Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Adventures of Dogus Balbay in America

Dogus Balbay is a point guard for the University of Texas. After playing well in the Turkish basketball league, he has come to the United States to better himself, and hopefully make more money. These are chronicles of the trials and tribulations of culture shock.


Dogus is on the verge of insanity. He must find some relief from the outside world. The last couple weeks, the world has become insane, and there is nothing Dogus can do about it.

At end of July, there is a party in Austin. It is called Fiji Island, but has nothing to do with actualy Fiji Island. Something completely different. As Dogus approaches the party, they are stopping everybody to look for their passports. Or birth certificates. Or whatever, Dogus doesn't know. Dogus just walks in with Dexter Pittman every time they want the birth certificate. They let Dexter in everywhere except the Mr. Gatti's buffet.

Once inside, there is nothing but Keystone Light and bad American music from the 1980s. Dogus laughs a hearty laugh. The Light Keystone is the worst kind. The 1980s music makes him laugh even harder. 1980s music is all they have in Turkey. There is lots of music in Austin, but none of the people at the party were born in the 1980s.

There are lots of footballers at the party. Dogus has not seen them in quite some time. "Hey Irby" he calls. Blaine Irby turns quickly, and crumples to the tarped and sandy floor in agony. Dogus sure hopes he wasn't responsible for that.

Anyways. Dogus starts talking to girls. Girls like Dogus. Girls like everybody at this party it seems, including each other. They ask Dogus where he's from. The girls don't know where Turkey is. They laugh when he say it. Dexter picks up twelve of them and leaves with Adam Ulatoski.

Dogus wakes up face down on a lawn amidst rubble. He looks up and realizes he is at Sergio Kindle's house. He sure hopes Sergio didn't drive home that night. Dogus just wants school to start. Anything to add order to this insane existence.

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