Friday, July 30, 2010
Hi motherfuckers. We're partying with models like Wesley Sniejder this weekend. Into the pool, bitch.
Icehouse is also not wearing underwear. Let's get it on.
First up in this funbag, we gots probably the one video that blew up the internet the most this week. Enjoy, probably again.
And of course, the other biggest video of the week. If your registered in Tennessee, please vote for him.
I think that all Hobbers need to step up their game. Not that I don't love each and every one of you, I'm just saying that this brochacho has a little more steez than what I'm seeing here. Catch the beer, Hobbers. Catch the beer.
Chris Kaman has got to be one of the only NBA players that I don't want to hang out with. Because he's ugly, you see, and Icehouse has a reputation to uphold. However, we do share a lot of the same tastes. Fireworks and Sleigh Bells, to be specific.
Hipsters. Ron Artest. Dodgeball. Family 1st. Queensbridge.
That's it. Icehouse is out of here. If you're near the ocean, come find me.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Well well well
WOOOOOOOOO GPH.....Fuck ATO
Other Hazing ideas in the comments
First up, Al Harrington, JR Smith and Dahntay Jones play golf.
Now, Southern Cal's new Athletic Director stands among ill-gotten spoils.
Finally, Dwight Howard wins a game of keep-away against dozens of Taiwanese children.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Blake Gideon is a Junior Safety at the University of Texas. While he may lead the team in effort, he continues to be a baffling display of what NOT to do while playing safety. Off the field, it only gets worse.
'Sup, bitches? BG in the house. All up in your shit like I'm leaving bibles on your dresser. HAHA! You like that? You see, the Gideons are a group of people that leave bibles in hotel rooms or some shit. But just because we share the same name doesn't mean I'm one of them. That's the joke! YOU GET IT, MOTHERFUCKER?! Yeah you do. Shit yeah you do.
So what's been up? Oh yeah! Summer, brah, summer. It's been a real treat. Hittin' up the lake on the regular, I got some grades back from some classes I was supposed to show up at, and totally aced them. I'm so fucking smart.
The whole summer's been a blast. I saw Cedric Benson down on West Sixth over Memorial Day. I went to give him a high-five, but missed, and whacked this guy behind him. I think it was a bouncer or some shit. He got all pissed off about it, so I told him to go fuck himself. Long story short, I think Ced has some legal troubles.
Then this past weekend. Ohohhohoho man. FIJI Island, motherfuckers! The best party in the whole world! You don't know shit about it, bro. Nothing. You have no clue how hard we party. We party to the max, just like I play football! BALLS TO THE WALL!
So afterwards, we were chilling and shit at some bro's house. We had some honeys over there, and I was skeezing on these chicks up here taking summer school classes. 17-year-olds, bro, you know what I'm saying? They LOVE to get them a piece of the Gideon. I'M THE FASTEST GINGER IN THE WORLD! LOOK HOW FAST I SPRINT TO THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE, EVEN IF IT'S A PASSING PLAY! I RUN SO FAST I WHIFF ON EVERY TACKLE! THAT'S FAST!
The after party was the bizomb. Sergio was back in town, about to bounce to Baltimore to play for the Ravens. He's gonna kill it in the NFL, I just know it. I can't wait to get there myself. I'm definitely going to. Did you see how I almost had the game-winning interception against Tech in '08? But for realz, Serge was cool. I was telling him he was gonna be awesome in the league, then as he was blowing me off, I went in to give him a bro grab. I missed, and ended up headbutting him. Since I'm so jacked, I don't really know the strength of my accidental headbutts, so he went flying down some stairs. I think it showed up on the news or some shit.
Either way, he's gonna be doing his thing, and I'm gonna get back on my grind. With Earl up in Seattle now, I'm the leader of the defensive backfield. Doesn't that just make your freckles tingle! WOOO! LONGHORNS ALL THE WAY!
Monday, July 26, 2010
No, YOU have a problem!
Sorry. Anyways, I'm stepping in for Lattimer on this one. A couple of days ago, ESPN had the following poll:
You know who I'm voting for? NONE OF THE ABOVE!
There's no reason we should be confined to only whoever we get spoonfed. We should be able to choose whoever we want to be the "face" of our favorite sports. But for the purposes of today, let's confine it to fictional characters. We all know that Roy Hobbs is the face of all things awesome in sports, so we'll take him off the board.
My selection? Snake from Escape from L.A. as the face of basketball? What? You don't remember?
That's right. Snake balls out in the LA Coliseum. The pressure's on, and he drains shots. He's as cold as ice dropping them in from 90 feet. And with no depth perception! So there. Fictional character that should be "the face" of a sport.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
It's official: Cheerleading not a sport.
So basically Quinnipiac tried to give the ole reach around to title IX by removing Volleyball and replacing it with Cheerleading. THEN use the saved revenue to fund dude sports.
Volleyball players get pissed and some legal stuff happens issue ends up in court.
So what does Mr. asshole judge decide to do?
"Competitive cheer may, some time in the future, qualify as a sport under Title IX," Underhill wrote. "Today, however, the activity is still too underdeveloped and disorganized to be treated as offering genuine varsity athletic participation opportunities for students."
Way to cock block asshole.
I think Icehouse sums up this decision best:
Shut up you old robed assholes! We spent decades making these chicks think they were doing something athletic, and now they're just going to throw away their miniskirts!"
My thoughts exactly.
Now, the crooked judge said that in order to become a sport, cheerleading would have to meet specific criteria, like competing and having a governing body. Well of course cheerleaders compete. They made like 10 movies about it. AND Quinnipiac formed their own governing body. It's like...official and stuff. It's just like gymnastics. Kinda.
All this legal mumbo jumbo is making my head hurt, I think we need to bring in GRH's legal analyst Elliot to sort this mess out.
Anyway Mr. Fancy Pants may have his standards, but I have my own 100% accurate way to determine if a sport is in fact a sport and deserves to leave club ball and become a part of the pure and majestic pantheon that isf college sports.
Do they compete?
Do they have uniforms?
Do they meet rigourous academic standards?
Do they party?
Do they haze Freshman
Do they post things on facebook that would get them in trouble?
Do they have massive coke parties?
See just like any other college athlete.
Chris and Christy Cooley know a little something about cheerleading. Chris sort this shit out.
/Looks at wife
"Oh yeah it's totally a sport"
Gah, whats the problem. It's even Co-ed. I think it's fairly obvious that cheerleading is in fact a sport and this judge has done nothing short of pushing Women's Rights movement back 50 years. What are the cheerleaders supposed to do now? Just stand there and look sexy?
But here's the thing. Quinnipiac started by doing something cool, but now they're going to take their ball and run to their unsexy home.
School officials responded to the ruling by saying they would start a women's rugby team
This is an OUTRAGE!!!
We can't take this lying down. We need to fight for the right to cheer (officially).
I ask you Hobbers who will cheer for the cheerleaders?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
"Listen, Gary. It's not YOU. It's me. Me...and Derek."
"SCISSORS ARE SHARP. THEY SHOULD ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS BEAT ROCKS, PAPER, AND ANYONE HOLDING EITHER OF THEM."
"Love me, love me. Say that you love me. Need me, need me, just say that you need me."
And while I'll be very sad when it happens, for the purposes of capconning, it'll be a good day when this man retires.
OK, Tim, nice and easy. Just need to get it over the plate. There's nobody on, and this guy's a cake eater.
Nice little breaking ball in will do the trick. It'll get him to ground out, or maybe even golf one straight up. Gosh I love seeing these guys do their thing in the infield. So crisp and perfect, it really reminds me of why I love to play the game. I'd strike out fewer people, and throw more pitches that resulted in grounders, but you know. I like to show off a little also.
Except with this pitch. This pitch is going to be banal. I can't throw every pitch like it's my last, I got a career to think about. This one's going to be nice and easy, break in, and hopefully get him chasing something that ends up in the dirt. Nothing fancy or remarkable about this one, no sir. Not gonna be pretty. Speaking of pretty, I need to pick up some new conditioner. But after the game.
/takes bong hit
HERE IT COMES MOTHERFUCKER!
.gif below via SB Nation, since MLB is lame and definitely going to pull that video in the next ten minutes.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I guess it's just dawned on me that the year is in fact 2010 and we are ten years removed from VT's attempt to knock off the Florida State machine. Looking back it would've been hard to imagine that Florida State and Miami are trying to get out of their rebuilding stints, Michigan is fighting for relevancy, and USC would rise to national prominence only to (possibly) fall from grace.
If you think about it we've had 10 amazing years of College football.
-We got to see 2 of the greatest players in CFB history.
-The best MNC Championship game of all time.
-Navy beating ND....twice.
-Arguably the greatest upset of all time.
-One of the greatest games of all time.
-Return of the Messiah
-One of the greatest athletic talents to play the QB position.
-The move to mega-conferences
-The move towards a playoff (or at the very least a +1 format)
-New schematic innovations
-An offseason that rivals any professional sport in terms of exposure.
-A ND bowl victory
-Rise of the SEC
-A gamble by the ACC
-A marriage proposal
-A straight cold cocking punch
-Brawls (one including a crutch)
-The rise of fan rap videos
-The last game of Bobby Bowden
-The last game for Keith Jackson
-And of course Joepa still ballin in Happy Valley.
So let's hope for another ten great years, and and early good luck to the next 4-5 headers at Notre Dame.
Your favorite moments in the comments.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Not only was he a MVP in my birth year but he was the one guy who made me love the Birds on the Bat. When I moved to MO in 94 the Cards sucked. I had to watch Bernard Gilkey and Brian Jordon. Gilkey was a hometown guy but his .275 average never really caught my attention. I really wanted to like this team and the Wiz was awesome but the guy who I fell in love with was Willie Mcgee. The guy would strike out and I'd be ready to throw my Sega controller against the wall until I saw him hustling back to the dugout. He'd hit into a double play and lose his helmet running out to first.
This is what most fans think of Willie, and that's a shame because he was a great player, and really the reason I started rooting for every team in STL.
Not the best tribute to Willy, but it will do.
Shit Storm begin.
/hustles to publish post
Friday, July 16, 2010
I hope that I have this look on my face and am in this situation in the near future. Like, in twelve hours or so.
WEEKEND. IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
First up, staring contest. OKGO!
I know I said no more LeBron, but this is just too awesome. Hulk Hogan joining forces with the Outsiders should be taught in history books.
I laughed at this way too many times for a sane person.
Double KFC! What does it mean?
Once again. Laughed too hard at this for a sane person.
Don't ever mention Darko Milicic in the same sentence as Chris Webber. Least of all to his face.
And finally, the best 100 goals of the entire season. Shit yes.
OK. We're out of here. Do something meaningful. Because, you know...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
One of my favorite coaches,
A Military rank used in many Navies for officers whose position exceeds that of a Navy Captain, but is less than that of a Rear Admiral
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
First and possibly most dangerous, you may get dago saliva on you.
More intimidating, but possibly more worth it, the dreaded Argentine Falcon Punch.
So you can film these guys, sure, but don't get all up in their shit. It's annoying to everyone.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
However, Congress now wants to pass a beer stimulus that would essentially redefine and remove taxes for smaller craft brewers.
Great now we'll create more beer snobs.
But it got me thinking what are some ideas in the sports world that can save our economy.
Now this thing is pretty wide open. It can range from the wacky and crazy, to the semi legitimate. Hell if you want to you can attach excel's and power points. I won't read them, but feel free.
Ok here's my idea.
BYOB games for baseball.
Here's the plan. Once a month teams will allow fans to bring in their own coolers for Saturday games. Basically, you would be able to bring in whatever you can stuff into a small size cooler, and for a small fee (think of it as a corking fee) you can drink your heart out. Now, If you take a larger cooler then you would have to purchase an extra seat next to you or your party for that cooler to "sit in" kinda like fat people on Airplanes.
The fee would have to be pretty hefty. I would probably take the average take on concessions per attendee and slap that shit on there. So overall this wouldn't really be a cost effective thing for the fan, however many idiots like myself would jump at the chance to drink cases upon cases at a Saturday ball game.
Will underage kids sneak in alcohol with coke bottles? Yes
Will it be a logistical shit storm? Yes
Are there certain legal liabilities that I chose to ignore? Absolutely.
But it would be awesome.
So let's hear your ideas.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Ok, no more LeBron. Sorry to fall into that trap like everyone else. Ok. WOOO! Friday! It seems like I haven't done this shit in a while.
Whatevs. Let's get to it.
First and foremost, it's been blowing up the Internets, but this is a pretty into it male cheerleader. My favorite part is the disinterested female one. Go get 'em, big guy.
I'm probably the only one that cares, but Teton Gravity Research's "Light The Wick" just came out. Steezy.
Double rainbow. What does it mean?
Ball to face, then an own-goal. Irish minor leagues are just about as awesome as you would think.
From Zack, a Father's Day rap.
And because I hate all of you, the 100 greatest insults of all time.
That's it. I'm hopping in my g-ride and getting the fuck out of here.
via The Icehouse
Los AngelesSt. Louis Rams, in their infinite wisdom, have elected to make their mascot naming ceremony part of the public domain. How kind of them! That's just the type of contest that makes me want to be more involved in MY community BY supporting the Los AngelesSt. Louis Rams!
Unfortunately, this is a subjective competition, meaning that they'll pick the winner, rather than letting Lady Democracy rule the day (I'm not going to lie, I think it'd be awesome if the Rams' mascot was 'Justin Bieber the Ram'). The Rams, as per usual, won't be able to help themselves from messing this up. They're going to go with Terminally-Ill Tammy from O'Fallon, or Asthmatic-Amputee Andy from Arnold, who will give them names like "Rammy" or "Rascal."
Hobbers, I urge you to do better. Step up to the plate/comment section, and give me a better name.
My top three:
- Rammy Ramirez (won't happen in the Midwest because THEY TOOK OUR JEEERRRRBS!)
- Albert Pujols the Ram
- Sam Bradford
It can't be any worse than Pittsburgh's Steely McBeam. No, that's their mascot, not Pittsburgh's most infamous male stripper.
I really don't get how this is THAT much different than every other press conference where someone's feelings are going to be hurt. Remember when Eliot Spitzer gave a press conference about his whoring and made his wife stand next to him? That was way worse. Maybe nobody's ever had ESPN devote an entire hour of programming to a them in such a planned fashion, but I guarantee that the last time someone had a large press conference (I'm thinking A-Rod taking steroids or Tiger Woods fucking someone who wasn't the ice-queen money-grubbing bitch he was married to), ESPN devoted just as much time for pundits, analysis, blah blah blah. LeBron's people just planned it better. It's something they're known for.
Furthermore, he's a grown ass man. He can leave if he wants to if the situation isn't optimal. Just because you were born in the area and were drafted by the team doesn't mean you have to play there for the rest of your life. Raise your hand if you are currently living in the city that you grew up in. Don't worry, I'll wait. Those of you with your hands up. Have you had opportunities to leave? Opportunities that would result in a better job, more money, more fun and better quality of life? LeBron had a choice to stay. His job would have been harder. The money would have been worse. And the living situation? Sheeeeit.
Don't like LeBron leaving Cleveland? Don't feel so butthurt for a town with bad weather, ugly people, no economic growth and a horrifying pollution problem.
It's just not a well-run business entity. The team tried to build around him, but there was ALWAYS something wrong. Donyell Marshall, Mo Williams, Boobie Gibson or Anthony Carter do not a championship team make. Bron's been there for seven years. What moves have they made that have made that team more of a threat? Shaq? Ben Wallace? Larry Fucking Hughes? Say Bron takes a pay cut so the team can add more players. Do you really have the confidence in the Cavaliers organization to spend that money correctly? More than a decade to not put something together around a two-time MVP means that I feel more pity for the incompetence than for their feelings.
The only thing I wish he would do is actively seek challenges that would improve the quality of basketball that we get to watch. Looking at the Eastern Conference landscape, all this did was turn a bad playoff team into a juggernaut playoff team and make one of the best teams in the league into one of the worst. We all have to understand that playing with friends is always better than playing with a guy who might've slept with your mom, but I feel the same twinge of disappointment as when he decided not to participate in the dunk contest over the past All-Star Weekend.
To be sure, MY complaint with his decision(s) is that it denigrates the industry product that he is the face of. Everyone else's problem with the decision is that he caused a media circus (would've happened anyway, but the ad money wouldn't have gone to the kids) and that he didn't settle for the ugly chick with the "personality." Well, to paraphrase Sweetness from He Got Game, Cleveland ain't Scarlet O'Hara, LeBron ain't Rhett Butler.
The guy made a shrewd, unpopular decision that will maximize the quality of his life. Fuck YOU if you don't like it.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH!
Are we cool? Are we cool? Ok, good.
Now look. Everybody in the world now has an opinion on LeBron James. Most of it has been pretty negative, and rightfully so. We've never seen anything like this, as far as an athlete holding the entire sports media hostage at his (or her. *stifles laughter*) behest. People also now have the perfect foil for his behavior in how Kevin Durant signed his new 5-year deal.
But let's hold on a minute. Are people all up in arms because he has his own hour-long ESPN LeBronathon? I mean, I don't necessarily care for it, but it also doesn't exactly affect me. I won't be watching. I can do any number of productive things with my life OTHER than sit on my couch and tear my hair out wondering where someone is going to play basketball in the fall.
There wasn't this much indignation when Bron was on the cover of Sports Illustrated at 16, or was buying his mom an H2 before he had signed with a team. And what about the Buzz Bissinger book, movie, and accompanying soundtrack? We're used to seeing athletes in shitloads of commercials, so really, how is this all that different? Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson have reality shows. Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh hired a film crew to follow them around throughout the last two weeks. Spike Lee followed around Kobe for "Kobe Doin' Work."
LeBron using media time to announce where he will play next year doesn't make him any different. It's just makes him a planner. Say he did it at a press conference at noon today. Do you really think that every news station wouldn't cut live to is, then ESPN would devote at least an hour to discussing it? Of course they would. Might as well have some sort of control in the operation.
Don't like it? Don't watch it. Don't like LeBron? There are plenty of people like you out there, just look in Boston, D.C., Detroit, Chicago, or any other Eastern Conference city that has seen him torch their team.
I like him because he's good at basketball. I'll devote an hour of my time watching him when he does that.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The one interesting aspect of this season is that there is no REAL number one like we've had in the past. Most polls will come out with Alabama #1, which is understandable. The Sabanots return the Hesman Trophy winner along with a QB who proved that he can be more than adequate. The offense returns 8 including 3 OL and Julio Jones. The defense however returns 2 starters from last years insanity. And that's my point. Any other year Alabama would be a top 10 team in the preseason poll and they'll certainly challenge for the MNC but it's not like the Florida's, USC's, and UT's of past years.
Phil Steele has Oklahoma facing tOSU in the MNC. Which I guess on some level makes sense. Oklahoma has 8 returning on offense and 5 on defense. Landry Jones has a year under his belt, and Demarco Murray is a more than capable back. The defense is a little suspect, but teams have won MNC's with worse. tOSU has 9 on offense including Terrell Pryor and 6 on defense. Basically if tOSU can get through November when PSU comes to Columbus and a trip to Iowa the following week, they'll get a late poll surge and should be in the MNC.
Phil Steele is pretty bold with his picks, and these are certainly not my choices, but that's not the point.
The point is, this year we are talking Oklahoma and Ohio State in the MNC.
One team that will be in everyone's top 5 is Boise State, and rightfully so. I'll go in more in depth in my top ten countdown but here's a little preview. The team that beat the Pac-10 and MWC champion returns 10 starters on both sides and they play Virginia Tech early in the year. Virginia Tech has played 2 out of the last 3 MNC's early in the year, not to mention USC in 2004 AND Auburn in the same year. (Vacated wins or not, we lose to Champions like no other team)
Another example of this year's wackiness is the Heisman race. Obviously Ingram will be a favorite, but other than that we have the likes of Keenum, Mallet Pryor, Jones, Moore, and Ryan Mother Fucking Williams. Not exactly Tim Tebow, McCoy, and Bradford.
But just because we don't have 3 teams above the rest doesn't mean we won't see amazing football. Quite the contrary, I think this year could be great in terms of competitiveness and November games having major implications. Look at the ACC 5 teams have a legitimate shot at winning that, and since it's the ACC really the entire conference has a fighting shot. I for one think the SEC is going to be wacko this year, especially in the west. Even though you hate it, the Big Ten (11) could have some of the biggest impact games coming down the stretch.
If nothing else we can hope for more scandals.
It really reminds me of the 2007 year. Do you remember that. THAT was awesome, and the more controversy in CFB the more writing material we have here at GRH. Which is
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Now It's all like.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Alright Alright 4th of July
You know what America is all about? BEING AMERICAN!!! Here is the most interesting man in the world's take on manscaping.
For all of you that support soccer I hope your happy, I hope your reaaaaaal happy because YOU are ruining Uhmurica.
Now we have a lot of fun here at GRH but I do want to reiterate WE DO NOT FREE BASE COCAINE. Now we'll take a drank, we'll take a drank. Except Tequila.....Well actually about twice a year we drank tequila. But WE DO NOT FREE BASE COCAINE.
Sorry, Also obligatory.
Finally, some of you may watch fireworks, other cooler people may set off their own. But the best...the best make their own bombs.
Ok gang, keep all your fingers this weekend