Oh hello, you must be a fringe college football fan who complains about bowl games. You hate them you say? No attendance? No playoffs? Would you allow me to offer a simple rebuttal?
Get fucked.
I love football I love everything about it, and this time of the year I get to sit on my ass and watch football every day. EVERY DAY!!! Look I get it, some of the games are not appealing, but it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure out that people do not want to travel to Shreveport Louisiana the day after Christmas.
And can we stop complaining about not playoffs? Yes the BCS is bass ackwards. It sucks, I get it. However, the closest thing we'll ever get is a plus one formula. This year we'd have LSU, Bama, OSU, and Stanford. I'll take that final four. (Without bowl games we would have never known about Rusty Whitt)
Lastly, most players I've talked to love bowl games. Why? Well football players typically like playing the game, for some teams it may be their only chance to be on national TV and they get free shit. Let me make my point clear. 18-22 year olds and Best Buy shopping sprees.
In summary, go buy some shitty wine for your next pathetic dinner party and stop cluttering up my twitter feed with your incessant bitching.
For some reason, everybody only wants to talk about Tim Tebow. Every single goddamn talking head on ESPN is apparently paid per Tebow reference. Which is ok with me, because at least it's not Jerry Sandusky.
The only real problem is that every single person that talks about Tebow tries to view him through the lens that they force down our fucking throats.
How about we think outside that box for a second?
First, they regard this Bronco's scheme as some sort of batshit insane scheme - the likes of which we have never seen before. Don't they call this the wildcat in every other offense? Is there something I'm missing that makes this different? Oh yeah, Tebow's white.
Furthermore, they can't help themselves from sensationalizing EVERYTHING. The dude is 24. Why not actually try watching him play a little football, instead of skipping all the steps and asking "CAN THE BRONCOS WIN THE SUPER BOWL WITH TEBOW?!" Why not ask whether or not the Broncos can make the playoffs first? (Spoiler: Yes, the Broncos can make the playoffs. The AFC West is like the derpshit teenagers in Scream: EVERYBODY'S A SUSPECT) Why not ask if the Jaguars can win a Super Bowl with Blaine Gabbert? Or the Vikings with Christian Ponder? Aren't they his peers?
What would be nice and refreshing would be if we could all take a step back to look at Tim Tebow.
Believe it or not, there was a time when quarterbacks didn't just sit in the pocket and throw the ball, benefiting from the myriad of rules that protect them. They were just one of several ball carriers, and didn't need to slide if they ran. Tim Tebow happens to be a football player, and that's what nice about him.
I'm really sorry he flies in the face of the Tom Brady and Peyton Manning NFL that pundits and writers have been pushing at us for decades. Sorry you're having a tough time explaining him to the Sportscenter crowd. It might make it a little easier if you showed more games, and less Around the Horn.
People like to talk about how awful he is at throwing the ball. He's pretty bad at it. But so are 20 or so other starting quarterbacks. At least Tebow's useful besides that. And instead of comparing him to current pass-only quarterbacks, why not try to talk about what his strengths are?
Because they're haters. I don't exactly like Tebow or the Broncos, but I hate the haters, and I like watching somebody who's going to stick his face into the pile to try and score touchdowns.
It's official, the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, Global Warming, Climate Change and now ripping up basketball hoops.
Seriously, this isn't China. There are rules in America. But you know why Blythe put the hit out on the basketball hoop?
1. He hates kids 2. He hates kids 3. He's no dummy, he knows a prime set up when he sees it. A solid hoop at the END of a culdesac? Shit, that is a kid's dream. Oh, I know he's in the PA Hall of Fame for opening sports complexes. I don't care. So maybe - just MAYBE - if the kids can't play in the streets, they have to go to one of your "complexes" where they have to pay a "membership fee" for a low "monthly charge." I see you Blythe, real smooth, game respects game.
When I showed this to Icehouse he pointed out that youth sports prevent Gang activity, drug abuse, and teen pregnancy. FACT!!!
And what's with the sweatshirt lady in the video? What, did you not bust enough balls in 9th grade student council? Stovall said it best when talking about her upcoming performance review.
"Have you ever lied to an individual during your job?" "No." /puts in video
But really, the main complaint is that kids don't pay attention to traffic? Really? Have you ever met a kid? Nobody cares about traffic, you're invincible at that age. Anyway, these two are my heroes for the day and I can't wait until Oprah picks up on their story and they get a stadium in their front yard.
[Icehouse's Keith Olbermann impression]: Yes, SIR. Fuck yourself, SIR. I DEMAND IT! This NATION demands it! You, SIRRRR, are one enormous dumbshit! Whenever Glenn Beck giggles his way into a more coherent statement about a subject, then you, SIRRR, have clearly tread into the land of idiocy.
On his show the other day, Keith Olbermann put Ines Sainz on his "worst person in the world" segment. GUHHHHH what a fucking noble pursuit you giant-eyebrowed piece of shit. You set out every day to find a list of "worst" people in the world. At least Bill O'reilly gives a little doubt in his "Pinhead or Patriot" segment. You are a fucking piece of shit aren't you.
Ok, sorry about that. I promise I'm going to get through this without another outburst. I think. We'll see.
So Olbermann says that Sainz is "the worst person in the world" because she undermines credible female reporters.
/sighs //rubs temples
I guess he forgot that... hang on.
/leaves room //smashes lamp
Olbermann apparently forgot that this entire brou-ha-ha was started when a women's media group complained to the NFL. That's right, the "credible female journalists" that Sainz "undermines" were the ones that started this idiotic media shitstorm.
Olbermann (sort of) correctly gives a cursory mention that TV Azteca is to blame for this whole thing. I'm sure he doesn't like that Mexican food involves tortillas, either.
Keith, you asshole. I know you made money on being indignant about the shape of the country during the Bush administration, but you are very clearly a one-trick pony who needs to be put out to pasture, or break your leg so we can shoot you. Whatever we do with useless horses these days.
Here's the deal. Ines Sainz is really attractive. Mexican TV stations hire attractive people (YOU'LL NEVER GET A JOB THERE, OLBERMANN). NFL locker rooms have naked athlete millionaires in them. They are used to dealing with a specific set of people every day, namely their beat journalists. Even if they're TV personalities, they are highly-educated professionals in a world where looks don't matter. So in walks a former supermodel. Athletes date supermodels. It just kind of makes sense for a comment to be thrown around, along with footballs in the general direction of aforementioned hotness. Everybody does it. See?
As a unnamed feminist source we interviewed said, ugly girls are always jealous of pretty girls, because pretty girls get what they get with less effort. This so-called society of female journalists is the entity to blame here, because they were the ones who were uncomfortable, and they were the ones that started this whole stupid bitchfest to begin with.
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