Showing posts with label Cowboys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cowboys. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Shape of Cowboys That Never Came.


In 2007, the Cowboys were 13-3, rolling over virtually all competitors. They stumbled over their dicks into the postseason and lost to the eventual champion New York Giants. They were the shape of the Cowboys to come. The people were excited. The air was abuzz at what could happen. The Boys rolled over everyone not named the Patriots. Sure, they fucked up against the Eagles and Giants at the end of the year, but they can't win them all, right?

No. Something happened. They could have won them all (if they didn't play that year's Patriots). Something evil happened. I personally blamed Jessica Simpson. But it was worse than that. Romo started reading what people thought about him. It wasn't like that before. Before, Romo played by the seat of his pants. He was the wild card. He turned twenty yard losses into thirty yard gains. He threw six interceptions in one game and still pulled out a win. It was simply magical.

Basically, there was a paradigm shift. The Romo that made shit happen became just another cog in a machine. Less a player and more a statistic. No longer was he a winner that invented ways to win, he was suddenly something quantifiable. People, including himself, began to look at statistics and trends. Graphs. Charts. Shit like that.

He used to be a goddamn football player. He used to win football games. Now he's just a statistic, just a fantasy football player. The rest of the team suffers for it.

The shape of the Cowboys to come never came.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Caption Contest!


LeBron: "Hey Jay-Z! Can I go to the Cowboys instead?"

or...

LeBron is excited after perfecting what will surely be the winning Dunk of this year's Dunk Contest.

or...

LeBron: "Check me out! I look HUUUUUUUGE on that TV!"

Wow. I should have been able to do better than that. Maybe you guys can. It's Bron in the new Cowboys Stadium.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Caption Contest!


"This reality show is bullshit."

or...

"Hey Sam, do they have these blue, yellow and red lines on a real NFL field? I wouldn't know."

or...

"Run faster! Mr. Jones is gaining on us!"

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

WWMBD?


Icehouse's favorite Cowboy, Martellus Bennett, is now a blogger for the Dallas Morning News.

Because if your newspaper is firing everyone else, you give Martellus a podium to spout his insanity.

Thank you, God.

These blogs also answer the question, "What happens if you're forced to spend every waking hour with John Garrett?"

The answer? You lose your fucking mind.