Friday afternoon Fun Bag!!!!

Well it's been a great week. First we completely troll the Royal Wedding by KILLING THE MOST WANTED MAN IN THE WORLD, Then we realize we shot him in the eye, THEN we reveal that we also had a SEAL dog. A DOG!!! Even Mother Russia gives us a stoic nod of approval.

This will be a longer Fun Bag simply because we need to address the Bin Laden Reaction.

I wonder if any of our writers has a video addressing this very issue. OH HEY!!! It's our very own Zack Stovall doing the damn thing on the stage.


A four Wheeler, a pistol, and the Stars and Stripes. Eat your heart out Michael Moore.


I mentioned the greatness of Dogs earlier. Most of you know I'm a dog lover, but let's just see what Cats were up to.

Figures

Ok now onto the usual with sports, and people getting injured.

Looks like The SNES Street Fighter game finally made it to Kazakhstan


Icehouse put it best when he said the Enya really made this video, I agree. Also, I love Enya


The Kentucky Derby is this weekend, and I absolutely love Horse Races. Did you see those LOZERS in England wearing those funky ass hats. HAHAHAHAHA We'd Never do that in Amer.....Damn


Finally, If you've haven't already done so, I'd suggest reading Matt Uffords eloquent reaction of a veteran. I know we've been waving our flags and have been going all America on everyone's ass. It goes without saying, but the reason we can celebrate, or condone celebrations, or have any public reaction at all is because we have men and women in our military who know the risks, and are the best at what they do. Most of us didn't do any of the work, but we're still damn proud of it.

Now back to the irreverence of GRH, I'll leave you with my favorite meme.

Stovall Has A Question For You...

HOW MY ASS TASTE?


HOOOOOOOBOY. HOOOOBOY. HOW YOU LIKE IT, HOW YOU LIKE IT, HOW YOU LIKE IT?

Looks like everyone not named Zack got lined up and rolled out on a STRETCHER this year in the GRH NCAA Brackakke. I emerged victorious, vanquishing my foes with wit, wisdom, and mental dexterity hitherto UNSEEN in modern bracketology. The near misses...the upsets...the close calls. Describes some games in the tournament, but couldn't be further from describing the GRH brackets against me. It was me in a landslide.

Hold up, Harvard called. They need someone to speak at the commencement ceremony for their renowned Comm. V. Schmidlapp School of Bracketology. Hope I can make it when I'm not using my knowledge to teach computers how to moonwalk in VEGAS.

I don't think anybody is surprised. I'm full of nothing but basketball prowess. I didn't even have to watch any basketball games this year, I JUST KNEW. I knew where to pick my spots and how I needed to proceed in my quest to become the most vaunted bracketoleger, perhaps methinks, OF ALL TIME.

How many correct Final Four picks? One. Kentucky. How much in the field? Zero. I WIN!!!

Teams don't matter as much though. You've GOTTA find the hot hand in the deck. Who's coming into the tournament looking good? Jimmer Fredette? A pale, mormony excuse of a basketball player. What about Butler's Matt Howard? He's tall, isn't he? But no, everybody, YOURS TRULY, knew Kemba Walker was about to run a train on this tournament. His shots were the ones you had to SEE TO BELIEVE. In him, I put my faith, believing he'd drag his team, kicking and scream, to at least the championship game. And he did.

Of course, I thought Kemba Walker played for Pitt, and had them in the championship game. But again, no matter. I WIN!!!

I'd like to take a moment and thank all of the people I so savagely destroyed in the process of getting mine. Lattimer: Wasn't expecting a lot out of you, but you brought out the vigor I knew you'd have. You losing was a constant source of inspiration for me, both on and off the court. No really, I was laughing to myself about it later, helped me sleep. Icehouse, Icehouse, Icehouse. You have, by far, the most basketball expertise of anyone I know, outside, of course, of myself. You came in dead last. The writing is on the wall, the stars are aligned in the western skies; you will be a great bracketeer one day. NOT TODAY, GRASSHOPPER. NOT. TO. DAY. And the rest of you unimportant flunkies whose name either escaped me or never dwelled in my august brain region: Enjoy the smell. Waft in my vapors. Take in my aura as it glides past you, seemingly effortless, but with purpose and power. You will all fall before me one day anyway. Enjoy your bipedal, upright view for the time being.

And let's score more than 60 points next year. Our brackets all sucked.

The Ballad of Casey

Youtube is gay, watch the video here.
(deadspin.com)

**Update** Reeeeemixxxxxxx


Bullying is a major problem in all schools, especially with the advent of the internet and phone cameras. Usually we see bullies ridiculing a young kid, however sometimes the bullying goes terribly...wrong.

Enter Casey, champion of Wallaby middle school, defender of hope and freedom, and prolific power bomber.

But this video doesn't do our young hero justice. Who is he? Why is he picked on? What pushed him over the edge? Well don't worry dear reader we have our own theories at GRH.

I give you, The Ballad of Casey.

-Lattimer

Casey is an 8th grader at Wallaby middle school in Sydney Australia. Known as the smartest kid in his class, Casey devotes most of his time to studying and immersing himslef in arts, music and literature under the watchful eye of his single mother. You see, Casey's mom never wanted him to turn out like his father so they moved to Australia at a young age and she forbade him from playing rough house with other kids, and traditional Aussie sports like football and rugby. As a result of his cultured lifestyle, Casey was constantly picked on by the other boys.

But Casey did have one friend, his next door neighbor Nicole. (girl at the end) Nicole liked Casey because they both had honors classes together, and Casey would usually help Nicole on difficult math problems. Nicole, would tell Casey to not let Ricky (hat) and her on and off again boyfriend A.J (white shirt) bully him so much. Casey would shrug it off saying "I can't." Soon she would learn why.

One night Nicole came over to Casey's house early to get started on their science fair project. Casey's mom wasn't home so she figured he was just sleeping in late on a Saturday. However, when she entered the house she heard strange noises coming from the basement. Being the curious girl she is, Nicole went to investigate. What she saw shocked her. Casey was performing highly skilled martial arts moves, power cleaning bags of cement, and punching holes in the concrete walls. Startled, she made a quiet gasp, which sent Casey across the basement and placing her in a sleeper hold. Realizing what he had done, he apologized and told Nicole his secret.

Casey's father was a government MK-Ultra agent, a secret assassin with super human skills who died in the line of duty. Somehow during Casey's conception, he obtained his father's DNA strands containing those skills. He didn't move to Australia for a change of scenery, it was for his own protection. In kindergarten he jammed a block down a kid's throat, and sat on another's killing him instantly. Unfortunately this alerted his father's old enemies.

During the video, young Casey was explaining Algebra to the two young girls when Ricky and A.J show up. Casey had tried to explain to Nicole that A.J was bad news. (His father was the drug king of Sydney and A.J was his rep for the public schools) Things came to a front when Casey discovered A.J was trying to slip Rufalin into Nicole's Mountain Dew at the valentines dance. Casey threatened A.J, but had to back down. A.J, wanting revenge set his lackey, Ricky to embarrass Casey. As you can see Casey was unphased by the weak punches, however something set him off. Not heard in the video is Ricky whispering "Your father was a pussy." Feeling uncontrollable rage inside him, he picked up Ricky and droped him on the pavement. When A.J intervened, Casey used his years of yoga and meditation to calm himself. Nicole, knowing Casey's power quickly tries to calm A.J, but to no avail. As A.J turns the corner he grabs Casey's backpack. Casey swings the bag, placing the straps around A.J's neck, hanging him from the coat rack, and throwing several blows to the head and torso.

Our scene ends with Casey sitting in ISS. Meanwhile, Sergei Zobakov (An ex KGB) watches the youtube video, and ordering his men to assemble. Miraj Ahman (PLO leader) Clicks a link on his twitter feed and smirks. Juan Montoya (Columbian Revolutionary) sees his troops lauging at a video when he looks his eyes widen. Col. Richard McCrystal (MK-Ultra Handler) is watching a large screen in the command center and says "Get me the President." Finally we see Nicole passing by the ISS room waving to Casey who is in deep meditation, that is until his eyes suddently open.
/Credits

-Stovall
In a world of chaos, of terrorism, of tsunamis, of hurricanes, and of disaster, it's safe to believe that there are no protectors out there, keeping the world from decending into further turmoil. You'd be wrong.

"We're here to help you. We're here to help."

One global agency has existed since before the inception of recorded history. A selfless legion of protectors who must decide when to avert disaster...and when to let some continue.

"We can't be discovered...if they knew we could make ALL danger go away, the result would be...even more tragic..."

Shrouded in secrecy and devoted to anonymity, this legion would stay intact throughout the ages, carrying on their forefathers' legacies on through their own family lines and generations of children, each taught to keep their powers - powers of great strength, flight, speed, and nigh invulnerability - safely hidden from the rest of mankind.

"We keep even worse things from happening Casey. We can't be discovered. We're here to help."

Until Casey.

"MOM, why can't we keep all bad things from happenin-..."
"NO, there must be some darkness to enjoy the light, and we have the power to..."
"But MY LIFE is nothing but darkness..."

One boy who has the power to stop anyone's hurting, including his own, but sworn to protect an vow of secrecy for himself and his family until...

BODYSLAM

"Do you realize what you've done, son, what you've COMPROMISED?"

From the producers of 'Jumper' and 'Independence Day,'...

"I couldn't any more, WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE WORLD, FATHER?"

Comes the story of a young boy...

"We can't do this any more Casey, you're either with us or against us..."

Who had all of the power in the world...

"You made me a target for bullies...on purpose?!"

To help himself...

"Who would suspect you have the ability to hold up dams, or tackle tornadoes?"

And others...

"It's my LIFE."

Just like him...

"I saw what you did in there...it was...brave..."
"Thanks...and thanks for stopping them from doing anything else..."

and just like her...

"IT'S. YOUR. DUTY...how do you think this is going to end, Casey?"

"I saw what you did in there...it was...brave..."

"I don't know...but I have to try..."

(slow mo)Casey lifts the ground to curb an oncoming lava wave
(slow mo) Casey standing in front of family being shot by a gang
(fast motion) Casey flies directly into tsunami wave, reversing its direction with a BOOM

UNBULLYABLE

"You can't help all of them. No matter how many you save, they'll hate you for it. You'll still be bullied, or worse, my son."

Casey, flying in mid air, holds hand up to oncoming commercial airliner heading directly for the White House

"That doesn't matter anymore."

BOOM.

...July 4, 2012...

www.ihavethepower.com

49er's Coach Mike Singletary Completely Forgets Name of Starting QB in Press Conference

SAN FRANSISCO -- During the daily meeting with the local press outlets, 49er's head coach Mike Singletary forgot the name of his team's starting quarterback, despite the team's impressive 3-1 record.

"We're glad to have Michael Crabtree coming to the team. Our quarterback...uh, our QB, is very excited...we're all excited to have another target for...another target for us to throw to," stammered Singletary.

Singletary not only seemed to forget the player in question's name -- who may or may not have thrown for 700 yards and five touchdowns already this season with only one interception -- but that the person under center even existed at all.

"Hoo. Boy, that guy is an athlete," shrugged the Hall of Fame linebacker, now popular coach. "But not only does he provide the sort of athleticism and poise you look for in a...in a guy like him, but he's just uh. Wow, you know he's the type of guy you'd want your daughter to marry?"

When pressed on the identity, Singletary blinked. "Nope. I have no clue who I want my daughter to marry."

Back-up tight end/place kicker Shaun Hill said he was furious over the entire press conference, but would not say why.

God Smites Serena Williams After Failing to Follow Through With Throat-Cramming Fatality Pledge

HEAVEN, Tenn. -- According to press releases, the Lord God Almighty did, is, and is planning to smite American tennis icon Serena Williams for her noted public rant that cost her not only the U.S. Open tournament and $10,500, but also the disfavor of her heavenly Father for not finishing the job.

Williams was penalized for saying to a lineswoman, quote, "I swear to God I'm f*cking going to take this f*cking ball and shove it down your f*cking throat, you hear that? I swear to God."

"Talk is cheap," said God, in a conference call with reporters. "She got my attention, you know, swearing to me, and I respect that. Not only did she make that me-swear an entire sentence after the fact, but she even dropped a triple F-bomb, which really turned some heads around here.

"But nobody summons such power as claiming to cram a ball down a judge's throat without following through with it. For shame, says me. For shame. Tennis could have used the ratings bump."

Williams said that her agency has been in touch with Yahweh regarding His comments, and that the agency will be handling all of her communication with the Holy Spirit, Jesus, the Father or any of the Saints through written statements, public comments, curses or prayer henceforth.

"Serena has apologized numerous times for the regrettable instance. We're hoping this God character can move past it with us," said Gene Vandever, head of marketing and public relations for Shallet-Mason, LLC.

"It's also rather ironic, since God has a noteworthy track record of balking on lethal promises," said Vandever, referring to the incident in which God spake Abraham to slay his only son, Issac, on a mountain top before bailing Issac out at the last minute.

No word from Heaven on the criticism, only a grim face from God's right hand man, Christ, who notably was sacrificed for the wages of mankind's sins by God's divine omission, who was also overheard saying "Unbelievable, these guys!"

No word yet on what the manner of spiting will be, be it locusts, boils, or one of the known plagues, but God said he might develop something hitherto unseen at this point in recorded history, saying only, "believe you me, it's going to be a real humdinger, hooooooboy!"

Zack Stovall Wins GRH Fantasy Football Before It Begins, Mounts Steed of Valor and Glory

ST. LOUIS -- Local man for all seasons Zack Stovall has triumphed over a field of paltry ne'er-do-wellers in the annual Ghost of Roy Hobbs Fantasy Football Tourney 2009, the only contender in FF history to win prior to a down being played in the NFL.

"It was tough," said a glisteningly sweaty Stovall, as four buxom female virgins wiped his noble brow. "I mean the field was really competitive. While it was never really in doubt, I feel like I did my best, and the best man won."

"I'm just happy to have another blip on my already outstanding C.V.; I hope others can be inspired by my bevy of accolades."

Long-time friend and beloved associate of Stovall, known only as 'Icehouse,' said that Stovall's triumph is just one of the reasons he's the most well-liked and popular guys he's ever met.

"I mean, you'd like to assume that it's his washboard abs, chisled jawline, not to mention his flawless sense of style, that got him to where he is today," said House. "But you'd be only partly correct; He just gives so damn much. I can't wait to try for second place, if Zack hasn't already won the silver, too."

A tearful Steve Lattimer admited his burning jealousy at the latest Stovall victory, but also admitted that he would gladly take a bullet for the victor.

"I can't say I hate him, I just can't," said a blubbering Lattimer, through snot and tears. "He's just so good. He is just a poem in flesh."

But what's next for the intrepid young champion of the internets?

"I'm looking into a pretty viable non-profit to build rollercoasters in under-privaleged schools," said a magnanimous Stovall. "You know, what ever I can do to help."

-------

You're not going to let this portly sack of snake excriment win, are you? Sign up for the GRH Fantasy Football Showdown and put the Rosie-O'Donnell-look-a-like and his husky jeans in their rightful place at the bottom of the barrell.

Go to Yahoo.com's Fantasy Football folder and fill in the following info:

ID= 638653
Password=GRH

It's just. that. easy. honkies.

I Bet This Conversation Would Have More Flavor If An Encyclopedia Salesman Interjected Politely

Tragedy Strike St. Louis Days Prior to All-Star Game

2009 All-Star Game in St. Louis: Where Drunken Tony LaRussa Happens... and Happens Often

GRH Acquires the BETcats

Billionaire and BET Founder Robert L. Johnson is selling the Charlotte Bobcats, because vinegar-based barbecue sauce is horrible. Or because North Carolina's a dump. Or he's sick of Duke fans. Or something, I don't know.

Anyways, the Ghost of Roy Hobbs has acquired the erstwhile franchise, as well as the rights to 106 & Park. What are we planning on doing with this scrappy band of up-and-comers? Well, we've got a few ideas.

-Lattimer is given an airhorn rigged to sound like the scream of a bobcat.

-Free admission to all fans wearing cowboy boots, boxers, aviators, and nothing else.

-Emeka Okafor will be player/CFO.

-Pat Summitt is head coach. Reasoning: The one thing every NBA fan can agree on is the importance of solid fundamentals. She will be forced to wear corn rows and show a little chest, after she shaves it. She is also the one woman in the world that can withstand a Ruben Patterson attack.

-Ruben Patterson is assistant coach.

-Blackjack consoles fold out of the seats in front of you; all major credit cards accepted. First five beers free. That'll make a 30pt ass-a-stompin from lebron go down a little easier. If you're gaming you get a free shot every time Emeka gets dunked on. Why has no-one thought of this?

-Your ticket stub of a home win will be redeemable for one tattoo at any area tattoo parlor. The catch is that it must be the same as one of Gerald Wallace's.

-It will be first NBA team headquartered on an Indian reservation or military base. Any tailgating that involves automatic weapon fire is a good idea. The early favorite is Zack Stovall's birthplace, Camp LeJune.

-If DJ Augustine breaks ten assists in a game, everyone gets a free hampster

-Charlotte Bobcats will now be known as the "Naval Air Station Pensacola TurboDawgs.” 18 to enter, 21 to Party.

-Iron Chef-style cooking reality show where Sean May is the judge.

-"Thursday night is amateur night in Club Swamp Rocket, so ladies, work on those moves; First place gets a date with Vladimir Radmanovic.”

-Spitoons.

-Crepe-eating contest against Boris Diaw.

-Sweepstakes contest to re-name Alexis Ajinca to something that sounds less communist. [Ed’s note: I have no idea why this happens to Alexis and not VladRad]

-Five lucky fans take on Raja Bell in those sumo wrestling suits. At the same time.

-Halftime cage matches with the WWF stars of yesteryear.

-Go kart racing around the club level.

-Instead of a blimp dropping coupons for wings at Chili's we'll eliminate the middle man and just drop the wings.

-Jetpack beer vendors.

-After every win (home or away), a pack of bobcats is released onto the court. My plan ends there, which is exactly where the hilarity begins.

-Free nipple piercing on Tier 3.

-Pay $1 to have Nazr Mohammad guess your weight and age.

-Pay $1 to guess Juwan Howard's weight and age.

-Test your paintball accuracy by unloading 50 rounds at the bound and gagged Rhythm Cats.

-The Rally Cats will be fired. As acting CFO, Emeka Okafor will do the firing. Icehouse will be present with a Polaroid camera, so he can shout, “ha! this is how sad you looked! I can't believe this shitty gig is all you had in your life! Now, get your ugly ass off my property." Lattimer gets to fire Rally Cat Joe.

-After every home loss, season ticket holders get three throws with the Managing Member of Basketball Operations in a dunking booth.

-"Time Warner Cable Arena" will be changed to "Abortion Clinic brought to you by the unbelievably shitty service that Time Warner Cable provides." We will eliminate one word for every service quality tier that they accomplish.

-The Rufus Room is about to become a strip club. "Eddie House" will be added to Rufus' Pet Peeves. “Anything by Petey Pablo” will replace all of Rufus’ favorite songs. Rufus will have a giant, inflatable counterpart.

-DeSagana Diop will personally greet every fan that enters the stadium with, “Welcome to the Bobcats game. I love you."

Isiah Thomas Employed

Well, this guy's in charge of something again.

In light of the news that broke today (at least somebody's got a job, right?), we decided to combine our best/halfassed efforts into coming up with headlines that we would most like to see happen in the coming year. On with the show!

Steve Lattimer:
-FIU coach Thomas wades into Miami surf, never to be seen again.
-Thomas: "FIU is my dream job I just screwed up the Knicks to have a legitimate reason to come down here"
-Reports show thanks to coach Thomas, America now knows about FIU.
-Panther Strike: FIU finishes 4th in Sunbelt.

Zack Stovall:
-MIAMI — Isiah Thomas voted 'Coolest Guy on Campus' and 'Least Likely to Succeed' in yearbook superlatives.
-ORLANDO — On his first recruiting visit, Isiah Thomas could only stare awkwardly after he addressed the athlete's mother as 'sir.'
-TALLAHASSEE — Isiah Thomas thrown out of a local Long John Silver's for agitating the fry cook for some crabbie patties.
-KISSIMMEE, Fla. — Isiah Thomas sent to a local hospital after choking on a tater tot from laughing at the name of the town he was driving through.
-ATLANTA — Isiah Thomas asks Hawk Joe Johnson to borrow a couple of bucks just to "catch a bus back home."
-OXFORD, Miss. — Isiah Thomas kicked off Ole Miss' campus for public urination on John Grisham statue.
-LITTLE ROCK — Coach Thomas ejected from UALR game, even after Bob Knight-esque chair toss was thwarted by chair being bolted down.
-ORLANDO — Coach Thomas brings Mike Singletary into locker room to motivate team by pulling down pants, FIU routs WKU 178-44.
-MIAMI — Isiah Thomas contracts airbourne venarial disease, dishes out several.
-DEKALB, Ga. — Iraqi-born reporter throws shoes at Thomas in post-game conference; Shaq's size 22 sneaks don't miss.

Icehouse:
-Isiah Thomas’ Dental Records Confirm That he was Present at Airstream Trailer Catastrophe
-Isiah Thomas Finishes 5th in Catfish-noodling Competition
-Isiah Thomas Kidney-punches Alonzo Mourning, Flees
-Broward County Teen Pregnancy, Alligator Poaching Skyrocket
-John Wall Transfers to Florida International University
-“Storm’s gon’ be a big’n” Predicts Overalled Isiah Thomas, From water-damaged La-Z-Boy on Front Porch
-Texas outlasts FIU for NCAA Championship in Double OT Thriller
-Isiah Thomas Confuses Press Corps by Cryptically Declaring Self ‘HNIC for Life’
-Panthers Tired of Isiah Thomas Pretending to be Electrocuted Since Growing Afro
-Eighth Day of FIU Standoff Ends Peacefully

Booker Pogue:
1.) FIU Campus Riots after Thomas Urinates on Alumni Honoree During Bizarre Halftime Incident
2.) Police Still Looking for Missing Critters after Drunken Isaiah's Midnight Petting Zoo Escapade
3.) Onlookers Baffled after Louis Farrakhan Throws Opening Pitch for FIU's '09-'10 Basketball Season
4.) Missing Teenagers Rescued after Isaiah's Speedboat Shootout with DEA, FBI Agents
5.) Isaiah Defects during Recruiting Trip to Havana; Will Star in Cuban Celebreality Dance Competition.
6.) Thomas Invites Holyfield to FIU Lockerroom for Pregame Speech; Kicks Former Champ in Groin.
7.) Coccaine "Donation" to Local Charity "Nets" Thomas 12 Years
8.) At Coach's Insistence, Quarter Beer Night to Continue in Spite of Violence for Panther Basketball
9.) Thomas Declares Sovreignty, Demands Backtaxes from Neighboring Residents.
10.) Judge Mandates Vasectomy after Latest Isaiah Thomas Paternity Suit.

An Exit Strategy to the Steroids Era

You know the sport is in a bad way when the offseason sounds as dramatic or more so than the actual season itself.

America's Pastime finds itself in a bad way revving up the 2009 season.

A chemical substance is now more important than any single active player right now. No one is above suspicion. Baseball had a savior from the Legacy of Bonds in Alex Rodriguez, who until a few weeks ago was on track to be proclaimed not only the Home Run King, but perhaps the greatest player of all time.

Then you realize how quickly perceptions can change.

A-Rod came out and 'fessed up, and as much as I hate to say it, set a course to get all of baseball out of the Steroids Era once and for all. I hate A-Rod as much as the next guy, even before his assumed dismissal from Cooperstown. But his strategy here, if mimicked by the League, might just do the trick.

Rodriguez himself confessed to the transgression. He went on air and said what everyone was already thinking, rather than impugn himself to possibly worse in the court of public appeal. It's the only court that's judging A-Rod right now anyway.

Baseball — the Union, management, etc. — needs to do the same thing. They need to use the admittedly damning yet valuable information from the Mitchell Report, other confessions, and other testimony and just come out collectively. It will be painful. It will be costly. It will forever be a blemish on the character of the game.

But isn't that where we are now? America's Pastime, my left butt cheek!, they clamor from the gallows. The Good Name of Baseball is now and forever tarnished in the annals of history, regardless of asterisks, font colors or fine print. There is no one above steroids at this point, no matter how Derek Jeter claims the contrary. A-Rod was, begrudgingly by some, baseball's last hope. No body in their right mind suspected him of using steroids until a report that was supposed to have been safeguarded outed him.

Facing it like men and claiming full responsibility is the only way to get something close to what is commonly called closure.

But we've all heard that sorrowful, responsibility-harking, call before. Hasn't really worked, has it?

That step isn't as absolutely necessary as this next one.

Get over it, kids. Just get over it.

Closure is all well and good. If you can get some level of it, it makes everything all the more better, but don't think for a minute that whatever one is trying to get closure from can't be simply forgotten or alleviated by good ole fashioned time.

Getting over it will be hard, because bad news is good news for the news business.

The ESPN Behemoth can't stop and won't stop, and I'm sorry to say, they're an important piece of this conciliatory puzzle, because they generate the most gregarious fodder (unless a certain collection of commentators and/or citizen journalists can united against them...HOBBERS ASSEMBLE!!!).

Buster Olney, after all, needs a new lunch box

It seems that many involved in the game don't want this era to end, because to do so might somehow either impugn the game by admitting the era exists at all, which as we've discussed, is a moot point these days, or that somehow the situation ought to be brought up ad naseum until every single name of every single person who thought about taking steroids ever.

The Steroids Era has come. The Steroids Era is trying to pass. The names are out there. More names will be dug up. Hall of Fame careers will be judged well and they will be judged poorly. The game can't help that. It's as much a part of the era as the juice itself. But that could very well be the net loss. I mean, I was in junior high during the Return to Glory in '98 with Sosa and McGuire. I know now that it was all fueled by roids, but it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy watching it then. Simply losing the hindsight respect could be that net loss.

Rather than the alternative. The game could be irreparably damaged, sent to the gallows of games like ringer. Baseball must uproot itself and move beyond its horrid past. Remember it, so as not to repeat it, but don't make it bigger than the game. Like it is right now.

Let's move on. That's the spirit of the nation these days. Let's pick ourselves up off the ground, dust ourselves off, and get to the business of of fixing baseball.

Caption Contest!

Yes indeed, yes indeed. It's a new Wednesday and a new Caption Contest!

Tim: THERE CAN ONLY ONE HIGHLANDER!!!

Or maybe this.

Pau: "Hey! Hey where'd you go?!"

Tim: "Pickaboo!"

Pau: "Ohh! There you are!"

Or perchaps...

Pau: "Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena. Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena. Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena. Heeeeey Macarena! Aiyy!"

Tim: "I just scored a three-point J."

Pau: "Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena. Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena. Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena. Heeeeey Macarena! Aiyy!"

Hobbers — Now, go do that voodoo that you do so well.

Caption Contest!

It's a super special fantastic NFL COMBINE edition!

Sanchez: "And I was just like WE RUN IT MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY! And Pete Carroll was like whaaaat, and I was like YEAH!"

Stafford: "Awww man dude."

Or how about this?

Stafford: "So I ordered like four or ten whoppers, it musta been this big man, and just woofed em down."

Maybe a little bit of this?

Both: "These are some super cool shirts!"

Surely you Hobbers can do better than this. Remember; Submit your captions and tell your friends. Prizes could be in the near future if you kids can get your act together.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

GO PACK! When I think of oil addiction and neofascism, I think of Georgia.

Yes. The sun is shining, the temperature is warming up. Things are looking good.

To kick things off, I'd just like to say that while we hate ESPN here, due to their monopoly, there's really not a whole lot we can do about it, but keep watching. Shitty. But Ray Romano and Tim Meadows can lampoon those assholes!

RAY ROMANO SPORTSCENTER LONG @ Yahoo! Video

After years of research, I think I've settled on a decision. Not only is Jordan brand the shiznit as far as apparel is concerned, but I think that I love their commercials the most also.


And now, for the HOUSE OF PAIN! Below are some pretty painful videos, a little mini-theme to get us all sorts of jacked up for the weekend.

First, shit went bad in Alabama. From what I've heard, a harmless, no blood foul set this off. Meaning, either there was some bad blood before, or there was some serious merit to Chris Rock's warning of "you don't want to spend the rest of your life in jail because somebody smudged your Puma."


We can't talk about pain without including Joe Theismann and LT.


Finally, a montage of hilarity. Well, pain and hilarity.