Graham Watanabe (in the red jersey, kicking ass) is an elder statesman in the land of snowboard cross. At almost 28, he's far older than his main competition, fans, or even some coaches. In spite of not being, well... successful (31st in the Turin games, best finish in FIS competition is 6th), he's one of the bigger names, and a leader on the team.
But the Sun Valley native can still freak your ass out. It sounds like he gets weird with himself on a daily basis. He described his second Olympic appearance as, "Pegasus mating with a unicorn and the creature that they birth I somehow tame it and ride it to the sky and clouds and sunshine and rainbows."
Shyeah, brah!
If Bode Miller or Speedy Peterson said something like this, there would be media uproar about them being on something. Poppycock. If America learns one thing from Michael Phelps, it should be that recreational drugs make our Olympic athletes better. So keep kicking ass, Graham. We'll be watching this upcoming week. Hopefully in a similar state of mind as you.
COLUMBIA, Mo. — Washington Redskins quarterback Chase Daniel, of the Fabled and Mighty Mizzou Powerhouse Football program, says he's not getting his fair shake by the Redskins organization as there has been nary a mention of his coming into the organization and gunning for Jason Campbell's top spot.
"I mean, I'm here to win!" bellowed Daniel, at a press conference held at the local Western Sizzlin' in Columbia. "I'm tall enough, I'm- More hushpuppies, please?- I've got a great arm, and I- Gravy. Gravy, yes- I hold records at Muh-freakin-zoo."
"I'm the total package," said Daniel, immediately prior to noticeable discomfort due to one or several chicken bones lodged in Daniel's jowls.
Campbell spoke candidly about the incident.
"It definitely was a shock," Campbell said, "when I started hearing Sanchez talk."
"It's an awkward situation," Campbell answered, "just because after the Cutler deal, we did sit down and talk -- and then the Sanchez talk came up."
When reminded that the topic was to be focused on the arrival of actual competition in the form of Chase Daniel, Campbell began laughing hysterically, ending the interview, but not before conceding he "couldn't remember what that midget looks like."
Fellow 'Skins QBs Colt Brennan and Todd Collins could not be interviewed as they were busy popping towels and chasing each other in the locker room.
Why yes, Saturday was a fine day. I had a meeting where I got to smoke a cigar, a bought some blue jeans, got a haircut, and had evening drinks with old friends from years past, bantering back and forth about the good old days and the good new days ahead.
The same could not be said for Mr. Alex "YOU SACK (suck)!" Rodriguez.
In a leak from a supposedly-confidential 2003 screening, Rodriguez was one of 104 major leaguers to test positive for steroids, he himself testing positively for two anabolic steroids, which is a terrible faux pas these days. The name of the heir-apparent King of Swing now lie in ruins in a back alley in Queens.
In an unrelated incident, Seamus O'Learrigan, one of the individuals who worked for the nursing staff that conducted the urine testing, was given the key to the city of Boston for a week.
It is still unknown from whence the leak about A-Rod came, and the MLB Players' Union is still investigating.
But this incident has unveiled a beast even more treacherous that that of the Steroids Era in baseball, the Gambling Referee Era in basketball, or the Trent Dilfer Era in football: Legitimizing the claims of Joe HomahBawston fans.
Turning a deaf ear to mindless Homerisms has become a statewide past time in Arkansas. Despite how terrible the team may be or how vaunted the opponent, the knuckle-dragging booger-eaters that comprise the evening sports radio show racket still attempt to logically plot out victory for the often hapless Razorbacks. "Hogs are playing the Steelers? Pittsburgh? Welp, I thank Darren McFadden gon' run for 'bout fiftyhundredandeleven yard, run back a kick-off punt, throw a touchdown pass, and average 4.8 sacks this here game," you know, very educated discourse.
New England protestations are similar. "If you don’t root far the Pats, then you don’t really undahstand what football is all about! YOU AHH CLEARLY JUST BANDWAGON FANS! Not like me. The only reason I sold off my season tickets aftahTawmmy Brady went down was so I could get these calf implants! Fackin’ look!" to borrow a line from Tawmmy for Quinzee.
And while it may be simple to avoid eye contact, ignore the problem, and pray to your God that it goes away before a clover-leaf belt buckle is chucked at your head, once their claims are legitimized by coincidence, it's hard for these types to let it go in a lawful manner, becoming so over come with irrational faculties, a felony is bound to break out somewhere.
These same fans have been decrying the name of Rodriguez for years. Now it seems they will be able to have new ammunition to claim that Rodriguez does indeed suck a fat one, this time backed up by a federal Grand Jury.
I shudder even more vehemently to think of how much blood loss I will suffer through my ears after hearing the likes of southern Bawston fans, and their newly recharged fervor.
UPDATE: A-Rod dresses like Mr. Rogers with avid Bawston fan, and oh yeah, admits he lied like a liar from 2001 to 2003 while playing for the Rangers. Bigger question: Why did he have to cheat to outperform for the Rangers? That'd be like Manute Bol wearing stilts in China; We get it. You're taller.
DOUBLE UPDATE: If you look closely, you can see Peter Gammons laughing and spiting in A-Roid's face, what any true Bawston fan would have done in the same situation. He can also be heard cackling when the camera is on Rodriguez.
ON A SCALE OF 10 1 BEING NOT SO EXTREME AND 10 BEING EXTREMELY EXTREME I GIVE THIS POST A 9.5!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok on the real, we're going to have a live chat for the opening night of Winter X games 2009.
Why you ask?
1. No football. 2. It's awesome. 3. I like looking at my snowboard and bragging. 4. Icehouse wants a reason to wear his Seth Morrison goggles. 5. Brian,GRH extreme expert flavor aficionado, and all American Hero will be joining us.
Still think the X games are gay?
Exhibit A.
Exhibit B.
Exhibit C.
Ok so for tonight we have Snowmobile (think it's gay? think again), Skier superpipe (always impressive) and finally snowboard big air. (insane)
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