GRH Exclusive - Former NFL Player: 'Concussion Discussion Is Stupid'

This was found in the GRH Mailroom on our fax machine. We can only assume its veridity enough to publish it, having checked with other media sources who received the same message, and leave it to you, the discerning reader, to determine its genuine authenticity. Read on and thank you.

-The Ghost of Roy Hobbs

These players these days. Sheesh. What losers. What wimps! I'm hearin' an awful lot about these rich, socialites wearin' these jerseys sayin' they're worried about their bells gettin' rung. They're worried about breakin' their nails and getting their French lace so far up their puckered rear ends that their brain might not be able to work the way it ought. Like they got anything like a brain up between their ears, these players these days. Sheesh. What losers. What wimps! I'm hearin' an awful lot about these rich, socialites wearin' these jerseys sayin' they're worried about their bells gettin' rung. They're worried about breakin' their nails and getting their French lace panties so far up their puckered rear ends that their brain might not be able to work the way it ought.

I got one word for them...

I dunno, maybe it's the generation of fanny bandits Oprah's been raisin' up, sharin' their books of that time of the month and their feelin's and their books of the month. It's not enough that stupid sumsabitches gotta call a tow truck to fix a flat tire, but these nancies are just nickelin' and dimein', rippin' and rompin', not doin' no good for nobody in the world but themselves.

I've eaten enough pudding to know when a bell gettin' rung is a big deal. In high school, I was paintin' the walls on the Smith-Caldwell Pharmacy in the hail storm of some year that specifically escapes me. I ran for fifty-hundred eleven yards next week against our arch rival Opposum Grape, too. Ran like a sumbitch gettin' his somewhere where the gettin's gone been got. I drooled then and I drool now, case closed, and I looked pretty good doin' it.

I went on a date with Lucille Ball in the mid-80's. Got me a thing for red heads and people who can run pretty fast. Shirley and I been married about 40, 30 years. I make her sandwiches and gravy, she makes me gravy.

An' another thing, where do these uppity sumsbeeee... Where do these uppity ignoramuses get off complainin' when they wearin' a mircowave oven with a facemask on they heads? First off, that ain't no way to run the ball, with your heads up, not out in front of ya like that, ya gotta use your head like a batterin' ram, pow! Right up the middle! And first off, your head is the densest part of your body. If you can't use that as something to really ring someone's bell, you might as well hang it up and go sellin' Avon door to door like some kinda girl who goes door to door sellin' Avon and stuff like, like Avon or something.

That blood ain't supposed to hang out in your ear in that helmet by your ear. You gotta get it out and make sure it's out, otherwise we're gonna miss M*A*S*H. That Alan Alda is a real smooth one. I hate that Alan Alda though, he's the worst guy on that show. An' you know he's good, and he ain't wearin' no helmets.

I was an electrician in Italy. And we had a sayin' for the fairies like these sissies...

Now comes these pansies sayin' they're worried about getting their bell rung. These players these days. Sheesh! Let me tell you what I think about about them players and their mushy-headed ways. They're scared of bein' what they is. Football is a football is a football is a great game. Football is a great, great game and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we dont' want football, which is a great, great game of golf everynow and then. We don't want football to be a panzy sport where the women are on the field dancin' around like they're a bunch of women.

It's time for us to call a spade a playing card. These concussions are not these concussions are these concussions are not the end of the world. If we want to make something happen, then yeah, it should happen, but I don't think a helmet is going to do anything about wearing helmets.

I just got one word for you if you disagree.

No helmets cuz they're no fun.

Best,
Abe Hardin
Philadellia Eagles (1954-1980)
Auburn Tigers (1948-1954)
Bauxite High Skoo Bobcats (1941-1948)