Monday, July 20, 2009

Monday Morning S--t Storm

As many of you know, I like to categorize people. I like saying ahhh yes, you are this person, and I will lump you in with these types of people. Wrong? Perhaps. Entertaining? Hell and yes.

As a result, I'm always trying to expand my list (my current project is the various types of Beer rep girls seen at a beer distributor). But I enjoy some Hobber Help.

Soooo for the shit storm: We're going to categorize people met/seen at sporting events.

My first selection:

The Beer Snob.

Let me tell you a story. A young strapping lad is awakened by a friend telling him that he will be competing in a golf scramble (best ball....score). In the ensuing chaos of trying to get a team together, the young lad is charged with procuring the foursome with malted beverages for the day.

Now if you've never been into a beer mart, I'll give you some help. Typically there is going to be two sections: high class and domestic. Once in the domestic section, you have three aisle areas: specialty, middle class, and low grade. The young man had a little over $20 to work with. So, do you grab a 12 pack of some nice stuff? A cube of domestic? Or roll the dice and grab 2 cubes of the Natty?

Hmmmm, it is hot outside.....we will be going to a BBQ after this.....Yes, 60 beers for a little over 24 dollars is a good thing.

The foursome rejoiced.

And do you know who that man was?

Mitch Comstein, he was a good guy.

But honestly, I'm tired of getting accosted for enjoying a domestic beer. "I can't believe you guys are drinking those." Really? Because I'm pretty sure this is why stuff like Natty was created. It's so watered down that you can pound 12 of them in 90 degree heat and still function. Hell, that stuff is like Gatorade.

Problem is this guy and gal usually surface at sporting events. If you're with some pros, a whole row can get served from one beer man stop. But no, not the beer snob. He's going to wait until microbrew guy comes around and drop $12.50 on a 12 ounce cup just so he can sniff that hoppy aroma. What's worse is the guy has to bring his cute little 6 pack of pale ale to a tailgate. Let's think about what this means. The beer you provided. The beer you bought for everyone. The FREE BEER TO BE ENJOYED BY THE MASSES is not good enough for this guy. No, he is going to use your cooler and wait for his "porter stout from a small little microbrewery in upstate NY" to chill and silently mock you as you sip off the foam of your silver bullet.

I get it, there is a reason that beer costs so much money. It is significantly better than domestics, but never....ever mock the domestics.

Ok, so for those of you who didn't read any of that, for the shit storm give us the types of people you meet at sporting events.



  1. I like the cheerleaders.

    The ones in the stands who elicit a profound sense of pride from organizing the section into a group yelling exercise.

  2. The "Since you're sitting next to me and are a fan of the same team I am going to hug you everytime 'our' team scores" guy

  3. Both good calls.

    I actually like the cheerleaders too, especially the ones who take way too much effort to dress up in crazy shit.

  4. "The guy who has conversations in the middle of the game then when something happens starts cheering"

    I once saw a cubs fan yell "Get out" when Jimmy Edmonds stroked one in Bush II.

  5. The T-shirt Launcher Gun Guy...wearing the backpack of compressed air, giving hope to the nose bleed sections across america

  6. I also kinda like "emmits way to much emotion during plays lady."

    on one hand her yelling "ahhhhhhh get him GET HIM" when the opposing team is running up the sideline is exactly how I'm feeling, however at times it causes me to have a break down.

  7. Drunk Guy that drops the F-bomb just about every other word....(you may have met me already, if not there are more of us out there)


  9. This one's probably too generic, but the guy (often behind you) spouting off ESPN talking points like it's really insightful. This man or woman is often very wrong, attributing a gamut of talking points to the wrong player or team.

    Also, personally, the woman who was cheering for the Cardinals as they were up nine to nothing screaming "RALLY!" and subsequently giggling like an idiot.

  10. People that describe athletes they don't like as, "thugs."

    I know you're racist.

  11. Another guy is mystery man. Non descript clothing (non corporate) Shows no rooting interest, little emotion. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU HERE FOR!!!