Friday, October 9, 2009

Barack Obama Early Favorite to Win Heisman Trophy

WASHINGTON -- Amassing a stellar personal record of gamesmanship, President Barack Obama, a true freshman from the University of Illinois, is projected to be the heavy-favorite for the coveted Heisman Trophy halfway through the college football season.

While the 6'1-1/2" WR has left much to be desired in terms of yards, receptions, touchdowns and blocks, fans say his lack of fumbles, penalties and dropped balls are a testament to the gritty determination of the Fighting Illini's heart and soul.

"He's a proven leader, much like that Tim Tebow guy," said sports analyst Kirk Herbstriet. "His words are as dazzling as his stats. I mean, he hasn't dropped one ball all year? That's a winner in my book. Plus, his determination and will-to-win are second to none.

"He's really brought about a change in the culture of college football, and that prose of his can really fire a team up."

Heisman voters agree that while it may seem premature to give a mere freshman the most prized award in all of college football while not having much to show for it yet, voters are excited about the prospects that 'yet' may yield.

"I mean, he could be the best wide receiver ever!," said Heisman voter Brent Musburger. "The best ever. You gotta think he's going to follow through with all this."

Others remain skeptical, claiming hype over production does not a Heisman-winner make.

"He hasn't really, uh, done anything yet," said known racist and QB-advocate Matt Leinart, winner of the 2005 Heisman Trophy. "Why'd you write 'racist' next to my name?"

Obama and Illini Coach Ron Zook had yet to make a statement about the early-morning revelation, as Obama is the President of the Student Body and has been busy dealing with a ruling on hazing violations in the Alpha Tau Omega House, as well as the Iranian Nuclear crisis.


  1. I believe he is also a candidate for the 2010 class of the Bowling Hall of Fame.