Hispanic Heritage Funk

DIOS MIO! FUNK!

Carmelo Anthony's father is Puerto Rican. He has the Puerto Rican flag tattooed on his hand.

Of course, if you ask Paul Milsap about it, he may just break down crying. Seriously, a stupid lob pass gets ganked and a second later the thief crams on your ass? Yeah. That's an unfortunate turn of events.

So the sticky Nuggs are awesome, because of stuff like that. I'm starting the chant now. Melo for MVP. Melo is a Valuable Puertorriqueño. Shit yeah.

Heralded Five-Star Recruit Hired By Disney To Enroll in Culinary School

SEATTLE, Wash. - Coltrane High School's prized five-star wide receiver, rising senior Jevon Locke, announced at a press conference today that instead of accepting one of the numerous Division I scholarships he has been offered and will enroll in L'Ecole De Luminaire, a local culinary school where he hopes to "find (himself) and the true meaning of friendship."

"I'm a kid from the wrong side of the tracks," said Locke. "I've never used anything but my athletic talents to get by. But now that's all about to change when I go to...culinary school?!"

"We've been developing this for about twelve years now, and this kid is the one," said Disney creative director Ernest Reinhart, speaking to reporters over a sound system playing Baha Men's Who Let the Dogs Out? at the presser. "Here's a kid from the wrong side of the tracks who's never used anything but his athletic talents to get by. Now he'll find out what friendship really means and who he really is."

"We literally had no writers or animators interested in writing that, plus we decided that true stories do better in the box office, so we got this kid for about a hundred grand," said Reinhart. "And if this one doesn't work out, naturally, we'll just kill him and get another kid."

Locke said he had "no freakin' comment" since this was the stage at which he was cocky and answering to no one, but kindly offered reporters an opportunity to interview him after he had changed his misguided ways, thanks to his ugly, unpopular and undexterous friends, to be named later.

ESPN, owned by Disney Inc., is said to already be producing Sportcenter clips featuring Stuart Scott and Emeril having a "hilarious Booyah!/Bam!-off" as well as putting the logo on the home plates of every major league ball park in the country.

Jarrett Johnson Has Come To Make You Quit The Game.

There are many ways to be embarrassed on a basketball court. If you get crossed over so bad you fall down, that's bad. Nutmegs are rare, but almost worse. Getting dunked on happens so often that it doesn't seem like it's that bad.

And then something like this happens.

I've been dunked on once. Just once. I came back down on the offensive end and dropped some kid by setting a pick and putting my shoulder into his face. Not perfect retribution, but at least enough to let those Duncanville pricks know that I wasn't a punk (if I recall correctly, it was fellow GRHer Allen Houston blowing a defensive assignment that led to me getting flushed on).

But I digress. What do you do to come back from something like this? Remember those hyperdunk commercials that got banned in some spots for being seen as anti-gay? This is worse than every dunk they talked about in those commercials. I mean this is really, really bad.

That kid who got yakked on needs to go ahead and forget that he ever played basketball.

Watch it again. I screamed when I first saw it happen.

Mad bonus points for Johnson giving fives to the crowd afterwards.