Friday, April 17, 2009


Here's hoping that this happens again, for some reason.

YES! The second season is upon us! GODDAMN RIGHT! I've decided that this year, I'm going to give what I want to have happen, series by series.

(1) Cleveland Cavaliers v. (8)Detroit Pistons
-Cavs. Because of Bron. Sorry, Sheed.

(2)Boston Celtics v. (7)Chicago Bulls
-Bulls. If KG isn't playing, then I have literally no incentive to give a fuck about this Boston team. Suck shit.

(3)Orlando Magic v. (6)Philadelphia 76ers
-Magic. Because Rashard Lewis is what Andre Iguodala will be.

(4)Atlanta Hawks v. (5)Miami Heat
-Hawks. Because Miami are some smarmy fucks ever since winning the championship. Also, the Hawks are fucking badass.

(1)Los Angeles Lakers v. (8)Utah Jazz
//takes pull of whiskey
-Jazz. I never thought I'd ever pull for the Jazz for any reason, but here it is. Deron Williams is awesome, Ronnie Brewer is VERY fun to watch, and Carlos Boozer has a hilarious habit of shouting obscenities where microphones can hear him.

(2)Denver Nuggets v. (7)New Orleans Hornets
-Push. The most "QUIEN ES MAS GANGSTER" matchup I've ever seen. This is the fucking tits. Tyson Chandler, JR Smith, Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey "Gorzo the Mighty" Billups, Chris "Birdman" Andersen, AND the best point guard in the league all going at each other? Break out the bottle of Tanqueray, put on some soul music and let the flavor happen. If I have to decide, Nuggets, because of Homerism.

(3)San Antonio Spurs v. (6)Dallas Mavericks
-Spurs. Because Robots > Nazis. And Homerism.

(4)Houston Rockets v. (5)Portland Trailblazers
-Blazers. This one was really tough. I'd love to see the Rockets make it out of the first round, just to spite T-Mac (and because Ron Artest, Luis Scola, and Kyle Lowry are awesome), but I've always loved the Blazers. I can't explain it. However, LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon Roy, Travis Outlaw, Grandpa Greg Oden, and the Spanish Mafiosos speak for themselves.

OK. Phew. That was tougher than expected. We'll see how these turnout, hopefully I won't be that sad.

Also, it's Lattimer's birthday. Wish him a happy one in our comment sections, because he's probably on his fourth Vodka and Whey Protein drink at this point, and will be out of commission until we have more information.


  1. Mondays "Shit Storm" should be pictures of Lattimer from this weekend.

  2. And if this happens PLEASE make one of the pictures a Caption Contest!

  3. RE: If KG isn't playing, then I have literally no incentive to give a fuck about this Boston team. Suck shit.Oh, so THAT'S why I found myself cheer- I mean, regarding them somewhat favorably.

    Go LeBron. On whatever team he's on again. The Bullets? The Browns? Go Team!

  4. I honestly thought about getting a Bowie knife from Cabelas

  5. no love for the "vodka and whey protein" line? I thought that was killer.

  6. No that was great, I was just too busy getting my drunk and pump on at the same time.

  7. The greatest feeling you can get in a gym, or the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is... The Pump.

  8. and you guessed it....

    It's as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in a gym, I'm getting the feeling of coming at home, I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it's terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven

  9. Brian wins the Lattimer birthday contest.