Monday, July 27, 2009

Television: Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover

TV is great.

I was going to write something else. I actually had it all lined up and everything. But then my TV attacked. Seriously, this was out of control.

First of all, the Rangers played the Tigers. Two pretty even teams kicking ass was pretty fun. This had all the funny shit deserving of a Rangers game. A Granderson lead-off home run started the wackiness. Nelson Cruz and Michael Young ended up jacking a couple dingers for the Rangers to take the lead at home, though. Three points of interest. 1) A guy caught a foul ball in his left hand while holding a baby in his right hand. Child endangerment rules. 2) The cast of "Legally Blonde: The Musical" where there. Because when there's 162 games, you're going to have to watch some stupid shit from time to time. 3) The announcer introduced Fu-Te Ni as Fu-Te "the knight that says" Ni. That was pretty funny.

Moving on.

The T.O. show. I guess somebody asked, "how can we make this guy less appealing." The answer is hire to bitchy PR folks, a flatulant sidekick, and pay the $25 it takes to put something on VH1. Fuck me this is terrible. You know the world is a horrible place when other people make Terrell Owens look grounded. Sheeeit.

And then there's Futurama. I wish I watched this show more when it was actually on. Tonight was one of the phenomenal sports-related episodes. With Bob Uecker as a guest star, Leela becomes a star of Blurnsball. In typical Futurama fashion, absolutely nothing makes sense (least of all the character of Hank Aaron XXX). The main point is the very end, which is basically the funniest home run of all time.

And now for the real inspiration for this post. Shaquille O'Neal is on WWE Raw. DIDYOUJUSTREADTHATSHIT?! Yeah. It's fucking great. Jerry Lawler just said, "Boomshakalaka." A couple of things I learned tonight. First, The Big Show still sucks. However, he's teamed with Chris Jericho, who is still the funniest character. Second, there are a LOT of Chris Cooley jerseys in the crowd in D.C. Third, that one dude from the Real World a couple years back, that called himself "The Miz" is now a wrestler. He comes out with a faux-hawk, talks shit to the Wizards fans in the house, and then yells, "I'M AWESOME." Gotta admit. That's pretty funny.

So anyways, love your TV. Give it a kiss.


  1. Shaq's intro video was nothing but old Shaq. No highlights past 2002. Makes sense, actually.

  2. Simpson's Treehouse of horror V? the Shin-ing OR SHINNING you want to get sued

  3. Clearly you didn't notice my reference to that in the title of the post.

  4. Or maybe you did, and that's why you posted. We'll go with that.

  5. Currently the best TV is found on the millitary channel. I also will not watch the T.O show because even after the first show I still kinda like the guy.

    However after seeing the cock-blocking publicist twins I can kinda understand why T.O's public perception is the way it is.

    He may have 19 million reasons to live, but he also has 2 reasons to find new friends.

    (I find pablo hillarious)

  6. i didn't get to watch the TO show but i hope the opening theme song is "Hey ey ey HEy! HEy ey ey HEY! LET's go BUFFALO. Throw your hands up and shout!"