Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Caption Contest!

"You see baby, Ron Artest only smokes the finest blunts- I mean cigars."


Girl in the foreground: "HEY! Don't take P. Diddy's picture without his permission!"



Look, it's Ron Artest, some ho, some dude, and some crazy looking ho in the foreground. If you can't come up with a better caption than these, you can go to hell.

UPDATE: We had some solid comments on this one. It was honestly hard to choose. While I'm biased to myself, commenter "Brian" had one post referencing Ron's penchant for domestic violence, and then an enormous paraphrasing of the last verse of Eminem ft. Dr. Dre "Guilty Conscience." At the risk of creating a downpour of paraphrased rap verses, Brian's Guilty Conscience wins. But he loses points for not changing the line to include that Ron Artest is from Queensbridge, NY, not Compton.


  1. Guy in background: Yeah I'm not going home with these girls tonight...thanks ron.

  2. Daphne Polanowski (or any other generic name of every girl you knew in high school or college): O-M-G?! Is that Michael Jordan?!

    Ron: Why yes, ho, yes it is. Notice yellow honky girl didn't ask such questions. She gets love first.

    Daphne Polanowski (with the exact same face): I mean really?!? Well, what you don't know is that that girl is Heather Gilchrist, and she's been having sex since the eighth grade! Everyone knows about it!

    Honky in Background: It's true. She has.

    Ron: No one cares, brown-headed honky girl. Go away with your Opie Taylor boyfriend while me and this blonde honky smoke this blunt and get it on.

    Daphne Polanowski (with the exact same face): GEEE WIZZ!

  3. Polanowski? What did you go to school in Chicago?

  4. Girl with huge mouth: Oh-My-God, i think it's Eddie Windslow for from Family matters!?!? omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

    Artest: i think that dumb bitch with the huge mouth thinks im the dude from family matters

    Girl with huge mouth: Excuse me but are you the actor who played eddie windsl.....(SLAP)

    Artest: No BItch now leave me alone so me and these other fine bitches, who know who i am, smoke this blunt before i rain my pimp thunder accross yo face again...

    Blonde: Yeah bitch, get outta here and let me and Usher smoke this thing.

    Artest looks down and shakes head, "i gotta stop smoking white people"

  5. Brunette: "haha hey Ron, 'Every where I go I'm poppin my collar, poppin poppin my collar'"

  6. Ron: "I am fucking sick of these charity galas."

  7. I would also like to bring everyone's attention to Ron's backup stogie in his shirt pocket.

    Most professional athletes would get in trouble for something like this.

    But Ron? Ron could give a fuck.

  8. Meet Brenda, a twenty-nine year old Bar slut.
    After coming to the pub from a hard day's work,
    she walks in the door of the TugBoat Bar and grill to find her husband having sex with another woman in the bathroom
    ("WHAT THE FUCK?!?!")

    [Ron Artest]
    Alright calm down, relax, start breathin..

    [Blond chick]
    Fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin
    While you at work he's with some bitch tryin to get off?!
    FUCK slittin his throat, CUT THIS BITCH'S HEAD OFF!!!

    [Ron Artest]
    Wait! What if there's an explanation for this shit?

    Blond Chick: What? He tripped? Fell? Landed in her clit?!

    Alright Splenda, maybe he's right Brenda
    But think about the baby before you get all crazy

    [Blond chick]
    Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab him?
    Grab hir by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her?
    That's what I did, be smart, don't be a retard
    You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped DEE BARNES??!

    [Ron Artest]
    What'chu say?

    Blond chick: What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?

    Ron Artest: I'ma kill you motherfucker!

    {Blond chick}
    Uhhh-aahh! Temper temper!
    Mr. artest? Mr. basketballs best?
    Mr. R.A. comin' straight outta Compton y'all better make way?
    How in the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent?

    [Ron Artest]
    Cause he don't need to go the same route that I went
    Been there, done that.. aw fuck it...
    What am I sayin? Shoot em both Brenda, where's your gun at?

  9. Brian wins Gold, Silver, and Bronze.

  10. "he's not getting me the vodka tonic i ordered."

    (guy in background)

    "she's drunk, i'm sorry."