Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Gideon Files, Part 2

Blake Gideon is a Junior Safety at the University of Texas. While he may lead the team in effort, he continues to be a baffling display of what NOT to do while playing safety. Off the field, it only gets worse.

'Sup cockknocks?! How you bitches been doing since I laid it down on y'all? HA! I know you've just been sitting around with your thumbs up your asses. You bitches don't hustle like me. I FLY AROUND THE FIELD.

So many of you are probably all like, "What's a badass motherfucker like Blake Gideon doing talking to me through this queer-ass blog?" Well the answer should be obvious to all of you. This year is so totally awesome that we get the season started early. That's right, the best season of the year, Flip Cup season. Normally I've got other shit going on until - psh, at LEAST like, January or some shit. But not this year. THIS year we get it on RIGHT NOW.

Flip cup is a game of champions you have to be committed. Focused. You have to stare fear in the face and be all, "I'm gonna slam this lukewarm ounce of foam and expertly land this cup upside down with a flick of the wrist." You KNOW there's going to be people yelling in your ear, and you KNOW your bros will never let you live it down if you choke. It's not like when you over pursue a running back, forcing you to try and chase him down after giving him a 20 yard head start. It's not even like when you're about to lay the smack down, but instead get smacked down. After something like that, you just go back to the sideline. No, this is different.

Since this year is so special, I'm throwing a kick off party to set the tone. It's going to be EPIC. Sam! Hey Macho Acho, my Nacho-eating BRAcho!

Sam Acho: Ugh. Hi Blake.

Blake Gideon:
You coming to the fiesta tonight, bro? There's gonna be sluts and frosty bronsons!

Sam Acho: While I'd like to sit here and explain to you how your use of the word 'slut' is indicative of your entire disaffected psychosis, I'd rather just tell you that I can't, because it's Wednesday and in the middle of finals.

Blake Gideon: ...

Sam Acho: Be well, Blake. I know it's not your fault you are the way you are.

Blake Gideon: Studying's lame, bro. Way lamer than sluts.

Sam Acho: Always a pleasure conversing with you, Blake.

Blake Gideon:
Sam's deep, bro. Deep like I was into your mom last night, RIGHT?! GET IT?! HAHAHAHA AWESOME!

[holds up hand for high-five]

So anyway. This party is going to be off the chizzy. Everyone who's anyone is going to be there. Hey coach! COACH! COOOOOAAAAAACH!

Will Muschamp: You're the man, Blake!

Blake Gideon: I know, RIGHT?! So, are you--

Will Muschamp: Blake, I've got something to tell you. You know how you've always been my coach on the field?

Blake Gideon: Shit yeah, brah! You know I got you!

Will Muschamp: Yeah. Um. Well, you... you keep doing that, ok?

Blake Gideon:
SHIT YEAH! Hey coach, you're coming to my house for some rowdy FC, right? You know, flip cup?

Will Muschamp: Um. Wow, uh, I thought... Blake, look. I can't. I've gotta go...

Blake Gideon: Go where?

Will Muschamp: Go... go get some FourLokos. You just... you just hang tight, ok?

Blake Gideon: Tight like these sophomores' asses I'm gonna hit later tonight!

Will Muschamp: Yeah. Just like that.


Blake Gideon: Coach is the coolest. Flip cup baaaabaaaayyyyy. WOOOOOOOO!


  1. If you went through reading this and DIDN'T watch the video of Black Gideon getting laid out, go back and do so IMMEDIATELY.

  2. I wanna know where the coach went

  3. What's better is the video description.

    "kansas #22 hit on Texas #21 that was a huge hit on the guy he pass out"