It's not really a sports commercial. However,per request from the Big Pete... enjoy
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
It's been a month, and 16 teams have been whittled down to 4. It's been pretty great to watch, even though there have been very few surprises. Here's a round-by-round break down.
Western Conference, Round 1.
-Lakers beat the Nuggets. Duh.
-Jazz beat the Rockets. If the Rockets with Yao couldn't beat the Jazz in the first round of last year, why would the Rockets without Yao do it this year? There was one slightly funny moment, in that a bunch of polygamists protested outside Salt Lake's Energy Solutions Arena, saying that Texas is violating the Civil Rights of polygamists. Shows how out of it these people are. First of all, the only thing the state of Texas is doing is sending a bunch of child molesters to a just punishment: being anally raped by H-town gangbangers until they die a lonely and depressing death. Second of all, saying that Houston has anything in common with where that compound was is silly, since they're about 500 miles away from each other. Kind of like saying these protesters have anything to do with Las Vegas debauchery.
-Spurs beat the Suns. This one is depressing, because the Suns are great fun, maybe even my second favorite team in the NBA. The fact that they keep having to run into the Champs is just painful. Furthermore, it kind of set off a bomb in the valley of the sun, causing the exit of D'Antoni.
-Hornets beat the Mavericks. Mavs suck, and they fired the only person who could have done something about it, Avery Johnson.
Eastern Conference, Round 1.
-Celtics beat the Hawks. This one was hilarious, because there's no reason it should have lasted seven games if the C's are really that good. It also shows that the Hawks could do something good next year, provided that they hang on to Josh Smith and Joe Johnson. Furthermore, it provided the best new drinking game: drink anytime Josh Childress does anything.
-Cavaliers beat the Wizards. I don't think there's much good going to come out of Washington in the near future. Unless Gilbert explodes because next year is his contract year.
-Magic beat the Raptors. This is another example of two teams I want to see do well having to play each other way too early in the playoffs. Sorry, Toronto, your team is still good.
-Pistons beat the 76ers. Pistons should have destroyed this team, but they didn't. Makes the East look really suspect.
Western Conference, Round 2.
-Lakers beat the Jazz. Good series, but the Kobeshow is pretty unstoppable this year. One thing that I noticed is that at one point in time, the Salt Lake newspaper began to compare Carlos Boozer to Karl Malone, saying that for all his talents, he will never get it done in the post season, and Utah should get rid of him. Needless to say, *EDITED FOR CONTENT*.
-Spurs beat the Hornets. Could the Spurs please beat a team that I don't like? Please? Chris Paul, David West and Tyson "Straight outta Compton" Chandler are awesome, and were undeserving of the fate of playing the Champs. Although it went to seven games, it was an odd series, because all the games were pretty much home court blowouts. There are two things to point out. Robert "the Hitman" Horry did not cheap -shot David West, it was just an unfortunate collision. The second thing is how wacky New Orleans games are. Whenever Peja hits a shot, a bunch of dudes start running around with enormous cutouts of Peja's face. It looks hilarious. The first game was delayed because the Hornets arena staff doused one end with fire-extinguisher dust. The famous people in the crowd involved Forrest "Ghost Dog" Whittaker, Bow Wow, and Wendell "Bunk Moreland" Pierce. Finally, game seven was delayed because people started hucking stuff onto the court. In addition to that, the crowd would boo for the duration of every Spurs possession of all 4 first quarters. I'm all for fans getting into the game, but *EDITED FOR CONTENT*.
Eastern Conference, Round 2.
-Celtics beat the Cavaliers. If the C's think they're going to win a championship without winning an away game, they're dead wrong. Also, if you can't win one fucking game at the Phillips Arena in Hotlanta, you won't be winning one in the Palace at Auburn Hills in the D. Count on it. I was sad to see the LeBrons to get bounced, but at least LeBron can get back to his true love, marketing himself.
-Pistons beat the Magic. I was singing the praises of the Magic this entire year, but they got plain out-experienced. And Tayshaun will toss your shit for no reason. And the almighty Sheed played out of his mind. Finally, the Magic need someone else to take the big shot at the end of the game besides Hedo "Hedon't Turkeyglue" Turkoglu.
Let's all enjoy the draft lottery and the Conference Finals, although the true championship will the the Western Conference. Finally, I will leave the the parting prophecy that two things need to happen for the Spurs to win it all. I can't be in Texas, and it has to be an odd-numbered year. Things don't look good, but I would love for there to be an exception that proves the rule, especially because the Big Island doesn't have too many miles left.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Well, this video really needs no explanation. It's pure insanity, and that's all there is to say. Filmed in Snow Park, New Zealand, rally driver Ken Block (famous everywhere but America) drives his Subaru around to become the climax of the DC Shoes production, Mountain Lab 1.5. The lousy Primus song doesn't make me happy, but the rest is baffling.
Monday, May 12, 2008
When you think about great commercials, you have to think about great commercials involving athletes. This one is fabulous for several reasons. First, the grainy video and sound quality add to the fake authenticity. The 70's styles involved are hilarious. Finally, the character of Dr. Funk. Vince Carter is summoned to help his losing squad by the chanting crowd of Rucker Park (real place, for all the white people out there). He subsequently crosses someone and makes them fall, buries a 3, two-hand pins a ball on the other end, makes the outlet, then windmill-dunks the oop after the behind-the-back alley. All in all, poetry in motion.