ST. LOUIS -- Local man for all seasons Zack Stovall has triumphed over a field of paltry ne'er-do-wellers in the annual Ghost of Roy Hobbs Fantasy Football Tourney 2009, the only contender in FF history to win prior to a down being played in the NFL.
"It was tough," said a glisteningly sweaty Stovall, as four buxom female virgins wiped his noble brow. "I mean the field was really competitive. While it was never really in doubt, I feel like I did my best, and the best man won."
"I'm just happy to have another blip on my already outstanding C.V.; I hope others can be inspired by my bevy of accolades."
Long-time friend and beloved associate of Stovall, known only as 'Icehouse,' said that Stovall's triumph is just one of the reasons he's the most well-liked and popular guys he's ever met.
"I mean, you'd like to assume that it's his washboard abs, chisled jawline, not to mention his flawless sense of style, that got him to where he is today," said House. "But you'd be only partly correct; He just gives so damn much. I can't wait to try for second place, if Zack hasn't already won the silver, too."
A tearful Steve Lattimer admited his burning jealousy at the latest Stovall victory, but also admitted that he would gladly take a bullet for the victor.
"I can't say I hate him, I just can't," said a blubbering Lattimer, through snot and tears. "He's just so good. He is just a poem in flesh."
But what's next for the intrepid young champion of the internets?
"I'm looking into a pretty viable non-profit to build rollercoasters in under-privaleged schools," said a magnanimous Stovall. "You know, what ever I can do to help."
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You're not going to let this portly sack of snake excriment win, are you? Sign up for the GRH Fantasy Football Showdown and put the Rosie-O'Donnell-look-a-like and his husky jeans in their rightful place at the bottom of the barrell.
Go to Yahoo.com's Fantasy Football folder and fill in the following info:
ID= 638653
Password=GRH
It's just. that. easy. honkies.
Posts
You know this is satire because Zack has never won any type of fantasy competition.
ReplyDeleteI won last year. Suck it.
ReplyDeleteI stand corrected, it's probably because I sucked so bad last year that I failed to care during the playoffs.
ReplyDeleteBrett Fvare is directly responsible for me not winning.
ReplyDelete