Tuesday, December 28, 2010

That's right, I said it.

The other day, I said that I was glad Jeff Lurie gave Michael Vick a second chance. That's right, I said it. I don't give a fuck.

I've got an idea. Instead of griping about me saying something, you should go to church. I heard they celebrate some dude's birthday this week, and that dude got famous because he preached about forgiveness. That dude also hung out with criminals, tax collectors, lepers. Oh what, you're surprised that a "Muslim" knows the story of Jesus? You mad? Yeah you are. You look like you're about to cry like a little bitch. Fuck you.

We have a prison system, because we try and reform criminals and give them multiple chances at leading productive lives. Why else would we let people out of jail? Under the thinking that we shouldn't forgive Mike Vick, then we should just execute everyone. You know where they execute people for petty bullshit? Iran and North Korea. You're a fucking fascist terrorist if you think we shouldn't forgive Mike Vick. Why don't you just strap a bomb to yourself and walk out into the middle of nowhere? Yes, because you're a failure as a human being and you should kill yourself.

Michael Vick is really good at football. He used to have a hobby that is unacceptable in a decent society. He was punished for things that he did. He paid his debt to society, and has been released - along with thousands of others - as a reformed ex-convict. He can't vote. He can't coach youth sports. What he can do is fuck up your favorite team every week because you're a cocksucking Giants fan. Asshole.

Michael Vick is a hero. Everybody loves a good redemption story. How many times did you see "The Fighter" this week? Hm? Yeah, Mark Wahlberg sucks and you're a racist. A man was misguided. He did some bad things. He hung out with friends who did bad things. Authorities set him straight, now he's doing what he loves for the right reasons, and making millions of people happy.

In conclusion, I'm glad OJ got acquitted, Kobe should be able to rape one white girl for every championship he's won, Tiger Woods has a bigger dick than you, and I fucked your mom. Wu Tang, bitches.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Shaquille O'Neal conducted the Boston Pops

Basketball leviathan and rectal flavoring aficionado Shaquille O'Neal made the most of his Monday night. Taking a break from his busy schedule of remaining completely motionless, Shaq decided to use his massive frame where it was needed most: conducting the Boston Pops, one of the best and most world-renowned orchestras in existence.

The Pops played very well, and even got into the act by donning some Celtics gear. The crowd was treated to a rousing version of Queen's "We Are The Champions" but left visibly disappointed that the concert featured neither "Shoot Pass Slam" nor the "Tell me how my ass tastes" freestyle.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Monday Morning S--t Storm

Pretty cool huh?

Well it was, however this just goes to show why special teams in football is the most underrated aspect of the game.

Honestly, I think 75% of the time something awesome happens on special teams.

Just this play alone we have a fumble, turbo boost, punter flop, a kill shot, and a returner with developmental delays running out of real estate before he can decide on a proper celebration.


So for the shit storm, give us the most underrated aspect of sports.


Friday, December 17, 2010

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Getting back into the tradition of putting up pictures of drunk athletes is a lot easier when you've got a wasted Reggie Miller (REGGIE MILLER?) giving to a barebacked floozie. Holla.

Okay, on to the pre-Christmas funbag. Ho ho ho.

Electric Eels are cool. Alligators are also cool. An alligator eating an electric eel? Well, that's just crazy enough to be viewed by dozens of people.

More from the wacky animal department, this is a parrot singing the most famous Drowning Pool song. Notably, the lead singer of this band died in an overdose years ago. Reincarnation advocates are probably sitting up in their papasan chairs right now.

This is a little old, maybe a week or so, but it's still worth viewing. I read somewhere that releasing the trailer to "The Beaver" is essentially announcing a "Remix The Beaver Trailer with Mel's Psychotic Rant" contest to the internet. Here's the contest winner.

Now on to the crap I like, which is traditional stand up comedy (FART NOISE). The A.V. Club released it's Bst Comedy Albums of 2010 list, along with some clips. Feel free to peruse the whole list, but here are a couple of my favs:

Hope everyone enjoys this last weekend of shopping before Christmas. I'm sure it won't make anyone want to commit murder. See you kids out there.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Kevin Garnett has something very important to say.

In addition to KG doing... that, I would like to draw attention to the expressions on Shaq and Jermaine O'Neal's faces in the background. They're like Grizz and Dot-Com to Ray Allen's Tracy Jordan. Furthermore, Ray Allen had that shit-eating grin on his face all game long.

Finally, everybody read the post below and sign up for the bowl pick 'em. That is all.

GRH Bowl Pick Em

I present to you a typical SEC fan. Why is this a typical SEC fan. Well that's simple 1. Making a Youtube video in his truck. 2. Epiphanies 3. Natural Light

The worst thing about this type of fan is that you simply cannot convince them about anything. If they think it's possible that Auburn could pay Alabama to throw the game, then that is written in stone for them.


You could beat a fan like this in a battle of football wits.

Lucky for you we've set up such a battle.

That's right GRH's Inaugural bowl pick em.

Here's how you do it,

Go to yahoo.

Find bowl Pick em under fantasy.

Ask to join a group.

Then you just pick who you think will win each bowl game.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Lattimer wouldn't it be a lot cooler if we could fill out a bracket like NCAA basketball/"

Yes, it would. But Jim Delany hates you and your face.

So sign up or Momma's gonna put you in the Auburn store.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Gideon Files, Part 2

Blake Gideon is a Junior Safety at the University of Texas. While he may lead the team in effort, he continues to be a baffling display of what NOT to do while playing safety. Off the field, it only gets worse.

'Sup cockknocks?! How you bitches been doing since I laid it down on y'all? HA! I know you've just been sitting around with your thumbs up your asses. You bitches don't hustle like me. I FLY AROUND THE FIELD.

So many of you are probably all like, "What's a badass motherfucker like Blake Gideon doing talking to me through this queer-ass blog?" Well the answer should be obvious to all of you. This year is so totally awesome that we get the season started early. That's right, the best season of the year, Flip Cup season. Normally I've got other shit going on until - psh, at LEAST like, January or some shit. But not this year. THIS year we get it on RIGHT NOW.

Flip cup is a game of champions you have to be committed. Focused. You have to stare fear in the face and be all, "I'm gonna slam this lukewarm ounce of foam and expertly land this cup upside down with a flick of the wrist." You KNOW there's going to be people yelling in your ear, and you KNOW your bros will never let you live it down if you choke. It's not like when you over pursue a running back, forcing you to try and chase him down after giving him a 20 yard head start. It's not even like when you're about to lay the smack down, but instead get smacked down. After something like that, you just go back to the sideline. No, this is different.

Since this year is so special, I'm throwing a kick off party to set the tone. It's going to be EPIC. Sam! Hey Macho Acho, my Nacho-eating BRAcho!

Sam Acho: Ugh. Hi Blake.

Blake Gideon:
You coming to the fiesta tonight, bro? There's gonna be sluts and frosty bronsons!

Sam Acho: While I'd like to sit here and explain to you how your use of the word 'slut' is indicative of your entire disaffected psychosis, I'd rather just tell you that I can't, because it's Wednesday and in the middle of finals.

Blake Gideon: ...

Sam Acho: Be well, Blake. I know it's not your fault you are the way you are.

Blake Gideon: Studying's lame, bro. Way lamer than sluts.

Sam Acho: Always a pleasure conversing with you, Blake.

Blake Gideon:
Sam's deep, bro. Deep like I was into your mom last night, RIGHT?! GET IT?! HAHAHAHA AWESOME!

[holds up hand for high-five]

So anyway. This party is going to be off the chizzy. Everyone who's anyone is going to be there. Hey coach! COACH! COOOOOAAAAAACH!

Will Muschamp: You're the man, Blake!

Blake Gideon: I know, RIGHT?! So, are you--

Will Muschamp: Blake, I've got something to tell you. You know how you've always been my coach on the field?

Blake Gideon: Shit yeah, brah! You know I got you!

Will Muschamp: Yeah. Um. Well, you... you keep doing that, ok?

Blake Gideon:
SHIT YEAH! Hey coach, you're coming to my house for some rowdy FC, right? You know, flip cup?

Will Muschamp: Um. Wow, uh, I thought... Blake, look. I can't. I've gotta go...

Blake Gideon: Go where?

Will Muschamp: Go... go get some FourLokos. You just... you just hang tight, ok?

Blake Gideon: Tight like these sophomores' asses I'm gonna hit later tonight!

Will Muschamp: Yeah. Just like that.


Blake Gideon: Coach is the coolest. Flip cup baaaabaaaayyyyy. WOOOOOOOO!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Ron Artest's impression of Dave Chappelle's impression of Rick James always makes Kobe laugh.

"Hey Robin Lopez, what did the five fingers say to the face?!"

This picture was just entirely too great not to post. Why not make it a caption contest? Go for it.


"Now you see kids, Ron did a very good thing by coming to me first to tell me that he broke the window. Thank you, Ron, now you go play with the blocks while the grown ups clean it up."

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Monday Morning S--t Storm

Today we are going to examine athlete/celebrity look a likes.

I realize that athletes ARE technically celebrities, but play along with me.

This has been bothering me for weeks, but I can't get over the fact that Brent Celek looks like an athletic Napoleon Dynamite.

Just listen to him.


So for the shit storm let's get some athlete look alike's.


Friday, December 10, 2010

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Guhhh. Cheer me up, Kareem.

There we go.

So yeah. The Holidays are here. We had a Christmas office party today. It was ok, I guess. I wasn't working, so that was good, but it was just an organized stress-free gathering, not necessarily a Partay, if you know what I'm talking about. There's something so unsettling about trying to be social but still needing to be professional. Fuck that noise. There's no middle ground with Icehouse.

Whatever, let's just get through this so I can drink a daiquiri while driving home.

First, we have the dreaded BUTT DRAG. If this kid serves time, I hope somebody quotes Office Space to him.

Eli Young band is like less successful Rascal Flatts. Or emo Big & Rich. Or something awful. Look, fuck them and their Affliction Ed Hardy bullshit.

The NBA has hit it's stride. Things are starting to shake out, the teams are gelling, and Jamal Crawford is breaking your ass down, chump.
Got 'im, Coach.

Just so you don't forget, Rajon Rondo is bananas.

I like to think that everybody in Montana is like this. Don't spoil it for me.

From what I've heard, this video is uncomfortably accurate.

And finally, Grand Theft Auto come to life. I envy this kid.

Well, that was fun. Give us a little escapism, Alana.

See y'all on the other side.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Urban Meyer Addresses His Team

Urban: Ok men, tough year. But, what do we do at Florida?





Urban: That being said, I'm resigning. For real this time.

OK see you at the Outback Bowl.

John Brantley: This is because I'm a pocket passer. Isn't it? ISN'T IT?!?!?!?!?!?!

(Meanwhile in Denver)


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Danny, The In Your Face Bandwagon Fan


Yo you see MY BOY Cam Newton this year? Shit I told you he was gonna be awesome, so fucking awesome he makes your head fuck itself when you watch him. Mother fucker is the spawn of Vince Lombardi and Bear Bryant, raised by Cecil to make sure my boy gets paid. What? That surprises you? My boy didn't ask for money, the entire football world showed up to his house with golden carriages, drawn by the finest quarter horses, filled with cash, coke, and 300 variations of the QB power.

My boy is the black Tim Tebow, cept he can throw and gets pussy. My boy Cam gets so much pussy his nickname is hello kitty. He runs through defenses like Alexander the Great ran through Persia with his Macedonian army, destroying the statue of Xerxes and burning the Palace in a blatant retaliation of Xerxes burning the Acropolis in 330 B.C. Cam is so awesome that if you walked into a room full of bikini models holding bottles of whiskey and midgets it wouldn't be nearly as cool as My boy Cam.

How bout MY BOY Blake Griffin?

Shit, Blake is so bad he runs with scissors in both hands....holding the handle. Fuck your safety scissors. You thought he messed up his knee last year? WRONG, my boy took a year off to investigate Julian Assange. Blake is so bad he makes Charlie Rangel scared. Ever wonder what would happen if King Kong and Godzilla had a baby? You would Get Blake Griffin. He frightens Japanese people with his ability to destroy large buildings. Guess who put the hole in the Ozone? Fuckin Blake playing hopscotch. When you google Blake Griffith it says "Did you mean fucking awesome." When my boy dunks it registers a 9.5 on the richer scale, which is greater than the New Madrid earthquakes of 1811-1812 that devastated much of northwest Arkansas and St. Louis. Evidence of which you can still fucking see today yo.

And did you see MY BOYS last night?

Hey guess what NFL, when you piss in a hornets nest you get stung on your dick. Guess who killed the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae, Fuckin Danny Woodhead running through their phalanx and Tom Brady finishing them off with football missiles to the head. My Boys are so bad even the Care Bears can't turn them. The Patriots ended Soviet Russia. Bill Belichick takes timeouts so he can make his move against Kasparov. Shit, he was the one who found Bobby Fisher in the first place. He's so good he can make Tedy Brushchi a pro bowler. The defense is like any normal defense, if you define any normal defense as 11 Silverback Gorrilas on Dianobol. Our front office is so smart it's no longer considered game theory, it's Patriot Theory. Our QB is so smooth he can sell Uggs. Haven't heard of Deion Branch in a while? That's because he was busy establishing his Mexican Drug Cartel. Shit, the Patriots offense torches defenses like Sherman Torched the South on his famous march to the sea in 1865 in which the Union secured its financial and industrial advantage due to the scorched earth policies. Does that offend you South. THE PATRIOTS DON'T CARE!!!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Monday Morning S--t Storm

I'm sure you've all seen this.

Evidently, some Norwegians do this show about old stars who affected some young Norwegian. I especially like the Alberto Tomba appearance.

/hand gestures

Anyway for this shit storm let's remember some of the one hit wonder sports stars of the world.
My first selection is Tommy Frazier.

I hate Nebraska, but Tommy Frazier was amazing, especially as a 12 year old kid. After his college career all I knew was that he played a couple years in the CFL, similar to all other Nebraska QB's

Shit storm begin

Friday, December 3, 2010

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Man. It's been a while. Sorry to all of our followers who expected more productivity from us. Not really.

Anyway. It's been a time for family and togetherness.

Wooooo! Shirtless drinkin! Ok. Let's get bizzay.

So last night, Icehouse went and saw Love and Other Drugs. The movie a) is a late 90's period piece and b) features a lot of Anne Hathaway naked. Like, a whole lot. THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT THIS MOVIE IS ACCEPTABLE TO SEE. The nudity was simply a ploy to make guys be all, "yeah, it was awesome, there was tits." No. The tits merely linked together one unfunny scene to the next. So yeah, go see Faster starring Dwayne Johnston.


First and foremost, the year in scandals. Taiwanese animation style.

Last night LeBron went all LEBRON JAMES on the Cavs. He knew he was going to have some animosity coming into the game, but he looks pretty surprised and butthurt from Mo Williams dissing him.

And now, here's a WHOLE LOT OF PUKE.

Downhill mountain biker Brian Lopes makes me want to shit my pants by flying down this course in Whistler, British Columbia.

Here's some super fun ski crashes, in honor of the opening of the season.

This is a new meme. It has immediately endeared itself to Lattimer and myself.

Charles Bronson kills hipsters. Bout fucking time.

So yeah. Fuck this week. Punch it in the face.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Ron Artest happened.

After the Rockets beat the Lakers last night, Ron Artest called a radio station, impersonating Luis Scola.

Powered by Podbean.com

If I had a time machine that could take me back to last Thursday, I'd tell everybody in the world that I was thankful for Ron Artest. Because I am, and I forgot to say it.

I love you Ron. No homo.

I want to start a Free Radio Ron. It would be nothing but Ron Artest, 24/7. I would give him a wireless mic that he could just roll around with all day like Ruby Rhod from the Fifth Element.

Freezin' those knees, my chickadees.

via The Game