MINNEAPOLIS — In what most in the Vikings front office thought was an "obvious joke," the 2009 NFL Draft has come and gone with no quarterbacks taken in any rounds by Minnesota.
"I mean, we really pooped the bed on this one," said one officer in the Vikings camp. "I'd dust off my resume, but I'm fairly certain we're all done for."
"I mean, Coach Childress slouched in and put the names on the bulletin board," said star running back Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson. "I felt like someone kicked me in the back of the inside of my stomach with a knifeboot."
"How am I supposed to possibly survive?," rightfully whimpered the doomed Sooner.
Even the QBs in the organization were bewildered that they would have to go through a belittling and career-ending starting carousel throughout the season, without the benefit of having a youngblood, hot-shot talent taking their jobs.
"I mean, I was looking forward to riding the pine and at least maintaining a shred of credibility that I might be able to play," said former USC starter John David Booty. "Now? I'm definitely about to lose money getting thrown to the wolves about game eight."
"Good-bye retirement. Hello insurance agency applicaiton."
Coach Brad Childress was available and willing for comment, but reporters were unable to discern his drunken and unintelligble babble from anything resembling a human thought.