Television: Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover

TV is great.

I was going to write something else. I actually had it all lined up and everything. But then my TV attacked. Seriously, this was out of control.

First of all, the Rangers played the Tigers. Two pretty even teams kicking ass was pretty fun. This had all the funny shit deserving of a Rangers game. A Granderson lead-off home run started the wackiness. Nelson Cruz and Michael Young ended up jacking a couple dingers for the Rangers to take the lead at home, though. Three points of interest. 1) A guy caught a foul ball in his left hand while holding a baby in his right hand. Child endangerment rules. 2) The cast of "Legally Blonde: The Musical" where there. Because when there's 162 games, you're going to have to watch some stupid shit from time to time. 3) The announcer introduced Fu-Te Ni as Fu-Te "the knight that says" Ni. That was pretty funny.

Moving on.

The T.O. show. I guess somebody asked, "how can we make this guy less appealing." The answer is hire to bitchy PR folks, a flatulant sidekick, and pay the $25 it takes to put something on VH1. Fuck me this is terrible. You know the world is a horrible place when other people make Terrell Owens look grounded. Sheeeit.

And then there's Futurama. I wish I watched this show more when it was actually on. Tonight was one of the phenomenal sports-related episodes. With Bob Uecker as a guest star, Leela becomes a star of Blurnsball. In typical Futurama fashion, absolutely nothing makes sense (least of all the character of Hank Aaron XXX). The main point is the very end, which is basically the funniest home run of all time.

And now for the real inspiration for this post. Shaquille O'Neal is on WWE Raw. DIDYOUJUSTREADTHATSHIT?! Yeah. It's fucking great. Jerry Lawler just said, "Boomshakalaka." A couple of things I learned tonight. First, The Big Show still sucks. However, he's teamed with Chris Jericho, who is still the funniest character. Second, there are a LOT of Chris Cooley jerseys in the crowd in D.C. Third, that one dude from the Real World a couple years back, that called himself "The Miz" is now a wrestler. He comes out with a faux-hawk, talks shit to the Wizards fans in the house, and then yells, "I'M AWESOME." Gotta admit. That's pretty funny.

So anyways, love your TV. Give it a kiss.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

We are definitely partying like Knowshon Moreno this weekend. Definitely.

I did have a request for the Derrick Rose picture, but I'm not shining any more light on that nonsense. Derrick Rose is an American hero.

Anyways.

Chris Cooley is awesome. We know this. I got my money on Kedric Golston, though.

Who Would Win from Tanner Cooley on Vimeo.

Dwight Howard is at least still having fun. About as much fun as a 23-year-old multimillionaire could have.


Where there's a Rick James on Dave Chappelle reference, there's bound to be Charlie Murphy found nearby.


Steve Nash on Letterman. No need to say anything else.


After I showed this to Squirrel Tactics, he naturally one-upped me with a Seedorf goal, but this one is still fucking awesome.


Is a Magic fan falling on her ass representative of something?


Ok. Good shit. It is now time to rock. Go Rangers.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Ditka or God?

Yesinfuckindeed. The Fun Bag is back. From now on the Fun Bag will come around now, so that all may enjoy during the most glorious of work days. Also so I have one less thing hanging over my head at 6:00 pm on Fridays. Seriously, I'm sick of rescheduling shit around you ungrateful jack asses.

I mean, WELCOME BACK DEAR FRIENDS!

So I'm also going to try something different and put videos in the page, to cut down on the whole clicking-away-from-our-site-to-an-inferior-one thing.

First off, we have what looks to be the best movie going to Sundance this year (Suck shit, Bret Easton Ellis!). It's definitely your usual brand of Utah theater, that's for sure. Here we have Black Dynamite. He's supercool and he knows kung fu. Also, NSFW!


If that doesn't wet your whistle, then here's something psychotic.


So, I was pretty pissed off when the Titans lost, because it basically means that I will have no fun watching football until September. All I could really keep thinking is, "Fuck you, Baltimore!"


Ever wonder what your life would be like if you worked at Chuck E. Cheese's? Well, you shouldn't. But! You will have enough free time on your hands to figure out how to do this.


Finally, I'm not sure if many of our readers are hip to Chris Cooley, even if we did feature him, so to speak. Anyways, he's hilarious. And he punches through walls. Observe.


Well, I think it's pretty successful. This doesn't mean that there will always be videos, I'll still link stuff that merits it. But let me know what you think in the comments section.

Woo! Friday!