Monday, April 6, 2009

Monday Morning S--t Storm

What a wonderful weekend, but now it's Monday, which can only mean two things. 1. Responsibility. 2. Shit Storm.

Technically last night the MLB season got under way, but everyone knows today is REALLY opening day. This marks the start of MLB's 7 month marathon which provides us with something to watch on that Wednesday night in July, as well as mind-boggling fantasy stats. (Seriously the league I'm in must have every stat known to man)

Baseball also marks prime funny sport story reason. I don't know why, but when people talk about going to baseball games the funny/awesome seems to follow them.

So for the Shit Storm, give us your best baseball story.

Here's mine:

the year was 2001, and my friend somehow got green seats (first 4 rows) down the first base line at old Busch Stadium. The Cardinals were playing the Mets which meant everyone's favorite gay catcher was in town.

Mike Piazza. That son of a bitch.

Anyway, since we were close to the action we did what any 16 year old would do. Make fun of Piazza's sexual orientation.

Luckily for us Piazza went 4/4 that night which gave us numerous opportunities to rain down verbal thunder. My friends had much better zingers, but I think my best line was "Hey Mike I bet you got hot and heavy when that coach just slapped your ass." Not the best line, but I felt like a 16 year old genius at the time.

Obviously we had zero effect on his playing, but we definitely caught his attention. During a pitching break Mike was stretching on first, my buddy yelled out. "Gee Mike after all these years I figured your asshole would be stretched out by now." Mike then turned around and stared us down for the remainder of the break.

Looking back on it we probably shouldn't have offended the gay community by associating them with Mike Piazza, but hey we were 16.

Ok share your stories, and try not to offend entire groups of people with your comments.

Shit Storm begin


  1. When I was 16, I took a trip to see the Rangers play at Fenway. Bear in mind, this was back when the Red Sox and Boston in general were the lovable underdogs, and not the knobslobbing overdogs.

    Anyways, we get there, and not only is it Baby Ruth night, it was rain-delayed. They still served beer during the rain delay. So, everybody gets totally loaded over the next three hours, until they call the game for the night. So, I get dragged in a river of drunken Bostonians onto the Green Line of the MTA, where everybody piles on, starts screaming the chorus to "Sweet Caroline" with "Yankees Suck!" mixed in, all the while throwing pieces of salty-caramelly-peanutty goodness.

    to be continued....

  2. ok this is technically a softball story....but.

    Our high school team needs one more run to tie the game...two outs bottom of the 6th, girl from our team hits a high pop to the pitcher, and of course my friend yells "I got it" and the girl completely botches the ball, we score...Until the ump runs to the fence, calls "fan interference" and calls our girl out, we lose.

    This is where it gets good, while our coach is out arguing, I yell out "Sir that is the dumbest Fing thing I've ever heard of." Luckily our dean was standing right behind me and being the smartass that he is he goes "yeah bad call" which makes me start a busch league chant. THEN he decides to tap me on my shoulder and tell me to meet him in my office.

    Once in the office: Mr. Lattimer I think you should do a week's worth of grounds work (labor) for your attitude to officials, and I think you should do one more for that chew you had in your mouth."

  3. Part 2: We went back to Fenway to catch the rained-out game. I was wearing a shirt with the Texas flag on the back, but seemingly nobody noticed, as all anybody yelled was "YANKEES SUCK."

    And the beer flowed.

    At one point in time, two Bostonians across the way from us were both double-fisting brews. One was not paying attention to the game, so when there was a crack and a huge roar, he needed to scream to his buddy, "WHAT HAPPENED?!" The reply was "TRAHTSKY HIT A DINGAH!!!" Which I interpreted was some pigeon english meaning, "Trot Nixon hit a home run" (which is what happened). This play, along with A-Rod (still on the Rangers, mind you) going 0-3 with two strikeouts, elicited many a "YANKEES SUCK" chants from the crowd.

    I also saw Horatio Sanz there, if that makes any fucking sense.

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