Monday, July 13, 2009

GRH on Assignment With the Beer Cart Girls

Well as you can tell GRH is getting pretty big round these parts, and as a result we are starting to get more professional. You know things like grammar, punctuation, style, censored profanity, you get the idea.

Well one of the other things we are doing is going on assignment, to get down to the truth, the nitty gritty details. Which is why GRH sent me to....

THE 2009 U.S WOMEN'S OPEN!!!!!!!!

I'm sure you all were following at home, so you'll appreciate my inside information.

-The 2009 open was held at Saucon Valley Country Club in the beautiful Lehigh Valley.

-SVCC is an old club built by Steel executives. which means it's in a relatively secluded area, and Saucon Creek runs through it which contains PRIME trout water. This angers me.

-Elitist parking is better than normal people parking.

-Elitist tickets are better than normal people tickets.

-I would have pictures but cellphones and cameras are strictly forbidden.

-You can sneak anything you want in there.
Volunteer: "You guys don't have cellphones or cameras?"

Lattimer: "No"

Volunteer: "Ok have fun."

-It always cracks me up that people who go to golf events dress up exactly like they are going golfing."Yeah got my footjoy's on here, you know I don't want to slip when I'm standing in the porta-potty stables. I also decided to wear my Slazenger performance polo, you know because the gussets under the arm allows me the freedom I need when I sip my beer. I also have the same hat as Tiger." That being said, I kicked it RC style.

-Johhny Miller was riding in a golf cart up the 15th couple of people noticed him. I can't stand Johnny Miller. This was my chance. 2 beers in, I had to take it.

Lattimer: "Johnny you're the Brent Musberger of golf."

Johnny: "Thanks"

Lattimer:"Not a compliment"

/Runs off

-Whoever does the turf management for these events needs to get a raise.

-It goes without saying but these women are infinitely better than you or I can ever hope to be. Observe.
(15th tee box)
Lattimer: "Hey what are they hitting with here."

Volunteer lady: "Uhhh most of them are hitting low irons and hybrids, but every once and a while they'll get the driver and go after the green."

Lattimer: (looking at an elevated green with only one area to miss and not be up the creek) "No way"

/5'5 girl with an Arkansas Razorback cover pulls out the boom boom stick and proceeds to just pound one in the previously mentioned safe area.

Lattimer: "Don't even say it."

-Volunteer people are pretty cool, most of them will chat it up with you and give you inside information. However every once and a while you get one who is just waaaaaay to into their job. Hey Mr. Volunteer on the 9th tee, It's not the end of the world if that 7 year old leans on the ropes.

-Laura Davies is pretty cool, but you really have to watch her drive. She basically takes her driver and just smacks the ground. She then places her ball on the ledge of the divot she just made, and just pounds it.

-It goes without saying, but the pin locations are insane.

-The LPGA is quickly becoming dominated by players and media from South Korea. I don't know who those reporters are from the Asian TV network, but they need a raise for humping around all that gear.

-We had a pretty nice location for the afternoon. We could see the 15th, the drive off of the 16th and the players had to walk right under us in order to get to the scorers tent. This is important because the look on Paula Creamer's face was priceless when she looked up to thank her adoring fans only to realize it was a bunch of middle aged men.

-Roger Maltbie deserves a raise for all the crap he has to lug around. He will also respond to the name "Dodge Rodge."

-All in all golf tournaments are pretty cool. You basically just get to walk around and do whatever the hell you want.

-The winner was Eun Hee Ji.

-Oh you want a shit storm? Just put down some underrated sporting event.


  1. Oh, most underrated sporting event is a regatta. Any of them.

    By 'spectating' you're hanging out on a dock with a rum drink. It's bliss.

  2. I always wonder about the Tour De France.

    On one hand you can hang out in the french countryside drinking and dressing up in insane outfits.

    On the other hand you might see one minute of action.

  3. Just like girls going to clubs on Friday nights

  4. Minor league baseball games. All of the fun of the big leagues, except at about 1/100th of the price.

  5. Arena football.

    I mean, being drunk is fun. It's just fun.

  6. Is Mexican Professional Wrestling underrated?

    If it is, that's my choice. Best 100 pesos I ever spent.

  7. Highland games.

    "Why yes I would like to drink and watch people throw stones and logs known as cabers."

    "And did I hear you say they will also be wearing kilts?"

  8. I'd also like to get Icehouse and Brian's opinion on the coolness of watching a skiing or snowboarding competition.

  9. they're pretty cool. depends on the competition.

  10. I saw the X Games Wakeboarding finals in '99. That was one of the coolest things I've ever seen.