GRH Hobbcast

I know, I know. We've been away for a while but today we came back with a vengeance. On Today's episode we discuss the best*/worst sports movies. We didn't have time to get to all the things we wanted to talk about, but it's a good primer for your netflix queue.

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*"Angels in the Outfield" blows

GRH Podcast #5

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Today on this our 5th PODCAST!!! We talk about shitty sports movies. (Here is the post where I destroy The Replacements) The moves following the NFL lockout. Dr. Joe's Love of the Tennessee Titans, Seattle Seahawks, PHILADELPHIA EAGLES!!! And we end it with a little Randy Moss and as always, our thoughts for the day.

We've noticed listeners have gone up. So please if you have any comments drop us a line and tell us how we're doing.

The Replacements is a Horrible Movie.

The offseason is quickly upon us and the impending CBA negotioation may mean no Sunday football for a while. Regardless, we all have more time for Sunday TV movies, and we'll attempt to give you our take on the greatest (or worst) sports movies.

I've been meaning to write this a while, but The Replacements is just a horrible horrible movie. There are a lot of bad movies out there, and it wouldn't bother me as much if everyone didn't act like this is the funniest thing known to sports comedy. But what really chaps my ass is that this cinematic shit is blatant plagerism, taken from One of the greatest sports comedies of all time. Necessary Roughness. (along with many others)

Let's examine the story lines.

Necessary Roughness (1991) With the Texas State Fightin' Armadillos facing NCAA sanctions, Newly hired Coach, Ed Gennero, must put together a rag tag group of players in order to compete in NCAA football. Using his old school tactics, along with some creativity, Gennero shows the players and the school the true meaning of the game and how to play with pride.

The Replacements (2000) Following the Professional league lockout, newly hired coach, Jimmy McGinty must form a rag tag group of replacement players in order to compete in professional football. Using his old school tactics, along with some creativity, McGinty teaches his players, and fans, the true meaning of the game and playing with pride.

(Looks like they stole the Rudy music too)

As you can tell in both movies the main character is the QB, as with most football movies. In Necessary roughness assistant coach Wally Rig (Robert Loggia) uses his old recruiting contacts to find Paul Blake (Scott Bakula) a 30 year old who turned down a scholarship offer to Penn State, in order to take care of his family ranch.

In the Replacements, McGinty (Gene Hackman) uses his contacts to find 30 something QB, Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) who is working as a barnacle scrubber in some marina. Evidently Falco couldn't hack it in the pros because he got beaten up by Florida State in the Sugar bowl. Which is the worst excuse ever.

Each team in a football comedy needs a strong coaching staff to lead the group of misfits to victory. In Necessary roughness Coach Gennero and Rig combine a perfect compliment to each other. Gennero with the discipline and organization, and Rig with the folksy one liners and football knowledge/experience.

In the replacements It's all about McGinty, who seems to be a hodge podge of Bear Bryant, Tom Landry, and Hank Stram. (A fedora hat is sooooooo unique and creative) The assistant coaches are basically non-existent and are only there to reveal the "genius" of coach McGinty. That's not really a comparison, it's just to show that Necessary Roughness is much much better.

Back to the comparisons.

Offensive Line: TSU's offensive line is baller. First they have Sinbad, who is hilarious in that movie, they have the twins in the form of Olaf and Ignor Knudson. THEN they have Manumana the slender (who forms a relationship with the kicker and completely destroys the Kansas player). Finally, and this is a key to a good football movie. They have Wyatt Beaudry, a Tackle who plays games with a giant chaw in his mouth, and drinks beers like its going out of style. Who is this character played by? You guessed it. Andrew Bryniarski, the greatest football actor of our generation. Following this break out role he would go on to play Madman Kelly, in any given Sunday, and yes, Steve Lattimer in The Program.

The Sentinals only had three OL that they focused on. Who were they? Twin brothers and a fat Asian who ends up befriending the kicker. If the Sumo/Manumana connection doesn't do it for you, just look at the fat Asian kid on Little Giants. In fact that Sumo wrestler is really just a hodgepodge of characters. Remember when he yaks all over the field. That's like Zoltec farting in The Little Giants.

Skills:
TSU's WR featherstone (Duane Davis who also played Alvin Mack) was an interesting character. He was a fast guy who beat anyone, but he couldn't catch the ball.

The Sentinals, Had that dumbass 7 up guy who, you guessed it, could run past anyone but not catch anything. Honestly, they just stopped trying to be creative at this point.

(Note: I give a break to the kid from little giants because the stick em scene was hilarious and he used toilet paper to overcome his lack of ability)

Now, at this point people usually explain to me that no other movie had a deaf TE. Which is true, I will give The Replacements credit for that. But here's my thing. Why the hell is he a replacement player? Because he's deaf? That guy is awesome, he was like their entire offense and you're telling me NOBODY wanted him? Hey, we use signals in football, he can get the snap in his periphery. It's not realistic.

Defense: The main defender for TSU is Samurai Hanson. A slightly unstable MLB who brought us the best scene in a football movie ever, after he proceded to go Bruce Lee on the dillo's arch rival The Texas Colts.

The Sentinals had Jon Favreau. A crazy ex cop, how unique.

Let's go ahead and rank crazy MLB's in football movies. Herp derp derp, he tackled the cheerleaders, herp derp, he got the football. Makes me sick. plus that whole "I got the ball scene" is essentially taken from Lattimer's "looks like you lost your bonnet" which is much more intense.

(7:40)

Let's go ahead and rank Crazy LB's in sports movies
1. Alvin Mack
2. Shark
3. Spike
4. Samurai
100. Jon Favreau.

Other similarities include getting in a barfight, where both QB's try to calm the situation down. Except TSU didnt go into a stupid dance routine. Getting a soccer player for a kicker (Kathy Ireland > English guy) Using players from other sports. (Coach Genneto used an Aussie rules player) The list goes on.

Now, copying the greatest football comedy isn't what makes The Replacements, a horrible movie. What makes the replacements a horrible movie is the cheesy jokes, the stupid characters, Gene Hackman, and the fact that it tries to be a serious film and a comedy at the same time.

I hate it so much

GRH Book Club

Those of you not familiar with Jim Dent may recognize his previous book, The Junction Boys, which chronicles the Texas A&M teams under Paul "Bear" Bryant. Dent is an excellent writer who used to cover the Cowboys and still resides in Texas, which is why it's no surprise that Twelve Mighty Orphans includes the mystique of Texas high school football.

Dent chronicles the Masonic Home, an orphanage in Fort Worth Texas that was funded by the Freemasons to provide for orphans of former Masons during the early to mid 20th century. Naturally, during the depression the home reached a peak in terms of students. The home was about as good as an orphanage could be during that era, but the students routinely lacked self esteem and continually hopped the fence in hopes of escaping. Enter Rusty Russell the head football coach. Russel entered the school in the late 20's and fielded one of the top teams in Texas football for roughly 15 years. What's more is that Russell achieved this fielding squads of 12-18 players. Those of you familiar may recognize some of their opponents. The Mighty Mites played the likes of Amarillo, Waco, And Highland Park (Matthew Stafford) High Schools. Furthermore, the Masonic Home played on the highest level of Texas football with a co-ed K-12 enrollment of 153 students.

Now, Dent is a great writer, but anybody could write a bestseller with this story. The first thing that I really enjoyed was the football aspect of it. The Mites achievements on the field are stunning considering the fact that they played with 135 pound guards who faced opposing tackles easily over 200. The other interesting fact is that Russell was not only a motivational coach, but also an excellent tactician. Russell, seeing that his team was outmatched, would throw the ball up to 40 times a game. Dent goes a little far crediting Russell with the creation of the spread offense. (For football elitism, it seems that Russell used a busted out single wing, utilizing short passes. As much as Dent talked about the innovative offense I really wish he would have included some diagrams)

To say that Dent does a great job with character development would be an understatement, and this is really the core of the book. Football aside, it's amazing to hear about what some of these boys and girls went through in order to end up at the home, and how they grew despite the odds against them. Whether going down to the water tower for the nightly fights, stealing grape juice, or feeling up the local city girls, Dent does an amazing job highlighting the personalities of various team members. It's really these side stories that makes the football side of the book so much better. It was also refreshing to see, despite the harsh discipline, that people at the Home truly cared about these kids and in some cases loved them like family. Another interesting note is that some of the players on the team went on to become great college/pro players. Specifically, Dewitt Coulter of Army and Giants fame, and Hardy Brown, known as the meanest man to ever play the game. But other than the orphans and the team, Dent does a good job on the characters that existed during depression era Texas. My personal favorite was "Two Guns" McCoy who was the self proclaimed handspring champion of Texas and dressed in full cowboy gear would sneak onto the field doing handsprings in the endzone after the Mites scored. Much to the dismay of local law enforcement. Essentially he was the forefather of this guy. (NSFWish)

At the end the book is also about how the Mighty Mites served as an inspiration to individuals affected by the depression not only in Texas, but the nation as a whole. Dent uses a fine analogy comparing the Mites to Seabiscuit and how the nation supported the two. Especially when the downtrodden team played Highland Park, which if I'm not mistaken was and still is one of the richest communities in the nation. I won't go into the ending because it is somewhat epic. Not The Junction Boys epic, but amazing nonetheless.

All in all, if you liked Hoosiers you'll love Twelve Mighty Orphans. It's essentially a cooler less Gene Hackmany version of the underdog story. It's in paperback, and if you really are into this type of stuff it's worth the 15 bones. If not you could wait for ESPN to make a half assed TV movie about it like the did for Junction Boys. Still pissed about that bullsh*t. Whatever, I'm over it.