Andy Roddick Realizes Vast Majority of Career Ambitions for Naught, Considering Internships

LONDON — While considering his latest defeat at the hands of tennis great Roger Federer at Wimbledon, tennis great player Andy Roddick realized that all of his lifelong career ambitions regarding professional tennis will likely go unachieved, pending a catastrophic debilitating blow to the Swede, and is considering other options beyond the court.

"There's a marketing internship at Bloomingdale's I think I can get in on," said Roddick. "Or maybe I could be a lawyer. Or a doctor."

"It just kind of sucks that I happen to be playing in these years. I could have ruled a decade or so on either side of what's his name," Roddick said.

Roddick later admitted sheepishly that he indeed knows the name of his opponent.

While many think that settling for second or sixth in the world ought to be just dandy, Roddick said that's not an option.

"Clearly, I'm not good at my job. With my luck, if I did my very best to be second, some other guy would come along and be hailed as 'The Second Best Play In Tennis History' and I'd just look like an idiot," shrugged Roddick.

Speaking of Rafael Nadal, the long-trousered Spaniard is said to be recovering quickly from his knee injury.