Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Oof. Icehouse hasn't been here in a while, and that's mostly my fault. I say mostly, but it's everyone's fault besides mine. Whatever. Daddy's here now and he's got some sweet ass content for you.

Not really, it's mostly pictures that have been sitting on my desktop. God I'm lazy.

So let's get it kicked off!

First up, even though Free Darko is no longer, you can still get some sweet ass stuff from their store, but it's for a limited time only. If anyone wants to buy me this poster, I'd send you a thank you email.


Moving on, here's a very uncomfortable ticket to a game.


Andrei Kirilenko is doing more to become the WereRussian.


Hockey is happening. So is this.


JaVale McGee now has a Guiness World Record, and it's not for having the most capitalized letters in his name.


Joe Paterno is contemplative, and has some ice cream.


Be nice to bikers. They have to deal with some serious bullshit.


Shawn Marion hasn't given a fuck in ages.


Steve Breaston be deep, yo.


This video is kind of the shit, but on the real, nobody should be comparing LeBron (or anyone for that matter) to Michael Jordan. Moreover, Scottie Pippen is a dumbshit.


All things considered, this is a pretty legit brawl.


Scooter Biceps is hilarious.


Have fun out there, fuckers. Also, we have a surprise coming for you for the next post. One love.

Boston Sports Fans Say, "Don't Forget About Us! We're The Biggest Douches of All!"

So Ines Sainz came out and said that she thinks the Jets have the best chance to win the Super Bowl. Cue the obligatory Ines Sainz imagery:



Pretty innocuous though, right? "I truly believe they have the best chance to win the Super Bowl." That's what she said.

Of course, the Jets play the Pats next, so the fuckbags over at Barstool decided they'd barf this onto their site:

I have question. Does this bitch think we’re stupid? I mean one second she’s whining that the Jets are sexually harassing her and the next second she’s trying to get anal from Mark Sanchez. Give me a break. Obviously she’s trying to make Brady jealous so he’ll toss her a bone and hate fuck the shit out of her. Sorry honey he’s just not that into you. So do me a favor and stop acting like a two year old with these kindergadrden mind games. You’re not fooling anybody. Maybe if you’re patient one day he’ll impregnate your ass, but until then take that fine ass of yours and hit the road. The Jets are going to beat the Pats! Haha! Slut!

Yep. They actually said that. A couple of things I'd like to point out. First: misspelling "kindergarten" is just deliciously funny. Ms. Sainz speaks two different languages, while you have yet to master one. Another thing. She wasn't the one that accused anybody of anything. Other reporters in the room were. She squashed it, saving all of us the trouble of dealing with people like you and Keith Olbermann. Furthermore, as far as sexual harassment is being discussed, I'd like everyone to reread the entire quote again. ElPresidente, I pity you. Your mother failed at raising you and you will never have a meaningful relationship.

Oh, and the whole "Tom Brady's sex life" card. Wow. Just, wow. Your best insult is "the star of my favorite sports team has a great sex life that you won't be included in." If the wonderful and elegant Ms. Sainz WAS interested in a romantic evening on the town, she would choose New York over Boston, because she has taste and class.

So thanks, Boston fans. I had almost forgotten about you. Now please, do us all a favor and drink yourselves to death.

Fuck you, SIRRRRR!

[Icehouse's Keith Olbermann impression]: Yes, SIR. Fuck yourself, SIR. I DEMAND IT! This NATION demands it! You, SIRRRR, are one enormous dumbshit! Whenever Glenn Beck giggles his way into a more coherent statement about a subject, then you, SIRRR, have clearly tread into the land of idiocy.

On his show the other day, Keith Olbermann put Ines Sainz on his "worst person in the world" segment. GUHHHHH what a fucking noble pursuit you giant-eyebrowed piece of shit. You set out every day to find a list of "worst" people in the world. At least Bill O'reilly gives a little doubt in his "Pinhead or Patriot" segment. You are a fucking piece of shit aren't you.

Ok, sorry about that. I promise I'm going to get through this without another outburst. I think. We'll see.

So Olbermann says that Sainz is "the worst person in the world" because she undermines credible female reporters.

/sighs
//rubs temples

I guess he forgot that... hang on.

/leaves room
//smashes lamp

Olbermann apparently forgot that this entire brou-ha-ha was started when a women's media group complained to the NFL. That's right, the "credible female journalists" that Sainz "undermines" were the ones that started this idiotic media shitstorm.

Olbermann (sort of) correctly gives a cursory mention that TV Azteca is to blame for this whole thing. I'm sure he doesn't like that Mexican food involves tortillas, either.

Keith, you asshole. I know you made money on being indignant about the shape of the country during the Bush administration, but you are very clearly a one-trick pony who needs to be put out to pasture, or break your leg so we can shoot you. Whatever we do with useless horses these days.

Here's the deal. Ines Sainz is really attractive. Mexican TV stations hire attractive people (YOU'LL NEVER GET A JOB THERE, OLBERMANN). NFL locker rooms have naked athlete millionaires in them. They are used to dealing with a specific set of people every day, namely their beat journalists. Even if they're TV personalities, they are highly-educated professionals in a world where looks don't matter. So in walks a former supermodel. Athletes date supermodels. It just kind of makes sense for a comment to be thrown around, along with footballs in the general direction of aforementioned hotness. Everybody does it.
See?

As a unnamed feminist source we interviewed said, ugly girls are always jealous of pretty girls, because pretty girls get what they get with less effort. This so-called society of female journalists is the entity to blame here, because they were the ones who were uncomfortable, and they were the ones that started this whole stupid bitchfest to begin with.

Fuck you, Keith Olbermann.

Fuck you, Joey Crawford

That is all.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

West. Can't miss it.


Maria Kirilenko would like to play some tennis this weekend. With you. Naked.

That' what I'm talking about. Let's get down to business. More NBA playoffs, and the remaining rounds of the draft to watch on TV. I'll watch the playoffs when I'm not outside, and I've never been that into the draft. Because it's not football, you see, it's a fucking bureaucratic process. But that's neither here nor there.

WOOO! FRIDAY!

First, a little rain delay theater, from Western Kentucky and Florida Atlantic.


Bad American accents in a Canadian PSA about basketball. Yep.


Terry Crews dancing in White Chicks. The only funny part of that movie.


That's it for today, shitbirds. We'll have better content next week.