Caption Contest!

This week, you get a hodgepodge to choose from. Which ever pictures tickle your fancy, just go nuts.

First, we have Chris Mullin showering with his dog.

"Who likes cleaning balls? Who does? Yes you do! Yes you do!"

Next, John Wall doesn't get a jersey that's spelled correctly.

Calipari: "The hell do you care? You're only here til March."

Bill. Fucking. Parcells.

There's really not any quotes that can do this one justice. Bill Parcells, and a Falcon. In your face.

Ron Artest has written a letter to Tiger Woods.

Ron Artest has been vilified for almost a decade now. Most casual fans will only remember the Malice at the Palace. To those people, you all should just listen to what the man has to say. He keeps it real. Sometimes too real.

He has an opinion on Tiger Woods, and has decided to write an open letter to him. It is published in it's entirety below.

Dear Tiger,
In reading the statements you have made, I can tell you are a stand up guy. Please remember only Jesus is perfect. You made a mistake and you admitted your infidelity.
I have made the same mistakes. Before I got married to my wife, I had a baby with another young lady, after I already had two by my girlfriend who is now my wife. We also had another baby which makes three for us and four for me. Two boys and two girls.
My wife is a much better wife than I am a husband. We still argue and disagree after being together 16 years. and I still cope with the fact that there are so many women out there and I choose to stay loyal to my wife.
I want to be home every night, but with traveling I can't, and sometimes I might want to go to a bar or club and be one of the fellas. Most of the time I stay in, because I have my kids and wife.
I cannot sit here and say the thought to have many women has never crossed my mind. If I were Jesus I could.
I have known my wife for 16 years- since I was 14 years old.
She was my first.
On the way to 2010 we had many ups and downs on the way, mostly my fault. But I really choose to work hard and play ball to support her and my kids. The same reason you are building your legacy.
I have been disturbed by this because there are many people who are happy that this bad news has come out.
There are a lot of sports announcers and regular reporters who are not perfect in their own homes, yet they want to bring you down.
You have done so much for people, the sport of golf, and your family and you gave your wife a life that people can't even dream of.
I thought you were 36 or 37 until I read the news today. A 33-year-old man who has been a model citizen with so much at stake. This is your first publicly known issue since you started your career, compared to my 50 or more publicly known issues and mistakes.
You have been the perfect role model for me and my sons for longer than anyone I have known.
With the exception of a few legends.
As your fan, I can't wait to see you golf again.
And us athletes know how much you personally love your family.

One love,
Ron Artest
This is just a fan mail letter to Tiger Woods fans and indirectly to Tiger himself.
Please, everyone support Tiger in these tough times for his family.

Also if you are a sports announcer or regular everyday reporter or blogger please step up like Tiger and tell your wife or husband if you have any skeletons in your closet. Especially if you were one of the few attacking TIGER!!
One Love People

Ron Artest articulated my feelings on the matter better than I've been able to. Hopefully this is not the last time this happens.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

This is the third time I've prominently featured Joakim Noah in a blog post. You win, universe.

Short week is over. Whoop-de-doo. This week sucked. All I've been doing is staring at cloud after cloud roll in. Wack.

So anyways, let's hit this shebangabang and bounce.

Anybody that knows me knows that I've got a hardon for Explosions in the Sky. Normally I'm sick of all fall commercials on ESPN by October, but I think I'll be able to stand this one until at least November.


Here's the most fucked up thing that the internet has this week. Unlike Christmas Ape over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I will tell you that the clip is NSFW.


Maybe the funniest video to have "Let the bodies hit the floor" as the backdrop for.


Ron Artest singing Celine Dion. If something can turn Starbury back towards sanity, it could be this. A New Yorker who has way more street cred clowning on him.


Aaaaaaand a reminder for this weekend. Get off your asses and work out.

See more funny videos and Technology Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Teammates Suspect Titans' K Rob Bironas Actually Living In Weight Room

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- After a summer's worth of speculation and suspicion, players and staff of the Tennessee Titans are coming forward to voice their concerns that kicker Rob Bironas is actually living in the team weight room, rather than an oft-used metaphor to describe the kicker's workout regiment.

"I've been saying it since about March," said DE Jevon Kearse. "I saw him in there every day, usually wearing sweatpants or something that might be confused for athletic apparel. But he never got really jacked up or muscular, in fact, I think he gained about 20 or 30 lbs., you just can't tell because of that terrible beard.

"And I think I stepped on his toothbrush."

Others have been complaining about a lack of tidiness in the weight room, including Bironas' stack of Hot Rod magazines, a tattered sleeping bag, a collection of various pieces of scrap metal, as well as a pile of dirty, non-football related laundry.

Coach Jeff "Fish" Fisher says that he's been hearing nothing but good things from the coaching staff about Bironas, the vaunted kicker out of Auburn, whose financial status is hitherto undetermined by Coach Fisher or the Titan's front office.

"The coaches see him in there, practically living in that weight room," said Fisher, stroking his mustache. "Or what I thought was 'practically.' What a kicker is doing in the weight room, they have no earthly idea, but golly, I guess that shoulda been a red flag right there.

"Maybe the guys upstairs haven't been putting his check in his little box," said Fisher, speaking of the team cubby holes utilized by the team's accounting office.

Bironas was unavailable for comment, as he was digging through LenDale White's dumpster, looking for "delicious," half-eaten scraps.

QB Chase Daniel Miffed At Lack of Mention in Campbell/Sanchez Redskin QB Debacle

COLUMBIA, Mo. — Washington Redskins quarterback Chase Daniel, of the Fabled and Mighty Mizzou Powerhouse Football program, says he's not getting his fair shake by the Redskins organization as there has been nary a mention of his coming into the organization and gunning for Jason Campbell's top spot.

One of the subplots of the 2009 Draft was the possibility of Campbell being traded for USC heartthrob Mark "Dirty" Sanchez, leading to polite discomfort between the franchise (?) quarterback and the Redskins' front office.

"I mean, I'm here to win!" bellowed Daniel, at a press conference held at the local Western Sizzlin' in Columbia. "I'm tall enough, I'm- More hushpuppies, please?- I've got a great arm, and I- Gravy. Gravy, yes- I hold records at Muh-freakin-zoo."

"I'm the total package," said Daniel, immediately prior to noticeable discomfort due to one or several chicken bones lodged in Daniel's jowls.

Campbell spoke candidly about the incident.

"It definitely was a shock," Campbell said, "when I started hearing Sanchez talk."

"It's an awkward situation," Campbell answered, "just because after the Cutler deal, we did sit down and talk -- and then the Sanchez talk came up."

When reminded that the topic was to be focused on the arrival of actual competition in the form of Chase Daniel, Campbell began laughing hysterically, ending the interview, but not before conceding he "couldn't remember what that midget looks like."

Fellow 'Skins QBs Colt Brennan and Todd Collins could not be interviewed as they were busy popping towels and chasing each other in the locker room.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

You know how I know you're gay? You hang out with these guys.

So I don't know who the fuck did what or why, but this week has been just a giant mess of cloudiness, rain, and bullshit. I hobnobbed with some knobslobs, and have basically decided that working for the weekend is like eating vegetables to take healthier dumps. You gotta do the former, but you shouldn't do the latter rarely.

Anyways, let's get on to some weird-ass internet curios.

Lattimer and I like two things: Blood and cute, fluffy animals. Splendid.


So if you say "youtube," Chris Bosh can hear you. That is unless you are the mother to his kid, of course. Anyways, I am a fan of this idea.


Remember: If you wake up in a plane, chug a Red Bull and jump the hell out.


Sometimes, I'm happier than normal that I am related to a six-year-old. All of you are just going to look weird if you go see this movie in the theaters.


In honor of the newest rule established by the NFL, here's a prime example of something you USED to watch football for, and now will never see again.


Ok. Going to be cold this weekend for some damn reason. Whatever, I won't be at work.