It seems that some witty bar made a LOL on the behalf of Lindsay Lohan, which got me thinking.
Athletes need their own cocktails. It almost makes too much sense. So for this shit storm, we're going to make our own little athlete coacktail menu. I'll kick it off with the signature drink.
The Lawrence Taylor.
12 ounce tumbler
12 ounces Jack Daniels whiskey.
Rim glass with Cocaine.
Serve.
Note: Can be served on the rocks, if the rocks are crack rocks.
God this is awesome, I can't wait to open my athlete themed cocktail bar.
Who's with me? Cmon hoooo!
Posts
Lattimer and I created the Ken Caminiti during one long weekend filled with air-pressured arms and everclear.
ReplyDeleteCorrect me if I'm wrong, but it is
-2 parts iced tea
-1 part everclear-infused cherry juice
-1 part everclear
-garnish with everclear-infused cherries
The Jon Daly.
ReplyDelete4 gallons Budweiser
8 qts Jim Beam
4 lbs. Folgers Coffee
6 liters Jameson Irish Whiskey
3 heaping scoops of Helmann's Mayonnaise
1 gallon Uncle Pedro's tequila-scented rubbing alcohol
Dashes of salt, pepper, Worchester sauce
Desired amounts of NyQuil and Pepsi
French kiss to taste
Simmer for four hours, cool to discretion
Goes well with:
Ham Sandwiches
Fried Chicken
Chili
Anything
Chicago Deep Dish Pizzas
Tomatoes
The Alex Rodriguez:
ReplyDelete2-4 cups Rum-fed Goat Urine
Pour through trash bag of old fruit
Stored in mason jar placed on window sill
Microwave 30 sec. immediately prior to drinking
Die almost immediately
Evacuate bodily fluids
The John Wall of the Washington Wizards:
ReplyDelete-Lacewing flies (stewed 21 days)
-Leeches
-Powdered bicorn horn
-Knotgrass
-Fluxweed (picked at full moon)
-Shredded Boomslang skin
-A bit of the person one wants to turn into (typically hair)
-Cherries
(Also known as Polyjuice Potion)
You can also use cherry Dr. pepper for the Ken Caminiti.
ReplyDeleteEli Manning
ReplyDelete6 oz warm milk
Nip of brandy
Serve in sippy cup
Serve cheerios on the side
And the fact that John Wall was chosen over Ozzie Smith for a "wizards Potion" is absolutely appalling. Especially from a cards fan.
ReplyDeleteThe Ron Artest-
ReplyDeleteHennesy, straight from the bottle, consumed during halftime of game in a locker room.
Ozzie didn't drink. John Wall isn't legally allowed to, but it works.
ReplyDeleteJohn Wall also has a history of Wizarding for the Ghost of Roy Hobbs. Ozzie and his gymnastic antics have yet to be featured on these fine scrolls.
ReplyDeleteThe Jay Cutler:
ReplyDelete1 part Jack Daniels
9 Parts "I Don't Give A Fuck"
Ozzie Smith IS the WIZARD.
ReplyDeleteSo let me get this logic.
You make up a post, about John Wall and that makes it ok?
Is this correct?
So basically your post on GRH has more relevance than pop culture norms for the entire country?
Is this correct?
Oh, and who says the Wiz didn't drink. Plus he has his own sports bar, so thats out the window.
The Kurt Warner
ReplyDelete1 part communion wine
Serve with holy host.
The Matt Leinart:
ReplyDelete8 0z. Lemon Pinesol
4 Oz. Melted Airhead (any flavor will do)
Served in soiled condom
And if I can't convince you, I defer to Mr. Jack Buck.
ReplyDeletehttp://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=13062871
The Joe Buck (Son of Jack):
ReplyDeleteOne thimble Smirnoff Black Cherry Vodka
One half of one-eighth of lime
Half second spray of AquaNet
Served through soaked Burberry scarf
The Mike Shannon
ReplyDeleteA nice Coooold Budweiser
eh heh heh heh
The Maurice Clarett
ReplyDelete1 part grey goose vodka
Serve in a water bottle.
The Josh Hamilton:
ReplyDeleteDo every narcotic within a fifteen mile radius in one night.
Do once an offseason.
Apologize.
The Big Ben
ReplyDeleteOne part mixed spirits.
One part Rufilin
I call this the 1970's Steelers
ReplyDeleteyou need
Shot of whiskey
Cocaine
Dianobol
You take the shot
snort the coke
then inject the steroids