You win this round, Boston.

We all like to hate on Boston sports fans. It's easy and they deserve it. I mean seriously, they call themselves the best fans in the world, but then not a single one shows up at the airport to greet the Red Sox home after they lost to the Rays in the 2008 ALCS. Just a bunch of fucking johnny-come-lately bandwagon douchebags.

Fast forward. After helping Boston win an NBA title in 2008, and bringing them back to the finals in 2010, Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson are shipped out of town to the Thunder for Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic. Seriously. Even after that, several people maligned Perkins as out of shape (sort of true) and not a real interior factor (completely untrue). Word has it that Doc Rivers told Kendrick to his face that he sucked and that's why he was traded.

So understandably, there is bad blood between Perkins and the Celtics front office (Nate Robinson, meanwhile, is just happy that he makes enough money to eat at Chipotle. He's a simple man that way). So what happened in Boston when Kendrick Perkins made his return for the first time? The Celtics played that video and the fans gave him a standing O. Pretty classy. Keep up the good work, NBA fans.

Your daily reminder that the NBA is locked out

Brought to you by Samuel L. Jackson.

Look at these two pictures of the Gipper

Pretty crazy, right?

Scabs does yoga

Brian Scalabrine: I call this position ginger's plight. It symbolizes the struggle of the red-haired human species in the face of daunting pressure to fit in despite being hideously ugly.

Now let's transition through vomiting giraffe to open clambake. Ah, that takes me back. Remember when I was on the Celtics and everyone loved me? They even had a nickname for me: Mascot. I'm not sure what it means, I'm not as plugged into urban culture as I used to be. Now breathe deeply, you feel that? The opening of the chest along the lateral plane? That's why this pose is so popular with expecting mothers.

Ok, now take a twirling monkey into presenting panda. Mmmmmm. Breathe deeply, settle into it. Oooh, I'm tight back there today. Yeah. It's stretches like this that keep me limber throughout the grind of the NBA season. Hm? No, I've never played a full NBA season. How many what? Oh, I played 88 minutes last season. Including the playoffs.

Look, whatever. It's a great way to meet chicks. Which... is why... I'm doing it in a park with a dude. Wait a second, who are you?

Random gay dude: Just someone who's enjoying the view ya big flame-ball.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Swag.


Not so much.


Back to swag.


OK. I'm doing this fun bag because all of these goddamn videos are making my browser crash. WOOO. WEEKEND. FOOTBALL IS BACK IN TWO WEEKS.

If you gotta drink beer, drink it for a good cause.


Skipping rope is great exercise.

Skipping in Slow Motion. In a Bikini... alternate music from photography-factory.co.uk on Vimeo.

I have no idea why, but this commercial has made me laugh five different times.


IMPORTANT:


I know this is a joke, but 99% of Longhorns fans would be totally ok with any of these promos.


And now, three and a half minutes of pain.


Have fun this weekend. Case McCoy's ready to party (orange hat).

Analyzing Ceremonial First Pitches

Every professional baseball game has the ceremonial first pitch. This tradition kind of confused me at first, but when I realized how anticlimatic actual first pitches are, I understood that the ceremonial first pitch is a good substitute for a tip-off, face-off, kick off, or what have you.

So now I like the ceremonial first pitch. Specifically, I like that I know have a relatable benchmark to measure myself against people more famous/important/lucky than me. For instance, I know Ryan Reynolds is a sexy piece of ripped manmeat, but how's his arm? Two-seamer of four-seamer? Shit like that.

Our 43rd President had a baseball pedigree and even in retirement still had the oomph to throw a strike.

Which makes me wish he just caught that one dude's shoe and hummed it back at him. How awesome would that have been? As a comparison, the current President, an admitted White Sox fan, one-hopped his most recent effort.

There have been a string of recent memorable first pitches. Unfortunately for the youngest of the group, John Wall ended up doing his best Mariah Carey impression.

If I was in charge of the black arts of sports superstition, your best player throwing like a girl would be the equivalent of throwing a black cat through a mirror placed under a ladder.

Dirk's motion was pretty hilarious. He got the ball over the plate, but it probably wouldn't have been a strike, even on himself.


I would really like to know who could throw the best ceremonial first pitch. I'd love it if some celeb could sling one in the low 80s. I bet Redford could, back in the day. Furthermore, I think the holy grail would be some actress hucking a knuckleball that the catcher couldn't handle.

Until then, we'll just have to settle for either the embarrassment of local heroes, or shit like this.


BAAAAAAAALK!

GASOLINE ON YOUR FLAME OF NIGHT TERRORS

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA WEEP MORTALS! FEEL THE FIRES OF A THOUSAND NIGHTS OF HORROR-WROUGHT SLEEP AS YOU FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE WRECKAGE AND MAYHEM BEFORE YOU. BAAAHAHAHAHAHA!THAT ARM SHOULDN'T DO THAT!LET IT WRENCH YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM!

NOT ENOUGH?!



OH AND DONE BY THE TUMBLING ANGST OF ONE GREATER THAN HE! OH THIS FIRES MY JIBBLETS! I PRAY THAT THE NEVER-ENDING FILM REEL ON THE PROJECTION SCREEN THAT IS THE INSIDE OF YOUR EYELIDS NEVER CEASES TO PLAY THESE 53 SECONDS OVER AND OVER! BWAHAHAHAH!

STILL UNIMPRESSED?!



FACE TRANSPLANT! HIS LIFE IS SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER WHILE YOURS IS EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY DIMINISHED BY BEING ABLE TO SEE HIS WRETCHED AND DISFIGURED VISAGE! DO NOT CURSE YOUR EYES, FOR THEY CANNOT SAVE YOU NOW! YOU ARE SEEING THIS IN YOUR MIND'S EYE, FOR WHOM BLINDNESS CANNOT TRIUMPH!



AHHHH THE TIMELESS CLASSICS! NOW YOU MUST WATCH HIM GIVE MEDIOCRE ANALYSIS, WHICH IS THE TRUE VICTORY FOR ME AS IT WILL ALSO GIVE YOU HELLISH NIGHT TERRORS BOUND TO MAKE THE MOST STRONG OF MEN INVOLUNTARILY URINATE AND WEEP SILENTLY FOR RELIEF THAT WILL NEVER COME!



KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENS TO ALL WHO PLAY SOCCER!!! AND IT IS THE MOST POPULAR SPORT IN THE WORLD! LET THAT ECHO IN YOUR SKULL WHILE YOU ATTEMPT TO REST PEACEFULLY! SLUMBER IN TURMOIL!!! BAHAHAHAHAHHAHA....



You win, Christian the Lion. You always do."

Signed,

The Devil

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

WWOOOOOOOOooooooo zzzzzz...

HAHA just kidding. Icehouse is ready for this weeekend. BIGTIME. This is actually a pretty sweet time of the year, sports-wise. Baseball is still new and exciting. The Masters is happening, plus the Champions League is now coming down to it. If you missed this past week's game, you missed a lot of blowouts.

But, there were a shitload of wacky goals. Stankovic.

High School Dunk Contest. Ballislife is the shiznit.


The description of this video is "huckfest carnage." Fuck yeah it is.


WHHHOOOOAAAAAAAAAA EJECT.


Snooki's finishing move was awesome. Sorry for the shit-tastic video, but it's worth watching.


Sabonis made the hall of fame this year. ARVYDAS SABONIS. So, Icehouse presents this clip of Sabonis highlights, set to "November Rain."


Chilean insanity bike race.

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

I think that's everything. Have fun out there. I'm going to go watch Vinny Del Negro (Please) make out with Blake Griffin.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

WOOOOO GET BUSY!

Icehouse is at the office. Lame. All I know is Julio Borbon, you are a fuckstick. Way to get an error on the first play of the season.

ANYWAY. Let's have some fun.

First up, style tips from Zaza Pachulia.


Also, this happened.


I know next to nothing about cricket, but this movie looks awesome.


The first couple of minutes of this is sad and I didn't like when they show Shane's helmet cam about to take off, because I knew what happened next and I didn't want to see it. But, the latter half of the video is an amazing tribute, hilarious and all around totally badass.


Bossaball? Bossaball.


I am just plain happy that Ochocinco tried out for Sporting KC.


That's what I got for you today. For me, it's back to business.

It's Still Opening Day!

Rangers play the Red Sox at 3:05 Central.

Astros play the Phillies at 5 or 6 or something.

Too lazy to look up the others.