Unemployed DE Jason Taylor Still Thrilled to Not Be a Dolphin

PITTSBURGH — Former Dolphin Marquee DE Jason Taylor says that despite being currently unemployed, he is still "thrilled" to not have to play for the Miami Fins anymore.

"I mean, that organization is just the worst," said Taylor. "I'd rather be in Detroit. At least there my money is worth eight times as much as it is everywhere else.

"Plus the airborne STD's that float around South Florida suck, too."

Former Dolphin and current Kansas City Chief Zach Thomas concurred, saying that he prefers being on his current team, despite its weaker roster, tougher schedule, and complete dearth of management capabilities.

"In football terms, I'm in one of the worst possible places I could ever be," said Thomas. "And I couldn't be happier."

Cornerstone QB Dan Marino could not be reached for comment, as he was being given an atomic wedgie by former Denver great John Elway and current Phin LB Joey Porter.

Monday Morning Shit Storm

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way (ha ha ha)
Bells on bobtails ring
Making spirits bright
(oh) What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing...

MONDAY MORNING SHIT STORM!!!


For several weeks I was trying to think of some epic shit storm for Christmas, but I realized there are way too many factors to cover in one question. So let's just consider this an open Shit Storm of sorts. I'll toss out some questions, but if you have anything to add go ahead and fire away in the comment section.

Opening presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?- Day all the way.
Favorite Christmas song? (non pop culture)- Carol of the Bells.
Favorite Christmas Song? (Pop culture)- Merry Christmas from the Family.
Real Tree or Fake Tree?- Real
Favorite Christmas cookie?- The peanut butter one with the Hershey kiss in the center.
Still believe in Santa? No. In second grade I figured that there wasn't one Santa and they worked like the postal service, where you would have regional Santa distribution centers, I also just figured he would show up at the door and your parents would pick them up. In third grade I saw my mom bring in my new Orvis Fly rod and I was like "Oh that's how it works."
Favorite Movie? (Classic) "A Christmas Story"
Least Favorite Movie? (Classic) "Miracle on 34th Street"
Favorite Movie? (Non Classic) Tie. "Home Alone" and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation."
Favorite Christmas food? Surprisingly...Ham.
Family Christmas Tradition? On Christmas Eve we go out in the woods and find mistletoe. If we can't reach it, we shoot it down with a .22.
Egg Nog, yes or no? A resounding yes.

This should get us started, but like I said just throw out some Christmas Spirit in the comment section.