Sunday, November 18, 2007

One of these days, we're going to have to stop cranking dat

Well, the thing is, we had a third KG reference, so we needed to have a third Soulja Boy reference. I fear that we are now a two-trick pony.
Regardless, Texas Tech handed it to Oklahoma last night. I don't mind Tech, and I have love for anyone who beats Oklahoma (in the words of, you can't spell loudmouth douchebags without three ou's). Most of Tech's success this year is due to freshman Michael Crabtree. So, some enterprising wankstas took it upon themselves to appropriate the most overplayed song in homage to him. My favorite part is people doing the crab pinchers in what looks to be an Applebee's. Enjoy.

Memories of the Kid and Starbury

You may have noticed how much Kevin Garnett appears on this site, and if you don't understand why, you can go straight to hell. Anyways, this commercial is one reason to love this man. It's also another reason to love seeing Stephon Marbury on TV.
Right now, there are rumors of the Knicks buying out Starbury's contract to move him. There are also rumors that the Celtics may try to acquire him for the league minimum. For those of you who don't remember the Timberwolves with both of these guys, I have just one message: Pray for this to happen.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

This is for all of US.

There has been a whole lot of talk about Boston sports in the past couple of weeks. I normally don't mind this too much, because at least the Red Sox aren't the Yankees, and at least the Patriots have sucked for decades. But this new breed, this breed of Celtics fans, has me a little irked. Someone said to me the other day that Boston is the "center of the sports universe." Fine. All your teams are great right now, congratulations. But I want to remind everyone who thinks that the Celtics are just reaffirming your imagined sports prowess, that this team isn't about you. It isn't about Boston. This year's Celtics are about all of us.
Now there may be three or four people in Boston that actually cared about the Celtics since the last of their white players left (that's right, I called Bostonians racist), but I doubt that it extends farther than Daniel Stern and Dan Akyroyd's characters from "Celtic Pride." In fact, I heard the following statement last time I was on Com Ave: "Pahppy's the shit! Tahm Brady is Gahd! The Celtics? Who gives a fack about the fackin' Celtics!?!" Needless to say, between losing my chess match at Au Bon Pain, and then only finding dweebs around me, I was a little flummoxed.
Now, all of a sudden, they're back to caring about the Celtics. This irks me. Where were y'all for the days of Toine, Wally, and the rest of those folks? Nobody gave a fuck about the C's for more than a decade. Paul Pierce was playing every single game after having been stabbed. Playing after having been stabbed to just try and salvage the reputation of the Celtics. Trying after being stabbed to save some face for all of you fucking fairweather-fan piece of shit assholes.
I'm all for people being a fan of this team, but there is something that some people in this world (Bill Simmons) needs to realize: This isn't for Boston. Boston doesn't deserve this team. Boston is probably the last place that deserves to have this team fall into their laps. This team is for all of us. Me, you, everyone who watches sports. Not fucking Boston.
See that picture above? You see the look on KG's face? He is happy to be playing the game. More importantly, he is happy to be playing for the United States. This is the kind of guy that will never let you down, because he just doesn't know how to. KG plays with the love and passion for the game that nobody has seen, possibly ever. In addition to being better than virtually everybody at basketball (Carpenter Jesus and Michael Jordan might be the only ones better), he brings things to the team that people gripe about not seeing in pro sports. Love, loyalty, freedom, teamwork, happiness in wins, sadness in losses, and most importantly, flavor.
I can handle Bostonians claiming to always be about Ray Allen, because he went to UConn. UConn's in Boston, right? In fact, why don't we go ahead and rename New England 'Boston'? It kind of makes sense. Anyways, to people who didn't know, Jesus Shuttlesworth is from South Carolina, like KG. If anything, the Celtics are for South Carolina more than Boston.
And back to P-double. From Watts. Went to Kansas. Grew up hard, rough, and now is finally paid for doing what he's always done. These three guys have suffered. Suffered more than Boston fans did in the nineties. Ray Allen's best chance in the playoffs were with the Bucks, alongside Sam Cassell, Tim Thomas, and Darvin Ham. Ray was subsequently thanked by getting dumped for Desmond Mason and half a year of Gary Payton. KG has been an MVP, and has dragged a shitty team, kicking and screaming, to the Western Conference Finals. He has suffered through a team giving up a lot of draft picks because they gave illegitimate money to JOE FUCKING SMITH. These three guys have earned everything good that can happen to them, and the Boston Celtics are just a conduit. Merely a means to an end, nothing more.
This team isn't Boston's. It belongs to south-central L.A., to South Carolina, to Coney Island, N.Y., to everybody that has ever wanted good things to happen to good people. This team is about the greatness of basketball, and as the above picture suggests, the United States of America.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The only reason Kansas is undefeated

I'm trying to figure out how this guy got to Kansas. Did he get really baked some time ago and just start wandering? Is the magical forest from the movie "Rolling Kansas" real? Either way, White Owl can sure cut a rug.