Sammy Sosa Does Something Funnier Than Zack Stovall Can Put Into Words Without Meaning To

CHICAGO — Sammy Sosa, of Dominican, Cubs and MLB lore, did something accidental this afternoon at lunch that was so hilarious and so wondrous, witnesses claim that it cannot be elaborated upon within the confines of human language.

"I mean, he was just standing there and then all of a sudden..." stammered witness Patty Andrews. "I was crying I was laughing so hard. We all were."

"Man, that guy didn't even mean to."

Other witnesses claim there may have a been a loud crashing sound or some sort of Disney-esque high crescendo squeak mere seconds before the hysterical calamity brought the house down.

"Did you SEE that?!" bellowed Steve Welch, 47, a Chicago welder. "That guy SUCKS," confirmed Welch, as he snorted his third chili dog of the day.

Sosa could not be reached for comment, as he was too busy mopping up the drool from his latest episode of blank staring.