"Huh? No, sorry kid, that's not Fitty."
or...
"If you don't believe in Jebus, you'll probably stay in that hospital bed forever. You see..."
or...
"Actually, Amani Toomer here is teaching me how to shave laster on tonight."
Kurt Warner deserves your best shot. You can make fun of his age, the fact that he probably caught airborne herpes from Leinart, his love of Jesus, or his man-goblin of a wife. Do it.
Posts
Kurt: "Well, Amani bought me this vest, and said that we'd be really cool if we wore them together."
ReplyDeleteKurt Warenr: Yo, sick kid. Want to trade places with me? I can use the rest before the SuperBowl and look at the plus side, you get to hang out with Charles Barkley all day
ReplyDeleteAmani Tumor: (internal thoughts) Look at this hot ass white bitch...I gotta call Curry and his limo driver and see if there's room for 2 more...(voices) Hey Kurt you busy later?
ReplyDeleteKurt: "You see this haircut, yeah after 99 everyone in the greater St. Louis area got one."
ReplyDeleteKurt: "What? oh sorry I have no idea what you're saying, I'm a mush-head."
ReplyDelete(On Trading Kurt)
ReplyDeleteBrenda: "Probably, just from the point that WE want to play, he wants to play, plain and simple."
Brenda: "We're open for anything. We've always said we trust God in everything that happens for us. This is one of the things that we've got, again, to put our trust in Him and know that He'll take care of us."
ReplyDeleteBrenda: "The fuck you say?"
ReplyDeleteBrenda: THE PRECIOUS!!!!
ReplyDeleteBrenda: "no no no I'm Kurt's wife, not his mother."
ReplyDeleteKurt: "Don't worry young man for with God all things are possible...and great receivers...and Marshall Faulk, Marshall makes certain things possible."
ReplyDeleteKurt: "That smell on my hands isn't my wife, it's Andy Sendlein's gooch. Don't worry, I get that all the time."
ReplyDeleteAmani: "They talkin hall of fame for this goofy muhfucker?"
ReplyDeleteKurt: "And to make you feel better about your tumor I brought one of my own. Just like you his hopes and dreams of winning a SuperBowl this year were shot down."
ReplyDeleteTumor: "Sorry we're late, we just came from a croc hunter theme party"
ReplyDeletetoo soon?
Kurt: "We love Jesus yes we do! We love Jesus, how about you?!"
ReplyDeleteKid: ....
Kurt: 'I SAID 'WE LOVE JESUS YES WE DO! WE LOVE JESUS, HOW ABOUT YOU?!' SAY IT OR PAY THE ETERNAL PRICE!
Kid: ....
Toomer: Um, Kurt? This kid can't talk. He's got meningitis.
Kurt: Oh...So I guess he doesn't want to sing hymns with me?
Toomer: Nah, he probably does but can't.
Kurt: Riiiiight.
Disguised as journalists, Amani Toomer and Kurt Warner snuck into the Children's Hospital to steal the organs of an 11 year-old cancer patient.
ReplyDeleteAmani: "Kurt, NO!"
ReplyDeleteKurt: /Dumps holy water on kid.
Kid: "NO! I'm agnostic!"
/kid melts
Kurt Warner: No Brett the facial reconstruction surgery went great you look 20 years younger and I bet you'll play like it too!
ReplyDeleteAmani Toomer: Yeah Brett you look.....you'll turn heads that's fo sho
(not pictured ) Steve Lattimer circa 2001
ReplyDeleteSteven: Hey fucknuts, how about you keep your mouths shut about the fucking team. Kurt, you mushhead motherfucker take your oversized mouthpiece and get the fuck out of St. Louis, and while you're at it take your MVP trophies and hand them directly to Marshall Faulk because everyone knows you are dick without him.
Kurt: Haha well I mean I'm just a box boy from Iowa and I have this flat top and goatee that people in the greater St. Louis area seem to enjoy.
Steven: Kurt fuck you, and your goofy ass smile, Everyone knows Marshall was the MVP of that team. In fact,1-Faulk, 2. Big game Holt, 3. London Fletcher, 4. Orlando Pace, 5. Isaac Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce
Brenda: well I never...
Steven:...Brenda shut up...just shut the fuck up, you think Kurt needs more playing time? ohhhh so sad, do you change his diaper too? FIX YO HAIRCUT
Amani:...
and in case you got lost
ReplyDeleteI loathe Kurt Warner.
@Brian: It's not a "Tumor."
ReplyDeletei realized, my bad. That was my tumor misspelling toomer.
ReplyDeleteKurt: "No. No, I won't move any boxes for you."
ReplyDeleteKurt: Alright well this is the moment we've all been waiting for, especially you little Billy. Now I know you thought this was your Make A Wish visit from SuperBowl Champions but we had something else in mind. Billy, are you ready?
ReplyDeleteLittle Billy: Yeah?
Kurt: Alright Billy, after several years and a lot of hard work we were able to find your real dad, Amani Toomer!
Toomer: Yo Kurt where's the punch and pie you said...wait what?
Kurt: That's right Amani, Congratulations you're a father!
Toomer: Fuck you Kurt