Unemployed DE Jason Taylor Still Thrilled to Not Be a Dolphin

PITTSBURGH — Former Dolphin Marquee DE Jason Taylor says that despite being currently unemployed, he is still "thrilled" to not have to play for the Miami Fins anymore.

"I mean, that organization is just the worst," said Taylor. "I'd rather be in Detroit. At least there my money is worth eight times as much as it is everywhere else.

"Plus the airborne STD's that float around South Florida suck, too."

Former Dolphin and current Kansas City Chief Zach Thomas concurred, saying that he prefers being on his current team, despite its weaker roster, tougher schedule, and complete dearth of management capabilities.

"In football terms, I'm in one of the worst possible places I could ever be," said Thomas. "And I couldn't be happier."

Cornerstone QB Dan Marino could not be reached for comment, as he was being given an atomic wedgie by former Denver great John Elway and current Phin LB Joey Porter.