So Ines Sainz came out and said that she thinks the Jets have the best chance to win the Super Bowl. Cue the obligatory Ines Sainz imagery:
Pretty innocuous though, right? "I truly believe they have the best chance to win the Super Bowl." That's what she said.
Of course, the Jets play the Pats next, so the fuckbags over at Barstool decided they'd barf this onto their site:
I have question. Does this bitch think we’re stupid? I mean one second she’s whining that the Jets are sexually harassing her and the next second she’s trying to get anal from Mark Sanchez. Give me a break. Obviously she’s trying to make Brady jealous so he’ll toss her a bone and hate fuck the shit out of her. Sorry honey he’s just not that into you. So do me a favor and stop acting like a two year old with these kindergadrden mind games. You’re not fooling anybody. Maybe if you’re patient one day he’ll impregnate your ass, but until then take that fine ass of yours and hit the road. The Jets are going to beat the Pats! Haha! Slut!
Yep. They actually said that. A couple of things I'd like to point out. First: misspelling "kindergarten" is just deliciously funny. Ms. Sainz speaks two different languages, while you have yet to master one. Another thing. She wasn't the one that accused anybody of anything. Other reporters in the room were. She squashed it, saving all of us the trouble of dealing with people like you and Keith Olbermann. Furthermore, as far as sexual harassment is being discussed, I'd like everyone to reread the entire quote again. ElPresidente, I pity you. Your mother failed at raising you and you will never have a meaningful relationship.
Oh, and the whole "Tom Brady's sex life" card. Wow. Just, wow. Your best insult is "the star of my favorite sports team has a great sex life that you won't be included in." If the wonderful and elegant Ms. Sainz WAS interested in a romantic evening on the town, she would choose New York over Boston, because she has taste and class.
So thanks, Boston fans. I had almost forgotten about you. Now please, do us all a favor and drink yourselves to death.
IT'S OFFICIAL: 2010 is the year of the douchebag. Think about it. Outside of the Saints winning the Super Bowl, every single thing that happened in Sports was just one douchebag after another. Cam Newton, Auburn faithful, and SEC hegemony is just the icing on the cake of douche.
I'll punch you right in your stupid schnoz. You won't even see it coming. You ugly bastard, I'll slap your ass around and choke you with an apron as if you just burnt the meatloaf.
I was telling everybody that Hayden was going to be hot when she was in Remember the Titans. What?! Yeah, it was weird, so what? She IS hot. I was right! LIKE ALWAYS.
Anyway, Wlad, I'll probably be doing you a favor, rearranging your face like that. Might even knock some sense into what is probably a stupid thick skull of yours. SHE'S MINE, YOU HEAR?!
Ah, I'm just playing with you. I'm blissfully still in love with Julia Mancuso. So what kind of work you in, Wlad?
[Icehouse's Keith Olbermann impression]: Yes, SIR. Fuck yourself, SIR. I DEMAND IT! This NATION demands it! You, SIRRRR, are one enormous dumbshit! Whenever Glenn Beck giggles his way into a more coherent statement about a subject, then you, SIRRR, have clearly tread into the land of idiocy.
On his show the other day, Keith Olbermann put Ines Sainz on his "worst person in the world" segment. GUHHHHH what a fucking noble pursuit you giant-eyebrowed piece of shit. You set out every day to find a list of "worst" people in the world. At least Bill O'reilly gives a little doubt in his "Pinhead or Patriot" segment. You are a fucking piece of shit aren't you.
Ok, sorry about that. I promise I'm going to get through this without another outburst. I think. We'll see.
So Olbermann says that Sainz is "the worst person in the world" because she undermines credible female reporters.
/sighs //rubs temples
I guess he forgot that... hang on.
/leaves room //smashes lamp
Olbermann apparently forgot that this entire brou-ha-ha was started when a women's media group complained to the NFL. That's right, the "credible female journalists" that Sainz "undermines" were the ones that started this idiotic media shitstorm.
Olbermann (sort of) correctly gives a cursory mention that TV Azteca is to blame for this whole thing. I'm sure he doesn't like that Mexican food involves tortillas, either.
Keith, you asshole. I know you made money on being indignant about the shape of the country during the Bush administration, but you are very clearly a one-trick pony who needs to be put out to pasture, or break your leg so we can shoot you. Whatever we do with useless horses these days.
Here's the deal. Ines Sainz is really attractive. Mexican TV stations hire attractive people (YOU'LL NEVER GET A JOB THERE, OLBERMANN). NFL locker rooms have naked athlete millionaires in them. They are used to dealing with a specific set of people every day, namely their beat journalists. Even if they're TV personalities, they are highly-educated professionals in a world where looks don't matter. So in walks a former supermodel. Athletes date supermodels. It just kind of makes sense for a comment to be thrown around, along with footballs in the general direction of aforementioned hotness. Everybody does it. See?
As a unnamed feminist source we interviewed said, ugly girls are always jealous of pretty girls, because pretty girls get what they get with less effort. This so-called society of female journalists is the entity to blame here, because they were the ones who were uncomfortable, and they were the ones that started this whole stupid bitchfest to begin with.
I had almost forgotten why I hated you in the first place.
Almost.
I've always been a Spurs fan. That's just the way things went. I didn't really hate the Mavs, they were just kind of this team to the north that sort of competed with the Spurs in the years that the Rockets were worse than the Comets. The Mavericks rise to prominence coincided with my leaving for college, which meant meeting many more Mavs fans than ever before. This was a revelation to me, that people gave a fuck about this team.
Then the rivalry started to heat up. After the Spurs won their third Championship in 2005, the Mavericks and Spurs squared off in the 2006 playoffs for what could be considered one of the greatest playoff series ever. The Mavericks ended up winning. All I could really say was, "good game." The Spurs played their best, but the Mavericks played better. That's all there was to it. Nothing more to say.
Then the Mavericks lost to the Heat in the Finals. And boy, did the tears flow. Tears about how the refs screwed them out of a championship. This had actually been a constant theme of Maverick fandom in previous years, but I never paid it much mind. You see, for me, fans who complain about the officiating of a game or series tells me that either a) they lack a basic understanding of the sport, or b) that they know in their hearts that their team wasn't good enough to win on their own. I categorized Mavericks fans into one of the two. Even though they had a pretty good argument about how refs treated them against the Heat, the fact remained that referees don't make the ball go in the hole, and referees for damn sure don't lose four straight games to you. Essentially, I never hated the team, but their insufferable fan base forced me to root against them.
Fast forward a couple of years. Now I live in Dallas. I love living in a town with an NBA team. I enjoy going to games, being able to watch it on TV eighty-two times a year, and talking about basketball with fellow fans. After the first year, I have to admit, the Mavs made me not despise them. This year, with the help of some shrewd off-season and in-season moves to bring a host of players I like to the team, I could even be counted among their fan base. I penned a "you don't totally suck" concession in these pages a few months back, and even bought a Roddy Buckets shirt. Looking good there, big cat.
But in the past week, I remember why you're all a bunch of insufferable pricks. I've watched the past couple of games with Mavericks fans. With the exception of one or two knowledgeable and entertaining folks, they've been pretty awful. I can handle homers. I can handle assholes. I can handle idiots. All three qualities in several different people just put me over the top. Maybe I'm in a defensive mindset now that I'm in enemy territory. But then again.... Yeah. Fuck these pieces of shit. Fuck every last one of them.
After careful contemplation, I've decided that this is the Mark Cuban effect. As much of a shitbag as he can be, I respected that he would speak his mind, stand up for his players and support his team above all else. Unfortunately, it's grown into a vicious cycle. If he bashes the refs, fans take his word as gospel like he has some sort of insider information. He doesn't. He's gone to great lengths to seem like an average fan, and at the end of the day, that's all he really is. Just an asshole with better seats.
It's a brilliant marketing ploy, if you think about it. He bashes the refs, so the fans do too. They assume that their team is the best, and just get screwed out of the playoffs every year. It has nothing to do with the fact that their Aryan superstar, for all of his regular season merits, is a glass-jawed pussy that disappears in the playoffs. When fans miss the forest for the trees like that, there could never be any backlash against the front office that kept Dirk in lieu of the perennially likable Steve Nash.
The real tragedy for Mavericks fans is that they will never expand outside of this realm of ignorance. Short of Mark Cuban standing up and saying "this team beat us fair and square," there will never be any sort of rational thought. That's fine, as rational thought and sports fandom hardly ever go hand-in-hand. It would also be uncharacteristic of the sort of megalomaniac that prints up shirts with his face on them, as if he were one of the players. But to keep up the farce, Cuban must continue to berate the league and the officiating. This will never make the calls go in favor of the Mavericks. Put it this way: say you constantly berate the waitstaff of restaurants on their poor service. Do you have reason to be that shocked when somebody spits in your food? No you don't. Thems the breaks.
So now the series stands at 3-1 Spurs over Mavericks. I sure hope the juggernaut pulls this one off. But even if some cataclysm happens, and the Spurs lose three in a row, I won't blame the refs.
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