You win this round, Boston.

We all like to hate on Boston sports fans. It's easy and they deserve it. I mean seriously, they call themselves the best fans in the world, but then not a single one shows up at the airport to greet the Red Sox home after they lost to the Rays in the 2008 ALCS. Just a bunch of fucking johnny-come-lately bandwagon douchebags.

Fast forward. After helping Boston win an NBA title in 2008, and bringing them back to the finals in 2010, Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson are shipped out of town to the Thunder for Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic. Seriously. Even after that, several people maligned Perkins as out of shape (sort of true) and not a real interior factor (completely untrue). Word has it that Doc Rivers told Kendrick to his face that he sucked and that's why he was traded.

So understandably, there is bad blood between Perkins and the Celtics front office (Nate Robinson, meanwhile, is just happy that he makes enough money to eat at Chipotle. He's a simple man that way). So what happened in Boston when Kendrick Perkins made his return for the first time? The Celtics played that video and the fans gave him a standing O. Pretty classy. Keep up the good work, NBA fans.

Your daily reminder that the NBA is locked out

Brought to you by Samuel L. Jackson.

John Calipari killed a guy

Not really. He was just coaching the Dominican Republic National Basketball team yesterday, and this ended up happening. Remember Edgar Sosa, who used to play for Louisville? Well, don't worry. You'll likely never hear of him every again after this injury.

OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS LEG!

Furthermore, is there anyone more fitting than Calipari to be wearing a Panama hat, puffing on a fine cigar, wearing an unbuttoned Guayabera with little beads of sweat on his forehead?

Besides me, of course.

Look at these two pictures of the Gipper

Pretty crazy, right?

TRIPLE PLAY!

What's the verdict on this? Obviously, the baserunners from the Omaham Storm Chasers (lol) look like doofuses (doofi?). Now, Nashville Sounds (awful name) center fielder Logan Schafer did a great job of tracking the ball down, but he probably should have caught it on the first go-round, and not off of his noggin.

I think the real winner here is the Sounds' manager. Because his name is Don Money.

So you can shit storm if you want about why this play is brilliant/dubious. Or about favorite triple plays. Or whatever.

Stop the NBA lockout.

This isn't the worst thing that could happen. Amar'e is a pretty fashion forward dude, what with attending fashion shows and shit like that.

But that's him. What happens when other NBAers decide to show off their entrepreneurial skills. Delonte West fragrances, that's what will happen. And fuck that noise.

Oklahoma City plays Dallas in the Western Conference Finals.

This video pretty much sums up this series. Dallas is about as lame and white as Hank, while the new kids from OKC have flavor, like Alabaster Jones.

I think the Grizz would have had a better chance to beat the Mavs. They play a slowed-down game, and pound the rock inside, which are two things the Mavs haven't been great against historically. They also took 3 out of 4 against Dallas this season.

The Thunder play an up-and-down game very similar to the Mavs, and match up pretty evenly against them (until you get to the bench), so get ready for a lot of points.

The real tragedy of this game is that it's on ESPN instead of TNT. FREE CHUCK AND C-WEBB!

Marlins Grounds Crew Plays Like an Expansion Grounds Crew

Icehouse has always wanted to be a groundskeeper. Maybe because he Rudy too many times and wanted to be a wise old sage who told Sean Astin that he sucked and stuff.

Or maybe it was the Asians in Major League.

Either way, it's a cherry gig. Work 81 days a year, get front row seats to all the games, but the best part has to be when you have to spring into action. You jump up, and run your happy ass across the field in the rain.

In the early days of the Marlins, the grounds crew did not perform that well. You would think they would get a little practice, what with it raining every day in Florida in April and May. But what the hey, this dated video is funny. Enjoy.

via Flip Flop Fly Ball

Jim Thome is Paul Bunyan

In efforts to better understand how best to live, our resident backwoodsman Booker Pogue sat down with the chaw-spitting tater-basher. Below are some of the most interesting tidbits.

"I'll have a natty heavy please."

"You hearda this one? It's like Pearl, if they made it in a bath tub. Found a tooth in a bottle couple weeks ago."

"What do you mean you don't have schlitz on draft?!"

"I don't trust boneless wings. If you can't choke on em and die, I don't see the point in eating em."

"Tell your mom to stop calling me."

"Did you know bald eagle was high in cholesterol?"

"You like this underwear? I killed and skinned this possum myself."

"I used to use boar's blood for all my protein shakes before I discovered biodiesel."

"Sting ray barbs will get the plaque out of your teeth, but you don't want to rub your eyes after using one. I don't know why I did it twice"

"I used to carry my bounty hunter's license in Montana til they banned the use of hatchets. sort of lost its appeal after that.

"Lotta people use crampons when climbing glaciers. Pretty expensive pair of long toenails if you ask me."

WHERE IS YOUR MESSIAH NOW, WHITE AMERICA?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


BASK IN IT! HAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW, HUH? MAKE YOUR KIDS PLAY SOCCER AND LACROSSE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stan Van Gundy's posse is crazy than yours.

Icehouse is watching the Orlando Magic and Phoenix Suns play the ABC Sunday game. A couple of things have occurred to me. These are the unorganized thoughts that have popped into my head.

-Time Warner Cable is really bad. Like, really bad.

-Vince Carter is a hobo.

-Marcin Gortat wishes he still played on the same team as Dwight Howard.

-Aaron Brooks should be forced to stay within ten feet of Robin Lopez, because they look hilarious next to each other.

-Aaron Brooks should learn how to pass.

-Dwight Howard loves his job.

-Stan Van Gundy is gangster (see photo above).

-I saw a commercial advertising chicken and waffles. My cable cut out towards the end, because Time Warner is really shitty, so if somebody could let me know who is selling chicken and waffles, that would be a big help.

-The Clippers mascot is a rabbit. I am baffled.

-Mike Wilbon is a putz.

-Robin Lopez does nothing except for hack Dwight Howard, which makes him Sideshow Bob, except I hate seeing him on tv.

-Time Warner sucks.

LOLLERBLADES!

A word on Heat players crying in the locker room:

Sayeth Black Mamba:

“If guys are crying in the locker room, guys are crying in the locker room. That doesn’t mean they’re chumps. That doesn’t mean they’re soft. It doesn’t mean anything.”

That's right, everybody. Kobe Bryant is the single rational voice we've heard this week.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Ok, jabronies. Short and sweet. GO OUTSIDE! WINTER IS DONE!

/knocks on wood

Ok, first off, Demar Derozan totally should have kept dunking. No props, son!

If you watched the dunk contest, Blake Griffin missed that dunk. A couple of times.

And now, some freaky stuff. This dude falls off a mountain. OFF. A. MOUNTAIN.

Ager Stefan Stubai drop PTTP from Stefan Ager on Vimeo.

And this... this is just too bad. Probably the second worst thing Phil Simms ever produced. The first being his son, Chris.


OMG! High School Funk!


Ok. I'm done. Get two dollars, y'all.

Mike Beasley really shouldn't be trying to sell drugs with D'Angelo when they both work for Avon.

Last night, while perusing my tumblr dashboard, I came across two pictures that seemed identical. "Haha!" I thought to myself. "Somebody trusted their queue again. Noobs." I probably said this aloud, as all my friends now live inside the internet and cannot hear me. But no. The images are in fact similar yet... different.


Enhance.




It's... uncanny.

Thanks to NBA Offseason and Art of the Wire for making that magical moment possible.

Icehouse Has Street Cred... on Twitter

That's right. Bask in it. Icehouse has so much twitcred that Hot Sauce, one of the original And 1 ballers, actually follows ME. HAHAHA! Icehouse is important!

For some flavor to take the edge off the bitter taste of Tuesday, here's some of Hot Sauce's finest.



OMG! UPDATE! This happened in an Oregon High School rivalry game. North Salem (the white team wasting time) beat West Salem (the black team bringing the funk). But the only thing that matters is that this happened.

In case anyone was wondering...

Kobe did have a tight-ass mini-fro for a little bit there.

via NBA Offseason

Kevin Garnett has something very important to say.

In addition to KG doing... that, I would like to draw attention to the expressions on Shaq and Jermaine O'Neal's faces in the background. They're like Grizz and Dot-Com to Ray Allen's Tracy Jordan. Furthermore, Ray Allen had that shit-eating grin on his face all game long.

Finally, everybody read the post below and sign up for the bowl pick 'em. That is all.

Ron Artest's impression of Dave Chappelle's impression of Rick James always makes Kobe laugh.

"Hey Robin Lopez, what did the five fingers say to the face?!"

This picture was just entirely too great not to post. Why not make it a caption contest? Go for it.

UPDATE! MOTHERFUCKING UPDATE! Because THIS happened.

"Now you see kids, Ron did a very good thing by coming to me first to tell me that he broke the window. Thank you, Ron, now you go play with the blocks while the grown ups clean it up."

Some people just can't let go.

Scene opens. Icehouse is flexing in front of the mirror in his underwear, tumbler full of scotch in hand.

[Click play for soundtrack]


[Phone rings]
Icehouse: What the fuck is up?!

Lindsey Vonn:

Icehouse, I've been thinking about... us.

Icehouse: Oh yeah? Well, we had a good run, but it's better this way. I hear you're doing great, and that you're all healthy coming into the season, so.... you know... good luck and all that.

Lindsey Vonn: Icehouse, wait a second--

Icehouse: No time, baby, I gotta--

Lindsey Vonn: Icehouse, I'm pregnant.

Icehouse: You're WHAT?!

Lindsey Vonn: Well, I'm not, I just wanted you to pay attention to me. I do have something for you, though.

Icehouse: Okaaaaay. It's not going to be anything crazy, is it?

Lindsey Vonn: No, it's... sexy.

Icehouse: Hm. Continue.

Lindsey Vonn: Well, I know how much you love National Lampoon movies, as well as spoofs of police movies, so I--

Icehouse: Dressed up as Kathy Ireland spoofing Sharon Stone in Loaded Weapon 1?

Lindsey Vonn: Oh, um... well, yeah.

How did you guess that?

Icehouse: Instinct, baby. Instinct.

Lindsey Vonn: Well, do you want to come reenact the butt-in-the-moonlight scene?

Icehouse: I'd like to, but I got a prior commitment.

Lindsey Vonn: Well can we at least exchange dirty text messages? It's all the rage these days among athletes.

Icehouse: Ehhh, you can if you want, but remember, I drink a lot and have a blog.

Lindsey Vonn: Oh, how I wish things could work out between u--

Icehouse: Well, I wish I could stay and chat, but it happens to be underwear dance party night here at the Icehousehold. Take it sleazy.

[Hangs up]

Ready baby?



Icehouse: Righteous.

Jeopardy! is scared of Icehouse

Icehouse has applied to be on Jeopardy! several times. I've passed the test and everything I just never get chosen. True story. I figured it's just because they don't want me taking all of their money. Which I'd do. And I'd be mean about it. "What is 'Fuck you, pay me,' Alex.

Seriously, there's no way I would play nice with others.




Oh man. If you don't know what's coming next, you must be new here.





...wait for it...