CLEVELAND, Ohio - Browns DT Shaun Rogers has purchased hundreds of waterguns in the wake of his sentencing for carrying a semiautomatic handgun into an airport, according to a noticeably unsettled aid for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.
Rogers, according to statements from Amazon.com and eBay, purchased the guns minutes after having to forfeit his own weapon on a court order.
"I like the water," said Rogers.
Goodell, who is weighing whether or not to suspend the Pro-Bowler, said this may be taken into account.
"It just seems too silly for me," said a red-faced Goodell."I mean, he just got busted for handguns! Now, he's got a lot of handguns, but they only shoot water! This really crumbles my biscuits..."
When asked to respond to Goodell's biscuit crumbling, Rogers responded with "I like the water," and fired a high-powered stream of water, mercilessly toppling all seven of the arranged soda cans from their perch on his fence.
"Gotcha," he cheered. "I like the water."