Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Don't worry my darlings. Icehouse is still watching you.

And by "darlings" and "you," Icehouse means the NBA Playoffs. This is Icehouse's favorite time of the sports year. Or maybe the return of football is. I guess the difference is that there is a pertinent and important game EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. It's so awesome. Everybody steps up their games. Charles drinks extra hard. Kevin McHale is extra self-depricating. And the ball itself is great. Everybody goes hard and plays to the best of their abilities - which, since this is the NBA, is a really high caliber of play.

Here are a few quick thoughts about the playoffs thus far.

First, for some reason, is the Lakers v. Mavs. The Mavs beat the Blazers to get there, and way more handily than anyone anticipated. The Blazers were playing really well. The Lakers beat the Hornets, ending this season's attempts to give two shits about New Orleans. The Bumblebees put up a fight, but since Chris Paul is only 5'10" and there aren't five of him, they lost.

For this series, Tyson Chandler is single-handedly marginalizing Pau and Bynum while Dirk has finally started playing like he owns a set of testicles. He doesn't know where they are, mind you, but at least he owns them. Also, Kobe Bryant is a gigantic asshole and threw his teammates under the bus after Game 1. In his mind, he's transcended into a different galaxy, where everyone is an asshole, and the only way to be understood is to act like an asshole 24/7. It boggles the mind. Sure, Pau sort of sucked, but remember that is was you who lost the ball to Jason Kidd to effectively lose the game.

Grizz v. Thunder: The Grizz beat the Spurs to a) win a playoff game for the first time and b) win a playoff series for the first time. More impressively, they beat the Spurs playing Spurs ball: grind it out down low with a grounded power forward and play team defense. The Thunder knew we all wanted to see one more game of J.R. Smith, so they let them win one game. They're cool like that.

The Grizz have already accomplished the "split on the road" aspect of playoff hoops. But in game 2, Serge and Perkins COMPLETELY shut down Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol. They shot a combined 5-22. YYYYUCK. The only reason they were even in that game was because of Mike Conley's 24 points. Point is, Z-Bo and Marc have to step it up. Or pray that Russell Westbrook stops passing the ball completely (sort of likely).

Heat v. Celtics: The Heat beat the Philadelphia 76ers, which are a real basketball team. I enjoyed watching the 6ers in the playoffs, but they had no single chance to prevail. Celtics beat the Knicks in some sort of non-rivalry that only exists in the minds of sensationalistic homer beat writers. Also, the Knicks sucked total ass.

As you may see above, the Heat are playing prison rules and going all sorts of H*A*M on the C's. The Celtics deserve it though, as they've been doing this to everybody for three years now. This could be a long series, so I'm excited to see if the Heat win one of the games in Boston. Mostly because it would piss off this guy. Also mostly because when LeBron wasn't laying out Rondo, Dwyane Wade was acting like Ben Stiller from Happy Gilmore. Which is to say, torturing old people.

Bulls v. Hawks: The Hawks beat the Magic by failing to suck as much as they did. Dwight Howard is the balls, but why does everybody else on that team just refuse to play well? The Bulls beat the Pacers because the Bulls have Derrick Rose and the Indiana Pacers have a bunch of white goons.

I like the Hawks and all, but they are more likely to suck than the Magic. And as funky as Jamal Crawford is, I don't want to live in a world where Josh Smith is settling for jump shots in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also, Derrick Rose is the MVP and he loves his mother. Fuck you if you don't love this interview (skip to 4:40).


  1. *Ben Stiller in Happy Gilmore*

  2. "Fuck you if you don't like this video (but go ahead and skip most of it)."

  3. I could have put just the mom part up. But I didn't.

  4. Furthermore, did you watch the video?

  5. Should be St. Louis Grizzlies or St. Louis Hornets, or the St. Louis Supersonics.

    But yeah, not like I'm still pissed or anything.

  6. St. Louis Cardinals (of Basketbal-...No, no! Come back! It'll be fun, we promise. We'll get some baseball Cardinals to come to some games sometime, and we'll give away baseball bobbleheads! It'll be great now come back to your seats...Come on...No, no- Please? Hey, thanks for being here guys, those other people are losers! Oh, just getting your coats. Got it. Go Cards.