Monday, January 31, 2011

The Replacements is a Horrible Movie.

The offseason is quickly upon us and the impending CBA negotioation may mean no Sunday football for a while. Regardless, we all have more time for Sunday TV movies, and we'll attempt to give you our take on the greatest (or worst) sports movies.

I've been meaning to write this a while, but The Replacements is just a horrible horrible movie. There are a lot of bad movies out there, and it wouldn't bother me as much if everyone didn't act like this is the funniest thing known to sports comedy. But what really chaps my ass is that this cinematic shit is blatant plagerism, taken from One of the greatest sports comedies of all time. Necessary Roughness. (along with many others)

Let's examine the story lines.

Necessary Roughness (1991) With the Texas State Fightin' Armadillos facing NCAA sanctions, Newly hired Coach, Ed Gennero, must put together a rag tag group of players in order to compete in NCAA football. Using his old school tactics, along with some creativity, Gennero shows the players and the school the true meaning of the game and how to play with pride.

The Replacements (2000) Following the Professional league lockout, newly hired coach, Jimmy McGinty must form a rag tag group of replacement players in order to compete in professional football. Using his old school tactics, along with some creativity, McGinty teaches his players, and fans, the true meaning of the game and playing with pride.

(Looks like they stole the Rudy music too)

As you can tell in both movies the main character is the QB, as with most football movies. In Necessary roughness assistant coach Wally Rig (Robert Loggia) uses his old recruiting contacts to find Paul Blake (Scott Bakula) a 30 year old who turned down a scholarship offer to Penn State, in order to take care of his family ranch.

In the Replacements, McGinty (Gene Hackman) uses his contacts to find 30 something QB, Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) who is working as a barnacle scrubber in some marina. Evidently Falco couldn't hack it in the pros because he got beaten up by Florida State in the Sugar bowl. Which is the worst excuse ever.

Each team in a football comedy needs a strong coaching staff to lead the group of misfits to victory. In Necessary roughness Coach Gennero and Rig combine a perfect compliment to each other. Gennero with the discipline and organization, and Rig with the folksy one liners and football knowledge/experience.

In the replacements It's all about McGinty, who seems to be a hodge podge of Bear Bryant, Tom Landry, and Hank Stram. (A fedora hat is sooooooo unique and creative) The assistant coaches are basically non-existent and are only there to reveal the "genius" of coach McGinty. That's not really a comparison, it's just to show that Necessary Roughness is much much better.

Back to the comparisons.

Offensive Line: TSU's offensive line is baller. First they have Sinbad, who is hilarious in that movie, they have the twins in the form of Olaf and Ignor Knudson. THEN they have Manumana the slender (who forms a relationship with the kicker and completely destroys the Kansas player). Finally, and this is a key to a good football movie. They have Wyatt Beaudry, a Tackle who plays games with a giant chaw in his mouth, and drinks beers like its going out of style. Who is this character played by? You guessed it. Andrew Bryniarski, the greatest football actor of our generation. Following this break out role he would go on to play Madman Kelly, in any given Sunday, and yes, Steve Lattimer in The Program.

The Sentinals only had three OL that they focused on. Who were they? Twin brothers and a fat Asian who ends up befriending the kicker. If the Sumo/Manumana connection doesn't do it for you, just look at the fat Asian kid on Little Giants. In fact that Sumo wrestler is really just a hodgepodge of characters. Remember when he yaks all over the field. That's like Zoltec farting in The Little Giants.

TSU's WR featherstone (Duane Davis who also played Alvin Mack) was an interesting character. He was a fast guy who beat anyone, but he couldn't catch the ball.

The Sentinals, Had that dumbass 7 up guy who, you guessed it, could run past anyone but not catch anything. Honestly, they just stopped trying to be creative at this point.

(Note: I give a break to the kid from little giants because the stick em scene was hilarious and he used toilet paper to overcome his lack of ability)

Now, at this point people usually explain to me that no other movie had a deaf TE. Which is true, I will give The Replacements credit for that. But here's my thing. Why the hell is he a replacement player? Because he's deaf? That guy is awesome, he was like their entire offense and you're telling me NOBODY wanted him? Hey, we use signals in football, he can get the snap in his periphery. It's not realistic.

Defense: The main defender for TSU is Samurai Hanson. A slightly unstable MLB who brought us the best scene in a football movie ever, after he proceded to go Bruce Lee on the dillo's arch rival The Texas Colts.

The Sentinals had Jon Favreau. A crazy ex cop, how unique.

Let's go ahead and rank crazy MLB's in football movies. Herp derp derp, he tackled the cheerleaders, herp derp, he got the football. Makes me sick. plus that whole "I got the ball scene" is essentially taken from Lattimer's "looks like you lost your bonnet" which is much more intense.


Let's go ahead and rank Crazy LB's in sports movies
1. Alvin Mack
2. Shark
3. Spike
4. Samurai
100. Jon Favreau.

Other similarities include getting in a barfight, where both QB's try to calm the situation down. Except TSU didnt go into a stupid dance routine. Getting a soccer player for a kicker (Kathy Ireland > English guy) Using players from other sports. (Coach Genneto used an Aussie rules player) The list goes on.

Now, copying the greatest football comedy isn't what makes The Replacements, a horrible movie. What makes the replacements a horrible movie is the cheesy jokes, the stupid characters, Gene Hackman, and the fact that it tries to be a serious film and a comedy at the same time.

I hate it so much


  1. can we PLEASE watch this when you get back??

  2. Hey there would you mind letting me know which webhost you're using? I've loaded your blog
    in 3 different internet browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most.

    Can you recommend a good internet hosting provider at a honest
    price? Kudos, I appreciate it!

    my weblog - forex signals providers