John Calipari killed a guy

Not really. He was just coaching the Dominican Republic National Basketball team yesterday, and this ended up happening. Remember Edgar Sosa, who used to play for Louisville? Well, don't worry. You'll likely never hear of him every again after this injury.

OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS LEG!

Furthermore, is there anyone more fitting than Calipari to be wearing a Panama hat, puffing on a fine cigar, wearing an unbuttoned Guayabera with little beads of sweat on his forehead?

Besides me, of course.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

JaVale McGee loves planking.

OK. Ok. We haven't had a fun bag in some time. It's ok though. We're doing fine. We've just, you know, had better stuff to do than post days-old videos of stuff. The Internet works at lightspeed, people. Posting a weekly recap is like writing an obituary nowadays.

But whatever. It's still fun.

For instance, here's a girl eating it on a bike.


I remember when this happened. Someone posted it on twitter today, which brought me back to the good times of when Stromile Swift was doing this instead of stalking chicks.


Heath Bell grew up watching Angels in the Outfield.


And that's all I got. Except for another JaVale planking picture.

God help me, I think they're hilarious.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Oof. Icehouse hasn't been here in a while, and that's mostly my fault. I say mostly, but it's everyone's fault besides mine. Whatever. Daddy's here now and he's got some sweet ass content for you.

Not really, it's mostly pictures that have been sitting on my desktop. God I'm lazy.

So let's get it kicked off!

First up, even though Free Darko is no longer, you can still get some sweet ass stuff from their store, but it's for a limited time only. If anyone wants to buy me this poster, I'd send you a thank you email.


Moving on, here's a very uncomfortable ticket to a game.


Andrei Kirilenko is doing more to become the WereRussian.


Hockey is happening. So is this.


JaVale McGee now has a Guiness World Record, and it's not for having the most capitalized letters in his name.


Joe Paterno is contemplative, and has some ice cream.


Be nice to bikers. They have to deal with some serious bullshit.


Shawn Marion hasn't given a fuck in ages.


Steve Breaston be deep, yo.


This video is kind of the shit, but on the real, nobody should be comparing LeBron (or anyone for that matter) to Michael Jordan. Moreover, Scottie Pippen is a dumbshit.


All things considered, this is a pretty legit brawl.


Scooter Biceps is hilarious.


Have fun out there, fuckers. Also, we have a surprise coming for you for the next post. One love.

Don't worry my darlings. Icehouse is still watching you.

And by "darlings" and "you," Icehouse means the NBA Playoffs. This is Icehouse's favorite time of the sports year. Or maybe the return of football is. I guess the difference is that there is a pertinent and important game EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. It's so awesome. Everybody steps up their games. Charles drinks extra hard. Kevin McHale is extra self-depricating. And the ball itself is great. Everybody goes hard and plays to the best of their abilities - which, since this is the NBA, is a really high caliber of play.

Here are a few quick thoughts about the playoffs thus far.

First, for some reason, is the Lakers v. Mavs. The Mavs beat the Blazers to get there, and way more handily than anyone anticipated. The Blazers were playing really well. The Lakers beat the Hornets, ending this season's attempts to give two shits about New Orleans. The Bumblebees put up a fight, but since Chris Paul is only 5'10" and there aren't five of him, they lost.

For this series, Tyson Chandler is single-handedly marginalizing Pau and Bynum while Dirk has finally started playing like he owns a set of testicles. He doesn't know where they are, mind you, but at least he owns them. Also, Kobe Bryant is a gigantic asshole and threw his teammates under the bus after Game 1. In his mind, he's transcended into a different galaxy, where everyone is an asshole, and the only way to be understood is to act like an asshole 24/7. It boggles the mind. Sure, Pau sort of sucked, but remember that is was you who lost the ball to Jason Kidd to effectively lose the game.

Grizz v. Thunder: The Grizz beat the Spurs to a) win a playoff game for the first time and b) win a playoff series for the first time. More impressively, they beat the Spurs playing Spurs ball: grind it out down low with a grounded power forward and play team defense. The Thunder knew we all wanted to see one more game of J.R. Smith, so they let them win one game. They're cool like that.

The Grizz have already accomplished the "split on the road" aspect of playoff hoops. But in game 2, Serge and Perkins COMPLETELY shut down Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol. They shot a combined 5-22. YYYYUCK. The only reason they were even in that game was because of Mike Conley's 24 points. Point is, Z-Bo and Marc have to step it up. Or pray that Russell Westbrook stops passing the ball completely (sort of likely).

Heat v. Celtics: The Heat beat the Philadelphia 76ers, which are a real basketball team. I enjoyed watching the 6ers in the playoffs, but they had no single chance to prevail. Celtics beat the Knicks in some sort of non-rivalry that only exists in the minds of sensationalistic homer beat writers. Also, the Knicks sucked total ass.

As you may see above, the Heat are playing prison rules and going all sorts of H*A*M on the C's. The Celtics deserve it though, as they've been doing this to everybody for three years now. This could be a long series, so I'm excited to see if the Heat win one of the games in Boston. Mostly because it would piss off this guy. Also mostly because when LeBron wasn't laying out Rondo, Dwyane Wade was acting like Ben Stiller from Happy Gilmore. Which is to say, torturing old people.

Bulls v. Hawks: The Hawks beat the Magic by failing to suck as much as they did. Dwight Howard is the balls, but why does everybody else on that team just refuse to play well? The Bulls beat the Pacers because the Bulls have Derrick Rose and the Indiana Pacers have a bunch of white goons.

I like the Hawks and all, but they are more likely to suck than the Magic. And as funky as Jamal Crawford is, I don't want to live in a world where Josh Smith is settling for jump shots in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also, Derrick Rose is the MVP and he loves his mother. Fuck you if you don't love this interview (skip to 4:40).

Cavaliers vanquish their most hated opponent

That's right. The Cleveland Cavaliers got their fifteenth win of the season last night, over LeBron. In a related story, the Cavs will stop playing when the season is over, and LeBron's Heat will make a deep run into the playoffs, after which he will go back home to his mansion in a cool city and fornicate on top of his giant pile of money.

The game was worth watching, though. You can watch the highlights here.

First of all, Bron didn't show up for player introductions. He says that he missed it because he was on the can, but we all know that widdle Bwon Bwon's fee fees are to fragile to take the deluge of boos that he knowingly deserves.

Second of all, Luke Harangody balled out of control. As much as Luke Harangody can. He had a funky spin move to fadeaway jumper that he obviously learned by watching Michael Jordan, and that he will never make again. Ever. He followed it up by draining a three. Pretty hilarious sequence of events, really.

The Cavs played hard and won because of it. They also made LeBron work for everything he got, fouling the shit out of him and swatting his shots into the stands even after fouls were called. In true Bron fashion, he finished with a triple double, and is now one of two players to record a triple double AGAINST a team he won the MVP for (Wilt is the other).

LeBron also drained a 60-foot buzzer beater at the end of the third quarter. It shouldn't have counted, because the buzzer expired before the ball left his hands. Upon review, they noticed that the clock started running before the inbounds pass touched his hands, because the clock-keeper is a hometown asshole. They probably shouldn't have counted the shot anyway, but still did, because fuck Cleveland.

The Cavs ended up out-hustling everybody for a well-deserved win. However, Baron Davis summed up the result with the ennui such a dubious victory deserves.

“Beating LeBron and beating the Heat doesn’t really mean anything to me. I’ll take the free beer, though."

Won't we all, Boom-dizzle.

And finally, to put the deflated and bitter cherry on top of the turd cake that this sad and worthless victory is, Dan Gilbert - owner of the Cavs - dropped this gem on twitter:

Fitting.

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

Wooo! Icehouse is at work, and nobody else is, meaning I'm going to post something that only I will read. Hope everybody's having fun today. At noon, I'm going to put the Grizz game on the TV in our office. I give it 8 minutes before the boss makes me change it back to Fox News. Super.

Anyway. Shit storm time. You probably watched the Pats/Jets game last night. It was great. One thing about it, though, was the fans. Sure, the Foxborough faithful had their normal assortment of ugly chicks and guys in brightly-colored tricorner hats, but there was a much more douchier brand of asshat last night.



Yep. Those guys. The kind of fan that mocks something complete peripheral to the game. "Hey! You've got a foot fetish! That makes me better than you!" People talk about the lack of class the Jets fans have, with good reason. But I didn't see any Jets fans in any of the three meeting this year with a sign that said "Bill Belichick is an adulterous asshole" or "Tom Brady is an absent father" or "Brandon Spikes does steroids and makes sex tapes."

I find it extremely lame when fans resort to off-the-field issues for their smack talk. "I'm going to knock you out" just resonates more with me than "your marriage is in trouble." Furthermore, it's always the stupidest loudmouth fuckwads that resort to it, probably because they don't know shit about sports in the first place.

So my question is, what is your least favorite famous fan or fan activity? Hate Fireman Ed? Cool. Hate the Saints' Moses? Ok, kinda weird, but whatever. My least favorite is the celebrities that use games as a way to get noticed. Jack Nicholson is a big-time fan, and a million kinds of awesome, so he's not the kind of person I'm talking about. Spike Lee, Jerry Seinfeld, they're all OK. I hate Dane Cook and Billy Crystal's guts, but they're still big fans, and are always supporting their teams. No, it's the fucking wieners that only show up when there's cameras around.


Personally, I'm a little baffled the Staples Center management lets farm animals into the arena.