Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Adventures of Dogus Balbay in America

Dogus Balbay is a freshman point guard for the University of Texas. After playing well in the Turkish basketball league, he has come to the United States to better himself, and hopefully make more money. These are chronicles of the trials and tribulations of culture shock.


Dogus is in a daze. Dogus doesn't know what to do. Dogus' friends, his family, what will they say? "You'll always be a goatherder." Dogus can't stand to hear that again. Dogus doesn't know what happened.

Dogus was described as 'scrappy' by the announcers. They praised his effort. Dogus was sure not to let them see him dribble with his left hand. Verne Lundquist would not have been so kind had they seen the evil left hand. They also always brought up the Ricky Rubio. Dogus will kill Ricky Rubio.

Things went ok, and Dogus danced. Danced into the night. Dogus was dancing in the Green borough of Carolina of the North. Dogus liked this land. Trees were everywhere, and there were cigarettes everywhere. Dogus likes trees, they don't have enough in Turkey. Dogus also likes cigarettes, they remind him of home. But then Dogus found out that a great evil lurked in the Northern Carolina...


Dogus' ancestors used to be friends with Hitler's ancestors. No longer. Now Hitler hates Dogus. Hitler orders minions to pressure Dogus' right hand. Hitler's minions set ruthless picks on Dogus. Dogus spends a lot of time on the ground. Dogus' shot selection is poor. Dogus tries, but nothing works. The evil Hitler and his Devils force Dogus to shoot free throws.

Now, Dogus dances no longer. Dogus encounters existential plight.

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