That's right, I said it.

The other day, I said that I was glad Jeff Lurie gave Michael Vick a second chance. That's right, I said it. I don't give a fuck.

I've got an idea. Instead of griping about me saying something, you should go to church. I heard they celebrate some dude's birthday this week, and that dude got famous because he preached about forgiveness. That dude also hung out with criminals, tax collectors, lepers. Oh what, you're surprised that a "Muslim" knows the story of Jesus? You mad? Yeah you are. You look like you're about to cry like a little bitch. Fuck you.

We have a prison system, because we try and reform criminals and give them multiple chances at leading productive lives. Why else would we let people out of jail? Under the thinking that we shouldn't forgive Mike Vick, then we should just execute everyone. You know where they execute people for petty bullshit? Iran and North Korea. You're a fucking fascist terrorist if you think we shouldn't forgive Mike Vick. Why don't you just strap a bomb to yourself and walk out into the middle of nowhere? Yes, because you're a failure as a human being and you should kill yourself.

Michael Vick is really good at football. He used to have a hobby that is unacceptable in a decent society. He was punished for things that he did. He paid his debt to society, and has been released - along with thousands of others - as a reformed ex-convict. He can't vote. He can't coach youth sports. What he can do is fuck up your favorite team every week because you're a cocksucking Giants fan. Asshole.

Michael Vick is a hero. Everybody loves a good redemption story. How many times did you see "The Fighter" this week? Hm? Yeah, Mark Wahlberg sucks and you're a racist. A man was misguided. He did some bad things. He hung out with friends who did bad things. Authorities set him straight, now he's doing what he loves for the right reasons, and making millions of people happy.

In conclusion, I'm glad OJ got acquitted, Kobe should be able to rape one white girl for every championship he's won, Tiger Woods has a bigger dick than you, and I fucked your mom. Wu Tang, bitches.

Barack Obama Early Favorite to Win Heisman Trophy

WASHINGTON -- Amassing a stellar personal record of gamesmanship, President Barack Obama, a true freshman from the University of Illinois, is projected to be the heavy-favorite for the coveted Heisman Trophy halfway through the college football season.

While the 6'1-1/2" WR has left much to be desired in terms of yards, receptions, touchdowns and blocks, fans say his lack of fumbles, penalties and dropped balls are a testament to the gritty determination of the Fighting Illini's heart and soul.

"He's a proven leader, much like that Tim Tebow guy," said sports analyst Kirk Herbstriet. "His words are as dazzling as his stats. I mean, he hasn't dropped one ball all year? That's a winner in my book. Plus, his determination and will-to-win are second to none.

"He's really brought about a change in the culture of college football, and that prose of his can really fire a team up."

Heisman voters agree that while it may seem premature to give a mere freshman the most prized award in all of college football while not having much to show for it yet, voters are excited about the prospects that 'yet' may yield.

"I mean, he could be the best wide receiver ever!," said Heisman voter Brent Musburger. "The best ever. You gotta think he's going to follow through with all this."

Others remain skeptical, claiming hype over production does not a Heisman-winner make.

"He hasn't really, uh, done anything yet," said known racist and QB-advocate Matt Leinart, winner of the 2005 Heisman Trophy. "Why'd you write 'racist' next to my name?"

Obama and Illini Coach Ron Zook had yet to make a statement about the early-morning revelation, as Obama is the President of the Student Body and has been busy dealing with a ruling on hazing violations in the Alpha Tau Omega House, as well as the Iranian Nuclear crisis.

Caption Contest!

Obama: "We need insurance for all Americans. ANKLE INSURANCE! Kobe!"

or...

Obama: "What? What? You didn't read the papers that day? We the rail splitters! And nobody's fucking with us!"

or:

Secret Service Agent 1: "Dude, your pits stink."
Secret Service Agent 2: "That's not me, man, Michelle's over there on the bench press."

We know the man loves to hoop, but there's some weird stuff going on in this picture. Have fun.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Not an athlete nor drunk, but whatever.

Could be drunk.

Anyways, this was the longest week in the world, and now I'm rewarded with a weekend full of bullshit rain. Thank God all I have to do is stay inside and do nothing but watch hoops. That'll be sweet.

Ever wonder how Chris Bosh got ready for the Olympics? Wonder no more.


Wire Elitism. To the max.


I still find it impressive that Willis McGahee still gets paid to play sports.


This guy shows you how to paint, exercise, and blend drinks, all at the same time. Apparently, it's exactly how you imagine it.


And yes, it's getting warmer.


Ok. NBA playoffs. Let's do this.

We don't need history, because we have the future.

That's right.

Going from being the Vince show to an all-around team that collectively earns the #1 spot? Now that's change we can believe in.

Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!