/Douche Crew Enters 10:16 PM
T.W: Shit is BANGIN
Matt: I need a drink
T.W: It's on me Dude....Everything on the company tonight.
Matt: Shit yes T.W...Hey little lady 3 tequilas!!!
Matt: hey, yo yo yo is that J.J Redick?
T.W: HEY J.J COME OVER HERE DRINKS ARE ON ME!!!
J.J: What's up Homo's?
J.J: T.W, what the hell happened to you, looks like you finally finished college, still living on daddy's money I see.
Oh hey Phelps, good job this summer, 8 gold medals...that would be impressive if swimming wasn't so gay.
Matt, Superbowl huh, so uhhhh how many passing yards did you have this year?
J.J: Oh that's right you lost your job to a religious freak with a goblin for a wife.
J.J: What exactly do you do for that team? Chart plays? Signal them in? Wear those gay ass NFL hats?
J.J: Well hey at least you made some money and didn't lose a shitload like that dude Andre Smith.
Phelps: Stho J.J what exactly are you doing here, like sthouldn't you be playing basthketball right now.
/Tilts orioles cap to the side
J.J: Well, I'm not actually 'playing basketball' these days, so Coach Van Gundy said I could just leave. But other than that I've pretty much been shocking people.
That's what I do, I shock.
Shock the ladies.
Shock the fans.
Shock the dudes.
Shock the rock.
Shock the magic.
Shock the air.
Shock the booze.
Shock the sea.
It's what I do, I shock.
Bar patron: That shit was never cool in the first place.
J.J: T.W Get me a Malibu rum.
/all four take a shot of Malibu Rum
//J.J runs behind a Phelps screen, sets up and shoots the shot glass into the bar sink
///runs out of Bar flapping arms up and down, taunting other bar patrons
T.W: Ahhhhhhh I'm sooooooooo wasted, to this point I've had:
2 Rum and cokes
3 shots of tequilla
1 Malibu shot
1 Long island Ice Tea
SOOO DRUNK, AM I RIGHT!!!!!!
Phelps: Stheriosthly man I can drink stho much
Matt: BRO'S I'M SO WASTED!!!!!!!
Matt: That dude kinda creeps me out.
/Cranks "Shipping up to Boston"
//Does Irish Jig
///Panders to Boston fans
T.W: That guy is weird but I do love this song.
Matt: I know right, THAT SHIT IS SO IRISH!!!
Matt: YO YO YO sonar contact at 250 yards out...battle stations.
Phelps: I'm going to need sthome liquid courage for thisth missthion
T.W: 3 Wise men on me.
/all three take a shot of the most soul crushing drink known to man
/ pukes molten gold
Matt: Ohh shi... bwwwww........bww..bww...bwww...bwww...bww....BWAAHHHHHHH...BWAHHHHHHH.....
/pukes into faces of sorority girls, revealing a used condom in the vomit
T.W: Ohhhh my go...
/Slips in molten gold puke knocking sorority girls into molten vomit
T.W: I NEED AIR!!!!
/slumps over in alley
//pukes on self
(5 minutes later)
/Vomits down shirt
(3 minutes later)
/projectile vomits on couple a newly wed couple
(3:30 AM, Talking to girls in club)
Phelps: Stheriousthly guysth we need to rally letsth stheal the flippin deal
Matt: Just use the gold line, and I'll finish with the Heisman.
T.W you can pay for the cab.
Phelps: Ok letsth do it.
/turn hat backwards
Matt: OHHHH SHIT!!!!
Brynn: Matt, maybe instead of chasing tail, you could spend some time with your child...
Matt: SCATTER SCATTER SCATTER....RALLY POINT AT THE THUNDERDOME!!!!