power to NOT have to play TCU or Houston or any other Texas school that could have beaten Colt Shipley this season. This may not break the camel's back like poaching a Big East school would, but it sure as hell pushes this shit toward the cliff, no matter who they got to replace Mizzou.
3. VANDY
   BEST CASE: BCS immediately folds
   WORST CASE: South re-secedes from Union; Kentucky ravaged from within.
   WHY IT'D WORK: Everybody in the SEC thinks they have a good shot (probably for good reason) at a tournament format. If placing in the top 8 is all you needed, the needle doesn't move for Bama, Florida, and until recently, Georgia and LSU. And that's to say nothing of Arkansas, Auburn, Tennessee, ladidadidaida. They're cocky and they'd happily tell everybody else to suck a dick. That's good money they pay those players, and they don't care how many games they have to win to prove it.
4. SUPERCONFERENCE W/ BIG EAST
   This is what I'd try, because this would get out in front of the prevalent trend. You've got eleven teams. Pull in five more. Two divisions, 8 teams a piece. Grab all the schools that are strong(ish) in both revenue sports - West Virginia, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Louisville; coin flip between UConn and Syracuse. That sound you heard was the death throes of the ACC, home of the Wake Forest BCS bid. Instantly, you've made a basketball juggernaut and enough chaos at the upper crust to distract America from the 11am kickoff of Purdue-Northwestern.

The bottom line is this, as I posted in the comments section on Lattimer's first thing on the topic. The first Big East team to get an invite TAKES THAT SHIT AND RUNS. There is *NO* TV deal for a 7-team Big East. There probably cannot be a seven team Big East.

So you're now down to four major conferences in the two revenue sports representing ZERO TV markets in New York, Philadelphia, Boston, DC, etc. On top of that, you can add West Virginia, Cincy, and Pittsburgh back to the list of BCS-busters. Would this kill the BCS? I think it would. When the entire Eastern seabord north of the Mason Dixon line is cut off from access to the BCS, I say that the goose is cooked.

But you fuckers are boring, and you'll probably go out and grab Central Michigan or Akron or some shit like that. Best not to rock the boat. Boring shitbags.