Friday, October 30, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Kobe and Ron. They totally want to make out.

Shit. It's on now. Shit could get crazy. CRAZY I SAY. Ok. On with it.

First up, we have Ghostface reading us a ghost story. BECAUSE IT'S HALLOWEEN! THE GAYEST OF THE FAKE HOLIDAYS.

In America, Batman prevents crime. In France, Manbat commits crimes.

There will be a class taught at Harvard next year on season 4 of the Wire. In honor of that, we give you Omar Little.

More Halloween awesomeness. More from Warming Glow.

The Wizards have way too much flavor. They are awesome.

And in the HolySHIT of all HolySHITs this week, Ron Artest raps about Afghan Women. Ron Artest is just the best. The world is better for him.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hispanic Heritage Funk


Carmelo Anthony's father is Puerto Rican. He has the Puerto Rican flag tattooed on his hand.

Of course, if you ask Paul Milsap about it, he may just break down crying. Seriously, a stupid lob pass gets ganked and a second later the thief crams on your ass? Yeah. That's an unfortunate turn of events.

So the sticky Nuggs are awesome, because of stuff like that. I'm starting the chant now. Melo for MVP. Melo is a Valuable Puertorriqueño. Shit yeah.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Caption Contest!

Michael Cooper: "Way to go, Kobe, but we gotta go. The Michael Jackson movie premiere is across the street."


Magic Johnson: "Hey where all the white women at?"
AC Green: "No, Magic."


Kobe: "Hey did all you guys here? I'm the best player in the world! Maybe the best of all time!"
Michael Cooper, Magic Johnson, AC Green: "Riiiiiight."

From the Lakers ring ceremony last night. Enjoy.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009



Yes. YES. Break out your beers, pick your favorite goon-ass role-player and drink every time he does something. I call JaVale McGee (His Wizards tip off against the Mavericks at 8:30 ET. It's not on nationally).

We also get our first look at the NBA's version of Yankees-Red Sox! The first look at Shaq and LeBron (Shabron if they win, LeBraq if they lose) against the Celtics. OMG! SHEED! Rondo wants a new contract, KG says he's healthy, Paul Pierce still thinks he's the best player in the world, Glen "Big Baby" Davis is out indefinitely after breaking his thumb in a fight, and Jesus Shuttlesworth is himself. DID I MENTION THAT RASHEED WALLACE IS ON THAT TEAM?!

The Clippers get to begin their existential blight of a season without #1 pick Blake Griffin, since he broke his kneecap. Still gotta tune in to the late game, though. They're playing Kobe, Pau, Lamar, RON GODDAMN ARTEST and the rest of the Kardashians.

Elsewhere in Fox Sports local land, we have the playoff match up of the Rockets and Blazers. Lamarcus Aldridge just signed a big extension for the boys from PDX. Tracy McGrady and Yao better pray that Trevor Ariza is half as good as Artest was for them, or they could be looking at not even making the post season.


Monday, October 26, 2009

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

Lattimer is away working on stuff. I just got to work after being in Memphis all weekend. We're a little worn out, so bear with us.

Today's shit storm is simple. Take a sport that is not inside the collective conscience of mainstream America that you would like to see in that realm. Mine is simple. Surfing.

Shit yeah.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

NFL Thoughts of the week

Icehouse has a nice idea with his NBA posts. Good idea, strong idea. I think I'll take it.

So here's the thing. Sitemeter overlords tell me nobody visits on Sunday and we are low on NFL content. there is an infinite amount of NFL information on the internets so what we're going to do is highlight a player/team every week AND we can have this serve as our open thread IF anyone actually stops by and reads this.

/see's two birds
//throws single stone

So our first Hobbersonian highlight is none other than Steven Jackson of the St. Louis Rams.

Steven is the best player on the worst team in the NFL. And what sucks is that if he were playing for any type of competent organization he would be widely considered the best all around back in the NFL. That's right I said it. Look, SJ is much like Marshall Faulk he can run inside, outside, catch, block, tolerate Mike Martz. Sure they have different styles, but their skill sets remain the same.

Anyway, I feel for him. There were rumors of him getting traded. (and the Rams have a long illustrious history of trading away players so they can become stars on other teams) What's worse is that the OC Pat Shurmur has gotten a case of the dumbasses. Last week against the Jags the Rams were in the game, hell they were even winning. How many carries did SJ get in the second half? Something like 3-5, which is bullshit. Hey Shurmur, SJ is like a badass racecar set and when your friends come over all you want to do is dick around with your pogs. This makes you an idiot and borderline asshole. On the real though, everyone gets worried about SJ but he's one of those guys that can take the rock 30 times a game, hell he needs 30+ touches.

Finally, if you want to know more about him, SJ has his own little website. It's ok, he basically talks about how he likes architecture, fashion, and trucking fools.

Alright NFL related issues in the comment section.

Friday, October 23, 2009

F*ck off, we're busy

It's on now, motherfuckers.

So, we may have a new writer coming, who could possibly keep a D1 basketball player's views on life.

No fun bag today, y'all. We're busy. Busy partying. Normally we wait til the end of the day to party. Not today. Today we party now.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It's almost time for tip-off!

That's right, it is. The NBA starts the 27th. Last year I posted a whole host of divisional previews. Six of them, to be exact. The year before that, I did a 30 reasons to watch bit. This year... well this year I was just completely unprepared. And by unprepared I mean that I get home from work and don't care to sit in front of this glowing rectangle much more. So this year, you'll get a bunch of quick hits of little observations that I make.

Today's thing that makes me happy? DeJuan Blair.

Yeah. Dude is right. The Spurs picked this guy up with the 7th pick in the second round. He only was the best player on the most consistently good team of last year. For real real.

He's kind of short. Sure he sort of had knee problems. But he was still stomping around and funking on fools! Fools named Hasheem Thabeet! Remember him? That 7'3" worm with a fat ass had nothing on DeJuan. DeJuan throws his own ass around like he means it.

DeJuan likes playing hoops. He has the footwork, plays with his shoulders all up in grills, and hops. Man I love seeing dudes like this get up. He's got the long-ass arms to cock it back, and he throws down with a WHOOSH. Promptly thereafter, he plummets back to earth, like a beanbag chair tossed from a balcony. Bankshot? Check. Jumpshot? Check. Post moves? Check. Free throws? Nope, but we forgive a lapse at the line when you get boards. Does he get boards? Well, in his first preseason game, he put up 16 points and 19 rebounds in 22 minutes.

/rubs eyes

19 BOARDS?! IN 22 MINUTES?! Must have been some no names guarding him.

//watches film

Nope, it was Chuck Hayes and Luis Scola. If you can play against those guys, you can play against most jabronies in the League. DeJuan got that work.

Long story short, the dude is like Jason Maxiell, except likeable, and with an offensive game. I call him the Loveseat. We'll see if it catches on. Oh, and follow him on twitter. Having a happy-go-lucky dude on your web page is way better than some cocky assbag.

So yeah. Number 45 has me excited for the season.

Caption Contest!

Paul Pierce: "You got all our numbers yet?"
Rasheed Wallace: "Ha, yeah. Look at what I put for Glen Davis: 'Don't Answer.' Ha!"


Sheed: "Yo, Paul, yo bitch keep callin' me. Put that ho on a leash, yo."


PP: "Hey Rasheed, what are you doing?"
Sheed: "Tweeting a bunch of jokes about how your knees hurt because you've been on them too much. Get it? It's a blowjob joke, Paul."

Sheed and Pdouble have always been favorites of mine. I'm glad they're on the same team. I just wish that it wasn't a Boston team.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday Morning S--t Storm

There were some questionable calls in Saturday's Arkansas Florida game, with this one being the most blatant, "uhhhhh I'm a huge ref dumbass call."

But this isn't about the game because Arkansas had more than enough chances to win.

No this storm is darker.

We all know there have been point shaving scandals, but I'm just curious, how many games are blatantly fixed?

When I say fixed I mean, one team is going to win, and the other will lose. I also wonder how many times there is point shaving and we don't even realize it.

Like I said, the shaving happens, but a loaded game? It has to have happened at some point in the current sports era.

Ok thoughts on gambling, begin.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Woo! Hangin with the OKC Thunder! We fittin to partay!

Yes. UT-OU weekend up in this bitch. It's time to get down.

OU fans never cease to amaze. Seriously.

I like "The Funeral" by Band of Horses. I really, really, really like cool bike stunts. Basically, this video is the best thing I saw on the internet all week.

John Travolta can sell anything in Japan.

So can Brad Pitt.

This is kind of long, but wingsuit flying must be orgasmic.
"Do you think anyone in the world had as much fun today as we did?"

Watch CBS News Videos Online

And Adidas has set the bar for shoe commercials this season. Your move, Nike and Jordan Brand (they're going to win, but you know).

Well, I'm pumped. If you're not, get out of the way. I'm ready to get down to business. If I get a felony assault tomorrow, it's someone else's fault.

Dallas Has Gotten Considerably Uglier and Stupider

Yeah. Oklahoma fans remind me of the McPoyles.

So the Red River Shootout is this weekend. I live in Dallas (against my wishes), and the city has been overrun in the past 36 hours with the Oklahoma faithful. They are a bunch of weird fucks, that's for sure.

Yeah, I know I'm a homer. No, I don't care. But looking at these people objectively, there is something off about them. They're just... I don't know. I'm sure they're nice, I'm sure they're good people on the inside. I wouldn't invite them to any party I was throwing, is all.

Their mascot is the Sooner. As in, the people that settled Oklahoma got to the land "sooner" than everyone else. One things: Oklahoma became a state in 1907. Yeah. 1907. As in, Seventy-one years AFTER Texas became its own country. These guys are first and foremost, later than the surrounding settlers. Second of all, they're some fucking quitters. You dipshits stopped your covered wagons in Oklahoma? Were you aware that Colorado was the next state over? Then Utah, California, the Pacific Ocean, and a whole host of other places that are nicer to live than Oklahoma?

And don't get me started on the 'horns down' hand signal. It's just retarded. However, I would like to thank OU fans for the money they give Texas when they purchase Longhorn stickers for the sole purpose of putting them upside down on their not-as-jacked-up trucks.

About the game, specifically. Disney is going balls out to talk about how awesome it is that Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford are buddies.

That's all well and good, I'm all for friendship and peace. But, I DON'T WANT MY QUARTERBACK FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY! This is war, son! You need that killer instinct! You need to be putting your facemask on someone's chin without hesitation! You need to fire with dead-eye accuracy and without remorse, just like when you shoot varmints!

I hate this weekend.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Random Football Notes

Came across some interesting issues and articles this week so I decided to share them with the Hobbers.

SEC Overrated???- Jay Christensen who runs the excellent CFB site The wiz of odds recently wrote a piece discussing whether the SEC was overrated, specifically if the conference has benefited from the "Hype Machine." And generally I agree that the SEC is overrated...but they are still the best conference hands down. In terms of the hype machine? Who DOESN'T benefit from the hype machine. There indeed is a dominant group thought in the media but the shit goes in cycles.


2005-2006 USC was undefeated, ready to face the Texas Longhorns in the Rose Bowl for the MNC. (Which to this day is still the best CFB game I've ever seen) First we have Reggie Bush. To be sure, Bush was an excellent college player, but he was never the guy who could completely take over a game. (See Rose Bowl, 2005) He was a flashy guy who made insane runs who played for the media darling. As a result he won the Heisman over clearly the best player in CFB, Vince Young. Hype Machine-1 Logic-0. Now, if you remember the foreman of the hype machine plant, ESPN held a "Best CFB teams of all time" or some damn segment on sports center in what became the most disgusting thing I've ever witnessed in sports media. ESPN, in their infinite wisdom, "crowned" the 2005 USC team the greatest ever....BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY PLAYED IN THE NATIONAL TITLE GAME. Which they lost. This is just one example, I could go back and find situations like this every year. Shit this year they are actually talking about Bama and Florida playing twice. One for the SEC championship and the second time in the MNC. Huh, I've never seen that brilliant idea before.

So I guess my point is sure, the SEC is overrated but when you actually look at it, they are still the best conference in CFB. And there will ALWAYS be a "hype machine" forcing agendas down our throat.

(This is why I hate writing for GRH, I have to defend assholes who chant S-E-C, S-E-C and Texas)

Mush Heads- Everyone's favorite fro'd economist Malcolm Gladwell wrote a piece for The New Yorker where he desperately tried to connect mush head football players to Mike Vick's washed up dogs. A for effort, F for actual relevancy. But more to the point. Gladwell, along with everyone else, highlights the impact, (PUN) concussions have on athletes. Two things come from this article. 1. Concussions are bad and coaches, trainers, and athletes need to be educated on dealing with concussions. Totally agree, as a recipeint of several...or was it 2....maybe 5? concussions that I didn't tell anyone about, I agree the culture in all sports needs to change from take an Advil and play to hey let's get this checked out. It's funny because concussions aren't that painful or scary, and if you read the piece it's kind of hard to tell if you have one or not. (I always thought it was being drunk or swimming in a pool all day long) Anyway I know/played with guys who have had significant head trauma and it's kinda scary to see how some of these guys end up. (Although it's a weak correlation to causation argument)

2. Gladwell hints at the fact that the game should change in order to cure these injuries.
In December of 1905, the presidents of twelve prominent colleges met in New York and came within one vote of abolishing the game. But the main objection at the time was to a style of play—densely and dangerously packed offensive strategies—that, it turns out, could be largely corrected with rule changes, like the legalization of the forward pass and the doubling of the first-down distance from five yards to ten. Today, when we consider subtler and more insidious forms of injury, it’s far from clear whether the problem is the style of play or the play itself.
Ok let's just back it up one second. First off Gladwell cites specific instances where former players have had issues from concussions. But what of the others who live a perfectly healthy life. Think about all the football players in this country. Let's say middle school to pro..........yeah a lot. Now add in all the years we have been playing football in this country. Also, a lot. So even though I think the issue needs to be addressed I also think it's a tad bit premature to label this as an epidemic. My second point is that playing football is a choice and entering the game one knows the inherent risks involved. I heard a radio host say "I'm not going to let my son play football after reading this." Fine, he would probably suck anyway. The other thing I'd like to point out is the various things a 16 year old can do. Now think back to when you were that age, how many potentially dangerous situations were you involved in. I'll let you think.

A ton of stuff, trust me I know.

Main point is, yes we do need to address concussions with greater concern. But comparing football players to Mike Vick's dogs or asserting that we need to change the structure of the game? Child please.

Last point, and I'll make it quick. I was kinda joking with Rush owning the Rams earlier, but it seems people are really pissed off about this. And to that I reply: Get over yourself. Josh Zerkle of KSK Punte fame wrote a decent response earlier this week. I'll add one more point. Sometimes I want to get away from politics and bullshit. In order to do this I watch the NFL or read Dan Brown/Clive Cussler books. Why? I don't want to think, I just want to veg out. So please, please don't ruin this for me. It's the same type of shit we saw with Mike Vick getting reinstated.

I have enough shit to deal with. Please....PLEASE don't make me defend Rush.

Caption Contest!

Michael Jordan: "Hey, what is this class again?"
Sam Perkins: "Human Sexuality 456."
Michael Jordan: "Oh hell yes."


Girl in the background: "Excuse me, do you mind if we trade seats? I can't see over you."
Jordan: "Sorry baby, I wanna LEARN."


Jordan: "You smooth, what are you going to spend your first million on?"
Perkins: "I'ma buy both these hos behind us something really nice."

Big Smooth and Money Mike in a classroom. All sorts of fun involved.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hablamos de la Liga de Fútbol Nacional!

We've been talking about CFB lately, and we'll talk more as I collect my BCS thoughts. However I think it's time we talk a little NFL football.

I don't know if you noticed, but this month is NFL Hispanic Heritage Month. If you watched MNF last night you MIGHT have picked up on it with Anthony singing the National Anthem, Estefan doing "Are you ready for some football" with Hank Williams Junior. (I bet he wants to spit some beechnut in that producer dude's eye...cause a country boy can survive) You also may have noticed that Mark Sanchez is indeed a Mexican-American, and the first penalty was announced in Spanish. Again, you had to look closely, but it was there.

In all seriousness, I think it's cool that the NFL is trying to expand their product. The picture above shows the Mexican U-19 national team that competed in the IFAF world championships this summer. They finished in 4th behind Japan, (Japan has a baller team) Canada, and the U.S.A MOTHER FUCKERS!!!. I watched a couple of games and the international quality of American football is much better than I expected. They showed a shot in Mexico City where groups gather every week in movie theaters to watch MNF, and you know what, I think that's cool. Hell I even like having a regular season game in London, and in the future Mexico City. However I will go all Pat Buchanon when the Ginger Overlord talks about having the Super Bowl outside of the U.S.A. FIRST THEY TAKE OUR JEEEERBS NOW THEY'RE TAKIN OUR FOOTBAWWWWWW.

I interviewed GRH Hispanic heritage expert, Icehouse, about his thoughts.
"we gave Hispanics a pretty sweet month
October is nice
not too hot
has football

October is also breast cancer awareness month, as you can tell by all the NFL standard issue pink flare. I went to the Iggles game this past Sunday and the NFL is doing a pretty good job with this. I've had family members affected by this disease and it's comforting to know that some of my $5,000 12 oz. will go to a good cause.

Ok now on to the teams.

Giants-Vikings-Colts-Saints: In my mind these are the four best teams in the NFL right now. The Giants and Saints are going to throw down next Sunday at 1:00 EST. (FACK, why can't we have flex scheduling the entire year) The giants have looked strong, but a lot of that comes from the weak schedule they've had. However in all fairness they've dominated those teams, sans Dallas. NOLA on the other hand has played the Iggles and Jets. Everyone wants to talk about Drew Brees and the offense. They are doing well, make no mistake, but the big surprise is the Saints defense completely pwning people week in and week out. I'll give the advantage to the Saints.

In other news, Pey Pey is still good.

Everyone is blowing Brittfar, but C'mon, they were a solid team with T-Jack behind center.

In other news, I can't stand Brittfar.

Naturally we have a lot of teams bunched in the middle. I'll go ahead and say that I think the Iggles, Pats, and Jets have the best shot at the playoffs. Pats and Jets have run into some good teams. The Iggles have been passing the ball well, but watch out if they ever get that running game going.

I could include the Bears in this segment, but they have a pretty hard schedule coming up so who knows how they will eventually turn out. Same could be said for Atlanta.

One team that I THINK could emerge is Pittsburgh. They have a decent schedule and the running game should pick up.

Two surprise teams: Tennessee and Denver. The Titans have completely blown every game they've played in. Sure, they were competitive in several games, but GD that defense blows. NFL blowhards will point to the departure of Albert Haynesworth, but I think it has to do more with the Jim Schwartz heading off to the Lions. Denver on the other hand seems to keep pulling shit out of their ass through five weeks. However, the schedule gets significantly harder in the coming weeks, so we shall see what boy wonder and the town drunk are made of.

Finally we have the WORST team in the NFL. This Honor goes to the St. Louis Rams. For real, they suck hard, real hard.

For those of you who care, Stovall and Harem of Men( our only girl...besides pope and early favorite for team name award) are leading the GRH fantasy league (undefeated). Stovall, however, did not draft so take that for what it's worth.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday Morning S--t Storm

Fairly Simple.

Columbus Day

Favorite Italian American sports figure.


Tony Siragusa


Friday, October 9, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Jamal isn't drunk, he's just doing the Dirty Bird.

A lot of people asked me, "Hey Lattimer, what did you think of the Cardinals the past two games." Well...luckily we have some video evidence of my reaction.

You know it's the preseason in the NBA when announcers start breaking down Dirk's hair cut.

In the words of Icehouse: "OMG FUNK!!!"

I know the recession has hit us all, but my god look at what Slim Thug has to deal with. Cutting back on throwback jersey purchases is simply un-American.
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Slim Thug Feels the Recession
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorRon Paul Interview

And finally in honor of Imus coming back on the Fox Business Channel, we have Cardinal Egan.

Ok Hobbers, write if you find work.

Barack Obama Early Favorite to Win Heisman Trophy

WASHINGTON -- Amassing a stellar personal record of gamesmanship, President Barack Obama, a true freshman from the University of Illinois, is projected to be the heavy-favorite for the coveted Heisman Trophy halfway through the college football season.

While the 6'1-1/2" WR has left much to be desired in terms of yards, receptions, touchdowns and blocks, fans say his lack of fumbles, penalties and dropped balls are a testament to the gritty determination of the Fighting Illini's heart and soul.

"He's a proven leader, much like that Tim Tebow guy," said sports analyst Kirk Herbstriet. "His words are as dazzling as his stats. I mean, he hasn't dropped one ball all year? That's a winner in my book. Plus, his determination and will-to-win are second to none.

"He's really brought about a change in the culture of college football, and that prose of his can really fire a team up."

Heisman voters agree that while it may seem premature to give a mere freshman the most prized award in all of college football while not having much to show for it yet, voters are excited about the prospects that 'yet' may yield.

"I mean, he could be the best wide receiver ever!," said Heisman voter Brent Musburger. "The best ever. You gotta think he's going to follow through with all this."

Others remain skeptical, claiming hype over production does not a Heisman-winner make.

"He hasn't really, uh, done anything yet," said known racist and QB-advocate Matt Leinart, winner of the 2005 Heisman Trophy. "Why'd you write 'racist' next to my name?"

Obama and Illini Coach Ron Zook had yet to make a statement about the early-morning revelation, as Obama is the President of the Student Body and has been busy dealing with a ruling on hazing violations in the Alpha Tau Omega House, as well as the Iranian Nuclear crisis.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

49er's Coach Mike Singletary Completely Forgets Name of Starting QB in Press Conference

SAN FRANSISCO -- During the daily meeting with the local press outlets, 49er's head coach Mike Singletary forgot the name of his team's starting quarterback, despite the team's impressive 3-1 record.

"We're glad to have Michael Crabtree coming to the team. Our quarterback...uh, our QB, is very excited...we're all excited to have another target for...another target for us to throw to," stammered Singletary.

Singletary not only seemed to forget the player in question's name -- who may or may not have thrown for 700 yards and five touchdowns already this season with only one interception -- but that the person under center even existed at all.

"Hoo. Boy, that guy is an athlete," shrugged the Hall of Fame linebacker, now popular coach. "But not only does he provide the sort of athleticism and poise you look for in a guy like him, but he's just uh. Wow, you know he's the type of guy you'd want your daughter to marry?"

When pressed on the identity, Singletary blinked. "Nope. I have no clue who I want my daughter to marry."

Back-up tight end/place kicker Shaun Hill said he was furious over the entire press conference, but would not say why.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Shape of Cowboys That Never Came.

In 2007, the Cowboys were 13-3, rolling over virtually all competitors. They stumbled over their dicks into the postseason and lost to the eventual champion New York Giants. They were the shape of the Cowboys to come. The people were excited. The air was abuzz at what could happen. The Boys rolled over everyone not named the Patriots. Sure, they fucked up against the Eagles and Giants at the end of the year, but they can't win them all, right?

No. Something happened. They could have won them all (if they didn't play that year's Patriots). Something evil happened. I personally blamed Jessica Simpson. But it was worse than that. Romo started reading what people thought about him. It wasn't like that before. Before, Romo played by the seat of his pants. He was the wild card. He turned twenty yard losses into thirty yard gains. He threw six interceptions in one game and still pulled out a win. It was simply magical.

Basically, there was a paradigm shift. The Romo that made shit happen became just another cog in a machine. Less a player and more a statistic. No longer was he a winner that invented ways to win, he was suddenly something quantifiable. People, including himself, began to look at statistics and trends. Graphs. Charts. Shit like that.

He used to be a goddamn football player. He used to win football games. Now he's just a statistic, just a fantasy football player. The rest of the team suffers for it.

The shape of the Cowboys to come never came.

Caption Contest!

Nobody tries to hit Larry Fitzgerald at his new job. Except for of course, Enrique the bus boy.


Larry: "Y'all want to see me cook some meat or catch some touchdowns? I came prepared for both."


Larry: "Well, I told Kurt that 'Morton's' was at a strip club, but that's just because I didn't want him showing up."

These were terrible. This picture is funny. Do good work.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Rams Blow Hard

With our successful acquisition of the Charlotte Hobbcats, GRH was set to acquire the struggling St. Louis NFL franchise. However it seems that our email responses were not quick enough because national beacon of hope Rush Limbaugh is putting together a proposal with Blues owner Dave Checketts to purchase a majority ownership of the St. Louis Rams. That's correct, the pride of Cape Girardeau has a very good chance of running the St. Louis Rams. Watch out Al, Jerry, and Daniel because if you thought the smear campaign against Obama was bad you aint seen nothing yet.

Now many of you may laugh off this idea, but as a Rams fan this hits home, and to be honest nothing but good can come of this. First off Think about the increased fan base. Rush is easily the highest rated talk radio personality and when he tells his viewers to root for the Rams they'll ask "How hard." PLUS we'll get nightly updates on the Rams from Sean Hannity. ESPN east coast bias be damned.

Another factor is the impending end of the salary cap. In this type of climate, a fiscal conservative is EXACTLY what the Rams need. Honestly, with all the chips on the table why waste money on silly things like free agents, re-signing players, scouts, or coordinators. You see if RUSH does well the money will simply trickle down to the players, and through competition we will become unstoppable.

As we all know, injuries become a problem in the NFL and I have no doubt that Rush will provide the team with the best health care possible. Given that it is not provided by the team, or the Federal Government.

Rush is a controversial figure, that goes without saying, but I think there will be a huge MSNBC/Daily Kos/Huffington post backlash against our team. This could pose potential problems, however Rush will have it figured out when he hires Sara Palin as our PR rep!!! I can't think of a better individual to quit her position because the vicious attacks in the media. Her resignation will make Bill Maher's head spin. SUCK ON IT LIBERALS!!!

Rush and I go way back, and since GRH showed an interest in the team Rush and I talked about the type of team we can expect in the coming years. I was saddened over the loss of Victor Adeyanju over birth certificate conflicts, however I'm really excited on the projected roster moves.

Offense: (Wishbone)
QB: Kurt Warner
FB: Brian Leonard
LHB: Devin Jacob Hester
RHB: Toby Gerhart (2010 first round draft pick)
LT: Jake Thomas
LG: Steve Hutchinson
C: Matt Birk (out of retirement)
RG: Richie Incognito
RT: Robert Gallery
TE: Todd Heap
SE: Hines Ward

Defense: (Variant of 7-1 diamond)
DT: Chris Hovan
DT: Dan Klecko
SE: Chris Long
RE: Jared Allen
SLB: Brian Cushing
MLB: James Laurainitus
WLB: AJ Hawk
FS: Jim Leohnard
SS: Tom Zbikowski
CB: Jason Seahorn
CB: Deangelo Hall

After hearing that all I can say is RAM IT!!!

And as always take your flame wars to....fuck it flame away.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Monday Morning S--t Storm

So first question. Do you watch/like the NFL?

Reason I ask is that recently, from what I would call football purists/ misguided super fans, I've heard that some people are disinterested loathe the NFL. I don't really think this is the case for most, but it would be interesting to hear about. Anyway their main qualms are lack of scheme diversity and crazy ass rules favoring the offense.

I'd tell them to cry me a river on #1 but they do have a point on #2. And really when you think about it the NFL has a lot of room for improvement.

So for this shit storm we all get to become Roger Goodell!!!!!!!!!!!

So basically we all get to change shit about the NFL. Sounds good? Good.

The first thing I'll start with is the worshiping of offensive players. Icehouse eloquently alluded to this point earlier this year, and I think he was spot on.

Look I understand protecting players, that's really what the rules committee should be focusing on, but it's getting to the point where it's affecting the outcome of the game. Shit I saw two this weekend alone. Example #1 comes from the Cowboys Vs. Denver. Kyle Orton threw a great pass to Eddie Royal with an oncoming pass rush in his face. Demarcus Ware? Puts a perfect hit on him right as he's releasing the ball. In fact I'd call the hit textbook. It was a smack on the helmet pat on the ass type of hit. But poor Kyle Orton's head came forward and hit Ware's. The call was helmet to helmet, additional 15 on the pass, and put Denver in FG position to tie the game at that point. The point is that legitimate helmet to helmet shots are dangerous, that's why there is a rule, but to call that on Ware is just ticky tacky bullshit.


We all remember that. The world almost stopped turning, but we survived. Heir Goodell however thought something needed to change. Which is why we now have the "Tom Brady pussy ass bitch rule." If you watched SNF you saw Suggs busting his ass and barely grazing Brady below the waist. For which he received a 15 yard penalty. And evidently this shit happened twice in that game. You should try to check out the Ray Lewis interview about it. He basically said that we have guys busting ass and they get penalized for it. If you want the QB's to be protected you should just make it two hand touch and they are down. The worst part is right after the "hit" Brady is bitching to the refs for the flag. Hell even Rodney Harrison was telling Tom to take off the skirt, but that could be the HGH talking. So yeah, all that headbutting he does is just whistling in the graveyard because at the end of the day he's worried about someone grazing his knee. But it makes sense because QB's are exposed and would NEVER do anything dirty.

And it's not just QB's, poor Hines Ward can't lay fools out because defenders can't keep their head on a swivel. Something everyone learns...the hard way...the first year they play organized football.

Again, protecting players is a good thing for the NFL, I agree that the game should go away from the Chuck Bednarick days of destroying everything in sight. But again, once it starts affecting the outcomes of games, which are becoming increasingly close in the competitive NFL, (Rams excluded) it really takes away from the whole "gridiron" feeling. My final point which I found interesting was Namath, Elway, and Marino's take on the situation. All three were recently on Joe Buck Live, and all three thought the QB rules were bullshit.

Ok I have a lot more rules and changes in mind, but I'll let the Hobbers get after it for a while.

Shit storm begin.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Ryan Leaf is ready to party, are you?

Ok first off, what the hell is the deal with young females and boys killing alligators?

New England Patriots: Fan's since 04

I never really got into the wonder years, but this pretty much sums it up.

I guess if the Olympics aren't going to be Chicago, Rio is a pretty baller place to have them. Let's just hope the athletes don't stray into the Favelas.

Ok. Football pump up videos are cool. but not when it's a serious attempt at a music video. A Christain rock football pump up music video is simply a recipe for disaster.

This is simply a giant shit stain on the great game of football. And to answer your question, NOBODY!!! may hit, run or tackle like the Eastside Catholic Crusaders, however it seems that Olympic and North Mason clearly do it better. Dumbass videos will give you a .500 record every time. These guys should take a note from...

The University of Alaska Fairbanks hockey team. Holy shit, I want this to play anytime I enter anything. I challenge anyone to find something not overwhelmingly awesome about this video.

Eastside Catholic take note: A cheap CGI hockey stick wielding polar bear flying through space destroying planets, satellites, galaxies and Sarah Palin's current town is how you make a pump up video.

Ok Hobbers bring it strong this weekend.

Well That's To Be Expected When You Chryogenically Freeze Your Noggin

This can be filed away in the Department of Too Weird and Sci-Fi-tastic to Not Be Real.

Apparently, a mole in the facility that chryogenically freezes people's heads (yes, just like Futurama) is reporting that some of the staff are less than convinced that the process would actually work, as one technician "took baseball like swings" at the frozen head of Ted Williams, one of baseball's all-time greatest hitters.

Happy Friday! I hope I didn't start some morbid weekend trend. But if so, then so be it. It's in God's hands at this point.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Mangini's Depressed Late Night Visits Only Thing Keeping Cleveland Shoney's Afloat

CLEVELAND, Ohio -- Cleveland head coach Eric Mangini is being referred to as a "blessing" and "God send" by people who don't even know that he is the head coach of their beloved Browns.

According to sources, Mangini has been frequenting a local Shoney's every night for the past four months without fail, and single-handily keeping the franchise doors open with his gargantuan orders to quell what regulars and waitresses call "the worse case of depression I have ever seen."

"I mean, this is a 24-hour Shoney's. We see a lot of hardship every day, but nothing like that chubby buddy," said graveyard-shift waitress Glenda "Star" Roberts. "God bless that poor, poor man. He does leave good tips, though, but I think it's because he doesn't feel like counting change and just leaves a few $10s and $20s."

Regulars say that Mangini has never spoken a word to any other patron, save for a single "excuse me" to get out of someone's way while entering the bathroom, among a handful of other such statements.

"One time he looked at me and said 'Sure is raining hard,'" said fellow regular Jim Haverdy. "Then he tried to smile, but with the tears and the gritted teeth and all, it look like he was trying to crap out a hernia."

Cook David Escobar says that Mangini's orders two Lumberjack meals, one Grand-Slam, as well as extra bacon and coffee throughout the meal, pausing only to inaudibly sob or stare blankly out the window overlooking the parking lot and I-55.

"He's never brought anybody before," said Escobar. "Lotta food for a little man. But, God, we're struggling here. And if it's this fat kid's sorrows that's keeping me some steady pay, go Ravens, or whoever."

In order to lift their prized customer's spirits only enough to not kill himself, but keep him depressed enough to attempt to eat himself out of his painful 0-3, quarterback-less situation, Shoney's Inc. has invited Andy Griffith to come after every Browns loss to hand-deliver a $10 gift certificate.