CFB Preview

#9 Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University

Offense T-Mobile, Darren Evans, Ryan Williams, Danny Coale, Boykin, DeChristopher

Defense LB Barquell Rivers, CB Rock Carmichael,ROV Davon Morgan

Special Teams Homerism aside, this is the only team that deserves special team accolades. Beamer is smart, in recent years teams have been shitting their pants over blocked kicks that he's started to focus on the return game with great results.

This concludes our analysis of special teams.

Initial thoughts Why don't we call a spade a spade just run the wing-t or singlewing?

Well Holy fucking shit, could the offense be the unit Hokie fans are looking forward to? Will they actually carry us through games? Is this the year we get an offense that actually compliments Bud Foster's defense? Not if Bryan Stinespring has anything to say about it.

I kid, but Stinespring has surely received remotes to his TV head from every VT fan in the world. But not this year, Stiney can't screw this up?

But honestly, the offense needs to roll this year. Everyone is all hot and bothered over the most bourbon backfield in the world. The 100 proof backfield of Evans and Williams. Which is fine, but we know Tech can run the ball, if there's anything Stiney is good at it's coordinating the running game and running power with 30 different variations. But the key will be Tyrod Taylor.

Tyrod made some huge strides last year especially in the TD/INT department. This isn't due to QB coach Mike O'Cain, but we can attribute that to maturity and the WR corps. Danny Coale is essentially a poor man's Jordan Shipley, and the likes of Boykin and Dyrell Roberts are home run threats. Personally I'll miss Sergio Render on the OL but DeChristopher should become the leader this year.

End of the day, Tech's offense is like a loaded gun. It could be really awesome, but as we learn in hunters' safety, never hand a loaded gun to an inexperienced handler.

Basically I'm worried Stinespring could take this magical thing and shoot us all in the nuts.

Like I always say about Tech's defense, it's not really a matter of if they'll be good, but the level of Bud Fosterness which they'll achieve.

But I get it, we only return 4, just hear me out.

DE's Friday and Drager have seen time on the field with the way Wiles rotates the DL. We have Graves, and evidently FR. DT Nick Acree is a manchild. Rivers is the returner at LB (he'll miss the Boise game, but Bruce Taylor is set to back him up and highly touted Jeron Gouvela-Wilson (JGW) will replace Cody Grimm at WHIP /single tear.

We have Davon Morgan at rover, and Carmichael should assume the boundry corner position.

What I'm trying to say is this.

That's Bud Foster wake surfing. We'll be fine.

Tech always tries to schedule at least one legit out of conference opponent. This year we start off with the giant killers from Boise and we have a home and home with Pitt and tOSU in coming years. Reason I mention this is to show that we aren't bitches and to illustrate the fine tradition VT has had in playing national champions early in the year.

2004 VT 13 USC 24 (in a game where I thought we got fucking hosed on some crucial calls. Icehouse can attest to this. I was in his dorm when this occurred)

2007 VT 7 LSU 48

2009 VT 24 Alabama 34

So there you go Boise. The MNC runs through Blacksburg. Unfortunately.

People ask me about the Boise game and honestly I have no fucking idea. This is the way of a Hokie fan. Sometimes we come out and just shit on people, other times we blow. Boise has 10 starters returning and this is essentially their conference championship game. Nobody is going to challenge them in the WAC so if they beat Tech they simply have to do their job, and as I've stated earlier, I think they've done enough to prove that they deserve a shot at the MNC.

But back to Tech. Assuming they don't royally fuck up, which is always a possibility, the key games will come in November. Tech hosts GT, and travels to UNC and Miami in consecutive weeks. They finish out the Month by hosting the fuckstains from Charolettesville in the annual VT-UVA Thanksgiving game for the Fuck you trophy.

Personally, I think Tech will lose one ACC game because the ACC is the most competitive conference in the world. By competitive I don't mean best, or bowl performance. Because teams dont win ACC championships, they simply become ACC champions through a complicated process of elimination.

But at the end of the day there are so many questions.

Does Tyrod become the QB we think he can be?

How exactly will Stinespring fuck this up?

How much do I love Ryan mother fucking Williams?

Can JGW fill the Grimm void?

How many times will I curse the TV?

Will we put together a good offensive AND defensive game?

Beamer: Awesomer or Awesomest?

Bud Foster Idol or Deity?

How many games will Musberger (Hokie cryptonite) announce?

Should I change my official VT bourbon from Wild Turkey to Evan Williams?

These are the questions I face every year.

Welcome to fucking Virginia Tech Football.

Browns FB Hillis Drives All The Way to Denver's Facilities Before Remembering He Was Traded

DENVER, Co. - Traded to Cleveland from Denver in the much-ballyhooed Brady Quinn trade, fullback Peyton Hillis drove all the way from his new Ohio home to the Bronco's training facilities before remembering he was no longer a Bronco.

"Aw, dammit," said Hillis, a bruising 230lbs. fullback who was traded on Monday. "I musta been on auto-pilot this morning. Went to the wrong work again."

Hillis said he became slightly suspicious when he had to fill up his truck for the fourth time on his 1,351 mile, 21 hour and 11 minute journey through six states. "Thought something was wrong with my Chevy, so thank God for that."

Hillis saw limited playing time under new coach Josh McDaniels, but wowed Mike Shanahan and the Broncos in 2008, an injury-wrought season for Denver running backs, where he also ate four lbs. of concrete on a dare from Shanahan.

The Shape of Cowboys That Never Came.

In 2007, the Cowboys were 13-3, rolling over virtually all competitors. They stumbled over their dicks into the postseason and lost to the eventual champion New York Giants. They were the shape of the Cowboys to come. The people were excited. The air was abuzz at what could happen. The Boys rolled over everyone not named the Patriots. Sure, they fucked up against the Eagles and Giants at the end of the year, but they can't win them all, right?

No. Something happened. They could have won them all (if they didn't play that year's Patriots). Something evil happened. I personally blamed Jessica Simpson. But it was worse than that. Romo started reading what people thought about him. It wasn't like that before. Before, Romo played by the seat of his pants. He was the wild card. He turned twenty yard losses into thirty yard gains. He threw six interceptions in one game and still pulled out a win. It was simply magical.

Basically, there was a paradigm shift. The Romo that made shit happen became just another cog in a machine. Less a player and more a statistic. No longer was he a winner that invented ways to win, he was suddenly something quantifiable. People, including himself, began to look at statistics and trends. Graphs. Charts. Shit like that.

He used to be a goddamn football player. He used to win football games. Now he's just a statistic, just a fantasy football player. The rest of the team suffers for it.

The shape of the Cowboys to come never came.

CFB Live Blog

(They are coming to your city because they hate you)
Alright, I'll throw some relevant, and not so relevant thoughts on the early games. I'll be updating throughout the day, until I'm locked in the basement for the Tech game.

-The Kenny Chesney song is even more horrific than I could have ever imagined......Aaaaaand they still have Big and Rich. I hate ESPN so much right now.

-Under Armor debuts their new commercial. It's kind of a who's who of Under Armour commercials with Explosions in the Sky providing the soundtrack. Take note ESPN.

-Crowd reaction to the Blount punch is priceless.

-Colt and Bradford look so cute together. Somewhere Icehouse is vomiting.
-And there is the Washington State flag.

-Nick Saban on gunshot wounds. "Not knowing a lot about gunshot wounds (ED-bullshit) It's really nothing more than a puncture wound.

-Obligatory SEC chant

-Obligatory overrated chant. (ND on the screen)

-And 11:20 EST we get our first Tebow of the year.

-Lane Kiffin on. Over/Under on a secondary violations committed- 2

-11:30 EST first beer.

-Musberger in a NASCAR....I'm not saying I'm hoping for a crash. But...you know.

-T-Mobile: They call him that because Tech's offense utilizes the drop back look and run play.

-Lee's upset alert Washington and LSU????

-Chipppaaaah, as the guest picker.

-Agree with Herbstreit that the Bama/Tech game will come down to the offenses/QB's

-Lee Corso....Mascot selection.....here comes.....The Pachyderm. Seems to be the general consensus.

-Best sign at gameday from EDSBS via@Flubby
*************************************************************************************

Alright I'll be flipping between the Navy OSU game, Syracuse and Paulus, Lehigh, and a little of Old State for the early throw away lineup.

-OSU scores early, good pass by Pryor, Midshipman missed tackle.

-I'll say it again, Spielman is the best analyst on TV.

-Navy is impressive, they are executing the option flawlessly against bigger, faster, stronger, opponents. QB just scored on a midline play.

- Say what you want but it was cool what OSU did pregame and opening with Navy, Tech did something similar for ECU.

-Paulus, dare I say....not that bad all things considered?

-Gahhhh, Navy should be killing them with counter option. OSU is trying to rotate their safeties to motion. That's a flexbone 101 no no.

-Paulus throws a TD. Faked the bubble went up top on the fade. Good example of series football in the passing game.

-Seriously, Paulus is not that bad, he just made a hot read on a blitz.

-Paulus flopped, and you say there is no carryover between BBall and Football. Navy puckering the assholes in the entire state of Ohio. 14-23.

-UNI 13 Iowa 10. May have to rethink my Big 10 (11) argument.

-Navy big TD pass (85 yrds) to make it 21-29. Also, this is why you don't play man against option teams.

-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Navy picks off a Pryor pass into OSU territory, 3:51 left, plenty of time for the flexbone to do it's thang.

-TD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Midline follow...........waiting for the two point........fucking picked by tOSU for two points. SHIT

-Bob Griese is either drunk or suffering from too many concussions. I say drunk.

-Don't rip on tOSU, well actually no, destroy them. But give Navy some credit. we'll finish out this portion with Paulus watch.

-UNI field goal to win...blocked...double shit.

-Paulus really needs to stop the insane scrambling, throws pick in OT, Minnesota wins. All things considered, not a bad outing. Give him some credit.

-Lehigh loses to directional Conneticut state. Same shit as last year. I hate so much right now.

**********************************************************************************

Ok we have OK State UGA and MIZ-ZOU Illinois in the 3:30 games. May check out Michigan

-Sorry we had a beer/wings/sports bar intermission.

-Don't follow ESPN personalities on twitter, during gameday it's worse than watching the actual thing.

-The MIZ-ZOU is very surprising. Everything coming out of Columbia, including my inside source was anti-Gabbert. He played very well today, I may have to change my thoughts on the Big 12 North...maybe.

-Michigan and ND. Hey, good job. It's not like they played world beaters, but they also didn't look like shit.

-The San Jose State USC game was an upset alert until the clock started.

-OK State was somewhat impressive. It was at home, and yeah they got some calls, but the defense was better than I expected.

-Ok enough with ripping on Millen as an analyst. He's good. If you're only argument is "well he sucked as a GM so he's stupid" then you must also follow the logic that Emmit Smiff is a great analyst because he was a great player. Seriously, listen to what he's actually saying. I guess I just appreciate a guy who knows the difference between a counter and "running it off tackle with a jab step" If you want to debate it, we can arrange that.

-Spielman is still the best.

-Oklahoma vs. BYU is on right now. Mormons VS. the Normans.....Sorry I had to.

-Big 10 (11) haters have some material to work with this week.

-Ok we all know VT and Bama is on tonight. And we all know I'll be locked in my basement. (complete with rubber walls) At this point I'm just hoping things don't get too bad. But if they do... It's been nice blogging for you Hobbers.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Yeeeeuh. Yeeeeuh. Time to get down.

Waitwaitwait. I'm not done just yet. It's sexy time.

Three whole days to fall off the wagon. YES!

Auto Tuning the news is funny. It took them Mike Vick to finally talk about sports.


Fabricio Oberto has the best twitter feed in the world. This came from it.


Keith Closs was a cheesedick on the turn-of-the-century Clippers. So somebody wrecked his ass.


Holy shit is this nasty.


Drunk monkeys. Do I need to say more?


Yes. Labor Day. Let's all thank our unions and go celebrate a communist holiday by getting loaded.

2009 All-Star Game in St. Louis: Where Drunken Tony LaRussa Happens... and Happens Often

Sammy Sosa Does Something Funnier Than Zack Stovall Can Put Into Words Without Meaning To

CHICAGO — Sammy Sosa, of Dominican, Cubs and MLB lore, did something accidental this afternoon at lunch that was so hilarious and so wondrous, witnesses claim that it cannot be elaborated upon within the confines of human language.

"I mean, he was just standing there and then all of a sudden..." stammered witness Patty Andrews. "I was crying I was laughing so hard. We all were."

"Man, that guy didn't even mean to."

Other witnesses claim there may have a been a loud crashing sound or some sort of Disney-esque high crescendo squeak mere seconds before the hysterical calamity brought the house down.

"Did you SEE that?!" bellowed Steve Welch, 47, a Chicago welder. "That guy SUCKS," confirmed Welch, as he snorted his third chili dog of the day.

Sosa could not be reached for comment, as he was too busy mopping up the drool from his latest episode of blank staring.

T.W goes on spring break

(MTV show "Real Life: I'm a Spring Breaker")

/Techno Music blaring

Narrator: Every spring thousands of coeds descend on Daytona Beach to experience the sand, the booze, and of course the skin. Some view this as a release from their daily lives, others view it as a lifestyle.

This is their story.

(Hotel room)

Narrator: This is T.W and he is a spring breaker. T.W views Daytona beach as his Mecca. Every March he takes a pilgrimage to pray to the god of partying. T.W views spring break as a lifestyle, but as we'll find out being a spring breaker also has it's difficulties.


T.W: Yeah so this is my setup, I went ahead and rented five connecting rooms, so you know we can probably fit 50-75 people in here. I named each of them, this one is mine, I call it the thunderdome, you know cause I bring the thunder. you can look at the set up here. I got the beers taking an ice bath in the tub, took that top drawer made it into a 50 bottle bar, threw up some lights on the balcony. You know I wanted this room to be classy, really wanted to make it pop.

Having this type of set up takes a lot of work, so some of my bro's rented rooms on this floor we basically have the entire floor to ourselves, so tonight we're gonna have a shot party and every room is gonna have a different shot. You know real classy, ladies like classy.


Matt: Yeah I got 10 rooms across the hall you see the one in the middle with the fathead of me on the front? Yeah we call that one "Heisman" were gonna have jello shots tonight.

T.W: Classy, that fathead really pops.

Matt: Yo Phelpsie What are you gonna have in your room tonight.


Phelps: What do you think? Goldsthlager all the way dudesth.

Matt: Nice, I like the theme there only one drink for the "Gold Room" that's hot.

Yo T.W what's the thunder dome gonna have tonight.

T.W: That's for me to know...AND THE LADIES TO FIND OUT!!! AM I RIGHT!!!

/all three hi-five and chest bump.

(Next Day at the Beach)

/all three take off affliction shirts

T.W: Last night was crazy right.

Phelps: Dudesth I was swimming in it lasth night, gave out some sthilver medalsth if you know what I mean.
/tilts trucker hat to the side

Matt: RIGHT!!!

So hey T.W how did you convince your dad to front you the money to come down here?

T.W: Told him I was doing market research analysis for the distillery.

Phelps: Niceth

T.W: I also told some of my bro's I'd do some spring training updates for their website.

Matt: so.... shouldn't you be going to some games?

T.W: Well what the hell do you want me to talk about. Ok A-Rod did roids, then he f'd up his hip. The AL east looks like a grinder. Because of Manny the Dodgers are now legit again. Both Central divisions are wide open, and the WBC is woefully irrelevant.

Matt: And your favorite team?

T.W: Ohh I don't have one, I typically wear Cubs and Red Sox hats depending on which team has more hardships. I identify with both fan bases.

/drinks self

(three hours later)

Matt: Check it out T.W is passed out!!!

Phelps: letsth bury him in the sthand

/buries T.W in sand

Matt: Phelpsie check out those fly honey nut cheerios!!!


Phelpsie, you want to do the 1500 meter medley?

Phelps: HELLSTH YESTH!!!

(3 hours later)

T.W: OH what the hell.

To be continued...maybe

Caption Contest!

It's a super special fantastic NFL COMBINE edition!

Sanchez: "And I was just like WE RUN IT MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY! And Pete Carroll was like whaaaat, and I was like YEAH!"

Stafford: "Awww man dude."

Or how about this?

Stafford: "So I ordered like four or ten whoppers, it musta been this big man, and just woofed em down."

Maybe a little bit of this?

Both: "These are some super cool shirts!"

Surely you Hobbers can do better than this. Remember; Submit your captions and tell your friends. Prizes could be in the near future if you kids can get your act together.

T.W at the Super Bowl.

Many of the writers on this blog were friends with this one guy in college. His name is T.W Samuels. While we all had some great memories many of us have moved on with our Lives. T.W, however, likes the college lifestyle, and travels around the country crashing at various homes. Last night at 3:00 am I received a phone call from an unknown number. My phone was silent so a message was left. (apparently the result of an accidental dial) The following is a transcript of that message.

Robo phone lady: You have 1 new message, first unheard message.
/Beep

/muffled background noise.
(Night Club in Tampa)

Matt Leinart: BRAH!!!!!!! Man this Superbowl shit is CRAZY, so much better than the BCS. God, we need to do this every year.


Unkown voice: MATTY!!!! MATTY!!!! DUUUUUUDE this is great, we need to hang out more often.

Matt: Yeah man, hey thanks T.W for putting me on the list for your dad's Superbowl party.


T.W: No problem dude, I mean Playboy canceled their party, and so I was like "Hey dad lets throw a Superbowl party in Tampa." And he was all like, "If I do this will you finally get your life together?" And I was all like, "Oh sure thing dad , I'll send in that MBA application tomorrow." And he was all like, "Ok I'll see what I can do." Funny thing is, the deadline was LAST WEEK!!! Jokes on him, AM I RIGHT!!!

Matt: Totally dude, totally. Hey lets get a drink.

T.W: Haha open wide!!!

/Matt opens mouth, T.W tips self over, pours self in Leinart's mouth, proceeds to drink self.

Matt: Oh my god.
/Dry heaves
That is the worst thing I've ever tasted in my life.

T.W: Yeah man, I may be bottom shelf in taste, but I party top shelf.

Matt: Cool, so what did you think of the commercials? I thought the Boss had a decent half time show.

T.W: Matt...how did you watch the telecast?

Matt: Oh dude, I got this free mini TV from some Superbowl bullshit, I pretty much watched the whole thing, also got to watch The Office in the locker room, but it sucked because every once and a while I'd have to get up and high-five Kurt or Larry. But other than that it was pretty sweet.

T.W: ...

Matt: But you know the worst part of the Superbowl?

T.W: Losing the game?

Matt: Ha, I could care less about that, no the worst part are these Tampa chicks. They are nothing compared to those Tempe girls.

T.W: Yeah, I really don't care either way...

Matt: Another drink!!!

/T.W pours self into Matt's mouth, chugs self.

Matt: Oh my god...blah...oh shi...

/Matt vomits on floor revealing a cigarette butt within the bodily fluids.

T.W: Oh man when someone else yacks I...

/T.W projectile vomits covering a female patron's shoe.

Matt: AHHHH T.W!!!!

(In a soft insightful voice)


Troy: Hey Matt are you ok?

Matt: Yeah Troy, I'm fine. Good game.

Troy: Thank you Matthew, the competitiveness of our game inspired me, it was truly great to...

Matt: Shut up Troy, your just bragging because coach Carroll gave you a shout out on his twitter page without mentioning me.

Troy: You have a kind spirit Matthew.

/Inflatable football decoration falls from ceiling, Troy picks up football, weaves through patrons, runs into the Tampa night.

Matt: DAMN YOU TROY!!!!

/Matt Throws glass into corner of the bar, Santonio Holmes appears screaming "got that pandemic", extends arms, catches glass, taps both toes to stay in the bar.

T.W: Alright dude let's hit the beers for a while. Hey bartender throw me a cold one.

/Bartender throws beer, Larry Fitzgerald appears, catches beer, splits the bouncers, runs 64 yards untouched.

T.W: Hey Michael Phelps!!!


Matt: Phelpsie!!!

Phelps: Hey whaths up guyths

T.W: Nothin much man, just cruisin for the ladies. AM I RIGHT!!!

Phelps: Seriousthly man I've gotten stho much assth this weekend.

T.W: Sorry to hear about that photo thing.

Matt: Bra don't worry about that, I had a bad photo of me bonging some Tempe trash, it was no big deal, you're gold.

Phelps: I know dude, Gold timesth eight.

T.W: So Michael wha....

Phelps: Thisth party sucks letsth get the hell out of here.

T.W: Yeah lets get the...

Matt: Totally dude, but lets get some honey grahams before we roll.

T.W: Haha yeah lets...

Phelps: Stheriousthly dude letsth tag em and bag em.

/Random Steelers fan enters.

Steeler fan: WOOOOO, Champs!!! Fan since 1974

T.W: More like '05 but whatever.

Matt: Phelpsie, bogies 10 o'clock high.


Phelps: I got your sixth bra.

T.W: Guys?

Dudes?

Shit, who cares, for the first time in my life I feel like the least douchiest guy in the bar.

I'm going to go blackout now.

Robo Phone lady: End of messages, to delete this message press 7, to save it in the archives press 9, to hear more options....

/presses 7

A Drunk Dial and the BCS

Many of the writers on this blog were friends with this one guy in college. His name is T.W Samuels. While we all had some great memories many of us have moved on with our Lives. T.W, however, likes the college lifestyle, and travels around the country crashing at various homes. Last night at 3:00 am I received a phone call from an unknown number. The following is the conversation that occurred.

/Phone Rings

Lattimer: Hello?

Caller: whatsadickfor?

Lattimer: Who is this?

Caller: whatsadickfor?

Lattimer: Wait what? Seriously, who is this?


T.W: HAHAHA YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A DICK'S FOR?!?!

Lattimer: Oh...hey T.W.

T.W: hahaha yeah it's me, I can't believe I got you. I thought you'd figure out by the caller ID.

Lattimer: Yeah...uh I got a new phone so the sim card must not have transfered.

T.W: yeah whatever. Hey guess where I am right now.

Lattimer: I don't know.

T.W: GUESS!!!

Lattimer: No idea.

T.W: Dude just FUCKING GUESS!!!

Lattimer: Uhhh Kentucky?

T.W: WRONG WRONG WRONG. Duuuuuuude I'm in Miami for the game!!!

Lattimer: Yeah, I would've never guessed that, how did you get there?

T.W: With my muhfuckin Learjet.


Lattimer: You have a jet?

T.W: Well my dad's. Ever since I graduated with a double 1.8 my dad has been letting me fly around the world. Did you know he owned a bunch of distilleries?

Lattimer: Yeah, you mentioned that once or twice. Wait, what's a double 1.8?

T.W: 1.8 GPA, and a 1.8 BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL!!! Walked the stage three sheets to the wind!!!

Lattimer:...Cool.

T.W: Hells yeah it is, hey you've been watching the bowls?

Lattimer: Uh yeah, actually I was watc..

T.W: I watched every game on my 150 inch PLASMA. How about Utah man, puttin the beatdown on those Bama bitches.

Lattimer: yeah they play...

T.W: USC, awesome in the big game, AS ALWAYS, I bet Icehouse is pumped about TIXAS.

Lattimer: I'm sur...

T.W: BARELY BEATING A SHITTY BIG 10 TEAM!!! HAHA LOSERS. I'm Sure Stovall is excited about Arkansas...NOT MAKING A BOWL!!!

Lattimer:...

T.W: And you, YOU LAT, VT LOSES AGAIN!!!

Lattimer: They actually won.

T.W: Seriously?

Lattimer: Yeah, I was surprised too.

T.W: Huh.

Lattimer:...

T.W: Guess who I'm hanging out with right now?

Lattimer: I really have no...

T.W: TIM TEBOW!!!


Lattimer: No you're not.

T.W: Totally am. We're talking about how much Bradford sucks.

Lattimer: Well he won the Heisman.

T.W: YOU'RE A HEISMAN!!!

Lattimer: That doesn't make any sense.

T.W: Doesn't matter, Florida is going to win anyway, I put down 5 large on them.

Lattimer: Where did you get that kind of Money?

T.W: Dad gave me a bonus, the economy may be down, but people still gots ta BOOZE!!!

(Punches Wall)

Lattimer: What was that, are you ok?

T.W: Yeah, Tim and I just got into a fight.

Lattimer:...

T.W: Hey let go of me you roadhouse dickheads.


Lattimer: You ok?

T.W: I'm trained in MMA, I fight in illegal underground death tournaments in Thailand, I AM T.W SAMUELS, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL....

(Silence)

Lattimer: have fun at the game.

Guest Post: T.W Samuels

Many of the writers on this blog were friends with this one guy in college. His name is T.W Samuels. While we all had some great memories many of us have moved on with our Lives. T.W, however, likes the college lifestyle, and travels around the country crashing at various homes. The other night at 3:00 am I received a knock at my door. It was T.W. He has been sleeping on my couch ever since and will not leave until he gets to post on GRH.

Take it away T.W:

T.W: HAHAHAHA IT'S YOUR FAVORITE 12 DOLLAR BOURBON T.W SAMUELS HERE AND I'M ABOUT TO DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE UPCOMING CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES!!!!!

Yeah man I was in the public library the other day and I stalked you guys on facebook and I found this site.
GRH IS THE MUHFUCKIN SHIT!!!!

[Goes into kitchen, steals coke, mixes self with coke]

Yeah man college football, I love this shit, it's in my mixed spirits.

DUUUUUUDE the SEC championship game is going to be insane!

AM I RIGHT!!!


I'm from big time SEC country. Kentucky.
Let me hear you say it SEC SEC SEC SEC.
Think about it dude, you got Tebow and the Florida offense against the Bama D. Saban vs. Meyer. God it's so awesome. I don't know who is going to win, but I do know one thing. FLORIDA IS GOING TO GET SMACKED IN THE FUCKING MOUTH.

That Bama D brings it...AM I RIGHT!!!

fuck it, Bama wins a close one.

[Punches bystander in the arm repeatedly]

Hey BROSEPHS we got another good early game as well.


Army Navy
HELL YEAH, tradition, and flexbone v flexbone
Too bad the Midshipman are going to take a giant Midshit all over Army

NAVY WINS BIG

[spills self all over girl's sundress, walks away, pours self into another drink]

Man you know what though, some of these games BLOW.

[rams head into wall]


God ACC who in the hell do you think you are?
VT vs BC, awesome, what a buzzkill.
Why in the hell do you guys even play football...What? YOU WANNA ROLL ?

THEN LETS DO THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.

Oh ok fine, hide behind your academically superior schools...GDI'S

If Tech can't run the ball they lose.

Ball State beats Buffalo in the MAC attack game.

Pitt beats UCONN in the Big East suckfest

Oh great we also have the Affliction bowl.
USC vs. UCLA

Really? You want me to make a pick or offer insight?

Fuck off?

[Begins to wander aimlessly]

Dude but what about the Big 12 man?
It's just so stupid I cant take it anymore

[punches wall while sobbing]

gahhhhh this is such bullshit
We're letting computers settle this shit now?
OU vs. Mizzou, who thinks of this stuff. Dude Texas beat OU on a neutral field. And what about Texas Tech, what they're horseshit now?
OU is going to win, everyone knows it.



[sobs uncontrollably]

Dude, we're never going to see a playoff.
I love college football man I mean YOU KNOW ME.
All I want is a legitimate champion.
Sometimes I feel like the BCS is sending me down a long dark road from which there is no return.
All I want is a playoff
All I want is a playoff
All I want is a playoff

[passes out]

Lattimer: Thanks T.W here have some Gatorade