Showing posts with label 3 wiseman will end you. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 3 wiseman will end you. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

AAU: Anything But Amatuer, and the Reality of the Longshot

Wiley codger and punching-enthusiast Steve Lattimer tipped me to a certain point about the state of sports among American youth.

In Arkansas, one of many Tim Tebow bills across the country hopes to allow home-schooled children access to public school activities.

Lattimer then introduced an interesting notion, that of a high school athlete, or perhaps, even younger, could possibly stand as a free agent. Within the context of my political article on another site, Lattimer commented that this was in fact a detriment.

But hasn't this always been the case?

By show of anonymous and technologically-voyeured hands, how many of you were awesome at little league sports? Me too. I played baseball until high school and football until college. I was alright in those domains, but little league was my dojo. In baseball, I played every position, save for the wackiness that surrounded second base and shortstop. In football, I played every down, usually with a dominance not unlike that of grizzly bear over a salmon.

Why was I such a force to be reckoned with? Easy, I tried hard. I put out my best effort, and when the physicality is relatively equal in its prepubescent stages, effort is all that matters.

Notice I have no lucrative shoe deals, contracts, or playing time. I'm not even sure that I own a jock strap anymore. That's because there comes a certain point when effort is not all that really matters.

Genes take over and mold men from boys. Not only that, but some people are driven to work hard for that coveted college scholarship or professional opportunities. Combine the two, and voila. The cream of the crop emerges and many go on to productive college and professional careers. Many lack the physicality. Many lack the prioritization of sports over the endeavors of academics, or tomfoolery.

I happened to lack both, by the way.

So you hear about these traveling AAU basketball, baseball, and now it seems, although unofficially, 7-on-7 football teams. The goal of all of these is to develop and showcase individual talents. If you're in my age bracket, you remember the kids selected for these teams. It was a traveling All-Star team, featuring the best players from the little league pool.

I think here is the rub for most people is that adults realize what these children, while playing do not: Of the thousands and thousands of kids playing in these "amateur" sports, with practice regiments and schedules that are anything but, a fraction will actually make it. No matter how good all of these kids get, baseball teams only play nine players at a time. Basketball is a little more than half that.

This notion of taking a child — a child, mind you — and molding them into some sort of longshot superstar seems backward. My neighbor through my developmental years was always groomed to be a world-class pitcher in baseball. He looked the part, tall and athletic, and was provided incentives for hard work: a possibly lucrative career.

But my neighbor would not play. A bad nerve in his throwing arm rendered him nearly disabled after every outing in the infancy of his college career. He couldn't help it.

The notion is simple enough. Responsible parents are worried about kids who are too focused on sports, and not focused enough on being well-rounded, productive members of society. But if a kid like this Allonzo Trier, a 5'5" sixth grade youtube basketball sensation, wants to make 450 shots — make, not take and miss, and oh yeah, take away one from the total if he misses two in a row — to be the best he can be, who's to say 'Stop working so hard to live that dream, boy!"

But a healthy dose of the reality of the long shot wouldn't hurt. What is to come of Trier is he has a degenerative condition and doesn't grow past 5'5"? Bye bye NBA, hello something else.

I think the status quo is inevitable for developing athletics. Dedication has its dividends. As for developing decent human beings, that is yet to be soundly determined.

And the jury is still out on whether the development of one is indirectly proportional to the development of the other.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

T.W. On Spring Break: Part Deux

(Night Club)


/Douche Crew Enters 10:16 PM




T.W: Shit is BANGIN

Matt: I need a drink

Phelps: Theriousthly

T.W: It's on me Dude....Everything on the company tonight.

Matt: Shit yes T.W...Hey little lady 3 tequilas!!!



(10:55 PM)

Matt: hey, yo yo yo is that J.J Redick?

T.W: HEY J.J COME OVER HERE DRINKS ARE ON ME!!!



J.J: What's up Homo's?

T.W: hey...

J.J: T.W, what the hell happened to you, looks like you finally finished college, still living on daddy's money I see.

Oh hey Phelps, good job this summer, 8 gold medals...that would be impressive if swimming wasn't so gay.

Matt, Superbowl huh, so uhhhh how many passing yards did you have this year?

Matt: I...

J.J: Oh that's right you lost your job to a religious freak with a goblin for a wife.

Matt: Well...

J.J: What exactly do you do for that team? Chart plays? Signal them in? Wear those gay ass NFL hats?

Matt:...

J.J: Well hey at least you made some money and didn't lose a shitload like that dude Andre Smith.

Phelps: Stho J.J what exactly are you doing here, like sthouldn't you be playing basthketball right now.

/Tilts orioles cap to the side

J.J: Well, I'm not actually 'playing basketball' these days, so Coach Van Gundy said I could just leave. But other than that I've pretty much been shocking people.


That's what I do, I shock.
Shock the ladies.
Shock the fans.
Shock the dudes.
Shock the rock.
Shock the magic.
Shock the air.
Shock the booze.
Shock the sea.

It's what I do, I shock.

SHOCKER!!!!!

Bar patron: That shit was never cool in the first place.

J.J: T.W Get me a Malibu rum.

T.W:...

J.J: NOW!!!

/all four take a shot of Malibu Rum
//J.J runs behind a Phelps screen, sets up and shoots the shot glass into the bar sink
///runs out of Bar flapping arms up and down, taunting other bar patrons

(12:30 AM)

T.W: Ahhhhhhh I'm sooooooooo wasted, to this point I've had:
7.5 beers
3 Jagerbombs
2 Rum and cokes
3 shots of tequilla
1 Malibu shot
1 Long island Ice Tea

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

SOOO DRUNK, AM I RIGHT!!!!!!

Phelps: Stheriosthly man I can drink stho much

Matt: BRO'S I'M SO WASTED!!!!!!!

oh shit.

T.W: What?

Phelps: Papelbon

Matt: That dude kinda creeps me out.


Papelbon: BOSTON!!!
/Cranks "Shipping up to Boston"
//Does Irish Jig
///Panders to Boston fans

T.W: That guy is weird but I do love this song.

Matt: I know right, THAT SHIT IS SO IRISH!!!

(2:33 AM)

Matt: YO YO YO sonar contact at 250 yards out...battle stations.


Phelps: I'm going to need sthome liquid courage for thisth missthion

T.W: 3 Wise men on me.

/all three take a shot of the most soul crushing drink known to man

Phelps: Bwwwwwwwww.......BWWWWWWWWWWW.....
BWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
/ pukes molten gold



Matt: Ohh shi... bwwwww........bww..bww...bwww...bwww...bww....BWAAHHHHHHH...BWAHHHHHHH.....
BWAHHHHHH

/pukes into faces of sorority girls, revealing a used condom in the vomit


T.W: Ohhhh my go...

/Slips in molten gold puke knocking sorority girls into molten vomit

T.W: I NEED AIR!!!!

/slumps over in alley
//pukes on self

(5 minutes later)

/Vomits down shirt

(3 minutes later)

/projectile vomits on couple a newly wed couple

(3:30 AM, Talking to girls in club)

Phelps: Stheriousthly guysth we need to rally letsth stheal the flippin deal

Matt: Just use the gold line, and I'll finish with the Heisman.

T.W you can pay for the cab.

Phelps: Ok letsth do it.
/turn hat backwards

Matt: OHHHH SHIT!!!!


Brynn: Matt, maybe instead of chasing tail, you could spend some time with your child...

Matt: SCATTER SCATTER SCATTER....RALLY POINT AT THE THUNDERDOME!!!!