Sunday, January 30, 2011

Monday Morning S--t Storm

It seems that some witty bar made a LOL on the behalf of Lindsay Lohan, which got me thinking.

Athletes need their own cocktails. It almost makes too much sense. So for this shit storm, we're going to make our own little athlete coacktail menu. I'll kick it off with the signature drink.

The Lawrence Taylor.

12 ounce tumbler
12 ounces Jack Daniels whiskey.
Rim glass with Cocaine.

Note: Can be served on the rocks, if the rocks are crack rocks.

God this is awesome, I can't wait to open my athlete themed cocktail bar.

Who's with me? Cmon hoooo!


  1. Lattimer and I created the Ken Caminiti during one long weekend filled with air-pressured arms and everclear.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is

    -2 parts iced tea
    -1 part everclear-infused cherry juice
    -1 part everclear
    -garnish with everclear-infused cherries

  2. The Jon Daly.

    4 gallons Budweiser
    8 qts Jim Beam
    4 lbs. Folgers Coffee
    6 liters Jameson Irish Whiskey
    3 heaping scoops of Helmann's Mayonnaise
    1 gallon Uncle Pedro's tequila-scented rubbing alcohol
    Dashes of salt, pepper, Worchester sauce
    Desired amounts of NyQuil and Pepsi
    French kiss to taste
    Simmer for four hours, cool to discretion

    Goes well with:
    Ham Sandwiches
    Fried Chicken
    Chicago Deep Dish Pizzas

  3. The Alex Rodriguez:

    2-4 cups Rum-fed Goat Urine
    Pour through trash bag of old fruit
    Stored in mason jar placed on window sill
    Microwave 30 sec. immediately prior to drinking
    Die almost immediately
    Evacuate bodily fluids

  4. The John Wall of the Washington Wizards:

    -Lacewing flies (stewed 21 days)
    -Powdered bicorn horn
    -Fluxweed (picked at full moon)
    -Shredded Boomslang skin
    -A bit of the person one wants to turn into (typically hair)

    (Also known as Polyjuice Potion)

  5. You can also use cherry Dr. pepper for the Ken Caminiti.

  6. Eli Manning

    6 oz warm milk
    Nip of brandy
    Serve in sippy cup
    Serve cheerios on the side

  7. And the fact that John Wall was chosen over Ozzie Smith for a "wizards Potion" is absolutely appalling. Especially from a cards fan.

  8. The Ron Artest-

    Hennesy, straight from the bottle, consumed during halftime of game in a locker room.

  9. Ozzie didn't drink. John Wall isn't legally allowed to, but it works.

  10. John Wall also has a history of Wizarding for the Ghost of Roy Hobbs. Ozzie and his gymnastic antics have yet to be featured on these fine scrolls.

  11. The Jay Cutler:

    1 part Jack Daniels
    9 Parts "I Don't Give A Fuck"

  12. Ozzie Smith IS the WIZARD.

    So let me get this logic.

    You make up a post, about John Wall and that makes it ok?

    Is this correct?

    So basically your post on GRH has more relevance than pop culture norms for the entire country?

    Is this correct?

    Oh, and who says the Wiz didn't drink. Plus he has his own sports bar, so thats out the window.

  13. The Kurt Warner

    1 part communion wine
    Serve with holy host.

  14. The Matt Leinart:

    8 0z. Lemon Pinesol
    4 Oz. Melted Airhead (any flavor will do)
    Served in soiled condom

  15. And if I can't convince you, I defer to Mr. Jack Buck.

  16. The Joe Buck (Son of Jack):

    One thimble Smirnoff Black Cherry Vodka
    One half of one-eighth of lime
    Half second spray of AquaNet
    Served through soaked Burberry scarf

  17. The Mike Shannon

    A nice Coooold Budweiser

    eh heh heh heh

  18. The Maurice Clarett

    1 part grey goose vodka

    Serve in a water bottle.

  19. The Josh Hamilton:

    Do every narcotic within a fifteen mile radius in one night.
    Do once an offseason.

  20. The Big Ben

    One part mixed spirits.
    One part Rufilin

  21. I call this the 1970's Steelers

    you need
    Shot of whiskey

    You take the shot
    snort the coke
    then inject the steroids